Still spoiling me and I'm still loving it! Shep's still a bit grouchy, but he'll get over it eventually. This one is a bit short, but the next chapter should make up for it.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 4

Sheppard was furious, the feeling of betrayal burning through his gut like a wildfire. He was so angry, he went past the transporter before he realized it. He certainly wasn't going back. So he walked all the way to the balcony over the southwest pier. Since he walked the whole way, it took almost an hour to get there. He might have worried about Beckett being mad at him for walking that far if he hadn't been so angry with the man. They had lied to him. He had asked Beckett point blank on several occasions if he was okay, and Beckett had assured him he was fine. How could they look him in the eye and lie? How could he ever trust them again?

He stood at the railing with his eyes closed, allowing the cool breeze to wash over him, willing it to carry away some of the heat of his fury. He concentrated on slowing his breathing and calming himself. He had to figure out how he was going to handle this. He wasn't sure how long he stood there, his mind a blank. He eventually realized that he was incredibly tired and his legs felt like jello. He made his way back to the wall and slid down it. He bent his legs and rested his arms on his knees and his head on his arms. He pictured Atlantis. He focused on her image in his head and the thought that he really needed to talk to her. He ached inside, but he didn't think it had anything to do being tired or sick.

"John?"

He looked up to see her standing in front of him. He smiled. She, at least, had been telling the truth. She had been listening. He pulled himself to his feet. "You came."

Atlantis smiled at him, her crystal blue eyes so light that he thought he could almost see through them. "Of course. I told you I would listen and be here when you needed me."

John walked over to the railing and leaned heavily against it, his head hanging low. "Yeah, well, not everyone tells the truth...even when they are supposed to be your friends."

Atlantis walked up beside him and laid her hand on his. She stood like that for several moments, reading his thoughts and emotions, before she pulled her hand back. "John...you know in your heart they did not intend to hurt you."

"Just because they didn't intend to hurt me doesn't mean they didn't. How could they lie to me like that?"

"I do not know them as you do. I am only connected to you, so I can only judge them by what is in your heart and your mind. I see that they have been good friends...that they have cared for you when you were sick and injured. I can tell that you have respect for them and that you care for them also. You are angry right now...and possibly with good reason. When I look at them through your eyes, though, I see friends that would make decisions based on what they thought was best for you."

Sheppard didn't say anything. Not exactly the show of support he had expected. He stood thinking of what she had said, fighting the increasing feeling that she was right.

"You are also worried. You are worried about what the doctor said about abnormal...brain waves." He was touched by the honest look of concern in her face.

"Well, yeah. Who wouldn't be? I'm not sure what they mean. Am I going to go back to being a child again?" He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of driving everyone crazy as a six-year old again. "What about memory loss or seizures or all the other equally fun stuff that's probably possible?" A look of absolute horror crossed his face. "Oh my gosh...what if Beckett grounds me permanently? I can't...I can't not fly." Sheppard started pacing nervously around the balcony, running his hand through his already unruly hair. "What am I gonna do?"

Atlantis looked at him almost like a parent looks at a child panicking over a trip to the doctor. "First you need to calm down. You must learn to control your emotions. I would be happy to make sure you are okay. I think I can explain what is happening."

Sheppard stopped and stared at her, the uncertainty written across his face. "How...how can you do that?"

Atlantis continued to smile. "You have so much to learn."

Sheppard relaxed a little and his expression softened. "Huh...I guess I do."

"Do you trust me, John Sheppard?"

He nodded. "Yes, I do." And he did. He wasn't sure why or if it was wise, but he trusted her completely.

She moved forward until she stood right in front of him. "Close your eyes and clear your mind of everything." As he closed his eyes, he could feel her put her hands on the sides of his head, her palms on his temples and her thumbs resting lightly across his closed eyes. He focused on clearing all thoughts from his head. In a minute, he felt like he was floating in a sea of darkness. But he wasn't afraid. He felt relaxed and calm, as if everything was okay. There was no pain or worry, only peace as he drifted. Eventually he was aware of Atlantis talking to him again.

"John? Can you hear me?"

"Yeah...this is kind of cool..."

"I have your answer. The anomalies in your brain waves that Dr. Beckett spoke of are there because of your connection with Atlantis. They are not signs of problems,only of the relationship you are developing with the city. You should allow him to conduct the...EEG that he wants. It will show the anomalies getting stronger. They will continue to grow as our bond grows. It is merely a change. There will be many changes as you develop your knowlege and skills as the key to Atlantis. If you could run an EEG on an Ancient, you would find these waves very well developed...as they will some day be in you."

"I told you...I'm not an Ancient."

"You are more like the Ancients than you know. You have not had the opportunity or the knowledge to develop your potential. I can give you that chance. But it will not come without risks or changes...and you must be ready to accept this."

"I think I understand. Thank you for helping me."

"We will continue later. Now you must rest and prepare for the journey. It will be a difficult one."

John opened his eyes to discover that he was lying on his side, his head in someone's lap. He went to sit up, noting that he was still on the balcony. A hand at his shoulder tried to keep him from sitting up, but he pulled away and sat up anyway, rubbing his head against the familiar headache. He leaned back against the wall as his eyes focused on Elizabeth Weir, sitting next to him.

"Hey...what are you doing here?" he asked, looking around and observing with relief that they were alone. Elizabeth did not look happy with him. "Look...I'm sorry I got mad and ran out like that. I just felt..."

"Betrayed?" asked Elizabeth. Sheppard looked at her, but didn't answer. He remembered what Atlantis had said about them having his best interest at heart and not wanting to hurt him. But the fact remained that they had intentionally lied to him about something important and he did feel betrayed. He just looked down, not wanting to agree with her but refusing to lie.

"I'm sorry, John. You were right of course. We should have told you. I was just afraid after all that you'd been through...I didn't want you to worry about it and Carson thought maybe it was a remnant that would go away on its own and...I made a really bad decision. I swear...I wasn't trying to hurt you."

Sheppard looked at her, searching her eyes. He knew she meant every word she had said. "Elizabeth...I know you didn't intend to hurt me, but you did. The fact is that you didn't trust me...you didn't trust me to be able to handle the news. I'm not some fragile...child. I need to know what's going on, even when it's not good."

"I know. This will never happen again...I promise."

Sheppard leaned his head back against the wall, closing his eyes and sighing heavily.

"John, are you okay?"

"Yeah...just tired. I guess Beckett will kill me for going this far away."

"John...I should probably tell you..."

His head came up suddenly and his eyes snapped open. "Oh no! You didn't call him. Please tell me you didn't call him."

Elizabeth's face flushed. "You were unconscious and unresponsive...I couldn't get you to wake up. Of course I called Beckett."

"Oh crap! Call him back. Tell him not to come. Tell him I'm fine." Sheppard began trying to get up with Elizabeth pulling him back down.

"You can't run again. You'll just make it worse. He's almost here by now."

To emphasize her point, Beckett and a medical team came through the balcony doors. Sheppard sat back down, realizing there was no escape. He looked up angrily at Beckett. "Come to add injury to insult?"

Beckett cringed. "Elizabeth called. She said you were unconscious...we got here as soon as we could."

"Yeah, well thanks but no thanks. I'm fine. I wasn't unconscious. I was talking to Atlantis and you're welcome to think whatever you want about that. By the way, Atlantis took up for you...just in case you're interested. I came out here to be alone...but I guess I'm not allowed to do that, either. It looks like I'm not to be trusted or left alone. I really do need a warden."

"John, calm down. Remember what we talked about." He had rekindled his anger to the point that he didn't realize the voice was that of Atlantis whispering in his head.

"I AM calm. Just leave me alone." Sheppard got up and walked over to the railing, looking out over the ocean.

Beckett and Weir exchanged looks. Elizabeth got up and followed him, standing by his side. "We're just worried about you. Let Carson get you back to one hundred percent and then you can go sulk on faraway balconies by yourself all you want. Until then, we have an obligation to do everything we need to do to get your health back to normal. Please, John...just let Carson check you out."

Sheppard looked as though he had calmed down some. "I'm not staying in the infirmary tonight. He checks me and I'm gone." He looked back at Beckett.

"Lad, what if I find something wrong? I can't release you if you're sick or injured."

"I'm not sick or injured. You give me a check and let me go. I'll come back tomorrow for that EEG. I can even tell you what it will show. The irregularities will be more pronounced and they will continue to get more pronounced as I work with Atlantis to use the technology. She said it is a result of bonding with the city and it just represents change."

Beckett looked as though he was processing the information. "Aye...as long as I don't find anythin' major wrong with ya, I'll release you to your quarters. But you must come back tomorrow for the EEG."

"And I am NOT riding on that gurney. I'm walking."

"Okay, lad. But we'll be right behind ya if you feel weak. And, Major...I'm sorry for withholding information from you. I had no right to keep it from ya."

Sheppard's expression softened somewhat, but he wasn't ready to offer absolution just yet. He nodded slightly at Beckett as he walked through the door and headed for the infirmary. He silently thanked Atlantis in his head and thought he heard some whispers in return.

Beckett silently checked Sheppard over after returning to the infirmary. He didn't really want to let the Major go. His temperature was up slightly, while his blood pressure was a little low. Sheppard assured him that a good night's sleep would do wonders and reminded him that he would be back tomorrow for the EEG. Beckett finally let him go, still feeling guilty for having lied to the Major. Sheppard didn't tell Beckett that his headache was back or how exhausted he felt. He was beginning to understand that they were just part of the process and he knew that he could deal with them. He just made his way back to his quarters and crawled into bed. He was asleep within minutes.

TBC