A/N: Decided to update because I have nothing better to do. Okay, my thoughts on this scene are thus: Even though the previous scene fell short in dialogue, I think this scene is downright beautiful. Enjoy.
Chapter 7: Giving in to Temptation
After that night, I knew, I could pursue Padmé no longer. At least, not then. Even though I loved her so much, she started me on having doubts.
Love is forbidden…
But I love Padmé…
You would never be able to keep it a secret…
I don't care!
Most of all, she doesn't want it…
But sense had sunk in. It was easy with everything to get lost in my tender thoughts about Padmé, but the harsh reality was that we were both in a position that made it nearly impossible for us to be together.
The smart thing would be to give up, and just wish we could stay friends.
But, I could not! I wanted to be with Padmé so much…but I knew we couldn't…
It was just not possible.
But, though I had thought before of my disappointment, there was a new crisis on my hands. With the nightmare about my mother being in pain, I didn't worry about my dreams with Padmé. I was more worried about her.
I still missed my mother from when I was a young boy. After all, I hadn't seen her in ten years. But I hadn't heard what had happened to her. In my dreams…I saw her tortured, crying. I couldn't stand to see her in such pain.
I knew I had to go. I was a Jedi. I had to go and save her. I knew that I could save her.
When I told Padmé, she decided to come with me. She knew that I would need support.
When we got to Tatooine, I found out that my mother had been sold from Watto. He had sold her to a moisture farmer, who had supposedly freed her and married her. This information puzzled me, how could she be in pain if this had happened to her? What if this farmer called Lars was the one doing it to her?
The unfortunate thing was, I did not see where she was in my dreams. If I had, it would have saved me a lot of trouble; a lot of time…it probably could have saved her life.
When I found out she had been taken by Tusken Raiders, I was devastated. I knew I had to save her. But as I looked back on Padmé…I suddenly felt afraid for her…afraid that this sort of thing might happen to her as well.
But…I was too late to save her…to late to save Mom…I didn't get there in time!
I could hardly control my rage. My lust to kill the vile creatures that had killed my mom. I lost all reason, all control, I wanted to see them all dead. They would die for what they did to Mom!
But after I had calmed down…I saw what I had done…I had killed things, beings…With my own hands…I had spilt their blood, all in a blind rage…
I had killed things…
I was a murderer…
They killed Mom…
I hated them…
And I killed them…
I was a murderer…
These thoughts were still within me when Padmé tried to cheer me up. But she couldn't…I was still in too much shock from it all. Mom had just died…and now I had broken the ultimate Jedi rule…I had killed innocent beings…I hated them.
But I didn't care! They deserved to be hated. They were evil, vile creatures…and they killed my mother! They deserved to die!
But…I still couldn't help feel remorse.
I felt worse when I saw the look on Padmé's face when I told her. She was afraid…afraid for me…afraid for my feelings after what I had done…She tried to comfort me, but I couldn't be comforted.
I still wasn't completely over it when we left for Geonosis, in order to save Obi-Wan. But, I had to get rid of my self-pity quickly, since there were other tasks at hand. When we first arrived on Geonosis, I was confident that we could get Obi-Wan back without much struggle.
But, I suppose I had over-estimated my abilities. We were captured.
And were going to be executed in the Geonosian arena.
I was worried, but not for me. I was worried for Padmé. Because Padmé…I couldn't bear to see her die. I couldn't bear to see her blood spilled all over the dirt.
I couldn't bear to see her die like my mother had.
Yet, I knew, it was practically impossible to survive this. I had heard tales of the cruel Geonosian arena when I was a boy living on Tatooine…I knew that no one came out of it alive.
And they were sending Padmé and I into it. Into death.
As we were loaded into the cart and chained to it, my eyes kept flying to Padmé. She was showing no fear, as always, but I knew, she must be a little afraid. I knew she must know of our vain hope that we may survive.
I heard the murmur of the crowd, a crowd cheering for our death. My stomach gave a jolt. We were going to die, I knew it. At least I was dying with Padmé…
My eyes glanced back to the woman I loved. She was avoiding looking forward, looking at the battleground where we would attempt to fight for our lives. She was worried, I could tell, no matter how much she tried not to show it.
I didn't want her to be afraid. I couldn't stand to see her worried. It broke my heart when she looked like that.
I wished to calm her. "Don't be afraid." I told her.
She turned to me, her eyes full of emotion. That thing I saw in her eyes so often now. Longing. "I'm not afraid to die." She whispered, she took another breath, as if urging herself on, "I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life."
This puzzled me. I didn't know what she was saying. Did she regret everything we'd been through? Did she not want to be with me? I stared at her, but she held the same look on her face. Hesitantly, I said, "What are you talking about?"
I could see her lips resisting, but after a small breath, she said the words I had been dying to hear ever since I had seen her again after all those years. Those words that were forbidden, those words that set my soul on fire;
"I love you."
My heartbeat rose to a crescendo and a pace that I hadn't thought possible, If I had wings, I would surely be soaring above the clouds. She said it…repeated in my head. She loves me…Padmé loves me! She had said it so innocently, so purely, that I knew it only had to be true. Padmé loves me! Padmé loves me!
I felt dizzy, intoxicated, the same feeling I always had around her, only it was much worse. It was hard to speak. I blinked in surprise. "Y-you love me?" She only bit her lip in return, confirming what she had said. I tried to breathe again, but one thought silenced my happy and rejoicing thoughts. It held me back from saying those words back to her.
My eyes fell down. "I thought we had decided not to fall in love…That we'd be forced to live a lie…" I looked back at her, repeating her words. "And that it would destroy our lives.
Pained, she replied. "I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway." And then that anguish hit me again. We were going to die…But I was going to die with her…the woman I loved…and the woman who loved me.
But I wasn't afraid, I couldn't be, knowing that she loved me made me calmer, made me not care anymore. At least I am with her…
There was no more fear in Padmé's chocolate eyes as we got closer. "I truly…" she whispered, "Deeply, love you…"
Her lips were only an inch away. We could kiss once more, a testament to our love, our forbidden emotion, that we couldn't resist. No matter how hard we tried not to, we had fallen in love.Had given in to temptation.
"And before we die, I want you to know."
With a small struggle, we were able to touch lips for what we thought might be the very last time. It was a small kiss, yet it sent electricity up my veins, as always. But knowing that Padmé loved me made it all the more precious. We couldn't hear the screams of the crowed, and it didn't matter anymore that we were going to die shortly, we both loved and desired each other, that's all that mattered.
We only broke the kiss when we were almost into the arena, looking deeply into each other's eyes, only to see the same love reflected in them. If there had been another place, another time, we would not have stopped. If Obi-Wan hadn't been there, we would have continued. But Obi-Wan…I knew how he would get if he knew our beautiful secret. He was, a Jedi, after all.
As the crowd roared, and we were brought into the center, a fierce desire to live sparked within me. I didn't want to die here, I couldn't die here. I had to live—we both had to live, so we could be together and love one another!
I made a happy sigh as the cart slowed to a stop. I love Padmé…and she loves me…
We have to be together…we can finally be together…like I've always wanted!
I gritted my teeth in the prospect of what we faced. And that's why, no matter what, I can't let her die…
I won't let her die like my mother!
We had both given into the forbidden, broke the rules, and gave into what our hearts wanted. And I knew, she was thinking the same thing. No matter what we faced, we had to live.
So we could be together. So we could love each other…in secret.
A/N: Well, I tried to do this okay. Personally, I think there's so much more to put into Padmé's view of this (See: To Love a Jedi) since she is the one whom in this scene decided to love Anakin, whereas he loved her anyway.
Well, I tried. I also tried to show the dark side starting to stir in him. Did I do okay? Criticism loved!...If its not a flame…