The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 16

"No, Major. I'm afraid I'm not Rodney with a new accent."

Sheppard lifted his head and slowly turned and looked up. Beckett was looking down at him with a combination of concern and annoyance. "Hey, Doc," he said weakly. "Would you believe it was something I ate?"

"Not bloody likely." Beckett turned to McKay. Concern was about to trump annoyance. "Help me get him off the cold floor and over to the bed." They each took an arm and lifted Sheppard to his feet. Supporting most of his weight, they guided him to the bed. As soon as he sat down, Sheppard leaned back into the pillows and Beckett picked up his feet and moved them over onto the bed. Beckett then proceeded to check the Major's vital signs. Sheppard just lay there with his eyes closed, letting Beckett do his work.

"All right, Major. Do you care to tell me what you've been up to or should I ask Rodney?" Concern having been put to rest for the time being, annoyance was making a return appearance.

"He drug me down there against my will. It's his fault. Besides, I think I'm needed in the lab," whined McKay as he headed for the door.

"Rodney...you aren't goin' anywhere. Sit down and stay put until I get some straight answers."

McKay moved his mouth a few times, but nothing came out. For all his blustering, he knew Beckett had control of the sharp, pointy needles and he was only willing to rebel so far. He sat down in a chair and waited to see if Sheppard was going to be the one to spill the beans or if he would.

"Okay, Doc...you win," Sheppard said tiredly. "I took Rodney to the chair room..."

"Chair room? You mean the weapons chair?"

"No...there's a central chair that can control most of Atlantis. There's no power in that section of the city, so I diverted just enough power to the chair so that Rodney could hook up his computer to take some readings. I didn't think it would be a big deal."

Beckett looked amazed. "What do you mean you diverted power?"

Sheppard rubbed his forehead. The headache had evolved into a roaring in his ears and he was having trouble concentrating. "I just...you know...I focused on moving some of the power from the active part of the city into the chair. I redirected it."

Beckett shook his head. "Son, are you saying the power moved through you into the chair?"

"Maybe...sort of...not really...I don't know."

"My gosh, lad, do you never stop to think how dangerous these things are that you do? What possessed you to think that sounded safe?"

Sheppard's eyes were squinted against the pain and his face covered in a sheen of sweat. "Seemed...okay..." He gave a small, pained laugh. "I still think we'd have been okay...if McKay ...could tell time." He moaned as he rolled over on his side and pressed his folded arms against the sides of his head. "Ohhhhh, shoot."

Beckett leaned over Sheppard and patted his shoulder reassuringly. "Hang on a few minutes, Major and I'll get you some relief." He tapped his radio and called the infirmary for a gurney. "Major...looks like you're back in the infirmary with me."

As they waited on the gurney, McKay looked over at Beckett. "He's going to be okay, right?"

Beckett nodded. "Aye, I think he'll be fine. He may just have a rough day or two between now and then."

McKay frowned at the doctor. "How did you know?"

Beckett smiled. "Two marines saw you in the hall and thought the Major was drunk. They called Elizabeth to report it. She knew Major Sheppard couldn't be drunk and that something must be wrong, so she called me."

McKay snapped his fingers. "I knew they thought we were drunk. I never thought they'd squeal though. I guess you can't trust anyone these days."

Beckett looked down at Sheppard, curled up against the pain. "I guess it's a good thing."

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When they finally got Sheppard to the infirmary and transferred to a bed, he was just grateful to have the motion stop. The movement of the gurney down the hall had caused the dizziness and nausea to return. Just lying still in bed seemed to help both tremendously. Now he could concentrate on dealing with the pain in his head. Every head movement, no matter how slight, seemed to send off an explosion of lights and pain echoing through his skull. Unfortunately, nurses kept jostling him as they got him settled and took his vital signs. He felt the familiar prick in the back of his hand as a nurse started an IV. Somehow, he wasn't suprised.

He heard familiar voices and managed to crack his eyes open enough to see Beckett and McKay in front of him. He was just in time to see Beckett coming at him with the dreaded pen light. He immediately put his free arm over his face.

"No...Doc...if you don't want a repeat of earlier...you better get that away from me."

Beckett took Sheppard's arm and pulled it back down to his side. "Okay, Major...no light. How's the headache?"

Sheppard squinted at him, almost unable to open his eyes against the light of the room. "Headache's doing great...I'm not doing so hot."

"Nice Major," said McKay. "He's barely conscious and yet he's still making wisecracks."

"Doc," Sheppard held up the hand with the IV. "Is this necessary or punishment?"

Beckett smiled. "A little of both, Major." He reached over and injected something into the IV port. "I think that will help with your headache. Try to get some rest."

Sheppard would have nodded if he hadn't been afraid his head would fall off. Instead, he closed his eyes and pushed himself back into the pillow and waited for the pain medication to kick in enough that he could go to sleep. As the pain began to ease and he began to relax, he heard Beckett going after McKay and was glad he was headed towards unconsciousness.

"I swear, the messes you two get yourselves into. You're both bloody daft."

"Hey, I'm not the one flat on my back. I'm fine. Besides, I'm telling you, it was his idea."

"If he suggested the two of you go out and play in traffic, would you do it? You have a brain of yer own, Rodney, use it."

"Don't be ridiculous, Carson. There's no traffic in Atlantis."

"Ahhhh! You're missing the point, as usual! Kids! You're just like a couple of bloody juveniles!"

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Something was bumping his cheek. He slapped at it. He wanted to sink back into the blackness, not surface to the pain just barely held at bay at the edge of consciousness. He had started to slowly slide back when the voices added themselves to the distraction keeping him from blissful sleep.

"Major, time to wake up. lad. You need to open your eyes for me."

"Mmmmmmmmm," Sheppard groaned. He pushed himself down deeper into the bed, trying to ignore the disturbance.

"Oh, come on Major. How long are you going to sleep? Wake up already!" McKay's voice was a little more insistant...a little more whiney...a little more annoying. Just enough to get him to open his eyes.

"What?" he said irritably. He blinked heavily and tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. "What?" he repeated.

Beckett had latched onto his wrist and was taking his pulse. When finished, he made a note on Sheppard's chart. "You need to wake up for a little while, Major. You've been sleeping for almost twenty-four hours."

McKay nodded in agreement. "Well, except for that brief shuffle to the facilities in the middle of the night."

Sheppard just looked at him dumbfounded. "Twenty-four hours?" He lay his head back against the pillow. He knew he had been tired, but he had had no idea he was that tired. Sheppard suddenly sat up. "Doc?" His head still throbbed, but not nearly as bad as the day before.

Beckett looked like the light had suddenly been turned on. 'Oh...yes, right." He helped Sheppard out of bed and supported him until he got his legs working. He then helped the Major steer the IV pole to the bathroom and waited outside to guide the man back to bed. Sheppard's legs were so weak and wobbly that he immediately dismissed any thoughts of trying to leave the infirmary that day. He was actually glad to climb into bed and lay back against the pillows. Beckett shifted the bed into a sitting position for him.

"Major, how do you feel?" asked Beckett.

"Tired...still...little bit of a headache, but it's better than yesterday."

Beckett nodded. "Atlantis said this was pretty much what to expect. You should make a full recovery in a day or two. You still have a bit of a fever, but not as high as it was."

"You...you've been talking to Atlantis?"

"Aye, very beautiful and helpful lass. She wanted to check on you. We stood and talked by your bed for a while last night. I'm suprised you didn't wake."

Sheppard stifled a yawn. In spite of how much he'd already slept, he found his eyelids getting that heavy, weighed down feeling. He was trying to listen to McKay tell Beckett what he'd found out about the chair, but he finally succumbed and slipped back into the blanket of sleep.

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The next time Sheppard woke, the infirmary was dark and quiet and he was alone. He lay there for several minutes, just looking at the ceiling and thinking about the city. He could feel it running...If he listened he could almost hear commands being made. He could feel power needs shifting...He could feel that part of the city was shut down, sleeping. He had never been aware of the workings of Atlantis like this. He wasn't sure if he was just now tuning in to that part of the city or if he just hadn't been still enough and quiet enough to notice it. It was exhilarating and just a little scary.

"Can I join you?" He looked over to see Nick Strauhan standing beside his bed with a cup of coffee.

"Sure, Doc. Grab a chair. I'm not going anywhere."

Nick pulled a chair up to Sheppard's bedside. He watched the Major stare at the ceiling a moment before he spoke. "Penny for your thoughts."

Sheppard seemed distracted and didn't respond at first. Then, as if becoming aware that the doctor had spoken, he turned his head and looked at Nick. "What?"

Nick grinned and sipped his coffee. "I said, penny for your thoughts. You looked deep in thought for a minute."

Sheppard smiled. "Not really deep in thought, Just listening to Atlantis. She's...a wonderful city...at least she will be again one day." His expression sobered. "How much trouble am I in with Beckett?"

"You've missed the worst of it. He's calmed down considerably now. He was pretty unhappy with you. He's been very concerned with the amount of frequent flyer miles you've been racking up lately."

"I know. I don't intend to end up in here...it just seems to happen."

"He knows that. I think he just wishes you'd be more careful and think things through before you do them."

Sheppard sighed. "Yeah...I think I vaguely remember hearing something about being a reckless fool." Nick couldn't help but notice the hurt look that crossed the Major's face.

"He was just worried. I doubt he meant it."

"I don't know...maybe he's right. I'm not very patient. I have a hard time just...waiting. That gets people killed sometimes." Nick watched Sheppard's expression darken.

"I take it there's a story behind that statement."

Sheppard turned his head again to look at Nick. "Flexing your psychology muscles, Doc? Better watch it. I think McKay may also be in the running for Heightmeyer's job." He turned back to watching his ceiling tile.

"No...just thought you might want to talk. Sometimes it's easier with someone a little closer to where you've been. I'm an Air Force doctor, Major. I've seen a lot and heard a lot. I served a year in Afghanistan myself. Granted, it was in the capacity of a doctor, not a soldier or a pilot, but when I say I've been there, I have." He looked down at his hands. "I've had a little blood on my hands as well," he said softly. He looked up to find Sheppard watching him intently. "Anything you say to me stays here, Major."

Sheppard seemed to consider this as he returned his gaze to the ceiling. Nick was thinking about excusing himself, when Sheppard started talking. "It was my first tour of active duty. Boy...was I green. Took me quite a while to have half a clue what I was doing. I ended up there with this guy from basic, Andy, and we kind of became good friends. We were kind of in the same boat...watched each other's back. He took a patrol for me one day." He paused to laugh, but it was a sad laugh that stabbed at Nick's heart. It let him know the end to this story wasn't going to be happily ever after. "We tried some native foods the day before and I spent the night hugging the toilet. Andy hauled me over to the med tent and dropped me off and told me he was taking my patrol. I was too sick to argue. I just told him I'd take his next one."

Sheppard paused a few moments and seemed to be collecting his thoughts. Nick could tell his mind was far, far away from Atlantis. "They went down near a village and took refuge there. By the time I got out of the med tent, I heard they were radioing for help. Problem was, our CO was a little green too. He was afraid to send a rescue party until he had checked everything out twice and thought about it a while. By the time we got there, the patrol and everyone in the village was dead. His careful, planning, hesitant attitude cost almost sixty lives."

Sheppard cleared his throat, trying to rid his voice of the developing hitch. "I'm not saying I wasn't impatient to begin with, because I was. But I made up my mind then and there, if it was ever my choice, I wouldn't get people killed because I was sitting on my hands doing nothing. Maybe I tend to jump headlong into things without thinking them through, but I don't ever want to have the inaction my CO did that day."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Sheppard still watching the ceiling, Nick watching his dwindling cup of coffee. "Are you angry at your CO for his hesitation...or at yourself for not being on that patrol?"

Sheppard closed his eyes. "Both. It's hard not to think about the fact that, by all rights, you should be dead. It's even harder to think about the fact that Andy should be alive. It's not the only time my actions have traded my life for someone else's. That makes for the more disturbing nightmares." He swallowed hard and opened his eyes, looking over at Nick. "So, Dr. Strauhan...what's your story. Turn about's fair play."

Nick sat watching his cup for a minute. "We were evacuating the medical camp...enemy soldiers headed our way. I was one of the last doctors out. We held a couple of critical patients til the last minute hoping they wouldn't have to be moved. We weren't sure they would survive it. It came down to me and two nurses and a couple of soldiers. We...waited too long and they overran the camp. We just...stood in the medical tent...firing at anything that came through the door. One of the nurses was killed and one of the soldiers was seriously wounded before a group came back for us. I killed a lot of men that day. You have to understand that I am a physician first and foremost and that went against everything I thought I stood for. I wasn't helping people that day...I was killing them."

"What about your patients?"

Nick snorted. "See...now there's the real kicker. They both died. We went through all that for nothing."

"No! You were trying to save your people. That's for something very important. And you didn't leave them behind. They may not have lived...but they didn't die abandoned in the hands of the enemy. That's important, Doc. Don't you ever let anyone tell you differently. I've been abandoned behind enemy lines before...it's not a good feeling. Trust me...that's not how you want to die."

They sat in comfortable silence for several minutes...each thinking about what the other had said and realizing that they had learned a lot about one another. Finally, Nick broke the silence. "You know...I've never told anyone about that before."

Sheppard smiled. "Neither have I." He turned and looked at Nick. "Think you might be interested in going out in the field with us sometime?"

Nick nodded slowly. "I think I might like that...as long as Carson can spare me."

"I get the impression Dr. Beckett doesn't care for gate travel very much. Maybe you could go with us when we need to take a doctor along."

"I'd be happy to go. To say Carson doesn't like gate travel is an understatement."

Sheppard grinned. "Good. Sounds like you're already weapons trained, so that's a plus. Hopefully we won't need them, but as you've seen, expect the unexpected. Especially in this galaxy. And Doc...thanks."

Nick nodded. "You too. Are you hungry?"

"I'm starved, but it's the middle of the night."

Nick grinned. "That's okay...I have a secret weapon and her name is Kelly. She can find us something, I guarantee it. I'll be right back." Nick got up and headed for the nurse's desk. Sheppard lay back and watched his ceiling tile, listening to Atlantis. He got the feeling he wasn't the only one in Atlantis with a few nightmares lurking around his sleep.

TBC