The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 10

Sheppard opened his eyes to find himself looking at the ceiling of the infirmary. How in the... He rubbed his eyes and looked around to confirm his first interpretation of his location. Sure enough, the sights and sounds of the early morning hours in the infirmary confirmed his analysis. He looked at his hands. No IV. That was good. He sat up and discovered he was lying fully dressed on a bed. No hospital gown or scrubs. Another good sign. He glanced down at the floor to find his shoes neatly sitting beside the base of the bed. He pulled the blanket back and swung his legs over the side of the bed.

"So, sleeping beauty has awakened."

Sheppard looked up to find Nick Strauhan grinning at him. "Morning, Doc...hey...I seem to be a little fuzzy...Why am I here?"

Nick sat on the bed across from him and frowned slightly. "You don't remember?"

Sheppard scrubbed his face with his hand, trying to rid himself of the fog his mind seemed to be trapped in. "I think I remember coming in for a check and talking to Beckett...Did he have date?"

Nick smiled. "Yes, I believe he did. You were already asleep when I got here. Carson said you were to rest for an hour, but if you woke up after that, you could go back to your quarters."

Sheppard nodded as the conversation with Beckett began to slowly come back to him. Suddenly he looked up. "He sandbagged me, didn't he?"

"No...no, he didn't. He only gave you a mild painkiller. You were just so tired that it hit you kind of hard. Carson didn't purposely knock you out, but he had a good idea that's what the final outcome might be."

Sheppard sat silently for a minute. "Well...I guess that's okay. At least he didn't stick me in a gown or shove an IV in me."

Nick chuckled. "Don't think you weren't pretty close to that, though. He was a little annoyed with you."

It was Sheppard's turn to grin. "Isn't he always? I can go, right?"

"In a minute. I need to give you a quick check and Carson left some instructions. You are not to run or go on any long walks today. He wants you to rest today and then you can go back to your schedule tomorrow. He said if you still want to start running, come by later and check with him."

Nick slid off the bed and walked over to Sheppard. He then took the Major's pulse, blood pressure, and temperature, as well as checking his eyes with the dreaded penlight. He walked over to a shelf and returned a few seconds later with a small basket. "Need some blood, Major."

Sheppard sighed, obviously not happy with the impending needle prick. "You know, it's a wonder I have any left. What do you guys do with all that blood?"

"Dr. Beckett said he hasn't run your bloodwork in a while and with all that's going on, he thought it'd be a good idea." Sheppard watched as he tied the rubber tubing around his upper arm and then slid the needle onto a vein. He was thankful that Nick hit a vein the first time and didn't have to "search" for one. He was not a big fan of multiple needle sticks, either as an adult or as a child.

Nick finished up and bent Sheppard's arm around the cotton ball he had placed over the small hole. He handed the basket to Kelly, who had come to retrieve it and take it to the lab. Nick turned back to Sheppard, who was taking a finishing swipe at the needle mark in his arm. "How are you really holding up? This has been quite a wild ride for you.."

"I'm good." Nick didn't miss the fact that Sheppard didn't make eye contact.

"Major?"

Sheppard finally looked up at the doctor and Nick couldn't help but think there a look of sadness in his eyes. "I'm okay...I'm just frustrated. I know what I need to do and no one will let me. I can't make anyone understand how important this is. And..." He shook his head.

"What?" Sheppard just continued to stare at the floor. "Major...anything you tell me is in confidence if it needs to be."

"I don't know how to explain it. I'm starting to feel different...and we haven't even progressed very far. I guess...I guess I'm a little afraid...afraid of what I might become. I'm a little afraid of losing myself in all of this." He smiled as he looked up at Nick, but it was a smile devoid of humor. "Kind of silly, huh?"

"I don't think it's silly at all. If you go through with this, it probably will change you. But I suspect you will still be John Sheppard. And I suspect you'll still be giving Carson fits as you completely ignore all his instructions."

Sheppard snorted. "I don't completely ignore his instructions...just the ones I don't happen to agree with." Sheppard and Strauhan exchanged a smile. "So...am I good to go?"

"Yeah, you can go. Remember...get some rest." Sheppard gave him a mock salute as he limped out of the infirmary. Nick noted the limp was not nearly as pronounced as Carson had described it being the night before. He added the notation to Sheppard's chart. The twelve hours or so of sleep had apparently done Sheppard some good.

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Sheppard returned to his quarters, stripped, and took a quick shower. He tried to read a little of War and Peace, but ended up dozing off, in spite of the sleep he had gotten the night before. Soon, he found himself in the halls of Atlantis, but as it was 10,000 years ago. People nodded to him as he passed and he nodded back, sometimes speaking. He was surprised to find that he knew them. He entered living quarters to find a woman sitting on furniture that resembed a couch, holding a baby of about six months. She rose to meet him, her smile radiating the love that she felt.

"Marchaeus, you are home. Your son has missed you. I have missed you." He slid his arm around the woman's waist and kissed her, a deep sense of love for both the woman and the child radiating through him, almost taking his breath away. He pulled away from the woman and kissed the child on the forehead.

"And how is my little Raefkin? Have you been a good boy for your mother?" He took the child from his mother and took in her beauty, drinking her in with his eyes. "I think she's particularly beautiful today, don't you?"

"Oh, you! You always say the nicest things. You spoil me, Marchaeus. And I that's one reason why I love you so much." She walked over and leaned in close to him. He could fell her soft skin against his arm as he took in the scent of her hair. He could not imagine life without either of them and his love for them filled him completely.

"I love you, Illiana. You and Raefkin are my reason for living. Tell me that we will never be separated." His face was so close to hers that he could feel her breath touch his face and it sent shivers down his spine, the emotion so strong and encompassing.

"Major?" Sheppard sat up suddenly, jerking awake to the sound of the voice. Disoriented, he looked around to find himself in his own quarters, the woman and the baby gone. For a brief instant, a great emptiness filled him and he grieved their loss, not really sure of who he was or where he was. He felt his heart rate and breathing increase in response to the rising sense of panic that seemed to be engulfing him.

"Major, are you okay?" He looked around to see McKay standing beside his bed, his expression a mixture of concern and uncertainty.

"McKay...what are you doing here?" Sheppard wiped a trembling hand across his sweaty brow. McKay watched him carefully.

"You missed lunch. I brought us both a tray...thought I'd give you some company for lunch. Beckett said you were supposed to be resting."

Sheppard got shakily to his feet. "I was Rodney. I was." He pushed past McKay and into the bathroom. He lingered for several minutes after finishing his business, splashing water in his face. When he emerged, he thought McKay would be gone, but he wasn't. He was sitting at the small table, two trays of food before him. "You still here?"

"Yes, I'm still here. That must have been some dream you were having."

"You ever think about knocking?" asked Sheppard as he sat across from McKay and pulled one of the trays closer.

McKay rolled his eyes dramatically. "Hello! I knocked for ten minutes. Have you ever tried to knock on a door while holding two trays of food? Not an easy task, but I somehow managed...you're welcome, by the way. When you refused to answer, I got worried and it wasn't locked so I just opened it. Are you going to eat that fruit cup looking stuff?"

Sheppard sat staring at McKay with his fork in his hand, trying to keep up with the lightning speed of the one way conversation. He looked down at the dish McKay was asking about. "Uh, yeah...I was planning to."

McKay continued, unabashed. "Okay, anyway, I get in here and you're rolling around on the bed talking in Ancient. Who the heck is Illiana?" McKay looked up at Sheppard, noticing the man seemed suddenly pale. "Major? I'm calling Carson."

"No...I'm okay...it was just a really strange dream." Sheppard got up and paced around the small room, running a shaky hand through his hair. "That was just the most...real dream I've ever had. It was like I was actually there. I can still feel her and the baby...I can still smell them."

"Wait...what baby? Who are we talking about here?" McKay seemed intrigued now.

Sheppard sat back down at the table and faced McKay. "It's like I WAS this Ancient named Marchaeus...I walked down the halls of Atlantis and I knew the people I was seeing. I knew their names...their families...their jobs. Then I went to my quarters...or, rather Marchaeus's quarters...and there was his wife and son...Illiana and Raefkin. I touched them, I held them...and it was so real. I...or rather he...loved them so much it almost hurt. And danged if I can't still feel it. I have this...ache...to see them and hold them. It's like...they were my wife and child...and I've lost them." Sheppard stood up and began pacing again, the food on the table long forgotten. "I know this doesn't make any sense...but I can feel it."

McKay sat, deep in thought for a moment. "You know, this might have something to do with your connection to Atlantis. Maybe you're tapping into some kind of...I don't know...database or home video system or something...but you're tapping into it on a very personal level because of your genes and your connection to the city. Let me do some research and see what I can come up with. What was this guy's name?"

"Marchaeus. You really think you might find something? If you find something on this guy in Atlantis's database, then maybe that means I'm not losing my mind."

"Lets eat and then I'll go see what I can find."

Sheppard had resumed pacing nervously. "I'm not hungry right now."

"Major." Sheppard looked over to find a stern expression of warning on McKay's face. No words were necessary.

"Oh, all right." Sheppard sat down as McKay nodded in victory.

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Twenty-four hours later, Sheppard turned down a corridor about halfway between the inhabited part of the city and the balcony over the southwest pier. He had been on his way to the balcony, when he suddenly felt a strong impulse to turn down this particular hallway. He went through several corridors, both knowing where he was going and not knowing at the same time. He was inexplicably drawn to the door he had now reached. He stood in front of the door, staring at it, almost afraid to open it. In the back of his mind, he knew what he would find.

He opened the door and stepped into living quarters, the same living quarters he had seen in his dream. The furniture was still here, covered and dusty. He pulled the cover off the couch...the exact same couch that had been in his dream. He half expected Illiana to walk through the door. A wave of dizziness and grief suddenly assaulted him, knocking him to his knees. He leaned his head against the couch, bracing himself against the spinning room and the overwhelming sadness that threatened to engulf him. He began to flash back and forth between the past and the present. Illiana and Raefkin were there and then they weren't. He wasn't sure how long he remained there, but a voice calling on his radio brought him back to the present.

"Major Sheppard, please respond!" Elizabeth's voice was bordering on frantic.

"This is Sheppard." He hoped his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt.

"John...are you all right? Where are you?"

"I'm okay. Just out for a walk." He continued to sit in the floor, his eyes closed.

"Why didn't you answer your radio? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Sorry...I got separated from my radio for a minute. I'm okay. I'm about to head back."

There was a few moments of silence. "When you get back, you need to report to the infirmary. Dr. Beckett wants to see you."

"Elizabeth...this isn't necessary." Sheppard was tempted not to go back. He briefly wondered how long it would take them to find him.

"John, Carson has the results of your bloodwork. And besides...we've been trying to reach you for almost thirty minutes."

Thirty minutes. Sheppard was in shock. He'd been sitting there...what...in a stupor? In a trance? For thirty minutes. He slowly got to his feet, leaning heavily against the furniture for support. "Okay, Elizabeth...I'm on my way." He looked around the quarters, noting a door on the far side. He made his way to it, his vision still randomly switching between now and then. He entered the room, now seeing it as if it were 10,000 years ago. Something resembling a crib sat on the far side of the room. He could hear a baby stirring, fussing, moving around in the small bed. When he was standing beside the crib, he reached out to touch the baby's arm. The dark-haired child looked up at him and cooed, kicking his feet out and squirming. Sheppard/Marchaeus picked the baby up and held him close to his chest, softly nuzzling the child's face against his.

"Daddy loves you," he said softly.

"Major!" He was standing alone in the dusty, dark, abandoned nursery. a cover still thrown over the crib. His heart lurched at the feel of his empty arms. "Major, this is Dr. Beckett. How far away are you?"

Sheppard stood for a moment, too unsteady to answer. "Major Sheppard, if you don't answer, I'll be forced to send a medical team after you."

"I'm here, Doc. Give me about thirty minutes," Sheppard said tiredly. He had no idea what was going on, but it was wearing him out.

"All right, Major. But you'd better be here in thirty minutes."

Sheppard leaned against the crib. "Atlantis...what the heck is going on?" he asked softly.

Atlantis, suddenly there beside him, put her hand on top of his as he leaned heavily against the rail of the small bed. "Your heritage has found you."

Sheppard looked at her, confusion on his face and in his voice. "What does that mean? I'm tired, confused, and I have a wallbanger of a headache. I can't play the guessing game right now."

Atlantis smiled. "I'm surprised you have not guessed. Marchaeus is your ancestor. You are of his direct lineage...That is why the gene is strong in you. The city is showing you your history. Marchaeus left this as his gift to his children who would return to the city someday. You are that child."

Sheppard shook his head. "This...this is just strange. I've got to get back before Beckett comes after me." He turned and walked to the door of the quarters, briefly pausing to look back. Before he closed the door, he saw Illiana standing there, holding Raefkin and smiling at him.

He walked for almost ten minutes before it started again. Then the hallway began to flash between the present and the time of the Ancients. He was John and then he was Marchaeus. The switching back and forth was making him dizzy and his head felt as though it might explode at any minute.

"Major? Major, can you hear me?" He looked up at Teyla, feeling her hand on his shoulder. He looked around to find himself sitting in a hallway with his back to the wall.

"Teyla?" He rubbed his eyes with his hand, confusion beginning to give way to panic. How long had he been here?

"It's all right, Major. I have contacted Dr. Beckett and he is on his way with a medical team. Just remain still. I will stay with you."

"No...I don't need Beckett..." He began trying to get up. Then he found himself sitting across a table from an older man he knew to be his father. They were drinking something that resembed a strong, hot tea and the older man was speaking to him.

"Jaernae wants to offer you as a member of the council. Taeish thinks you are still too young. And you are young, Marchaeus...but you have gained much wisdom through your defense of Atlantis against the wraith. You have seen and been through much, my son. I believe you will be made a member of the council."

He could feel the uncertainty within him. "Father, are you sure I am worthy? Perhaps I am better at defending the city than I am at making high decisions. I am not sure I am ready."

The older man stood and walked over to him, placing a strong hand on his shoulder. "You are ready, my son. It is time you took your place at the council table with your father. You will still be able to attend to your military duties." He smiled knowingly. "I would not take flying away from you. You were most certainly born to it."

Sheppard opened his eyes and looked up into the face of Carson Beckett. But he didn't recognize Beckett and he wasn't sure where he was. He began fighting against the strange people holding him down on the table. He looked around frantically for any sign of Illiana or the baby. Not seeing them, he began begging the people to tell him where they were and if they were safe. But the people just looked at him like they couldn't understand him. They yelled out things in their own language that he didn't understand and that only served to panic him more, causing him to increase his struggling. Why wouldn't they let him go? What did they want?

When Beckett and the medical team had arrived at Teyla and Sheppard's location, the pilot had been unconscious. His vitals were stable, so they had loaded him on the gurney and taken him straight to the infirmary. Shortly after arriving, Sheppard had woken up and began fighting against them. Beckett didn't know if he was more disturbed by the fact that Sheppard didn't seem to know them or by the strange language he was speaking. He was about to have someone call McKay or Weir, when Rodney came rushing in.

"Rodney! Get over here and tell me what he's saying."

McKay looked more and more dismayed as he got closer to Sheppard, still fighting against the doctors and nurses trying to help him. He listened for a minute and then moved in beside Sheppard, jostling one of the nurses aside. He began to speak to Sheppard. After a few seconds, Sheppard stopped fighting and seemed to focus on what McKay was saying. They spoke back and forth a few times before he finally lay back and relaxed. The nurse was finally able to start an IV and Sheppard passed out a few seconds later.

Beckett was breathing heavily. "What was that? What was he saying?"

McKay looked shellshocked. "He thought he was Marchaeus. He was looking for his wife and child and...he had no idea who any of were. But then, as Marchaeus he wouldn't. How is this happening?"

"Rodney...who is Marchaeus? And why does Major Sheppard think he's this Marchaeus instead of himself? And what did you tell him to calm him down?"

McKay relayed what had happened the day before and what Sheppard had told him about Marchaeus. "I told him that Illiana and Raefkin were safe and worried about him. I said he was sick and you were just trying to help him."

"Aye, he's that. He's runnin' a fever. But it shouldn't be enough to cause all this."

McKay agreed. "No...there's more going on here than just a fever. I think Atlantis is in on this somehow. Is he going to be okay?"

Beckett looked down at Sheppard, pale and sweating from the fever. "I'll do my best, Rodney, but I have no idea what we're dealing with. And until I do, there's not much I can do outside of treatin' the symptoms."

Beckett sighed heavily as he tried to decide what course of treatment to pursue. He hated feeling helpless and John Sheppard had developed quite a skill at making him feel just that - totally helpless.

TBC