Intimations in the Rain
...OOO...
As Kikyo had predicted, the next day brought rain, rain, and more rain; and as Sesshomaru had guessed, the ceiling did leak- badly.
The day wore on with no sign of the rain abating, and he began to pace the length of the small hut, frustrated. With the continuing return of his strength and energy came the need to exert it, but there was little one could do in such a small space. So he paced. To and fro, to and fro.
"Where are you going?" he demanded, halting suddenly.
Kikyo was standing by the doorway, holding the shallow basket upside down over her head with one hand and the kettle in the other.
"I need to fetch some water," she answered. "I'll only be a moment."
"I can do perfectly fine without tea for one day," he retorted, eyes narrowing at the implication that he couldn't.
She shook her head, "Not for tea, for your shoulder. The bandage and poultice need to be replaced regularly otherwise it will not heal properly because of the poison."
"Then I'll fetch the water."
"It's alright," she replied casually. "I don't mind."
"But-" he cut himself off when he realized what he was doing. It was illogical because 1) he hated humans and couldn't care less what happened to them, and 2) her body was artificial and immune to such illnesses, but a part of him was concerned, knowing how frail humans could be and how vulnerable to the elements- like the time Rin caught a cold for playing in the rain.
She was already on her way out though, not hearing his short-lived protest, and proceeded down to the stream which had now swelled deeply with the rapid downpour. When the kettle was full, she hoisted it up, but stopped midway through. Raising her head, she scanned the opposite bank. Something wasn't right... but there was no sign of anything amiss. She turned her attention back to drawing water and that's when she noticed it- a large shadow had appeared, lurking just beneath the rushing surface. She gasped involuntarily, dropping her items to the ground, and stumbled several steps back as the monster exploded out of the stream in front of her. It was a demon in the shape of a giant lamprey, it's circular mouth ringed with razor sharp teeth which could easily crush her in one bite.
Instinctively she reached for her weapons and gave another gasp when her hands hit empty air.
My bow and arrows!
A sense of panic arose in her mind as she realized that she had left her weapons in the hut, never imagining she would need them for such a short journey to accomplish such a simple task.
The lamprey lunged for her, and she raised an arm in defense knowing it would be useless.
Is this to be my end, she thought too amazed with the irony to be afraid.
Since her resurrection she had survived a fall from a cliff, the Band of Seven, a priestess eating cave, numerous attempts on her life by Naraku and his henchmen, not to mention the continual denial of her soul, all to be devoured by a third rate worm demon? If she was a cynical person, she would have laughed.
But instead of bone crushing pain, she felt herself fall and collide with the wet ground. Sesshomaru had shoved her out of the way with his body as he ran in front of the demon, his Tokijin drawn. Even in his weakened state it took him only one strike to kill his opponent.
Sheathing his sword, he glanced at her over his shoulder.
"Are you alright?" he asked, not seeming particularly worried.
"You... saved me...," she replied unbelievably, eyes filled with confusion and uncertainty.
"Don't flatter yourself, woman," he scoffed, turning to leave. "I was merely returning the favor."
"Oh," she murmured, more to herself than to him. "Yes, of course... a favor..."
How many times was that now, she wondered, that she'd come so close to a second death?
Death...
The first time it came for her she had not wanted to go, but it had ignored her desires and claimed her into its eternal darkness.
Now when she had nothing to live for- not even a soul to call her own- death was suddenly elusive, taunting her in numerous encounters only to pull away at the last minute though she was ready to surrender...
By the time they reached the little shelter the leaky hut offered them, they were both completely soaked through.
Right away Sesshomaru set to work building up the fire, cursing under his breath at the dampness which made his task that much more difficult.
Meanwhile Kikyo set down the basket and water-filled kettle by the doorway, absentmindedly untying the ribbon in her hair and brushing it all over one shoulder to wring out the water.
He watched her out of the corners of his eyes. Obviously she was deep in thought, not even bothering to hide the troubled expression playing on her usually stoic face.
"Would you like to know," she asked suddenly, "what thought ran through my mind as I was preparing for death just then?" Normally she was not one for sharing her reflections- and certainly not to cold heartless demon lords- but she needed to voice aloud her thoughts in order to clear them from her mind, and he just happened to be there, so without waiting for a response she told him.
"Isn't that funny?" she asked, tilting her head around so she could see his expression, a small smile on her lips that was a poor attempt to hide the sadness so apparent in her eyes.
He did not answer but continued to glance at her, frowning slightly until she looked away.
"Someone told me once," she continued, "that those who seek life find death, while those that seek death will find life... I never understood what that meant..."
"And which do you seek?" his cold even voice cut through to her, startling her, and she had to swivel around in order that she might look at him- his unmoving indifferent expression that didn't care which answer was hers.
Somehow, it made her smile slowly.
"I... really don't know anymore."
A moment of silence passed between them before she shook her head, banishing the thoughts from her mind.
Retrieving the kettle of water, she turned back to him and said in the voice she usually used with those she was treating, "Let's have a look at that shoulder..."
Obligingly, he removed his armor and sank to the floor to help ease the task.
Kneeling beside him she tugged the sleeve of his haori down, exposing not only the injured shoulder but also half of a well toned, muscular chest. Being the practiced healer that she was, such a site was not new to her- not even this one in particular. Still, if her clay body had blood, it would have all rushed to her head by now. With another shake of her head, she dismissed the idea without giving it a second thought.
While she worked he averted his eyes directly forward, glad for once that his left arm was nothing more than a mere ornament so that he'd feel as little of her revolting touch as possible. Or so he told himself, knowing full well that the wound was far enough above where the arm had been severed for that idea not to apply.
And true enough he felt every soft brush of her hands against his skin as she gently unwrapped the old bandaged and washed the wound clean in order to apply fresh poultice and a new bandaged. Her hands worked without hesitation, gentle and soft but sure in their ways and firm in their grip. All in all, if he could be honest with himself, he found the ordeal to be not as repulsive as he thought it would be.
"It seems to be healing quite well," she remarked wounding it with a final layer of bandage.
"We demons," he replied, "heal quite quickly- unlike you humans who die from a single wound."
"Perhaps it is best that way," she answered quietly.
Her task was finished, but she hesitated to withdraw. She reached for his lower arm, touching it firmly but tenderly.
Instantly he spun to face her, a look of surprise and amazement that he had not caught in time plastered to his face. No one- not even Rin- had ever been so bold with him.
"May I ask," she inquired without the slightest trace of fear in her voice, "how this happened?"
His eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.
"That," he responded in a tone cold enough to freeze the summer sun, "is none of your business." And he tugged his haori back into place and rose to his full, regal height.
Even as he said it, he had expected some sort of retort from her- an insistence, an apology- but she stayed silent, her face devoid of emotion.
Awkward minutes of silence ensued, and slowly, he relented.
"Inuyasha," he answered simply, not bothering to elaborate, his voice still harder than usual.
"I see..." If the answer had surprised her or piqued her interest, she did not let it show.
"Now you must answer me this," he declared, facing her squarely. "Who killed you in your first life?"
He fixed her with a cold unfaltering stare, but she met it head on as she answered in a flat voice, "The same as he who took your arm- your brother Inuyasha."
It was the last answer he had ever expected.
"It was shortly after I left the cave where I had nursed the bandit Onigumo...
He struck me from behind and ground my hand under his foot when I reached for my bow, before leaving me to bleed to death in desolation...
If he had been smart, he should have finished me off then and there, but he was impatient to get to the Shikon Jewel...
I dragged myself to my feet, refusing to die unless that traitor went with me...
He was running out of the village, the jewel in hand, when I found him.
I called out his name...
And he turned as I let my arrow fly, pinning him to the sacred god tree...
Not long after, I died nursing my hatred for him who betrayed me...
Betrayed my trust.
Betrayed my friendship.
Betrayed my LOVE!"
She paused to take a seething breath. During her retelling, she did nothing to hide the bitterness in her voice, and her eyes, Sesshomaru noted, no longer saw her present environment but had reverted inwards into her own painful memories, reliving them with merciless accuracy.
She continued:
"When the demon Urasuea called me back from the dead, I awoke with no thought in my mind save my all consuming hatred. And in the end that is the only piece of my original soul left to me- the rest now within my reincarnation, that girl called Kagome.
But even as that hatred raged within me, when I found out he was still alive all I desired was for him to come back with me to the afterlife- to be with me forever...
This knowledge only fueled my hatred, however, not only for him, but for myself for still loving him after his betrayal..."
She let out a haggard breath, her voice quivering. For so long she had kept these feelings bottled up- barely daring to acknowledge them even to herself, fearful of the consequences. But now that she had begun, she found she could not stop...
For his part he remained silent, but his eyes never left her.
She didn't even know if he was listening anymore, but she didn't care. This was no longer for his benefit...
So she went on:
"But as I wandered this land in my doll body, I soon came to learn the truth- the truth of my death and of his betrayal.
It was Naraku who had perpetrated the illusion to make both of us believe we had been betrayed by the other.
Slowly this knowledge seeped in, and when I could no longer deny it, my hate not only shifted from Inuyasha to Naraku, but it intensified as well until I knew, perhaps alone in this world, the utmost a person can hate another...
Even now I curse him.
How could he!
How could he not only come between us, but turn us against one another! Us who had loved each other with all of our being, who would have given up anything and everything for the other... and did!"
Her voice was laden with emotion, all the hurt and hatred she had locked up in the darkest depths of her subconscious breaking loose.
But she did not cry, and he wondered if it was because she did not need to, or because she was incapable of doing so? Either way her eyes remained dry.
"But even as my hate for Inuyasha evaporated, my love for him remained, though I've refused to admit that to myself until my brush with death by Naraku's hands that night in Mt. Hakurei...
"And now it's too late," she lamented with a rueful smile on her lips. "His heart belongs to another and I... am nothing but a ghost."
...OOO...