VI. The Hatch Fiasco

The four Turks stood silently gazing up at the escape hatch above them, gaping in awe.

"Has that…been there all along?" asked Elena, breathlessly. She was too taken with the prospect of finally getting out to be concerned with the fact that Reno had single-handedly burnt her report to a crisp.

"Well…I'm pretty sure it didn't just magically appear," said Reno, with a sardonic, lop-sided grin.

"Pity we didn't see it sooner," Rude remarked, picking up his smoking (and slightly singed looking) jacket from the floor, and dusting the soot from it. "Could have been out of here by now…"

"Funny, that," said Tseng, stepping over the smouldering remains of the fire. "Perhaps if we weren't so preoccupied with arguing amongst ourselves and setting fire to things we would have noticed."

They continued staring up at the hatch, amazed.

"Though to be honest…" Tseng added, after a moment. "I didn't think we'd be in here that long that we'd have to find our own way out…"

Reno looked at him. "So – so you mean we're…?"

"Yes, I do," said Tseng, a note of steely determination in his voice. "I mean we're going up and out. I'm not hanging around in here anymore; it's driving me up the wall."

"Shouldn't we wait, boss?" asked Rude. "For help?"

"We've waited long enough. No one's coming,"

"Rude, you're tall," said Elena, pointing up to the hatch. "Can you reach it?"

Rude looked up, and shook his head.

"Too high."

"Here, stand on the plant!"

Elena hurriedly lugged the bedraggled looking potted fern over to the centre of the lift. Rude stepped up onto it, and gained enough height to be able to reach up and examine the bolt on the hatch.

"Well?" asked Tseng. "Can we open it?"

Rude heaved a sigh and stood down from the plant, heavily.

"It's padlocked,"

Needless to say, this statement brought the mood down somewhat.

Reno looked dumbfounded. Elena's eye twitched slightly, as her temper obviously began to rise again.

Tseng, meanwhile, laughed in a humourless manner.

"Of course it is," he said, cynically. "It would be all too easy if it wasn't, right?"

"Padlocked?" exclaimed Elena, her voice rising to a high pitch. "Are you sure?"

Rude took a moment to look up at the hatch.

"Yes," he said.

"But – but – but it can't be padlocked!" Elena cried.

"It is," said Rude. "Look."

"I knew an escape hatch was too good to be true," said Tseng, gravely.

Elena was not taking the news too well.

"Who in the world padlocks an emergency exit?" she demanded.

"Same people that installed that alarm," said Reno, grinning. "Probably thought it would be funny. Their idea of a joke, I guess…"

Elena swelled angrily.

"Well it's certainly not MY idea of a joke!" she exploded. Suffering some sort of brief and very intense tantrum, she kicked out in rage at the potted plant. Her foot either connected with an already weakened area, or she just kicked particularly hard, but the impact caused a large crack to appear in the ceramic pot, and it broke, soil spilling out over the elevator floor.

The remaining three Turks stared in shock at the result of Elena's sudden fit of violence. Elena seemed equally alarmed at what she'd done, and stepped back.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry! Sir, I didn't mean to break it!"

Tseng covered his face with his hands, shaking his head.

Reno looked genuinely upset.

"So the hatch is locked – you didn't have to take it out on the plant, yo…"

"I'm sorry!" cried Elena, getting a little hysterical as she kneeled down, trying to scoop some of the dirt back into the broken pot. "I didn't think it would break so easily, honest!"

"I think someone needs a little anger management-"

"Just – don't­ – Reno!" Elena warned, voice wavering with emotion.

For once, Reno didn't need telling twice.

"Can't reach the hatch now anyway," said Rude, looking up. "It's too high, without something to stand on,"

Tseng lowered his hands from his face.

"I will not be defeated by this." he said, steadily. "We're going to get out of here, and we're going to do so through the hatch. No padlock is going to keep me trapped in this nightmare any longer."

"Wh – what are you suggesting, Sir?" asked Elena.

Tseng stroked his chin in thought.

"I'm suggesting…we pick the lock. Who knows how?"

"I'm sorry Sir, I never learnt how!" said Elena, apologetically. "Oh, I wish I could help, but…"

Reno raised his eyebrows. "You made it into the Turks and you don't know how to pick a lock? Jeez, I thought it was a prerequisite, yo…Rude – paperclip."

Rude delved into his pocket and after a few seconds, produced a paperclip.

Reno snatched it from him. "Leave it to a pro!"

Tseng beamed. "Excellent, Reno,"

"Its no use though, Sir," moaned Elena. "I broke the potted plant, we have nothing to stand on – the hatch is too high for any of us to reach!"

"Shinra" said Reno, chuckling as he attempted to bend the paperclip into a feasible shape with his teeth. "Everything's gotta be tall and big…d'you think-"

"If you make another one of your 'compensation' jokes about the President, Reno, I swear I'll hurt you," Tseng cut in. "Looks like this is going to be difficult…"

They stood around in silence for a while, contemplating the situation.

"Ooh, Sir!" said Elena, rather excitedly, "I just had a thought: maybe if someone stands on someone else's shoulders? We'd be able to reach it then!"

"Hmm…well…we have no other choice. Good thinking, Elena." His eyes scanned the group. "Rude's the strongest, if he could lift someone up…you'd be the lightest, Elena – although…you can't pick the lock…so…"

Reno triumphantly held up the now rather deformed paperclip. "Success, yo!"

Tseng turned to him. "Well done. Now, get on top of Rude,"

Reno looked staggered by this sudden demand. Rude just looked uncomfortable.

"What?"

"Wipe that stupid look off your face. Get on his shoulders, and pick the lock,"

Reno and Rude glanced at each other, not really knowing where to begin.

"How are we going to do this?" Rude mumbled.

"I'd ask you to bend over, but that would just sound…off," said Reno, wincing.

Tseng sighed sharply. "If we could ignore the childish innuendo, Reno, and just get on with it, that would be good."

Rude kneeled down and gestured to Reno, who placed the paper clip between his teeth, and clambered onto the bigger Turk's shoulders. Rude held Reno's ankles and rose to an awkward half standing position, forming a precarious looking two-person tower.

"Stop! That's high enough!" said Reno, flailing his arms in such a manner that Rude was thrown off balance. He stumbled sideways. Reno made a frantic grab for the hatch handle in order to stop himself from falling.

Tseng watched as the two of them teetered hopelessly from side to side.

"Knew this wouldn't be easy…" he said to himself, more than anyone else.

"Jeez, Rude! Just stop moving around so much, yo!"

"…sorry."

"Yeah, well, I'm trying to work here, you know! Stay still!"

Rude managed to regain his balance, yet still looking incredibly uncomfortable. Reno took the paperclip from between his teeth and carefully set to work on the lock.

Glad that there was new hope of freedom, Elena clasped her hands together and watched happily.

"This could be it," she said. "This could be our chance to get out, once and for all!"

Tseng looked considerably unconvinced. "I hope you're right," he said, folding his arms. "I don't think I could take any more setbacks."

A dreamy expression passed over Elena's face.

"The first thing I'm going to do when I get out of here," she said, wistfully, "is go home and make myself a cup of hot chocolate, and then have a nice, hot bath…what about you, Sir?"

"I'm going to kiss the ground," Tseng confessed. "Then storm into security and ruin their party,"

"You should probably steer clear of the party, boss. They might recognise your voice from the intercom, expect you to start stripping," Reno sniggered.

Tseng didn't find this funny. "I hardly think so," he said, coldly. "How's the lock coming along?"

"These things take time, yo," said Reno, delicately twisting the paperclip. "Hey Rude – you reckon your mum's still waiting at the train station?"

Rude could only grunt in reply, his knees trembling slightly under his colleague's weight.

"The poor lady…" Elena sighed. "I hope she's all right,"

"She'll be getting pretty cold out there," Reno continued. "Bet her old teeth are starting to chatter,"

"…she hasn't got any," Rude grumbled.

An awkward silence followed, in which Reno shook with silent laughter.

"I really hope I get to meet your old mum, pal," he said. "I have this hilarious image forming in my mind…"

"Don't be cruel, Reno!" Elena snapped, leaning up and thumping him hard in the arm. "Just pick the lock already!"

"Sheesh," said Reno, returning his gaze to the padlock. "Talk about 'the ever-changing moods of Elena',"

Elena made an angry noise and got ready to hit him again, but Tseng interrupted, holding up a hand to silence her.

"We're all tired, angry and totally fed up with each other," he said, despairingly, "just hurry it up, Reno, so we can all go home,"

Reno stuck his tongue out in concentration and gave the paperclip one final jiggle. A satisfying click resonated around the elevator.

The redhead looked down to them, smiling proudly, and dangling the successfully picked padlock in front of them as proof.

"Got it,"

Tseng's face relaxed. "Good work," he said, "Now, let's see what's out there. Open it up, Reno."

Reno undid the bolt and flung the trapdoor open. His head disappeared out of the hatch as he leaned upwards to get a better look. Tseng and Elena waited. Rude broke out into a sweat, swaying slightly.

"Yo…boss?" Reno called after a moment or two, his voice echoing in the elevator chute above them. "What if I said that…maybe the hatch was locked for a reason?"

Tseng raised an eyebrow at Elena, whose ecstatic grin was fading fast.

"Don't be cryptic, Reno – elaborate, please,"

"Well," Reno's voice floated down to them, "there's kinda…nothing up here,"

"Nothing up there?" Elena cried. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean there's nothing up here!" Reno repeated. "It's all dark! All I can see is cables, cables and more cables…no doors, or hatches, or…anything,"

Tseng looked wrought with despair.

"Nothing?" he asked, quietly.

"Nope, not a – oh! Wait a second!" Reno called, excitedly. "Wait! There's a …oh, no, it's just another cable…"

Yet another wave of misery set in over the Turks, as they were once again, foiled in their plans of escaping.

"So," muttered Tseng, slumping down next to the broken potted plant. "They locked the hatch because, just like everything else it this lift, it was absolutely, utterly useless. Well…wasn't that…considerate of them."

Elena was wringing her hands.

"Maybe," she said, in a last-ditch effort to be helpful, "Maybe we can – climb up one of the cables?"

"Hey!" said Reno, his head still stuck through the trapdoor. "That might work! We could make a rope out of the fern, right, to get all of us up here – then use Rude's lighter to make some explosives, and blow a hole in the wall, and- "

However, Reno's harebrained suggestion never went any further. At that moment, Rude's strength finally failed him and his knees buckled, causing the both of them to come toppling down in a heap. They landed awkwardly, Rude face down on the floor, and Reno sprawled on top of him. The two groaned in unison. Elena winced and knelt down to help them up.

"Oh dear," she said, in a tiny voice. "Are…are you two ok?"

Reno feebly raised a hand and waved.

"Nothing broken, yo!" he groaned. "Rude?"

"Get off me,"

Elena turned to Tseng. "What did you expect to find up there, Sir?"

"I don't know," said Tseng, quietly. "Something. Anything. Either way, I suppose I was expecting too much. We really have lost all hope of getting out now,"

"Talk about an anticlimax," said Reno, painfully clambering off Rude's back. "What now?"

Tseng hesitated thoughtfully, and then seemed to make a decision.

"We sit here, very quietly and calmly." He gave a serene smile. "And if we can't do that…? I might just have to wring someone's neck,"

Reno, Rude and Elena exchanged very alarmed glances, and did as they were told.

Haha, I'm aware that I'm really dragging this out…as agonising as it is, I do like to make the most out of a good Turk torture situation. Don't worry, the next chapter will definitely be the final one, I'll try my best to make it a goody…I have the feeling insanity is going to peak.

A few comments to reviewers!

Twilidra: One of Desha's works? Wow, now THAT'S a compliment and a half! And yeah, the plot was never intended to be too in depth…just an amusing idea I had on the train one afternoon! Thankyou very much for your review, I appreciate it!

Kei: falling for Rude? Haha! The guy does need some luvin', true, he's rather underrated! Glad you're enjoying it, thanks so much for the lovely review.

Desha: Thankyou again! Unfortunately, they're still stuck in the same location XD Not for much longer now, at least!

Z-sama: Rude on fire? Darn it, why didn't I think of that? You're so right, it could have worked! Haha, thanks so much for the review!

To the nutters from ACF (I mean that affectionately, of course) : Thanks guys! Even to you slackers who didn't review XD Yes, I'll find out who you are. Heh, nahh, I'm just honoured you bothered to read it in the first place!

You folks are the best, I hope you thought this chapter was ok, I suffered a bit of writers block smack bang in the middle, and it didn't help with all the end of year work to be done. I'd be very grateful if you all hung around to see this one to the end!