A/N: So…I've hit the half point mark in this fic…after this chapter, there's two more from AOTC, and the rest are from ROTS… Anyway, that's it…with no more knews of Star Wars…there's nothing to talk about.

Chapter 6: Resisting Emotions

Ever since the kiss, I knew that Padmé loved me. She loved me as much as I loved her. I rejoiced like nothing more in my heart. For the first time I knew what it was like to be loved, to wake up every day and know, somewhere, that someone was loving you.

It was the most wonderful feeling in the world…I couldn't imagine how the Jedi didn't approve of love…something so innocent…so wonderful…

And yet so powerful.

My love for Padmé controlled me, made me do everything I did. I wouldn't stop thinking about her, for that would be a sin. All I wanted to do was to be with her, be with her forever.

That was my wish, but…

It is forbidden…

That thought went through my mind several times, yet I didn't care. I knew having a relationship with her would never be easy, since we both led such stressful lives, but, throwing the fact that it was forbidden into the mix; it only served to complicate things.

More than ever, I hated the Jedi's rules. I hated that I wasn't allowed to love her, despite that I already did. That I would have to continue to hide my emotions when around the Jedi Masters.

That Padmé would never agree to a relationship that we had to keep in secret…

I admit, I knew her. I knew her well enough to know that she would not agree easily. She loved me, but…this was something entirely different. Trying to begin a relationship with her was something I knew would have to be carefully planned out…but keeping it a secret…

Still, I could not give up hope. I wouldn't abandon my wish that we could one day be together, happy. I began thinking, of where my life would go from there. I had always wanted to be a Jedi…but having to decide between the life of a Jedi Knight or a life with Padmé…

I was torn in confusion. Nearly going insane from knowing I would eventually have to make this choice one day. In my heart, all I wanted was Padmé, but I couldn't give up on my childhood dream…not when I had labored all these years and was no so close to finally becoming a Jedi Knight…

I thought about being a Jedi…how once I fully became one, I could go back to Tatooine, and rescue Mom. I could free all the slaves. No one would own them again. I could save a person…that's all I really wanted to be a Jedi for. To save people…

But when I thought about Padmé…

She was my passion, my soul. She controlled me, kept me under her hold with this spell she put around me. I imagined us living together, somewhere in the future, happy. I imagined kissing her again, feeling her soft skin, sending fire up my veins. Wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight, as we watched the sun set…

Why? I asked of the Force. Why am I faced with this decision?

But, then a thought came to me. A brilliant thought. What if I were to have both lives? I could still have her, in secret, and still be a Jedi…then everything would be perfect. I could save people, free Mom…and then have Padmé waiting for me when I came home at night.

It will be hard…but I can have both…I thought, happily. I will be a Jedi…and I will also have Padmé at my side…

It'll work…It'll work…

The only problem was getting Padmé to consent to it.

But, I had to try, I knew it. Thinking of her, how much I wanted to be with her, made me want that double life more than anything.

I could only imagine the day she would finally be in my arms…there to stay…

We were still at the lakeside palace, not having left Naboo. And we were still talking, she wasn't angry at me for suddenly forgetting all sense and kissing her. In fact, she was happy about it.

Padmé was happier than I had ever seen her. She used to smile, and one could see the potential for happiness, but no, not them. When she smiled, she glowed, her entire face lighting up with joy.

And it made me in high spirits to know that I was the one that caused her to be so happy. That let her let go of her self-conscious self. That I made her laugh.

That was why, I wanted, more than anything, to always be with her. To always be there to make her smile. I never wanted her to be unhappy again, and I knew I could keep her from sorrow, protect her from sadness.

So, the last night we were there, after dinner, we sat down in the sitting room. Padmé wore a black dress that…by looking at her, all parts of me burned with desire. What I wanted more than anything…was Padmé.

She must have noticed I was staring at her, and she nervously shifted aside. I didn't care. Looking at her made my heart race and my stomach burn.

Do it now… My head commanded.

I wasn't exactly sure where to begin. What could I say? That I loved her more than life itself, and I wanted her to be with me more than anything? I couldn't do that…it was far to direct…I had to win her over, but I didn't know what to do…

I took a deep breath and spoke anyway. "From the moment I met you…not a day has gone by when I haven't thought of you."

I looked into her chocolate eyes. There was that look again. Of fear. She knew what I was getting at…tempting her to agree to this forbidden love. But, I couldn't stop there. I had to show her that there was nothing to fear.

I have to built up to it, I decided. "And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony." Padmé moved away from me again. I had to keep going, showing her that it was all right. "The closer I get to you…the worse it gets."

She glanced back at me, but suddenly looked away. But I saw the look in her eyes, for a second, Padmé contemplated what I was getting at. "The thought of not being with you…I can't breathe." I couldn't imagine living life without her.

I knew by her face, that she wanted me to stop, but I was too far gone now. Her intoxicating presence, the fire, her dress, this beautiful place, everything combined made me keep going, blindly on, not comprehending what I was saying. I found my lips saying, "I'm haunted by the kiss, that you should never have given me." That kiss…it was forbidden…I knew of the danger, but I was not afraid, as Padmé was. If anything, I was thrilled by it.

I moved closer. My mind on one thing, Padmé…"My heart is beating," she turned sharply, "hoping that the kiss will not become a scar."

But, I remember, my last words were consciously from me. And they spoke the truth. "You are in my very soul, torturing me." She turned away, almost upset by my ramblings. I didn't understand why she was upset.

It was time for the final question. "What can I do? I will do anything you ask…" I looked down, knowing what I wanted her to respond. I wished she would ask me to love her, Force, how much I wished it at that moment! I wanted her to say she wanted us to be together, always, to never be separated.

I wanted her to finally give in to our passions.

But my heart sank, when she said, "We can't…we can't, its just not possible."

I wasn't going to give up this easily. I loved her! I needed her! Why didn't she see that? "Anything is possible, Padmé, listen to me—" I pleaded.

"No, you listen!" she jumped up, moving away from me, towards the fireplace. "We live in a real world, come back to it. You're starting to become a Jedi…I'm…I'm a senator." My heart sank even lower. She had pointed out the truth. I was a Jedi Padawan…forbidden from such emotions as love, and Padmé was a senator, with an obligation to her people…

I pretended not to care about this, but in that moment, deep down within me, I admitted it. I did care. I knew that these emotions for her were forbidden. Any relationship I could have with her was forbidden…It would be hard, to keep such a secret from the Jedi…Almost impossible…

Padmé continued. "If you follow you're thoughts to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other."

My heart suddenly swelled despite it being crushed a minute ago. She had said she felt something for me! She had finally admitted it! "Then you do feel something!"

But she wouldn't listen to reason. "I will not let you give up your future for me."

That thought hit me. I couldn't respond directly to that. If we were to have a relationship that would work out, I would have to leave the Jedi order. Oh, how in that moment I wished I could. I stood up, walking toward her. "You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do."

Something had to be said to get her to agree…I needed her… "Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away my feelings…but I can't…" You are too much a part of me…

We were both young, and in love, but Padmé was older. She was the mature one. "I will not give into this." She stated, defiantly.

That's when I knew, there was nothing I could say that would make her agree. She wouldn't, and if I kept at it, she would probably forsake her love for me…My heart sank deeper…We can never be together…without danger…

But, desperately, I remembered the double life that I wanted. The one that Padmé had convinced me out of, knowing it would be too hard. But it was the only option. I stopped. "Well, you know…it wouldn't have to be that way."

I turned to her, and she looked at me, puzzled. I replied, "We could keep it a secret."

For one wild moment, I expected her to say "Yes." Her eyes showed that she desperately wanted to, but she knew…it would be a life of risks. Always worried that we might get caught…not being able to see each other…it would be a terrible life. "We'd be living a lie." Padmé replied, crushing me. "One we couldn't keep even if we wanted to…I couldn't do that. Could you do that, Anakin? Could you live like that?"

Oh, how much I wanted to tell her I could, but I knew…it would be a hard, and stressful life…it would eventually lead to madness. "No…you're right…it would destroy us."

I looked back at her, and the same thought passed through our eyes. If only…

Even though Padmé told me she wanted no part in such a life, I did not abandon all hope. I still held on to my dream, my foolish, dream, that one day, she would be mine, even if I'd have to turn the galaxy upside down for it to be…

A/N: This was SO HARD! Personally, I don't think this is one of George Lucas's better scenes. Anakin and Padmé don't sound real. They sound like they're reading lines. And also, no matter what angle you look at it, Anakin doesn't sound right, or keep thoughts coherent with his personality and mindset…

But I did my best…even if it did seem a bit off…