Many, many thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. I have no idea how this got so long. I just keep thinking of new things and sticking them in. Hope I haven't worn you out. I probably shouldn't have warned you not to panic, but I didn't want to get murdered in my sleep before I had a chance to finish this (okay, so I'm a coward).
Once again, thank you to rogue1503 for her loan of Dr. Nick Strauhan. I've taken a few liberties with him over the last few chapters, but she said she didn't mind. I also need to thank her for posting the last two chapters for me. My computer will not let me post stories right now and I can't figure out why. So Kathy - BIG, BIG THANK YOU!
The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 20
Elizabeth had wanted to be kept in the loop surrounding events of the ZPM installation, so she was monitoring the communication relays between the power room and the chair room from the control room. They heard when Teyla reported that Sheppard was in the chair and ready. They heard Ford's frantic calls for McKay to remove the ZPM. A few minutes later, everyone in the control room heard Ford tell Teyla that Sheppard was in cardiac and respiratory arrest. As Elizabeth made her way to a console to lean against, her legs suddenly beginning to shake, they lost all power. Lights went out and consoles went dark.
"What's going on?" she yelled.
"We don't know...everything just went dark," responded one of the techs. She could hear him frantically working on the console in the dark, trying to get it to come on again. Flashlights suddenly began to come on. Stationing them around the room at various sites had been one of their better ideas.
"What about the gate?" A moment of silence punctuated the answer she already knew was coming.
"We have no gate control. We can't dial out and we don't have shield functions right now either."
"Can anyone dial in?" she asked fearfully.
"I'm not sure ma'am."
Just then, there was a low rumble and the floor trembled, almost like it would in a violent thunderstorm. Elizabeth looked around cautiously. "What was that?" No one answered. A few minutes later, she got her answer.
"Dr. Weir?" Ford's voice, excited and out of breath, filled the radio. "Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka were removing the ZPM and it exploded. Dr. Zelenka has some minor injuries, but Dr. McKay is trapped in the rubble. We need back up support and more medical personnel, on the double. We're on our way to try and dig him out right now."
"Understood, Lt., help is on the way. What about Major Sheppard?"
A few awkward moments of silence followed. "Dr. Strauhan's still trying, ma'am." The sadness in his voice spoke volumes to her about how the efforts were going. She felt her heart make a leap to her throat. No. She had to keep her mind focused. She immediately called for reinforcements from the military and medical personnel to help with the rescue efforts. She spent the next twenty minutes or so pacing around the control room, directing questions to the techs about what was happening.
"We need Dr. McKay...or maybe Dr. Zelenka to have any prayer of figuring this out," said one of the techs to her, deciding it was time to be honest about the situation.
"Well, ...they are currently unavailable...just do what you can."
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Once they had McKay safely on the gurney, they moved him out in the hall where the falling dust and bits of ceiling wasn't quite so thick. They were startled at the contrast between the bright red blood oozing from a gash on his head and the paleness of his face, which was covered in a thin layer of white dust from the debris. It made him look like a bleeding ghost and gave them all a bit of a shock. It hadn't been so noticeable in the darkened room. But the hall, with several windows down the side, was quite a bit brighter. Beckett looked back into the room and then down the hall.
"The lights are out," he said as he moved in beside McKay and began tending his head wound.
Ford looked around. "He's right. I barely noticed before...guess we were...preoccupied."
Within a few minutes, Beckett had McKay stable enough to move. They had just started moving down the corridor, when more medical personnel met them. Beckett handed over the gurney and instructed them to get McKay up to the infirmary immediately. "I'll be along in a minute. I've got to check on Major Sheppard first." As McKay was wheeled away, they saw two people helping Zelenka down the corridor as well. The three of them entered the chair room just in time to hear Nick tell the nurse with the ambu bag to stop and then apologize to Sheppard. Ford and Teyla felt like someone had just sucker punched them, the joy of finding McKay alive now muted with the death of their CO.
As Ford's radio came to life, he stepped back into the hall, the sudden noise seeming somehow irreverent in the otherwise silent room. "Lt. Ford, what's going on?" asked Elizabeth
"We have successfully extracted Dr. McKay from the rubble. He's stable and on the way to the infirmary."
"That's good news," replied Elizabeth, the relief evident in her voice. "How's Major Sheppard?"
The brief pause was almost painful. "No...no ma'am...I'm sorry." Elizabeth could hear the raw grief in his voice and she wasn't sure she would be able to respond. She closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath.
"Understood. Thank you Lt." She stood lost and swaying for a moment before she felt a strong arm around her shoulder and a hand on her arm. She opened her eyes to Peter.
"Dr. Weir...why don't you take a moment in your office. We can handle things out here." She nodded, grateful for his silent support as he walked her to her office. She leaned against the door frame.
"Thank you," she said simply. She closed the door and sat in the nearest chair. She was too numb to cry, her emotions caught up in a black hole that was sucking her dry, leaving an empty void in their place.
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Beckett started to step forward, his eyes on Sheppard's limp, lifeless form when a blinding pain flashed through his head, right behind his eyes.
"Dr. Beckett...you must not let him die." The voice in his head was so soft and weak he could barely hear it.
"It's too late...he's already gone."
"No...I can lead him back...but you...must help him return...It's not too late."
"Atlantis?" The voice was gone and the pain faded back. It was still there, but not so sharp.
"Carson! Carson, can you hear me? Say something." Beckett opened his eyes. He was on his knees bent over with his head in his hands, leaning against the floor. He sat up, feeling hands support his shoulders and back. Nick was on one side of him, with Teyla and Ford on the other. He realized what had happened and began trying to stand.
"We have to hurry. I don't think we have much time. How long has he been without oxygen? Get that mask back on and start bagging him. Charge the paddles and get that monitor back on. And let go of me, Nick."
Nick was pulling at Beckett's arm as he tried to move toward Sheppard. Beckett couldn't miss the dispair and pain in the man's eyes and face. "Carson, he's gone. Don't do this."
"No...Atlantis...she can still lead him back, she said. There's a chance we can still get him back. Just help me and if it doesn't work, you can lock me up in a padded room later. Do you really want to stand there if there's a chance we can save him?"
Nick let go and began moving toward Sheppard. "What do you want me to do?"
Beckett began chest compressions. "Charge the defibrillator and turn the monitor back on. How long was he without oxygen?"
Nick looked at his watch. "Not long, we had just quit when you came in... two...maybe three minutes."
Teyla and Ford watched as Beckett continued chest compressions until the defibrillator was charged. Beckett then discharged the paddles. The monitor showed a brief handful of blips before returning to a basically flat line. A few seconds later, Beckett tried again and this time was rewarded with a heartbeat. Although all of them had hoped to some degree that Sheppard's heart would start, no one had really believed it would...except, perhaps, for Beckett. Everyone was stunned when the monitor alarm silenced to be replaced by the semi-regular beeping of a beating heart.
Beckett and Strauhan launched into getting Sheppard ready to transport. Beckett decided to intubate Sheppard before the move, since he still wasn't breathing on his own. After inserting the endotrachial tube, they connected the ambu bag directly to the tube. Beckett wanted to be sure he was getting plenty of oxygen, still worried about possible brain damage from the length of time it took them to start his heart. Once he felt sure they had done everything they could, they loaded him on the gurney and headed for the infirmary, the nurse still sqeezing the bag and pushing air into Sheppard's lungs.
Teyla looked up at Ford, the fear and shock that she felt mirrored in his face. "We should contact Dr. Weir. She will want to know about Major Sheppard."
Ford nodded, still looking somewhat confused. "Oh...yeah.." He tapped his radio button. "Dr. Weir, this is Lt. Ford. There's been a ...development."
Her voice came through in a moment, somewhat hollow and vacant. "What kind of development?"
"Ma'am...I'm not sure how...but Dr. Beckett and Dr. Strauhan managed to...get Major Sheppard back. He's on his way to the infirmary."
The silence that followed began to make Ford think she hadn't heard him. He was about to call back and ask her just that when she finally responded. "Say again?" He could hear the hope mixed with apprehension in her voice and he understood it completely.
"The Major's alive, Dr. Weir. He's on his way to the infirmary."
Elizabeth was positive if the radio had not been attached to her head, she would have dropped it. In the middle of trying to figure out how she and Atlantis would survive without Sheppard, he was alive again. She was almost afraid to believe what she was hearing.
"Thank you, Lt." she managed to get out. She took a deep breath and regained control. "Do we know what caused the explosion yet?"
"No ma'am. I'm sure we'll need to dig through the rubble for a while to try and figure that one out. Dr. McKay was still unconscious when they took him up. He might know what happened. We haven't really had time to talk to Dr. Zelenka yet. I can head up there now and see what I can find out."
"Okay. I'm heading for the infirmary myself. I meet you there in a few minutes." Elizabeth leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes. Before she could walk to the infirmary, she had to get her legs working again.
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It was actually over an hour before Elizabeth made her way to the infirmary. Between questions from the control room techs, the scientists who had come to help, and various personnel radioing in, she simply could not go more than two steps without being stopped. She finally made her way close enough to the edge of the room that she could dart out between inquiries. She moved as fast as she dared down the darkened hallways until she finally reached the infirmary. Once she reached the door, she stopped. She found she was afraid to go in. She stood there several minutes, working up her nerve and finally stepped across the threshold.
The infirmary had emergency power in operation, so the room had lights, albeit dim lights. She immediately spotted Carson standing at the foot of a bed, making notes on a chart. She knew it was Sheppard's bed. It was surrounded by machines. She slowly made her way over to stand beside the doctor.
"Carson...how is he?"
Beckett stopped writing and looked up at Sheppard a moment before answering. Elizabeth found herself looking the Major over as well, trying to determine just how bad it really was. Heart monitor sporting what seemed to be an irregular pattern, ventilator, IV, and other assorted tubes and wires snaking in and out from under the covers pretty much told the story. The clencher, however, was his face. Elizabeth had seen Sheppard looking like this before, usually with telltale scrapes, bruises, and cuts on just about every exposed skin surface. There were no injuries or marks this time. Just the deathly pallor and the stillness of his form. She couldn't help but think if the machines weren't telling her otherwise, she would think he was dead.
"Lass...I don't know what to tell you. We're managing to keep him alive...and that's about all."
"What happened down there?"
"I'm not sure. Apparently there was something wrong with the ZPM. When Rodney hooked it up, it went through Atlantis's systems and then through the chair to Sheppard. I'm not sure how, but it's as if it just shut all his systems down...almost like it's shut Atlantis's systems down. It's probably going to take Rodney and Zelenka working together to figure out exactly what happened."
"I should have listened to him. He tried to tell us there was something wrong, but we were so excited with the prosepect of a charged ZPM..."
"Now, Elizabeth. It's not like you didn't take all precautions. Rodney ran every test he could think of on the thing. Which leads me to believe this was not an accident. It's beginning to look like it was booby-trapped. You could not have anticipated that...none of us could."
"Is he going to be all right?" She held her breath, almost afraid to hear the answer. The long sigh Carson let out did nothing to make her feel better.
"I don't know. We'll do all that we can, but...we can't..." Beckett turned to face her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm going to be honest with you because I think you deserve that much. It doesn't look good and I don't think you should get your hopes up too much. His systems are barely functioning and there's a possibility of brain damage. I'll do an EEG later to give me a better idea. I just don't want you to expect too much."
"Why is he alive, Carson? Ford called me and told me he was...dead. Then, a few minutes later, he's alive again. What happened?"
"We tried to bring him back for quite a while. He was dead. Nick had just pronounced him and...Atlantis. I could hear her in my head...kind of like what the Major was experiencing there for a while. She told me she could lead him back and for us to keep trying...so we did."
"Have you heard from her since that?"
"No...and believe me, I've tried. I wanted to ask her if there was anything else I could do for him, but nothing. When she spoke...she was weak, almost as if she was injured. I'm afraid whatever that ZPM did to the systems is affecting her as well. Elizabeth...we may lose both of them."
Elizabeth felt the knot tighten in her stomach. This was quickly shaping up to be the worst day in her life. "What about Rodney? How is he?"
The tension in Beckett's face eased a bit. "Rodney's going to be fine. He's broken his arm..."
"Stop that! Will you let me go? Don't you understand, I've got to get out of here, unless you want to live like this? Of course, maybe you like that whole, darkness of a cave ambiance thing you guys have going here." Beckett and Weir made their way over to the bed where all the noise was coming from. They were greeted by the sight of Rodney and a nurse struggling, just moments away from one of them throwing blows. Elizabeth's money was on the nurse.
"Rodney," Beckett intercepted. "What do you bloody well think you're doin'? Lay back down, man. You have a concussion."
Fighting both Carson and the nurse apparently took too much energy, because after a moment,Rodney lay back against the pillows. Elizabeth noted his left arm in a cast and the heavy bandaging around his head. He looked pale and small scratches and scrapes were sprinkled across his face, neck, and arms. He closed his eyes a moment, obviously fighting pain, exhaustion, or both.
"That's better," said Carson, checking the IV line to make sure it was still okay after the scuffle. "Rodney, you have a pretty bad concussion, a broken arm, several cracked ribs, and lots of stitches. You're not moving from this spot. Now just settle down."
"But Carson, I have to help Atlantis. That ZPM did something. I'm not sure if it was a virus or what...but it uploaded something into Atlantis's systems. The whole thing was a trick...it had to be. If that actually been a charged ZPM that overloaded, we'd all be dead. Half of Atlantis would be gone. I need to find what's left and get it to the lab. I need to get into Atlantis's systems and see what's happened. How many systems are down, Elizabeth?"
Elizabeth looked to Beckett to see if she should tell McKay what was going on. Beckett put his hand on McKay's arm. "Rodney, you've received some pretty serious injuries. You need to rest. It'll all still be there tomorrow."
McKay looked at Beckett in disbelief. "And you actually think I can just lay back and rest not knowing what's going on with Atlantis? You don't know me very well, do you Carson."
Carson rubbed his eyes, his headache beginning to flare. "You might as well fill him in or he's going to drive us all to an early grave."
"Well, in a nutshell, we've lost all of Atlantis's systems. We have some backup emergency power to the infirmary because we set it up to run outside of the normal systems as a precaution against just this sort of thing. When I left the control room, they were about to set up some emergency lighting in there. That's all we have."
McKay looked thoughtful. "There's got to be something in Atlantis's running systems, because we should still be able to get power from the original ZPM and the Naqueda generators. I need to have a look at it."
"Tomorrow...maybe," said Beckett.
"No...I can't stay here and do nothing...look, I'll be careful and move slowly. Carson, I HAVE to go...I can't explain it but I feel this sense of urgency. I keep thinking I have to hurry or...or...I'm not sure what. I just feel like..." McKay suddenly looked up, fear on his face. "Sheppard...what happened to Sheppard?"
Beckett glanced at Elizabeth and then back at McKay. "Rodney...he's not good. We're just barely keeping him alive."
McKay swallowed hard. "Oh...Carson, I've got to get to work. What if I make sure I have someone with me all the time. If I pass out, they can call you. I HAVE to get to work."
"I can watch him, Dr. Beckett." They turned to see Dr. Zelenka walking up. Much like McKay, his face and hands were covered with small scratches and scrapes and his hair was frosted with white dust. "I would be happy to assist Dr. McKay in repairing Atlantis and also keep an eye on him for you."
Beckett looked unhappy and was beginning to feel ganged up on. Elizabeth didn't help much. "Carson...if you think he would be okay, we really could use him. The gate is down and we have two teams off world. The shield is inoperative and we don't know if the wraith or Genii could dial in right now. I really need his help."
Beckett sighed and stood thinking a minute. "This is against my better judgement and only under certain conditions. Rodney is not to be left alone for an instant. Let me know of severe headache or dizziness or nausea. When you finally decide to get some sleep, you return here so we can check you every two hours or so. And take it easy on those ribs. You're going to be sore for a while."
McKay breathed an audible sigh of relief. "Thank you Carson. This is important. I can't really explain why just yet. But we have to get Atlantis back on her feet as soon as possible." Beckett removed the IV and placed a bandaid on the puncture wound. He and the nurse helped McKay to his feet. He swayed for a minute and they continued to hold his arms, steadying him. After a minute, he gently shook them off. "Okay...I got it now." He very slowly shuffled forward.
"Let's get some clean clothes first, Radek. This dust is starting to itch."
"My thoughts exactly," the shorter scientist replied. They paused a minute at the foot of Sheppard's bed, watching the rise and fall of his chest. "Hang in there, Major. Guess your color vision wasn't so far off after all."
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The next two days, McKay and Zelenka worked on repairing Atlantis's systems. Beckett kept finding McKay and making him sit for a check-up periodically, much to McKay's annoyance. After the first day, Beckett had practically drug McKay back to the infirmary and made him get a few hours of sleep. After a few hours, McKay woke to find Beckett dozing in his office and snuck out of the infirmary and back to work. Beckett threatened to give him an enema if he didn't return to the infirmary, but McKay finally convinced him he would sleep a week once he got the city back up. Beckett finally just gave up and hoped McKay didn't work himself into a coma. One person in a coma at a time, please.
Beckett walked up to Sheppard's bed to find Nick standing there, looking at Sheppard's chart. It was early evening and it had been almost 56 hours since the explosion. "How's he doin'?"
Nick didn't say anything. He simply handed the chart to Beckett, who looked it over. Beckett sighed. "I'll call Elizabeth. She'll need to contact his team." He placed his hand on Nick's shoulder. Nick flinched.
"He saved my life, Carson. I know I'm supposed to be military, but I'm not...not really. Not like he is. He's...he's so amazing at what he does. I guess that's the first time I've ever been on a mission with anyone. I never really understood what was involved. The adrenaline rush was...I've never experienced anything like it. I just...feel like I got to see another side of him besides what we get in here. And I was impressed. He's a really good leader."
Carson smiled. "I know. It's different out there. I sometimes have to remind myself of what they are like out there to keep from smacking them when they are in here."
Nick grinned back at him...but it was a sad grin. "Yeah...two different worlds." He looked down sadly at Sheppard. "I don't think I can do this again."
"You have to...for them. It's our job."
Nick nodded. "Some days this job sucks."
"Aye...that it does, lad. I'll call Elizabeth."
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Elizabeth walked up to Sheppard's bed and stood beside Carson. "Please tell me you called me down here with good news," her voice pleaded.
Beckett took a deep breath. "I'm afraid not. Elizabeth...his systems are shutting down. There's very little brain activity. I...I don't think he'll make it through the night. You need to let his team know...in case they want to be with him."
Suddenly Elizabeth couldn't breathe and the room began to spin. Beckett put his arm around her and helped her to a chair. "Lean over and put your head down," he urged, gently pushing her head toward her lap. After a few minutes, she sat back up.
"I'm okay. I'm sorry, I just...I just...It's so unfair."
"Aye, I know. I'm sorry, Elizabeth. There just isn't anything more I can do for him. I guess I should have let him go the other day. It would have been easier than losing him twice."
"No, I don't believe that. You never quit as long as there is a chance. Never. You did the right thing. I'll call his team."
Elizabeth contacted Ford by radio. "Lt. Ford, this is Dr. Weir. Where are you?"
"Lt. Ford, Ma'am. I'm here with Teyla in the mess hall. Is something wrong?"
Elizabeth tried to find the words. "I'm here with Dr. Beckett in the infirmary and he thought I should contact you. He...he thought you two might want to sit with Major Sheppard. He may...Dr. Beckett thinks there's a chance he may not live through the night."
Ford closed his eyes and bit his lip a second. "We're on our way."
Next, Elizabeth contacted McKay. "Rodney, this is Elizabeth. Where are you?"
"I'm shopping at the mall, Elizabeth. What do you think? I'm in the control room trying to bring Atlantis back on line. You know, where I've been for the last two days. And yes, I'm fine. Radek and I are getting close if we could get people to leave us alone."
"Rodney...I need to talk to you. John's...Carson says that John's systems are failing and...he may not make it through the night. He thought his team might like to stay with him." There. She'd said it.
There was a brief pause, after which Rodney's very neutral and controlled voice answered. "I'll try to make it after while. I have to finish this first. Thanks for the update." And then the radio went dead.
Elizabeth looked up at Beckett. "I'm a little worried about Rodney. Maybe I should go talk to him."
Beckett shook his head. "Just give him some time, lass. He's havin' as hard a time as any of us dealin' with this."
Zelenka turned to McKay. "You should go, Rodney. I will continue working."
"No...we have to finish this and we have to finish it now. You can't do it alone." McKay kept working, his heart heavy in his chest. Part of him wanted to drop everything and rush to the infirmary. He loathed the thought of going there to find that Sheppard was already gone. But he couldn't stop working. He couldn't explain the drive within him to finish getting the city back on line, but somehow, a lot depended on him doing just that. And he felt like he was running out of time, even though no one had given him a time limit. He was barely keeping the panic at bay and he had no idea why. He knew they all thought he was in denial, that he couldn't deal with the fact that Sheppard was dying. Maybe he couldn't. He knew he couldn't let himself think about that now, because he had to fix the city.
"Keep working Radek. We have to get this done."
"Rodney...if Major Sheppard dies and you are not there...how will you feel?"
McKay paused and closed his eyes, the thought making him shudder. "Not good Radek. But I can't help him...and I can help Atlantis. I guess...I'd like to be able to tell him I fixed Atlantis before he...goes."
Zelenka reached over and patted McKay's shoulder. "Then we should get back to work."
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McKay rushed into the infirmary, suddenly terrified that he was too late. He quickly made his way to Sheppard's bed, surrounded by curtains to provide him and his team with some privacy. He was relieved to hear the familiar sounds of the monitor and the ventilator as he entered the area that was Sheppard's room. Ford and Teyla stood on the left side of the bed, Teyla gently rubbing her hand down Sheppard's arm. Elizabeth was on the other side of the bed, touching Sheppard's face with the back of her hand and talking softly to him.
"We're here John. You're not alone. We're all here for you and we're not going anywhere." She just kept talking to him, gently reminding him that he was not alone. He joined Beckett and Strauhan at the foot of the bed. His eyes were drawn to the monitor and realized the pattern was weak and irregular.
"I was getting worried, Rodny. I thought you weren't going to make it. I don't think it'll be long now," Beckett told him quietly. McKay nodded, not sure he could find his voice to say anything. He just stood watching for a few minutes, trying to let it sink in that he was here to watch his best friend die. He had let himself open up to this cocky, fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants pilot and actually let himself care about someone besides himself. And darn, if it didn't hurt. This was a lesson hard learned. And to top it all off, it was his fault. If only he'd taken Sheppard and his complaints about the ZPM seriously. He had just thought the man was being paranoid - kind of a military necessity. He made his way over to stand by Elizabeth and reached down to touch Sheppard's hand.
"Major...I think we have Atlantis ready to go back on line. Radek is putting the finishing touches on everything, but they should be giving it a try in just a few minutes. You might want to hang around and see the real power come on. Besides, you have a lot of I-told-you-so's to give me, don't you. Looks like you aren't color blind at all. Maybe just a little more perceptive than the rest of us. Anyway...it's been an honor to get to know you...You're pretty smart for a military goon."
Ford smiled at that. He leaned forward and placed his hand on Sheppard's leg. "We're here, sir. Just wanted you to know...we're with you all the way."
None of them missed the fact that the heartbeat on the monitor was becoming more and more irregular. Teyla grabbed onto Sheppard's hand and squeezed and Rodney, seeing her, did the same with the other hand. Elizabeth was running her hand across his forehead and smoothing his hair back. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "We love you John...we'll miss you."
The heart monitor alarm sounded as the line went flat. Nick bowed his head as Beckett turned off the monitor, silencing the alarm. He heard Teyla began to cry and he thought he heard a choked sob from Elizabeth. And then the lights went off and they were all plunged into darkness.
TBC
Yeah, I know. It's a sickness. Just hang on.