Chapter 8 - The Mind of Atlantis

Later that afternoon, Sheppard opened his eyes slowly, giving himself time to adjust to the light in the room. He could hear the normal sounds of the daytime bustle of the infirmary. They had put up privacy curtains on either side of his bed, and for that he was grateful. He needed to be away from prying and curious eyes. He shifted postitions slightly, making him aware of the various tubes and monitors attached to his body. There was one tube in particular he was anxious to get rid of, but he knew it wasn't going to happen today. No way on earth could he get out of bed, much less walk anywhere. No...he was stuck for a while. His mind drifted to Atlantis and he wished she was there for him to talk to. He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple with his right hand, the remnants of a headache still lingering.

"John?" He looked up to see Atlantis standing beside his bed. "How are you?'

"Good." She reached out and touched his hand, sparking a tingling feeling across his skin.

"Wow. Wha's sat?" Atlantis frowned at his slurred words.

"Oh, John. I am so sorry. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. It's my fault. I was in too big a hurry and I did not take the proper precautions."

John smiled at her and tried to reach over to put his left hand on hers, only to discover he didn't quite have the strength to make it. He looked angry for a second, but then it passed as he looked back up at Atlantis. "Not...you ...fault. Juss...happen."

Atlantis looked really distressed now. "No, you don't understand. I should have had the machine scan you and then recalibrate. I didn't. Instead, I just set it how I thought it should be set. I have since gone back and examined the chair settings and your records in the database. I know what happened and I have fixed it. But...if you do not want to continue your training, I understand."

Sheppard shook his head. "Not...quit...you fixed?"

"Yes...but we will recalibrate with you there...just to be sure. I will not let this happen again. I was so anxious to have you trained...I was careless. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Nothin...to...frgive." Sheppard wanted to say more, but he was having enough trouble with keeping it short and sweet. He figured he could always elaborate later. Of all the effects the stroke had had, the speech problems had bothered him the most. But that was probably because he hadn't really tried to move around very much. That would sink in later.

"Thank you, John," she said softly.

He heard the sound of someone coming and glanced away from Atlantis to see who it was. Beckett approached his bed, smiling. "Good afternoon, Major. How do you feel?"

Sheppard looked back to his right, but Atlantis was gone. He sighed and turned back to Beckett, who was trying to figure out what he was looking for. "Kay." Sheppard realized for the first time that he had just been talking to Atlantis without going to sleep or into some kind of trance. He had been totally conscious. And he felt no different than before she had come. He still had a small headache and still felt somewhat drained, but no more so than before she had appeared. He had a feeling he had crossed some threshhold in their communication abilities.

"Major?" Sheppard looked up at Beckett.

"Sorry...thinkin'." Beckett couldn't figure out why Sheppard was grinning from ear to ear, but he was certainly glad to see his patient in good spirits.

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Sheppard leaned back against the pillows and moved his legs around restlessly under the covers. It had been over a week since the "chair incident", as it was now known. He was finally free from all wires, tubes, and monitors and it hadn't come soon enough to suit him. He was feeling good and he wanted out. He brought his left hand up and made a fist, alternately clenching and unclenching it. He was very aware of the lingering weakness in his left side, but, it was getting better day by day. Beckett had one of the nurses working with him doing exercises twice a day, attempting to build the strength back up in his left arm and leg. He was becoming confident that he would actually make a full recovery - at least someday.

He brought his attention back to Beckett's office door. Beckett, Elizabeth, and McKay had been in there behind closed doors (well, actually it was only one door) for quite a while. He figured he knew what they were talking about and he was more than a little upset that he had been summarily excluded. He was perfectly capable of walking to Beckett's office and Beckett knew it. The doctor had him taking small walks a couple of times a day as part of his physical therapy. That meant that the only reason for him not being in that room was that they didn't want him there. They were purposely leaving him out of the loop and no matter how hard he tried not to think about it, that hurt both his feelings and his pride.

The door opened and he laced his fingers together as he placed his hands behind his head and watched the trio emerge from the office. They continued talking a minute before McKay and Weir walked out of the infirmary. Beckett paused a second and glanced over at Sheppard, noticing that he had been watching them. Beckett hesitated for a moment before walking over to Sheppard's bed.

"Hey, Doc. You guys enjoy your meeting?" Sheppard was never so glad to have his speech back as right this minute.

Beckett didn't say anything for several minutes as he checked Sheppard's blood pressure, pulse, and temperature. When he had noted the results on the Major's chart, he stood looking sheepishly at Sheppard. "We were just clearing some things up."

"Really? About what? I guess it wasn't too important since I wasn't invited."

"Major...you're on medical leave right now."

Sheppard crossed his arms. "I'm still the top ranking military officer on this base and, as such, I should be kept in the loop. And that includes when you are talking about me. What did you tell them? Or is that a secret too?"

Beckett sighed loudly. "I suppose I had that comin'." He pulled the chair closer to the bed and sat down. "They were worried about you and I was updatin' them on your condition. I assured them that everythin's almost back to normal - blood pressure and temperature are finally looking good. You said your headache's been better the last couple of days."

"And what else?"

"We talked about the fact that you would probably want to give that chair another try...and that we didn't think that was a good idea."

"Was that it?"

"Pretty much. Elizabeth asked when you might get released from the infirmary."

Sheppard perked up at this. "As it so happens, that was on my list of questions to ask as well. What did you tell her?"

Beckett smiled. "I was thinkin' tomorrow after breakfast, as long as nothin' goes wrong between now and then."

Sheppard smiled broadly. "Really? Tomorrow?"

"Aye. Of course there will be," Sheppard joined him to finish the sentence. "..conditions."

Beckett nodded. "Glad you understand, Major. You'll need to check with me twice a day for a day or two. I need to make sure you're holding up okay. We'll cut it down as I see how it goes. You'll need to get lots of rest and I expect you to continue with your exercises for a while."

Sheppard nodded. "I can do all that. How long before you release me to duty?"

"One thing at a time, Major. One thing at a time." Beckett got up and turned to leave.

"Doc?" Beckett turned back to Sheppard, who had an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. "Doc...thanks. Thanks for taking care of me and making sure I'm...okay."

Beckett felt his heart move about ten steps up into his throat as he was reminded of why he had wanted to be a doctor in the first place. This was what made the rest of the turmoil and heartache worth it - when you had truly helped someone and they really appreciated it.

"Any time, Major." He turned and walked back to his office, aware that he was wearing a big, goofy grin.

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Sheppard nodded at the group of scientists that passed him in the corridor. He had been out of the infirmary for a week and had just embarked on his daily afternoon walk. He had followed a pretty strict routine the past week and it was getting monotonous. He was used to a little more spontaneity in his life and the lack of it was wearing him down.

"Major? Where are you headed?" He looked up to find Elizabeth falling into stride beside him.

"Just walking. Beckett won't let me run yet, but he said walking was good for me. I usually head toward the southwest pier for my afternoon jaunt."

"You don't walk the whole way do you? That's pretty far away." Elizabeth frowned in concern, which only annoyed Sheppard.

"I walk all the way there. I was taking a couple of transporters back, but now I'm up to walking part way back and just taking one transporter the rest of the way. I hope to work up to walking all the way back by next week."

"Does Carson know how far you're walking?" She knew it would irritate him for her to ask that, but she was having a hard time hiding her concern.

Sheppard sighed loudly so that Elizabeth could hear his frustration. "I asked him if I could go back to running. He said no, but I could walk. He didn't ask where I was walking to or how far away it was. I won't break, Elizabeth. I've been walking this route all week and I'm fine."

"I know...I worry too much. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I just get tired of everyone asking me if I'm okay or if I'm eating or how I feel. I don't like being mothered and it seems like everyone has taken that on as their personal project. I can't wait to get back to normal."

They walked in awkward silence for a few moments before Elizabeth asked, "Mind if I join you for your walk?"

Sheppard smiled. "If you don't mind walking so far."

"I don't mind."

"Good," he said lightly. "To tell you truth, I think I'd like the company."

"And I promise not to mother or nag." Elizabeth grinned, glad the awkwardness of a moment ago had passed.

"In that case, you are definitely welcome to come."

They walked for 45 minutes, sometimes in a comfortable silence, sometimes talking about the workings of the city. When they reached the balcony over the southwest pier, they leaned against the railing, looking out across the water as they rested.

"It really is beautiful here. I see why you like it so much. I was just wondering...have you talked to Atlantis since...the training session?"

"Actually, yes. Several times." He continued to look out at the ocean, avoiding her eye contact as she turned to him.

"Does..." she stopped, realizing her next question would probably start a fight.

Sheppard had anticipated the question, though. Now he turned to face her, his expression suprisingly relaxed. "No, Beckett doesn't know. He doesn't have to know. It's different now...I talk to her when I'm awake. It doesn't cause any physical symptoms, Elizabeth. No headache. No tiredness. Nothing more than standing here talking to you."

"I'm glad to hear that. Do you have any idea what caused the change?"

"The training session. She said it..." He squinted his eyes and frowned, as if deep in thought. "...it laid down the proper...neural pathways...or something like that. Anyway, it enabled me to communicate with her without hurting me."

"Have you...have you asked her what went wrong?"

"Yes, we've discussed it. She knows what happened and has fixed the problem. She's even got a sort of back-up system to make sure it doesn't happen again. Of course, I'll have to complete the exercises on the training consoles before I can download the next session and I can't do any of that until Beckett clears me." He noticed the way she was looking at him and he knew what it meant. "You don't want me to continue, do you?"

"I can't believe you even have to ask. No, I don't think you should continue. John, it almost killed you. You had a stroke. You could very easily have been..."

"Crippled...disabled...a vegetable...go ahead and say it Elizabeth. And you're right, I could have been...but I'm not. I'm okay...thanks to Beckett. And I'm going to continue to be okay. We'll just be a little more careful next time."

Elizabeth squinted her eyes at him in a way that let him know she was about to tell him no. "Look...obviously I'm not ready to do any of this yet. Promise me you'll at least think about it. I can't explain it, Elizabeth, but this is something that I have to do. I think this is about more than just me. Please...at least think about it." His eyes pleaded with her in a way she always found hard to resist. She was pretty sure he knew it, too.

"I will think about it...but no promises."

He smiled broadly, having won the first skirmish. "Thanks. Hey, it's close to dinner time. How about we head back and get something to eat."

She nodded. "I'm game. Either my stomach is growling or I've swallowed a small dog."

Sheppard looked at her stomach. "That would be a VERY small dog."

She slapped him on the arm. "Oh, you! Let's get back before they send out a search party."

They stepped out of a transporter barely thirty minutes later, having only walked part of the way back. Elizabeth had encouraged not walking the whole distance because she noticed that Sheppard's limp was coming back, a sure sign that he was tiring. He'd worked hard and improved much over the last two weeks, but there were still some telltale reminders of his recent stroke. One was the limp that tended to reappear at night, when he was tired from the day's activities. She occasionally noticed some weakness in his left hand, as well. After they had filled their trays and taken a seat at a table, he had almost dropped the drink he had been carrying in his left hand. She had noticed his hand trembling under the weight of the full glass as they searched for an empty table. Once they found one, he barely made contact with the table when his hand gave way completely. He had managed to keep from spilling very much, but he knew she had seen and he was obviously troubled by it.

Elizabeth tried to lighten the mood. "Guess it's time to feed that hungry dog. How about you, are you hungry?"

"Yeah, I'm hungry I guess." He had carefully tucked his left hand in his lap and was eating with his right hand.

"It's going to take a while, you know. And you're making good progress."

"I know," he said sheepishly. "It's just...hard sometimes. I'm not used to being...weak...and I don't like it much."

"You're not weak, you're recovering. There's a difference you know."

"Guess I never thought of it like that."

"So...are you going to eat?"

"Yes...actually...I'm quite starved. I think I need to feed my dog, too." He reached over with his right hand and placed it on hers. "Thanks."

They both smiled. "Just don't scare me like that again, okay?" She turned her hand over in his and gripped it.

"Okay." They released their grip and continued eating, comfortable with each other's presence.

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The next morning, Sheppard was still looking for ways to change up his routine so he didn't die of boredom. He swung by the workout room on the off chance of catching Teyla and was rewarded with seeing her practicing her forms. He watched for several minutes before she saw him standing in the doorway. He never failed to be impressed by her strength or grace. It was almost magical to watch her work.

"Major. I did not see you standing there. Is there something I can do for you?" She picked up her towel and wiped it across her face.

"Yes, actually there is. How about a practice session?"

She hesitated a moment, trying to read his face. "Has Dr. Beckett cleared you for such activity?"

"He said I could exercise. The only thing I can't do is run." She still looked uncertain. "Teyla, you've got to help me out here. I'm dying of boredom. Please."

"All right, Major. A short session. And you must let me know if you become distressed in any way."

Sheppard almost leaped with joy. "You bet. I'll let you know if I get too tired. Thanks, Teyla. I owe you one."

Teyla nodded. "If you get me in trouble with Dr. Beckett, you will regret it Major." She took a drink of water and picked up her sticks. By the time she returned to the mat, Sheppard was there waiting on her.

They went a quick round, matching each other blow for blow. It finally ended in a draw and they each withdrew, returning to their start position. Sheppard eyed her while twirling a stick in his right hand. "You're going easy on me, Teyla. Stop it. I can't learn if you don't challenge me."

"I was simply taking your recent illness into account, Major. I knew you would be somewhat unpracticed."

"Yeah, well, I still don't want you going easy on me."

Teyla raised one eyebrow. "As you wish, Major."

The next round was much faster, with Teyla knocking Sheppard to the mat within a minute. He picked himself up off the mat smiling. "Now that's more like it."

Teyla looked confused. "I do not understand. You want me to defeat you?"

Sheppard and Teyla were circling each other now, Sheppard twirling his stick. "It's not that I want you to beat me. I just want you to be honest in your attack. I want you to try your best to beat me, not back off and let me win. I don't learn anything from that."

Teyla nodded her understanding. "Then it is my best you shall have." She moved in for the attack. Sheppard was able to fend it off for several minutes this time, but in the end she smacked him on the back of his knees, sending him down to the mat. She walked over and stood beside him, looking down and smiling. "Was that better, Major?"

"Oh, yeah...much. I seem to spend a lot of time down here." He took her hand as she helped him back to his feet. "I'm going to get you one day...it's just not looking like it's going to be today." They were circling each other again. Sheppard was having a little trouble gripping the stick in his left hand, so he concentrated on holding it more tightly. Teyla attacked. The second time their sticks met, he completely lost his grip and the stick flew out of his hand. Teyla's momentum carried her forward and she smacked him hard on the left hand. He winced as he moved out of the way, dodging the rest of the attack.

"Major...I'm sorry. Are you all right?" Teyla seemed horrified that she had hit him so hard.

"I'm fine. It's not like that's the first time you've ever hit me with the sticks." He picked up the stick he had dropped, watching his hand as he tightened and loosened his grip on the stick. After a few seconds, he looked back up at her. "I"m ready...Let's go again."

Teyla looked uncertain, but she finally nodded and went back to her ready position. They exchanged blows and blocks for several seconds before Sheppard once again felt the strength flow from his left hand the dropped the stick he had been holding. He tried to lean to the left to avoid the oncoming hit, but his leg gave way and he went down on one knee just as Teyla smacked him across the shoulders. He went down on his left side onto the mat. Teyla immediately dropped her sticks and ran to kneel by his side.

"Major? Are you all right?"

"Teyla, I'm fine. The only thing hurt here is my pride," he said, sounding annoyed as he rolled over onto his back.

"Should I not call Dr. Beckett?"

"Gosh, no. Why on earth would you do that? This is humiliating enough without an audience. I told you, I'm fine."

"Why is this humiliating? I have been fighting like this much longer than you. Should I not be able to beat you?"

"I didn't mean that part. I meant me practically falling down in the middle of sparring. And then there's the whole can't hang onto my stick for the life of me thing."

Teyla peered down at him. "I think you have tried to do too much. You must give yourself time to heal. You are slow because you have been unable to practice for some time. You should practice forms and movement and we can spar later. You have had enough for today, but you may join me tomorrow if you wish."

Sheppard smiled. "I wish. Same time?"

"Yes, the same time. Are you sure you are uninjured?"

"I'm sure. Fortunately you hit like a girl."

Teyla raised her eyebrows as her eyes flashed. "What did you say?"

"Oops!"

TBC