TITLE: A Past to Outdo

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Andromeda series, I'm just borrowing.

CHAPTER TWO Second Chance

"Old sins cast long shadows."

Serean Proverb

CY 1311

There was a nauseous feeling in the pit of Harper's stomach. He stumbled to the bathroom to be sick, then attempted to stop his hands from trembling before his next check-up with Trance. She would only fuss.

"Harper, it's almost time for your check-up," Rommie called over the com.

"I know," he replied wearily. He took Trance's treatment, which came in the form of three pills, and swallowed them . His throat was dry, so he drank as much water as he could before that pesky need to breathe stopped him.

"You're due in ten minutes," the AI replied. As much as she tried, she couldn't help but feel sad for him. It was one of the conditions of Harper's stay on Andromeda to be watched at all times. While it was for his protection, it also served as a form of punishment - something that the others thought he needed to ease the guilt of his actions. But at the same time Harper's punishment was also Andromeda's. For weeks now Rommie had looked on while Harper suffered. She saw him in agony when the muscle cramps came. She listened to his sobbing in the nights when the cravings became unbearable. She saw him curled up shivering when he couldn't sleep, and she watched him living like an empty shell of the Harper she once knew and loved.

Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe it was best that the Harper she knew and loved wasn't in that awful husk, experiencing that terrible pain. Maybe when his body was done getting better, his soul would return and they could all go back. That was all she wanted, to go back to the way things were. Was that even possible?

Still feeling like hell, but looking presentable, Harper left his quarters. He strode steadily towards med-deck, passing a few crewmembers as he went. He had come to expect the disdainful, judgmental looks he received from them all.

"Your due in med-deck in four minutes," Andromeda reminded. "You better step on it."

Harper was mildly annoyed, though he didn't show it. Was it really necessary to nitpick about a few odd minutes? Far be it for him to complain. If this was what it took to regain everyone's trust, this was what he would do.

Beka Valentine was in Command with only her thoughts for company. She didn't particularly enjoy the path her mind always took when she was alone, because it was always about Harper, and how she had let him down. Beka was intensely protective of Harper, but in that sense, she felt she had failed him. She hadn't even noticed that her best friend, a member of her adopted family, was hurting so badly that he relapsed into the drug world. For that, she could never forgive herself.

Of course, on the outside she acted as though nothing was wrong. If she pretended everything was fine, maybe it would be.

"So what's so great about this Pythia drift we're visiting anyway?" Beka asked Andromeda. She was done with punishing herself, for the time being anyway. "From what I hear it's only rust and grime holding it together."

"We're picking up a passenger," Andromeda's AI reported.

Beka was immediately intrigued. "Who?"

"Her name's Samantha Ellis," Dylan said, entering Command. "She's a counsellor."

"A counsellor?" Beka repeated, and waited in vain for the idea to sink in. It didn't. "You really think we need one?"

"Yes, I really do," Dylan replied. "We've all been trying our best to look out for Harper, but I think a new face to talk to will do the world of good."

Beka shrugged. "I guess it couldn't do him any harm. He's not gonna like it though."

"He doesn't have to like it," Dylan replied. "He just has to go. She's going to be there for everyone, you know, not just Harper."

Beka scoffed at the implication. "I am not seeing a shrink."

"Well, I won't force you. But it's a good idea," Dylan returned.

"And will you be the one breaking this to Harper?"

Dylan's expression gave Beka her answer. He planned on breaking the news after Harper's morning check-up, but he was not looking forward to it one bit.

Still en route to med-deck Harper was walking swiftly to make it in time, but he suddenly doubled over in pain. No-one was around but the ever-present Andromeda. She appeared in her holographic form. "Are you alright?"

"Just a stomach cramp," he answered through gritted teeth. It was a lie. Every cramp and spasm sent ripples of pain through his already tired and aching body. He dreaded to think what it would feel like without Trance's treatment.

"Is there anything I can do? Shall I call Trance?" Rommie offered, though she knew Harper would decline.

"No, I'll be fine," he breathed, and attempted to carry on his way.

"If you need to rest, you can," Andromeda offered, seeing Harper was clearly still in pain.

There was the slightest hint of sarcasm in his reply; "Wouldn't want to be late." Finally he reached med-deck. He had been there so frequently, he could probably get there with his eyes closed (there had been one particular glue accident where he did just that).

"Morning Harper," Trance said, a broad smile crossing her face. She remembered weeping over his lifeless body in the core, seeing him dead on the table in med-deck - the table where he was now sitting, waiting for his check-up. She thanked the divine every day that Harper had come back to her. He wasn't looking too great though.

"What's wrong? Another cramp?" she asked.

Harper wondered how Trance knew. He figured it was partly because she was Trance, and partly because he was still subconsciously clutching at his stomach. He straightened up and pretended he was fine, but knew there was no use. Trance silently got her scanners and started her work up. They said nothing for a short while. "I'll need to perform a blood test too."

"Sure thing, doll. Anything for you," Harper replied, making the effort to reflect the golden alien's infectious chirpiness. He rolled up his sleeve while Trance got the needle. There were still a few track marks from previous injections. Unfortunately, it looked like they were going to scar. Yet another reminder of bad dreams.

The needle sank into his skin. "Ow!" Harper cried mockingly. "That hurt!"

"This coming from a man who has died twice in just over a month?" Trance teased.

"Yeah, let's not make it a third time by poking me to death," Harper returned.

Dylan listened to the conversation from the door. It never ceased to amaze him how his crew could recover to this level of banter so quickly. Sure, there were still a lot of issues hanging in the air, but it seemed like things were actually getting better. He decided to make his presence known when Trance went to check Harper's blood work.

"Good morning all," he greeted. "Everything okay?"

Trance turned around and smiled. "Everything's fine," she replied. "I'll add more Trilazlin to the treatment mix next time, see if it helps with those muscle cramps," she told Harper.

"Trance, my Golden Goddess. What would I do without you?" he returned, hopping off the bed.

Trance thought for a moment "You'd probably be dead," she answered.

"You're probably right. Don't go anywhere any time soon, okay?"

"See you in six hours."

"Thank-you Trance," Dylan said, and he and Harper walked out together.

"So what's up? You didn't come down here just to check up on me did you?" Harper asked. He knew full well that Trance reported to Dylan ten minutes after his check-ups anyway, so there was most likely something else going on.

"No I didn't, although I'm glad to hear you're doing better," Dylan replied. "We're stopping off at Pythia station to pick up a new crewmember."

"Oh, cool. Another engineer? Cuz not that the bots we have now aren't great, but...I can't think of a nice way to finish that sentence."

"No, she's not an engineer. She's a counsellor."

Harper wasn't sure how to react. After a moment he settled on offended. He was doing better. Dylan had just said as much, so why the hell did he need to talk to some stranger about how he was feeling?

Dylan could see the engineer struggling with the idea. "It's not as bad as it sounds. And it's not just for you, she's going to work with the whole crew. Ever since Rev left we've been missing something, and I think we need to find it again."

There was a moment of hesitant silence. "Sure," Harper replied, though he was anything but.

End of chapter two

Next chapter: The Session