TITLE: A Past to Outdo

NOTES: Thanks for the reviews!

CHAPTER FOUR Between Us

"If I knew the storm was coming, I would have enjoyed the calm."

Admiral T. Phillips

CY 3112

"So how did it go?" Trance asked Harper when he came in for his check-up.

"Don't ask," Harper replied. He looked more annoyed than Trance had seen him in quite a while.

Trance guessed that 'Don't ask' was just a figure of speech. "That bad, huh?"

"Don't tell Dylan, but this is possibly the stupidest idea he's ever had," Harper answered.

"You can't mean that." Trance started her scans. "What about the time he decided to send all our files to the authorities on Alpha Tenns to make them feel more secure, and they banned us from the system after seeing our criminal records?" she grinned.

"This is worse," Harper replied seriously. "The check-ups every six hours, the complete and total lack of privacy, not being able to make repairs to Rommie without some idiot looking over my shoulder; I don't like it, but I can handle it. But this?" Harper shook his head.

Trance wasn't sure how to respond. She wished she had some magical solution, but her speciality lied in dangerous life-or-death decisions, not working out the right thing to say. "All done," she said, finishing her scans. "It's only been one session. Maybe give it another chance before you dismiss Dr Ellis as a minion of the Abyss?"

Harper seemed to agree. He then put on a mocking face. "You think she could be a minion of the Abyss?"

Trance pushed him playfully on the shoulder and smiled. Harper returned it. Their relationship had come out the best of all of them since the ordeal surrounding the Autriva investigation. It hurt that Harper had lied to her, but he had tried to make things better, and Trance believed above all else that everyone deserved as many chances as they needed.

"I've added some more Trilazlin to the treatment, so let me know if it helps." She handed him three more treatment pills and Harper took them.

"Thanks, babe. Guess I better get back to those internal sensors," he said tiredly.

"You getting enough sleep?" Trance inquired.

Harper didn't want to mention the nightmares. "I'll be fine, Trance. I'll see you in six." With that, he left Trance to her endless worrying.

Ellis sat in the officer's mess with Dylan. It was a sort of welcome tradition with new additions to the crew.

"So, am I permitted to ask how your first session went?" Dylan asked. He wasn't quite sure of the rules on confidentiality.

"Well, if Mr Harper had actually told me anything, I wouldn't be able to discuss it. But he seems very reluctant to talk to me about anything at all," Ellis explained "Which is perfectly understandable for a first session," she added. "Trust is something to be earned. However, I was rather upset that the session had to end so abruptly. I understand Harper had some sort of medical appointment?"

"Ah, that would be bad timing," Dylan apologised. "He has check-ups every six hours. Harper is a drug addict, who recently relapsed and it's one of the conditions of his stay."

Ellis wasn't swayed by the news. Beka had filled in a few of the blanks. "I gather counselling is also one of these conditions?"

Dylan nodded.

"Sounds like I have my work cut out for me."

"I bet he hated it, didn't he?" Beka said. She had hovered outside Ellis's office for while before going in, much like Harper had done before his session. The only difference was, Beka didn't have to be there. In a way she wished Dylan had forced her to attend, because then she wouldn't have to make the decision for herself. In the end Ellis found her and invited her in. Beka was glad she did - the session was allowing her to get some hefty issues off her chest.

"I know, you can't talk about it, right? You don't have to say, I know he did. Harper doesn't trust people. I mean, yeah he trusts some people, very select people, that have earned his trust...but not just anyone. It's not his fault, he's just like that. It's a self-preservation thing I guess," she went on. "I rambling. Sorry."

"Don't be, rambling's good," Ellis told her. "You know Harper well. It's good that he's surrounded by those he can trust, even if that isn't me. So, how are things between you two now?"

"I failed," Beka replied quietly.

"Failed?" Ellis prompted.

"To protect him," Beka concluded. "I swore I would, and...and I failed," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Who did you swear to?"

"Myself...him...the universe, I don't know. A promise is a promise, no matter who it's to. I broke it, and he suffered."

"Why are you blaming yourself for something you had no control over?" Ellis asked.

Beka was quick to argue. "I had control, I could have done something."

"From what I've heard, there was nothing that was going to stop Harper from doing what he did."

Beka almost forgot what Ellis meant. She had been careful not to reveal any more than she had to about Harper's past - his past crimes, anyway. Murder was not something one discussed with strangers. The rest she had tried to explain as best she could. Though she would never admit it to anyone, Beka had needed to talk to someone for a long time. Someone who was removed from the whole situation, and didn't have their own baggage to deal with.

"It's easy to wish we'd done things differently, I'm sure every living being has regrets," Ellis told her, "but it's only in retrospect that the decisions we make seem like the wrong ones. I'm sure at the time you did exactly what you thought was right, and that is all anyone can do."

Beka looked at her for the first time since the session had begun. "Tell that to Harper."

"Harper?" Andromeda called.

Harper let the spanner drop from his teeth to answer her. "What's up?"

"There was a minor explosion in one of the control panels on deck six. Nothing serious but my avatar has sustained some minor damage. She's waiting for you in machine shop 12 with crewman Lewis."

"Tell her I'll be right there." Harper replied and a familiar feeling of dread swept over him. His and Rommie's relationship was fragile at best. He had hurt and betrayed her, and there was no quick fix to heal the wounds that were still bleeding.

He soon arrived in the machine shop where Rommie was waiting. Crewman Lewis was standing up straight with her hands behind her back, clearly there simply for the sake of being there. Harper had lied to Trance when he mentioned the he could handle not seeing Rommie without supervision. It killed him inside that she didn't trust him even that little bit.

"Hey," Harper greeted nervously.

Rommie was just as tense.

Harper thought it best to stick to the subject at hand for now. "So, what happened?"

"An overload," Rommie replied. "I think some of the circuits were fused."

Harper approached her. "I'll get right on it, but let's take a look at that arm first," he said, taking it gently. Some of the skin was burned off, revealing the inner workings of her wrist. "How does it feel?"

"A little tingly."

"Probably some fried relays. Nothing a few nanobots can't handle." Harper rummaged around a few of his drawers and found a vile labelled 'Bots V6.3'. They were specifically designed for Rommie's internal systems. He applied them to her arm. "That should do the trick in about an hour. You might want to keep a bandage on until the nano-bots can replicate some new skin."

"Thanks," Rommie replied. Her voice held little emotion, only a cold, professional courtesy.

She was about to leave when Harper stopped her. "Rommie, wait." He struggled for the right words. "Can I talk to you? Alone?" he asked.

Rommie remained distant. "I don't think that's such a great idea."

"Please, I just want things to go back to the way they were," Harper pleaded. He didn't really care if crewman Lewis was there or not, he just had to get some things off his chest. "I hate this, I hate not even being able to stay in the same room together."

Rommie was angry. "Well so do I, Harper!" she snapped. Crewman Lewis felt severely out of place, but orders were orders. "But you should have thought of that before you did what you did."

"I'm sorry, Rom, I can't give you anything else other than that."

"You erased my memories. You treated me like I was just another piece of machinery, like I was just some thing you could manipulate to suit your own ends," Rommie said. She calmed slightly. She was still angry, but she couldn't hate Harper. "I know you want to make things better, I know you want me to forgive you, and I do too...but I can't. I just can't."

With that, Rommie left, and Lewis followed. Harper was alone, in more ways than one.

End of chapter four

Next chapter: Cadere Animis