TITLE: A Past to Outdo
NOTES: The plot, as they say, thickens! Mwa ha ha.

CHAPTER FIVE Cadere Animis

"'When all is lost, there is nothing to lose'. A dangerous mindset indeed."

Dr. Julia Thompson, Institute of Psychology

CY 493

Andromeda grew more and more worried as Harper worked silently at the control panel. His evening check-up with Trance had also been unnaturally quiet, despite Trance's efforts to make conversation.

Andromeda knew the reason. Her avatar had hurt Harper badly, as he had done to her, and the whole situation was far from being resolved. Though technically Andromeda and Rommie were the same, over the years they had grow into completely separate personalities. Andromeda didn't fully understand what is was like to be betrayed in such a way, she only experienced it second hand, and so it was more difficult for her to blame Harper for his actions.

Harper stopped working on the internal sensors. He was finished. "Let me know if you have any more problems," he said quietly, and left the conduit without another word.

Hundreds of thoughts were running through the engineer's head, and the one that summed them all up was 'this sucks'. This morning he was under the illusion that he was doing better, that things were slowly improving. And now he'd suddenly been told that he wasn't, and they weren't; that he had to go to counselling. On top of that, apparently Rommie was no closer to forgiving him than she had been a week ago.

On the way back to his quarters, Tyr rounded the corner as Harper was approaching. They had been on speaking terms, but usually only with work related matters - that is, Tyr telling Harper that something needed fixing. He didn't mind as such, it was more than he spoke with Rommie.

"Harper, the monitoring screens in the gym are malfunctioning. When you're not busy..." Tyr said, somehow managing to stay nonchalant and menacing at the same time.

"Right. I'll get on it later," Harper replied awkwardly. Tyr was about to go on his way, but Harper stopped him. Now was a good a time as any to clear the air. "Tyr," he called back. Tyr stopped. "I never said thanks...I mean, for trying to stop me from making an idiot outta myself on Ostara."

Tyr shrugged. "No need to thank me. It didn't work," he said bluntly.

"Well thanks for trying, is all I'm saying," Harper returned.

Tyr said nothing but silently accepted the thanks, and returned to his quarters.

Harper finally made it back to his own quarters. As soon as the door closed he shut his eyes and slid down it. The screaming had started again. Having spent all day trying to hide it seemed to make it ten times worse when he finally got behind closed doors. He knew Andromeda was still monitoring him, but he didn't much care. The tiredness has caught up with him once again, and all he wanted to do was sleep, even knowing that it would only be filled with nightmares.

Beka was in Command, piloting to their next destination - Meretsegar. It was reported that a Nietzschean pride had taken an interest in, something that the natives weren't too happy about. Beka didn't mind if they found a whole fleet of Nietzschean bad asses waiting for them. Talking to Ellis had helped, but she still couldn't stand the tension and long stretched silences, and needed a distraction. She pulled out of the next slip point.

"Are we there yet?" Dylan asked, entering.

"Three more stops to go," Beka replied.

"Well, the mission can wait until tomorrow. We just got word there's only a small Nietzschean transport, and the natives of Meretsegar have a tendency to exaggerate."

Beka sighed at the incompetence of Commonwealth intelligence at times. "How's Harper doing?" she asked. Dylan had just been to see Trance.

"Physically, he'll live. But something is bothering him. Trance said he was acting a little off," Dylan reported. In truth, everyone had been acting a little off lately.

"Maybe it's Dr Ellis," Beka guessed. "The idea of talking to a complete stranger about really personal stuff scared...scares the hell out of me, so I can't imagine what Harper is feeling. He committed murder, Dylan, and I don't think he has any plans of sharing that with anyone else."

"Well I didn't plan on having an addict on my ship, but I do. And quite frankly, I think I'm dealing with it pretty well, considering I don't have a clue what I'm doing," Dylan snapped back. If he didn't make the tough decisions, who the hell would?

"Don't you mean another addict?" Beka asked quietly.

Dylan faltered. "Sorry," he said sincerely. "Sometimes I forget."

"I wish I could," Beka replied. "It's okay, I know this isn't easy for you," she apologised for digging into him.

Dylan sighed. "It isn't easy for any of us."

Trance arrived in med-deck, out of breath. She had fallen back to sleep after Rommie gave her her 0300 hours wake-up call. "Sorry I'm late, Harper, I was..."

The room was empty. She was sure Harper would wait for her, or ask Andromeda where she was. "Andromeda, where is Harper?"

"My internal sensors aren't working properly, but he was last in his quarters," Andromeda replied. The repairs had worked for a while, but soon started to fail.

Trance gathered a next treatment and headed for Harper's quarters.

This nightmare wasn't like the others. It felt like he was actually there, back on Carna. It was raining again, but this time Harper swore he could feel the droplets running down his skin, soaking his clothes. He was running, but he wasn't in control of his body. The environment kept blurring around him as he ran. Harper soon realised he was following someone, and he knew exactly who it was. Eltan. He knew what was to come, and he struggled desperately to turn away, to flee, to change history. He tried in vain to wake up, to stop it from happening all over again, but he followed the dark-haired man into the side-street, just as he had done before.

History repeated itself, not just in his memory, but now as if he was trapped in the past yet again, reliving it in all its horrific detail. He couldn't even close his eyes. The fight didn't last long. The rain made the hits slow but hard.

Harper stumbled back and saw the broken bottle lying on the ground. He fought inside his own body to keep from picking it up again, but he was powerless. He grabbed the bottle and smashed it over the stranger's head. The man went over with a yelp. It looked as if he were about to get up again, but then he began to convulse, like he was having a seizure. He rolled over, shaking violently. His eyes were staring into Harper's, filled with fear. Then they glazed over and the man was still.

"Harper? Harper are you okay? Please answer me!"

That voice...that voice didn't belong here...where did it come from?

"I'm getting Andromeda to open the doors, I'm coming in there."

"Trance?" Harper called. He was awake, but the dream state lingered. His own voice seemed to echo, his vision was clouded. Something wasn't right.

Trance was distressed now. She had been trying to wake Harper for at least five minutes. Andromeda finally opened the doors and she rushed to Harper's side. He was covered in sweat, and though his eyes were open, they were glassy and his gaze wandering around the room. Trance's first thought was that it was a side-effect of the treatments, but her fears were dismissed and replaced by something even more terrible. From a fresh puncture, a drip of blood travelled down Harper's arm.

End of chapter five

Next chapter: Descent