TITLE: A Past to Outdo

NOTES: Oh god it's soooo angsty! I promise, there will be some really good twists and action later, so don't go getting all depressed, okay?

CHAPTER SIX Descent

"He has fallen, lost and in despair."

3:422 Trincian Prophecies

CY 3821

Rommie stood in the doorway of Harper's room. A part of her blamed herself for what had happened. Another part told her that she was being ridiculous. She was silent as Dylan searched the room. Usually she could read her Captain like an open book, but this time it was not so easy. He hadn't said much after Trance had woken him. While he seemed to be struggling with just what he was supposed to be feeling, Beka and Trance were visibly devastated, and the incident even provoked a response from Tyr, albeit a reserved one. From each of them a single question was dying to be asked; Why?

The dream was fading now, and Harper was starting to regain a sense of reality. His head was light and dizzy, but he recognised med-deck - he'd been there enough times. But why was he there now?

A golden figure suddenly blocked the light in above him. "Trance? What's going on?"

"You were late for your check-up, so I came to find you," she said. Something about her voice wasn't quite right, but Harper couldn't figure out what.

"Oh...sorry, I must have overslept..." he started. It was strangely difficult to concentrate on what he was saying. "I was having this nightmare..."

"Why, Harper?" Beka said angrily. She'd been sitting nearby. "You had a bad day, so you thought you'd just forget all about it? Was that it?"

"What are you talking about?" Harper asked, confused.

"Maybe this isn't the best time, Beka," Trance suggested.

Harper sat up, wanting answers, but another wave of dizziness took him. He rubbed his forehead, and then noticed that his arm was aching slightly. On closer inspection, he found a fresh track mark from a needle.

"What the hell is this?" he cried out, shocked, and leapt from the bed.

"When I found you you'd already taken half a dose," Trance explained sombrely.

"No!" Harper denied desperately. "I didn't...I wouldn't..."

"I can't listen to this," Beka said to Trance. "I'll come back when he's making more sense."

"Beka, you don't understand, I...I don't even remember...I don't remember taking anything!" Harper pleaded.

"You expect me to believe that?" Beka said. "I trusted you blindly before, and look where it got me. I won't make the same mistake again."

"I didn't take anything!" Harper shouted, and grabbed her by the arm, his demeanor rapidly becoming darker.

"Let me go, Harper," she said through gritted teeth.

But a rush of anger had gripped him, and Harper shoved her against a wall."I said I didn't take anything!"

"Harper, calm down!" Trance urged.

Harper stood back and realised what he was doing. So it was true. How had this happened? He did the first thing that came to his head. He ran.

"Where is he?" Dylan asked. Trance had relayed Harper's claim that he didn't remember taking any drugs, but he dismissed it almost immediately.

"I don't know. The internal sensors are still down," Andromeda reported.

"Do you think he planned that too?" Trance asked, the thought suddenly occurring to her. They were in med-deck. Everyone was tired and in various stages of shock. Trance kept wondering if she was still asleep, and would wake up soon, in her own bed. Beka paced around the room, studying everything in the cabinets with feigned interest.

"It would be a considerable coincidence if that wasn't the case," Tyr said.

Dylan sighed. To say he was angry was an understatement. They had given Harper a second chance and he had thrown it back in their faces and then lied to them. Again. Now it looked as if he sabotaged Andromeda so the sensors couldn't reveal what he was doing. The thought crossed his mind that maybe it was his fault. Maybe Dr Ellis was too much, like Beka said. One problem at a time, he told himself. "Okay, send security details to each deck, tell them to check every room, every conduit, anywhere Harper might be.

"Beka, Trance, Tyr, Rommie, take a deck each. But since this is Harper we're looking for, it could take a while."

They each nodded in acknowledgment and left for separate decks. Dylan was about to follow when Dr Ellis entered.

"Doctor," Dylan greeted, a little surprised. It was still 4am in the morning. "What are you doing up?"

"I hope you don't mind, I heard the commotion. Is something going on?"

"As a matter of fact there is," Dylan replied. "And maybe you can help."

Every five minutes the cooling liquid would be released into the AP tanks. Harper found that concentrating on that sound was oddly soothing. Maybe it reminded him of the ocean or something.

Harper was hiding out deep inside the Maru's engine maintenance conduits. It was safe there. Nothing bad ever happened on the Maru. He had to figure things out, but his body was already starting to come down from whatever he was supposed to have injected. Harper knew how it went, he had been a addict for the majority of his life. First came the good part - the blissful escape, when nothing in the universe mattered. Then there was the brief dizzy calm before the come-down. After that came the consequences.

If only he could remember what happened...But his mind was blank after getting back to his quarters and the doors closing. Maybe he had taken something. Beka was right, it had been a bad day, and the stress was starting to get to him, but surely he should remember. Maybe his mind was so out of it that the memory had simply become lost.

"Hello, Harper," came a voice.

Harper almost jumped through the ceiling. It was Dr Ellis.

"Why are you hiding?" she asked, though she already knew the answer.

"I didn't want to hurt anyone," Harper replied quietly. After a moment he looked up at her. "They don't believe me, do they?"

"It's a little farfetched," Ellis admitted.

"I didn't. I mean, I don't remember...I don't remember the needle, or injecting, or intending to take anything, I don't remember it at all," Harper said, his words jumbling together. "Going through withdrawal again was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, so why the hell would I want to go through it again?"

"If you didn't inject the needle, how do you explain how the drug ended up in your system?" Ellis asked gently.

Harper couldn't answer that question. If he tried to think of other explanations, he was afraid of the path he would end up walking - plots and paranoid conspiracies, the same delusions that haunted him before.

"It's okay," Ellis comforted. "You're not the first addict I've dealt with. I know it's hard, it's excruciating at times. But you have a distinct advantage. You are surrounded by people who care about you. They want to help you, and so do I."

End of chapter six

Next chapter: Last Time Again