Chapter Eight: The Requiem

"The high council will notice all of you missing," Da'an said to Liam and Lili. "You shouldn't have come."

"We're just as dedicated as you in figuring this out," Liam said.

"Don't worry," Geris assured. "Balvak will keep them occupied."

"Nevertheless," Kunik said. "It will serve our interests better if one of you returns after this conference."

"I'll do it," Lili said. "I can keep them occupied too. Vorjak's my mate."

"I am aware of that Captain Marquette," Kunik said.

Kunik introduced his other three fellows and told them the same thing he told Da'an. After that, he told them of the bold plan to put the high council out of power once and for all from the inside. It was decided that the humans would protect the high council building from the ground forces as much as they could until the rebel reinforcements arrived. The Taelons would provide air support for the humans. After that, Liam and Da'an would hold the Jaridian generals prisoner until the four rebel leaders could push in. Once the generals were secure, the four would re-establish the hierarchy with Geris and Balvak's peace corps and end the civil war. The Taelons and humans would leave it to them to rebuild their world. The rebels couldn't afford to attack immediately, however. They would have to wait out the twenty-four hours Balvak had bought for them even though they knew they risked facing thousands of recalled high council soldiers.

Liam, Renee, and Da'an were offered shelter at the hideout for a few hours to rest. They had not slept for the whole night, after all. Geris volunteered to go back to the Citadel with Lili. However, Lili was not quite ready to leave yet.

She rushed to stop Da'an from entering the quarters Kunik had provided for her.

"Da'an!" she called.

Da'an rolled her eyes. "What…do you want!"

"We have to talk about this," Lili said. "Even if you don't want to, I'm ready to talk about it. Why can't we bring this to an end?"

"Because there's nothing left," Da'an spat. "When are you going to get it?"

"You can't treat me like this," Lili said. "I know you, Da'an. I know you better than any other human, and I know you're hurting just as much as I am. This guilt is killing me, and your anger's making you suffer. I'm your friend. I've always been your friend. I want to all to end. I want to go back to the old days when we respected each other, when you and I could look at each other and see the two people we shared with each other. You are my best friend."

"You have an odd way of showing it," Da'an said.

"Why are you doing this?" Lili asked. "Does it make you feel good to see me in pain like this? For God's sake, Da'an, it was my daughter!"

"It was a child you recklessly chose to endanger!" Da'an shot back. "You knew that the baby was due any day, you knew that your blood could not handle Earth's atmosphere anymore, and you knew that there was a strong possibility the Synod would respond with prejudice to your return. You put that child in danger and then you force me to be your savior! So don't you dare sit there and pretend like you are Mother Teresa incarnate. Don't you sit there and use your daughter as a shield against your poor decision. You have no excuse!"

"I don't have to answer to you," Lili said letting her temper get to her.

"Oh, I beg to differ," Da'an said. "You told me that you desired to mend our alleged friendship. You can start by telling me why in the hell you picked me to be your lamb!"

"I didn't know Sandoval was going to kidnap you."

"Sha'bra, you didn't! The truth was that I was the only Taelon close enough to you to willingly and foolishly give his energy to save you and your child, and Sandoval knew that. You and Vorjak both knew that. You both knew, and you did nothing! Neither of you did anything to prevent this because you didn't care."

"Of course I didn't care! I needed energy from a Taelon. Any Taelon!"

"And if it just happened to be me, so much the better. I guess it sucked to me that day."

"If I could've stopped it, I would have. I was sick. I was delirious. All I cared about at that moment was my daughter," Lili said.

"You apparently were well enough to call Liam," Da'an said. "Oh yes. He told me about your quote-enquote 'desperate call for help.' You were well enough to ask Liam for help, but you weren't well enough to prevent Sandoval from capturing me. He burned me in my own energy shower! I was out of my mind in pain! I couldn't even think straight for hours! What if I had been too delirious to save myself when I did? What if I had truly died? You don't care."

Lili burst into tears.

"Damn you, Lili. I would have done anything for you," Da'an said. "You were my friend. I could feel your pain. I wanted to help. I would have given my life to you and any child freely. All you had to do was ask. But instead, you chose to put me through all of that. You made my own decision for me. You exploited me."

"So what? You've done it too," Lili shot back trying to fight back her tears. "You used Boone, you used Sandoval, you used Liam—in fact, you've used everyone that was close you. How can you judge me! How can you judge me when you've done the same thing more than once!"

"Because I expected better from you," Da'an said. "You preach about how humanity is so much stronger than us morally and emotionally, and yet you reduce yourself to my level. You can't judge me by my actions and then go and do the same thing to me just because I've done it too. I may be hypocritical. I am the first to admit it. But I cannot use that as an excuse to let others get away with murder or whatever foolish decision they make. That's how people like Zo'or are created. That's how people take advantage of me. And I am tried of being taken advantage of. But I'm especially tired of being taken advantage of by people who are supposed to be my friends!"

Lili felt her legs go. She collapsed and broke down in tears. She had not felt so much pain since she cried the night she had returned with Ariel from Earth—when she thought Da'an had…

Da'an shuddered and turned towards the wall. She supported herself against it to prevent herself from following Lili to the floor. "I respected you. I cared for you. I'd never felt as close to anyone as I felt towards you. I always thought that if I had no one else in the world, I'd have you."

"I used to think that way too," Lili sobbed, "especially before I fell in love with Vorjak. The Jaridians used some kind of technology to make me think I was on Earth at a time when the Taelons were gone. Everyone was there except for you. I realized that one day, and I started crying because I thought that meant that I subconsciously hated you. But then I asked the Jaridians why you hadn't been in there. They said that it was just because you were a Taelon. Then, I started thinking of everything we had gone through together. I remembered how sweet and kind you had been to me. I remember how compassionate you were, and I wanted you to be there. And you weren't. Nobody I wanted to be there was there. I hated you for the same reason you hate me now. I hated you for not being there to help me. I hated myself for feeling that way about you. I almost went crazy, and then Vorjak took it all away."

"Stop it," Da'an said slowly.

"Don't you see? That's how I know why you're hurting now—because I've felt the same way. We've shared the same pain, the same sorrow, the same guilt, and the same anger. I loved you in a way that I've never loved anyone else in the world. I loved you more than a husband can love his wife. I still feel that connection, and I still feel you even now. That's why, despite everything we've been through, I don't want to give up on this. I don't want to end something so strong. Please tell me you feel the same way. Please tell me it's not just me."

Da'an collapsed. Lili heard the stifled sounds of sobbing and crawled over to hold Da'an.

"You're right," Da'an whimpered. "I would love that. I would love for things to be the same as they were before. I would love for us to just be able to look at each other to know what the other was thinking or feeling. I would love to share myself with you once again so that we can take away the other's pain."

Lili took Da'an's hand, and for a moment, it was that way. Suddenly, Da'an pried the hand free. "But it's never going to happen," she said standing. "I can't, Lili. I cannot put myself through that pain anymore. I cannot even take the risk. When you have something so wonderful and then shatter it at the drop of a hat, how can you expect to put it back together as if nothing went wrong? I never hurt as much as I did when you betrayed me, and I never want to hurt like that again. I don't like the way I feel anymore when I'm with you. It's gone, Lili. We're done. I'm sorry. All I want to do is move on, and the only way you will ever feel better about yourself is if you do so too."

Lili nodded and dried her tears. "I understand," she whimpered.

It took all of Da'an's strength to walk away.

"Will you at least meet me in the lab on the ninth floor to confront Vorjak?" Lili asked.

Da'an sighed. "I'll think about it."

"I'll wait for you," Lili said.

About an hour later, Da'an's rest was interrupted by the thunderous knocking outside. She groaned and rose from the bed. The persistent knocking continued until Da'an opened the door. Liam stormed in the room.

"Excuse me, but I believe the custom is for me to allow you in," Da'an said closing the door.

"Lili told me everything," Liam said.

"She did?" Da'an said tonelessly. "I see she's found an alternative already."

"Why in the hell won't you let this go?" Liam asked. "My God, Da'an! The woman had a baby. She didn't blow up the Mothership!"

"She almost did…with me on it," Da'an replied.

Liam was stunned. "What?"

Da'an crashed back on the bed. "I never told anyone but Link. After Thompson declared a state of emergency, Zo'or had Sandoval arrest me under suspicion of resistance affiliations. He handcuffed me, took me to a cell with a volunteer escort, and probably would have tortured me at his and Zo'or's leisure. Then, I felt a loud rumbling, and the alarm said that the Mothership's engine core had overloaded. When I found out Lili had done it, I hated her. But after you came to me with your blatantly outspoken defense of Lili's actions, I realized that she might not have known I was on the Mothership. After all, you hadn't. So I forgave her. That was the first time it shattered, but I was weak. And my punishment was that I let her do it to me again, this time for a baby."

"Da'an," Liam panted. "I am so sorry. I never knew. If I had known—"

"The first time it was for the greater good of humanity, and the second time it was for her daughter," Da'an continued. "I can respect both of those motives, and I probably would have done something similar in the same situation. But I would not have exploited her for that. I would not sacrifice the lives of hundreds of allies and the lives of my best friends for anything. I have enough trouble living with myself knowing that I betrayed you."

"I never would have treated you like that," Liam finished. "Did you tell Lili?"

"Why? So that she can feel worse than she already feels?" Da'an asked solemnly. "We had something celestial, Liam. We had something eternal. It was stronger than the bond you and I will ever have. I don't think my bond with Link is even as strong. She lost it once, and I lost it twice. That is why I cannot put myself through it again. I am drained, Liam. I have washed my hands of that woman. I cannot risk hurting myself with this friendship or worse…hurting her. We had something wonderful, and it's gone. I have accepted it, and with time she will accept it. And she will feel stronger for doing so too."

Liam took Da'an's hand. "You shouldn't give up on a friendship that strong."