Wow…how long has it been….im soooooo freakin sorry guys….lyk seriously….very sorry…I hate when authors take so long to update….cant believe I did it myself…::hangs head in shame::…..ooookay im over it…who wants to read the next chappie?!!
Chapter 11
"Why that brazen hussy!" gasped Petunia Dursley as she stood gazing intently out of the window above her kitchen sink, her watery eyes focused on the neighbor's daughter spending "quality time" with her current boyfriend in the back yard.
Picking up the phone, obviously perturbed by her neighbor's teenage antics, Petunia was about to call not the mother of the girl, as one might expect, but Mrs. J. Smithe, another old gossip who lived on the other side of this particular neighbor and was undoubtedly watching the same scene as Petunia, when her concentration was rudely interrupted by the loud ringing of the door bell. Knowing that both her husband and her son were sitting in the next room, in closer proximity to the door then she, Petunia continued her dialing, hoping that one of them would answer the blasted door.
Vernon and Dudley, on the other hand, had no such intentions, as one might imagine. Not only were they completely lazy individuals who rather than get up to change the channel on the television would simply watch the same channel until some unfortunate soul walked by and switched it for the lazy slobs, let alone get up to answer the door, but they also that Petunia would not allow the incessant ringing to continue for very long before she answered it herself.
"Petunia!" roared Vernon impatiently. "Answer that damned door!"
Stopping in the doorway to glare at her husband, hands on hips no doubt, the bean-pole like Mrs. Dursley simply muttered "Well honestly" before making her way to the door, pausing quickly to lovingly smooth her son's greasy hair without him ever taking his beady eyes off of the glowing box.
The lady, if you could call her that, of the house was quite flustered by the time she reached the door, as the one at the door had seemed to think that if he simply pressed the button constantly it would make those within the house answer more quickly.
"Yes, yes, I'm coming," she muttered, pulling the door open briskly, "Really, can I…" Whatever sharp diatribe Petunia had planned on flinging at her unwanted visitor died on her lips as she gazed upon the being standing on her doorstep.
It should be noted that, for his part, Legolas managed not to laugh at the utterly pathetic look of adoration on this woman's horsey face.
'Simply keep in mind that you suffer for the sake of Harry and the prophesy,' thought Legolas as he took Petunia's hand and, emanating waterfalls of charm from every pore, pressed the bony appendage to his lips, never taking his eyes away from hers.
"You are without doubt the lovely Mrs. Dursley," said Legolas in the low throaty voice that used to drive the ladies at court absolutely mad.
Touching her hair self-consciously with the hand not in the grasp of the delicious man she saw before her, Petunia replied in what she thought was a seductive voice, but was really more of a high pitched cackle, "Why yes. Yes I am. And who might you be, young man?"
Grinning with the knowledge that his abilities to charm ladies of all persuasions had only increased over the many years, an ability he only prayed his beloved Gilithiel never discovered that he practiced and honed, Legolas grasped the other equally bony hand and brought them together at his chest, simultaneously taking several steps into the house. "Who am I, you ask? I am first and foremost an ardent admirer, dear lady. You know of course that your beauty is a thing of legend?"
Gasping several times, leaning into Legolas brazenly, "Why I of course suspected as much, but you never can tell." So excited was Petunia that the daft old bird did not notice Legolas removing his hand and quickly motioning for Ron, who had up to this point been standing out of sight outside, trying his hardest not to release loud guffaws at the sheer ridiculousness of the conversation, to enter the house as well. Confused for a moment at why Legolas would want such a thing, knowing that he would be recognized at first sight, Ron slowly realized that Legolas meant to distract the Dursley family so that he might help their friend escape. Observing that Legolas had put his arm around Petunia's pointy shoulders and steered her away from the door, Ron took the opportunity to lunge quickly up the stairs. With a last look over his shoulder to where Legolas stood below Ron shrugged, gave a small chuckle and silently wished his new chum good luck. 'You're going to need it,' thought the red haired wizard before turning to search for Harry's door.
Back downstairs, Legolas had introduced himself to the Mrs. Dursley as the drama instructor at her talented son's prestigious academy.
"Now my dear Mrs. Dursley, I believe I have very exciting news for you and your family," exclaimed Legolas with what would have been obviously mock excitement to anyone of even average intelligence. Unfortunately for Mrs. Dursley…..
Giggling to beat the proverbial schoolgirl, Mrs. Dursley said, "Please, young man, call me Petunia." Flashing the woman a suggestive smile, Legolas said in that low, smooth, musical voice, "As you wish…Petunia."
Fanning herself with one hand in a rather vain attempt to halt an intensely red blush from creeping up her neck and flooding her face from the tip of her large protruding jaw to the top of her somewhat cone shaped head, all the while allowing her wandering eyes to roam the length of his tall, lean form, Mrs. Dursely managed to spit out, "What was it you were saying about my Duddy-kins?"
Legolas had to strain quite hard not to burst out laughing as he saw the woman unabashedly scanning his perfect elven form, but managed to resume his excited tone and said, "Petunia, I have traveled this long and tedious distance to visit you and your family in order to offer your son the chance of a lifetime."
"Really?"
"Oh most certainly."
As there happened to be a commercial playing on the TV at the moment, Vernon, who had up to now been so enthralled with his television program that he had not even remotely noticed the conversation in the foyer, shifted his bulk to peer into the hallway only to find his wife speaking with a young man, who even he had to admit was a good looking fellow.
"Petunia!" bellowed Vernon once more, "Who the devil is that?"
As if suddenly remembering that she was a married woman, Petunia turned to Vernon with what could be described as an annoyed look on her face.
"Well, really Vernon, you should have more decency. This young man says that he will make our Dudders a star!"
Dudley perked up at the sound of his name and asked, "Me a star? How?"
Steering the handsome young man into the next room and nearly pushing him into a plush chair by the window, where all of her neighbor friends who might happen to walk by would see this gorgeous creature and envy her for years, Petunia took a seat by her husband (which was the only other seat in the room I should mention) and said to Legolas, "Go on, then, and tell them who you are."
"Sir, allow my to introduce myself," began Legolas, switching to the variety of charm he used with men, the kind his father had taught him in dealing with diplomatic issues, "I am Leo Greenleaf, the instructor of drama at your boy's school."
"Drama, eh?" asked Vernon, "Sounds a bit priggish, if you ask me."
"Not in the least, good sir," scoffed Legolas, trying to sound offended. "Why I ask you, would ever consider this robust son of yours priggish?"
"Good God no, man!" exclaimed Dursley.
"And was he or was he not the lead in our last hit play?"
The proud parents gasped in surprise, as they had not known their son was involved in drama, and swiveled to look at their son, whose face was a mask of utter confusion as he was not, as it so happened, involved in drama. Legolas could only pray to the Valar that Dudley was every bit as dim witted as Harry so enjoyed portraying his cousin.
"Dudley, why didn't you tell mummy that you were in a play?" asked Petunia sweetly, addressing her teenage son as one would a kindergartener.
Continuing to contort his face into the most bewildered expression his pudgy face would allow, "B-but…you mean…when was I in a play?"
Laughing enchanted as he walked to Dudley's chair and gave him what he hoped was a light hearted punch on his bulbous arm, though he couldn't help thinking of the boy's horrible behavior towards Harry and putting a bit more force into the light heartedness, Legolas said, "Now now, Dudley, no need to be modest! You are among family are you not?"
Turning back to the strange pair across the room, leaving Dudley to rub his arm vigorously, Legolas said, "You two have truly raised this boy to be a fine man. He refuses to accept the attention and adoration he deserves for his lead role. So humble and modest….it truly is an admirable quality, would you not agree Petunia?"
"Oh I most certainly would," cried Petunia, a look akin to that of a hypnotized person gleaming in her eyes, what with the combination of abounding maternal love for her son and the attention of this charming creature.
Noticing for the first time the rather strong affect this Mr. Greenleaf was having on his wife, and not liking it one iota, Vernon upon taking a good strong look at this 'man' realized that there was something off about him. He seemed…he couldn't rightly put a finger on it but…well…odd.
"What's wrong with you, anyway?" asked Vernon bluntly.
Shocked out of her idol worship by her husband's atrocious manners, Petunia swatted at Vernon's arm and hissed, "Vernon, really!!"
Waving away his wife as one would annoying gnat during a summer picnic, Vernon continued, "I'm simply asking the lad a question. Look at him for God's sake! He's…he's…shiny I guess you might say…and," disgust quickly creeping into his voice, "those ears! They're…pointed! Do you have an explanation for that?"
From the purple blotches slightly evident in Vernon's skin color, along with the knowledge that Vernon had no tolerance whatsoever for anything that fell beyond the range of what he deemed normalcy, Legolas knew that if he did not explain himself quickly, he would be found for what he truly was and perhaps loose the opportunity to take Harry.
Legolas managed another chuckle and said to Vernon, "Forgive me sir! I had forgotten that I was still in costume."
Eyeing the seemingly younger man warily, "Costume? What do you mean costume?"
"This is actually part of the reason I am even here. I am currently involved in a film project. We are making a movie about the ancient days of earth, when men could be heroes and survived solely upon their brute strength."
Grinning despite his dislike for this man, Vernon said, "Now that seems like my kind of film. None of this nonsense about love and emotions…give me a good fight any time!"
'It's almost too easy', thought Legolas.
"Then you will be happy to hear that I am offering your son Dudley one of the lead roles in this particular film."
Gasps once again filled the room as the Dursley family absorbed this information, well to be precise the gasps came only from Petunia and Vernon. Dudley was still trying to figure out when he had been in a play and who exactly this tall man is.
"I can tell you are surprised, but simply consider this," began Legolas, his eyes shining with what the parents believed to be excitement on their son's behalf but what was really mirth at the idea that their great good-for-nothing of a son could ever land a lead role in a film, "If you allow your son to take advantage of this rare opportunity he shall have cars, money," with a cheeky wink at Vernon, "women."
As those facts were produced Vernon nodded with a very manly and nauseating chuckle while Dudley gave up trying to sort things out and began to picture himself driving through the streets in a large car surrounded by throngs of beautiful women throwing money at him by the bushel.
'Harry had informed me that this family was not of the highest intelligence, but this is simply ridiculous! They accepted everything I said with nary a question. Ron, Harry and I shall without doubt escape unscathed…'
Unfortunately, just as Legolas was musing on their good fortune, a loud thud and several consecutive bangs sounded from the stairway.
Legolas audibly groaned as those in the room turned to see Harry and Ron standing on the stairs, a look of horror painted on Harry's pale features, one of extreme pain flushing Ron's freckled face as he jumped about holding his toe, which was obviously crushed when the trunk fell out of their grasps and down the stairs.
Glancing at Vernon only to see him visibly shaking as he realized what had been happening, Legolas thought to himself, 'Perhaps unscathed was too strong a word…'
++++++++
Yeah I know, it suxs ( I might even redo it) , but it was fun to write!! Expect more intense stuff next chappie and you might even spy some elf but kicking action!! Please review!!!
Review reply thingis….
Alida-fruit- wow…I didn't even kno I had loyal lurker readers (he he he I luv that!) let alone ppl lyk u who write such amazing fics!!!!! Im totally flattered that u you've been reading my lil junky fic…sorry about that lil mishap, he he he…..Glad u liked the relationship btwn Ron and Lego…I think they're a funny combination so you'll probably be seeing more of it….MWAHAHA!!!! I luv cliffies!!!! I luved ur fic!!!! It was awesome!!! Have u written anymore recently? Thanx for the review!
Animegirl123- Thankx!!!
Twilight- Mwahaha…the power of the cliffy….I luv it…first of all, I wish I could give u a really detailed response, but someone got kinda mad at me for my long responses, so I'm gonna try to keep it short….not at all offended by ur comments, I think u did it in a very tasteful and helpful manner, thankx very much! I called Lego prince because…well…I lyk that better…no real reason…plus itz not that big of a part, at least I don't think so…sorry if u think Legolas seems kinda "off" but im doing him in the Hobbit style…if you've ever read it, you certainly noticed that the elves were much more happy and carefree, but I think ive showed that legolas can be intimidating when he wants (ex: the snape chapter)…thankx for the review!!! Once again, I really appreciated that you took ur time to explain everything!…he he he ok so it wasn't that short after all….
Saki- yeah…I kinda wish they hadn't erased that version….I had over a hundred reviews…::sob:: he he he it seems every1 is excited about the dursely/elf confrontation….this fic is so confrontational….first snape/legolas, then umbridge/legolas….now this….he he he me likey confrontation. Thanx for ur review
Lady Foxfire- yes and yes…..I think…
Laure- mwahaha!!!!!!! I luv it….I absolutely luv it!!!! Dude…u rock!!!
Tinnuial- he he he sorry to keep u waiting….hope it was worth the wait!!! Thanx for the review
Kim Sanders- Yay!! Thankx…so complimentary….I luv stories that concern man/elf confrontations too…so I figured I would write one he he he….thankx!!
Empress of Alvarra- ::sob:: has anyone ever told u that u have a natural ability to make an author's day? I can't believe I was the first to dedicate a chappie to you….he he he I luv ur reviews!!! They make me happy J Thankx for the comment about short chapters, I really needed that…Thankx again!!!
LOTRwolf- he he he thankx for the comment about it being well-written…thatz my weakness, he he he! Kewl…ill totally look u up on AIM sometime…mines is insnesqlhehehe….Thankx for reviewing again!!!
Crystal Snowflakes- I freakin luv the reactions im getting from this chappie!!!! He he he itz great!!!!
HalandLeg4ever- were u really on the edge of ur seat? Thatz so kewl….::sigh:: yes everyone has their stories of comp problems don't they….oh well….thankx again….
Bitten by the kitten- thankx for the review….he he he…I freakin luv ur name!!!!
Tap dancing widow- lemme see…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 reviews!!!!! Yay reviews!!!! No worries no worries….I didn't even closely consider any of ur reviews as flames….thankx for being so kewl….
Ryuu-Youkai- What? You thought that ending was cliffy *grins evily* he he he….now why would you think something lyk that…..thankx for the review
Bunny-luver- he he he no worries im not planning on stopping….im just rather slow and lazy…he he he damn college students….thankx for the review
Flameseeker- yeah…im kinda an idiot when it comes to elvish and honestly, I dunt really make an effort to know…::hangs head in shame::….but thankx for the info….::ahem:: yesss….gimli…his is a sad story. Apparently he had a fatal run in with some tainted shaving cream…the person who sent it to him was never found….::throws shaving cream can out of window while whistling innocently::
Guardian angel of wolves- glad u lyk so far…hope u continue to do so….thankx for the review…
Rankokun- eek yeah I know my chappies are kinda short….ill really try to fix that….thankx for the review!!