Wind and Void
...OOO...
Kagura watched her sister from the doorway.
How can she be so damn calm? she thought, irritated and angry.
Surely she must know how willingly Naraku had sacrificed her to achieve his own ambitions. That bastard. Even Kanna- his ever favorite, loyal Kanna- was not beyond his selfishness.
Of course Kagura knew that Kanna was created from the void, that she felt nothing- physical, emotional, or otherwise- but Kagura was never able to quite comprehend such a nihilistic existence and it never stopped her from trying to instill some sort of feeling into her sister.
In the end however, it was Kagura that experienced all the emotions in Kanna's behalf. Anger, bitterness, resentment, grief, confusion- that was why these all stormed inside of her own heart as she watched Kanna sitting on the balcony railing, unmoved by even the slightest hint of an emotion.
Kanna watched as the last dwindling shadow of the night faded with the onslaught of the rising sun, her feet dangling over the side of the balcony. Below her the world fell away down a vertical cliff straight into the churning ocean.
Kagura had brought her here- a small secluded castle Naraku had sometimes used in his physical lifetime. It was once filled with his servants but now it was abandoned. Empty. Just like her.
Just because she lacked a will of her own did not mean Kanna did not have a brain. She was not stupid.
She knew that without her mirror she could not obtain the souls she needed to survive and thrive. Her existence (she couldn't call it a "life"- not really) was coming to an end, and she was well aware why. Naraku had willed it, and she, as always, had obeyed. But she did not resent him. How could she? She had no emotions- she existed only to obey, and that was what she did. And for her it was enough- had always been enough.
Soon she would die, but she didn't mind. (How could she?) After all, for her it meant only returning to the nothingness from which she came, the nothingness of which she was.
Soon... but not yet.
No. There was one last thing he required from her, and she, as always, would obey...
"Kagura," she spoke suddenly, her voice carrying in the wind to her watchful sister. Kanna had known she was there.
"What is it?" Kagura asked coming to stand beside her, apprehensive and hopeful all at once.
"Would you like to know what Naraku wishes to accomplish?"
At last! Kagura thought triumphantly. At last Kanna had broken free of Naraku- had finally come to resent him, to regret ever following him so willingly.
But of course not. Kanna could feel neither resentment nor regret. She was, as always, simply obeying his orders.
...ooo...
As morning dawned, grey light filtered through the thick canopy and into the deep ravine, stirring Kikyo from her sleep, her confused eyes opening to the sight of white silk.
Did I...?
Apprehension rose in her throat as she quickly realized what she had done and at his inevitable indignation because of it.
Ever so slowly she shifted her face up to see him...
But sometime in the night, having little else to do, he too had fallen into slumber.
As quietly as she could, she eased herself up, careful not to disturb him, and studied him- the way his head was bowed slightly forward, silver bangs falling over closed eyes, his mouth drawn in a thin frown.
He looks so serene when he's sleeping... almost... gentle...
She didn't know why, but it was a thought tinged with sadness.
How was it, she asked herself, remembering the dream from last night, that he of all people was able to reach me? To save me from my own darkness? Even as the cornerstones of my faith failed me, the mere thought of his coldness kept me from succumbing. Why?
Was she... growing to love him?
No- impossible... but she could not deny that she did hold certain feelings for him, a strange sort of reverence for his calloused nature which cared only for himself but driven by an unflappable honor and his own set of rights and wrongs unhindered by the moralities of others. He was everything she did not believe in, but at the same time, she couldn't help but admire him.
How did this happen? She wondered, distraught.
And another voice answered, it's alright. Even if you did grow to love him, he will never love you back.
And oddly enough, the thought assured her.
Yes, he was safe- he would never return her affections, and that made her happy, because the ones who loved you back were always the ones who hurt you, too. It was an experience she was all too familiar with- the villagers who exalted her also asked for her sacrifice, her little sister- her only family- cast her off when she had no one else to turn to, Onigumo killed her in his lust for her love, a love which made Naraku seek her life over and over again. Even Inuyasha who was once the source of all her happiness was now the source of all her pain, no matter how much either of them wished differently...
But Sesshomaru would never love her, and therefore he would never have the chance to hurt her...
She smiled.
At the thought, she fought the sudden urge to touch him, but she couldn't help herself, one hand reaching over to brush against one delicate heliotrope stripe.
At her caress, his eyes flew open, and she immediately withdrew, a little fearful of his sure subsequent anger.
But all he said was, "So you're awake."
"Good morning," she answered in relief.
In mutual accordance they rose to their feet to scan their now lightened environment.
It was quiet- no birds songs to herald the new day, no muffled scampering of little feet in the underbrush, no sign at all of life awakening- too quiet.
"It feels so...dead," she remarked.
"I don't like it," he agreed.
Abruptly he lifted her up, measuring the distance from where they stood back up to the forest floor and spanning it in one easy leap. They landed with a soft thud, but still nothing aroused with the disturbance.
Until...
"Hello, Kikyo, my one and only."
With shock apparent on both of their faces they whirled around to see Naraku standing beside a tree, a small smile playing on his lips as he stared hard at Kikyo.
"You didn't think I would let you go so easily, did you?" he asked in mock concern.
Sesshomaru drew Tokijen and charged at him, but his blade only buried itself into the trunk of the tree, completely passing through his target.
"Don't waste your energy attacking with useless weapons," he told him, not even bothering to divert his gaze from Kikyo as the demon lord bounded back in consternation. "This body is no more than an illusion created by the concentration of my will and thoughts. It's a magnificent place- this forest."
And Kikyo suddenly understood why she had sensed him upon entering.
"What do you want now?" she demanded sharply, but maintained her calm. So long as she was awake and in control of her thoughts and emotions, he was powerless to use them against her.
"The same thing as always." And it did not escape Sesshomaru that his tone had been devoid of any particular anger and hatred.
But Kikyo's grip on her bow tightened as she glared at him, wishing she had just one more arrow in her empty quiver to shoot at his damn heart- no matter that he was only a mirage.
Suddenly, to her surprise and Naraku's amusement, Sesshomaru launched himself at her, catching her in his arm without stopping as they sped past the trees.
He had thought Naraku would at least attempt to overtake and stop them, but he only laughed, his voice echoing all around them.
"Run all you like, dear Kikyo, but you'll never escape me. We are bound to one another- you and I- and I will have you."
Sesshomaru shot past the interlaced branches of the canopy, taking to the open air above.
She watched the forest fall away, watched it disappear as the distance flew past them. Even though she too was able to travel in the air with the help of her Soul Collectors, this rush was a new experience for her and despite all other concerns that she faced only one desire made itself clear in her mind- the wish to be able to feel it. And suddenly she envied him.
He doesn't even realize how fortunate he is, she thought with a glance at him, and inside she laughed at the irony.
Now I'm envying demons...
...ooo...
He continued in flight until whole miles were in between them and the forest before finally landing beside an overgrown field close to the path they had been following and setting her down.
She was barely on her feet again when he demanded angrily, "What did he mean he would have you?"
His anger surprised her, but she shrugged it off and replied, "Just that- he wants me."
"Why?" he persisted. "For revenge?"
"He says not. He says he still loves me," and she laughed humorlessly.
His eyes narrowed to scrutinize her face, "Do you believe him?"
And honestly she responded, "He does not seem interested in anyone else."
Anger and annoyance made him turn his back on her.
It did not take any reading of subtle signs for her to grasp his sudden distemper, but she forced her voice to remain detached as she asked him, "Will you be leaving now?" Though inside what she had really wanted to know was, 'Will you be leaving me?'
His reply came back cold as ice, "I have no reason to stay." And with that he leapt back into the air.
In silence she watched him go, commanding herself not to react one way or another, willing all her emotions down, all the way down, locking them up in her nonexistent heart.
She waited until he was out of sight before sighing wearily. That was all she would allow herself, she decided firmly- one weary sigh.
From the field where he had left her, she made her way back on to the road to pick up her journey.
It did not matter, she told herself. She had always been able to stand on her own and now was no different. How could she blame him for being angry at having wasted his time? The problem with Naraku didn't concern him. It was her problem and hers alone, and that was how she would face it- alone.
She knew it, she accepted it, but no number of assurances and no amount of willing surrender could disguise the bleakness she felt deep inside of her.
...ooo...
As the day wore on Sesshomaru continued in the sky, still very much irritated- but not, as Kikyo had suspected, for having wasted his time searching for Naraku, though he had considered it.
She's just like every other pathetic human, his mind spat hatefully. Always acting like such a righteous holy martyr and all along using me to fight her damn battles, stringing me along for her convenience.
But even as he thought it, he knew it was wrong. If all she had wanted was assistance, she could have easily gone to Inuyasha. She had not been the one to approach him, after all- rather he had accompanied her out of his own volition. And never once did she obligate him to stay, nor did she try to deny Naraku's motives...
So why was he so damn angry? he asked himself. Why did he feel so cheated?
Her voice echoed in his head.
'He says he still loves me.'
She had not said it as if it pleased her, but it was not as if she had been completely disgusted with the prospect either.
The thought infuriated him. His blood boiled and his eyes flared an angry red. If there had been anything around to kill, it surely would have been dead by now.
Breathing deeply, he tried to force himself back to his natural calm.
Why did he allow himself to get so worked up over that damn woman and her lovers anyway? She and Naraku could both rot in the hell where they belonged for all he cared. And she could take Inuyasha down with her. Who was she to command such a rise out of him?
It was the wrong question to ask, only further aggravating him, though this time it was with himself for allowing his temper to slip so easily because of one woman.
Because of her.
That's the last second I will spend on her worthless memory, he promised himself, finally able to force his outrage down.
He was on his way back to his castle when he caught sight of a familiar figure in the air.
Kagura, he thought, unable to stop a small sardonic smile from appearing. At least there was one woman who, if she did not fully understand him, then at least knew enough not to make him angry. A woman who would never question his ideals- would never make him question himself.
She saw him too, and they both landed to greet one another.
"Sesshomaru!" Kagura rushed to him as soon as her bare feet touched earth.
He sensed the desperate urgency in her voice, but he did not speak, waiting for her to explain.
"Tell me," she demanded. "Did you find her? Did you find that priestess?"
...OOO...