Sorry to have left you hanging last chapter (okay, so I'm not really sorry - I did it on purpose). Yes, I know I'm sick and no, I don't want help for it. (evil laugh!) I promise to take it easy on you this chapter as a reward for hanging around so long, because you know that I really appreciate all of you. Also sorry for the delay. I meant to have it up last night but I got distracted by some RL events.

The Mind of Atlantis - Chapter 21

"What's going on?" asked Elizabeth.

"It's okay," replied McKay, carefully moving to the edge of Sheppard's cubicle while trying not to knock anything over in the darkness. "They are about to power up Atlantis's main systems in 4...3...2...1..." The lights suddenly flickered and then came on strong. "There!" he said triumphantly. He then turned slowly back around and gazed sadly at Sheppard's still form. "I told you we almost had it back on line...if you just could have..." He turned and looked away, afraid he would lose it completely.

Nick suddenly took in a deep breath. "Carson," he said quietly. "Turn on the monitor." Beckett looked at him in confusion.

"What...why?"

"Just...turn it on." Beckett followed Nick's gaze to Sheppard's hand. Two fingers straightened slightly and then relaxed. Beckett felt his heart leap to his throat. He reached over and turned the heart monitor back on. The motion caught everyone's attention and they looked on in suspense.

"Beep...beep...beep..."

Neither doctor could believe their eyes. The rhythm was stronger and more regular than anything they had seen since moving Sheppard to the infirmary.

Teyla wiped the tears from her face, disbelief in her eyes. "I do not understand. How...how is this possible?"

McKay snapped his fingers, his expression indicating that the light bulb had just come on. "Why didn't I see it sooner? It was right in front of me. Although I must have subconsciously figured it out...that's why I was in such a hurry to get Atlantis fixed." McKay was grinning from ear to ear.

Everyone else was totally confused. "Rodney," said Carson. "What are you talkin' about?"

"It's the connection...don't you see? Sheppard is connected to Atlantis. When we attached the defective ZPM, he was physically connected to Atlantis. Whatever it was that downloaded into Atlantis also downloaded into the Major. His systems shut down just like the city's systems shut down. When we got Atlantis back on line, Sheppard...came back on line."

Carson rolled his eyes. "Rodney...he's not a bloody computer. What do you mean he downloaded the...whatever it was and he...came back on line."

"Well...I don't know exactly...but all of this is related to his connection to Atlantis. I need to get to the lab and see if I can figure this out." McKay started to head for the door, then stopped and turned back to Beckett. "He's...he's going to be okay now...right?"

Beckett just shrugged. "Rodney...this is all new to me. All I can tell you is that he's doin' better than he was before."

McKay nodded. "Well duh, Carson. Even I know alive is better than dead. I need to figure this out...it could help him get better. Call me if there's any change."

Beckett nodded. "Aye, I will. Go." McKay hurried out the door.

Teyla looked up at Ford and smiled. They moved back over to the bed and each placed a hand on Sheppard. "Welcome back, sir," said Ford.

Elizabeth pulled the chair up to the side of the bed and took Sheppard's hand. She interlaced her fingers with his, careful of the IV taped to the back of his hand. "I'm glad you decided to stick around. We're still here with you." She placed her other hand on his so that his hand was surrounded by both of hers and leaned her forehead against them, the tension of a few moments before being replaced with blessed relief. She felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks and was glad her face was hidden.

Beckett and Strauhan had been busy double checking the ventilator, IV, finger pulse oximeter, and heart monitor. When they were satisfied that everything was okay, they checked Sheppard's vital signs and recorded them on his chart. Both were pleased. Heartbeat was stronger and more regular and blood pressure was up slightly.

Nick smiled at Carson. "Sometimes I love this job." Beckett just nodded in agreement.

----------------------------------------------

"OW! What are you doing back there Carson, bleeding me with leeches or something?"

"If you'll be still, Rodney, it will not hurt so much. It should not hurt at all."

Elizabeth could hear the annoyance in Carson's voice as she entered the infirmary. She allowed herself a small smile at the banter taking place just ahead of her. It was much more reassuring than the somber silence of just two days before.

"What's going on?" she asked as she approached the exam table with Rodney McKay seated on it. He was wincing and ducking down as Carson tended to the wounds on his back.

"Oh, I'm just tryin' to check Rodney's stitches and change his dressin'and you'd think I was attemptin' major surgery without using anesthesia."

"I'm not too sure that's not what's going on back there," Rodney said, ducking away from Beckett again.

"Oh, for pity's sake, Rodney. Just sit still and we'll be done in a minute. Major Sheppard doesn't dance around this much even when he's had major surgery."

Elizabeth grinned at the arguing pair. "Speaking of Major Sheppard, how's he doing?"

"Better. His vital signs are gettin' stronger. I think I'll start weaning him off the ventilator tonight. I may have him off it tomorrow afternoon or evenin'. You know, I'm beginnin' to think Rodney has somethin' with this connection to Atlantis. We've been monitoring it and every time he brings more systems up, the Major's vitals improve. I think it's a bit much for coincidence."

"Has he regained consciousness yet?"

"No sign of that yet, lass, I think it'll be another day or two, even if he continues to improve. You have to remember...he died...twice. It's goin' to take him a while to recover from this one."

Elizabeth nodded. "I know. I'm going to take a look if that's okay."

Beckett nodded. "Go ahead. I'll be along in a minute..." He snuck a disgruntled look at McKay. "...or two."

----------------------------------------------------

It was another two days before Sheppard regained consciousness. The ventilator had been replaced by nasal cannula. Beckett approached Sheppard in order to give him one last check before he left for the night. He found Nick Strauhan sitting in the chair beside Sheppard's bed.

"You're here a wee bit early."

Nick sighed. "Yeah...I know. I just wanted to sit with him for a minute before my shift started."

Carson pulled up a chair and sat down beside him. "This has hit you pretty hard, hasn't it?"

Nick sat silently for a few moments, collecting his thoughts. "I guess it has. And I'm not really sure why." He rubbed his face with his hand. "We talked one night when he was in here and...we shared some experiences. I guess we kind of connected. Then, when I went with his team on that mission...Carson...I can't explain it. I just... I really wanted to go on another one. I want to go with them. Even when we were being attacked by the wraith, I felt...safe. I know that sounds stupid and I know we really weren't safe...but I also knew that they knew what they were doing and they worked together like clockwork to get us all out alive and unharmed. It was the most amazing thing. I guess somewhere in there I developed a new respect for the Major."

"So you...actually like goin' on the missions?" Beckett raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Yes...I think I do." They looked toward the bed as they heard a rustling of the covers. Sheppard was stirring and moaning softly. They got up and moved to either side of the bed.

"Major?" Beckett laid a hand gently on Sheppard's shoulder. "Major, can you hear me?"

Sheppard seemed to struggle for several moments before getting his eyes to open to slits. "Mmmmmm" he groaned.

"That's it, Major. Try to open your eyes a little more so that I know you're awake."

Sheppard blinked a few times and got his lids open a little more. As he brought them into focus, he tried to say hi, but just succeeded in stirring up a coughing fit. By the time he was over it, he could barely breathe. His throat felt raw and sore and his chest hurt terribly. He felt like someone had kicked him repeatedly and every breath sent up new flares of pain. He couldn't figure out why he hurt so much. He understood the headache - he'd almost grown to expect it over the last few weeks, but not the chest pain.

"How about an ice chip, son?"

Sheppard nodded, the movement so slight as to be almost imperceptible. Beckett slipped an ice chip in his mouth and he savored it as it melted and slid down his throat. He had let his eyes droop closed and was alreaady beginning to drift off when Beckett tapped him on the shoulder. He was so tired. Bone tired. I-can't-move-a-muscle tired. He wasn't sure he ever remembered being this tired.

"Come on, Major. Open your eyes again and I'll give you another ice chip." New voice. He fluttered his eyelids, managing to hold them open again. Nick was there with the promised ice chip. After he had savored it, he managed to find his voice, although hoarse and low.

"What...happened?"

"What do you remember, lad?" asked Beckett, talking softly since he knew Sheppard probably had a headache.

Sheppard seemed to be thinking a minute. But he felt disjointed and hazy. He had a hard time concentrating and couldn't seem to think straight. "I don't know...eating in the mess hall maybe...not sure," he finally said.

Beckett gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It's alright. Memory loss after a trauma is not unusual. You may remember later. How do you feel?"

"Headache...chest hurts...Feel sort of...hazy...like I'm not supposed to be here." Sheppard's eyes were starting to drift closed again. "Sooo...tired..." Sheppard drifted off to sleep and the doctors let him.

Beckett stood watching over Sheppard for several minutes. Nick finally asked him, "Are you okay, Carson?"

Beckett sighed and looked up at him. "Aye...I just never thought I'd talk to him again. It's...strange."

Nick nodded. "I know. If he's got nine lives, we know he's used at least two of them."

Beckett, remembering the time he revived Sheppard on the floor of the jumper after a giant bug had attached itself to the Major's neck, said, "Make that three."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next time Sheppard came to awareness, his could think more clearly. He lay quietly in the bed, taking in his surroundings and trying to remember why he was here. It must have been at least a little while since the last time he was awake because the nasal cannula were gone. He heard approaching footsteps and looked up to see Beckett, McKay, and Weir walking toward him. Elizabeth glanced up and saw that he was awake, her face breaking out into a smile. She said something to the others, causing them to stop talking and look his way.

"Major, good to see you're awake," said Carson brightly as they surrounded his bed. He immediately began checking his vital signs and double-checking the equipment surrounding the bed.

"You look pretty good for a dead man," said McKay.

Sheppard furrowed his brow in confusion. "Dead man?"

"Rodney...is that any way to greet the man?" complained Beckett. "Ignore him, Major. I'll explain in a bit. How do you feel?"

Sheppard shifted in the bed, trying to decide how he did feel. Beckett moved the head of the bed so that is sat up a bit. "Tired...kind of sore, especially my chest," he said, rubbing his chest absently. "I feel kind of...weird..."

"Weird?" asked Beckett.

"Yeah...I don't know exactly how to explain it. What happened...why is my chest so sore?"

"Don't you remember," asked McKay. "The ZPM was bad."

Sheppard looked at McKay, now noticing the healing scratches and bruises, the new scar on his forehead that stretched down the side of his face a bit, and the arm in the cast. "What happened to you and what ZP..." Realization hit his expression and he leaned back against the pillows. "The ZPM...there was something wrong with it. I just remember Atlantis screaming at me to get it out...and the pain..." He shut his eyes and shuddered, the memory now fresh and raw. His headached flared for a second.

"Major?" He opened his eyes to find Beckett hovering.

"I'm okay. Rodney...what happened?"

"The ZPM was booby-trapped, not charged. Very cleverly done, I might add. The energy signature was like that of a charged ZPM. It was rigged to deliver a program...sort of like a virus...into Atlantis's systems and shut them down. It was also rigged to overload and explode, taking out the power port. If the thing had actually exploded while inserted into the power port, it could have set off a chain reaction that would have destroyed Atlantis, especially if we had other charged ZPMs plugged into the other ports. If it didn't, the ...virus...or whatever it is...would take down the remaining systems. As it is, a lot of damage was done. But it could have been a lot worse if the program had completely downloaded or if the thing had been plugged in when it exploded. We got lucky."

"Are you okay?" asked Sheppard, scrutinizing McKay for other signs of injury.

"I'm all right now...well, of course my arm is broken and that is a constant source of pain and discomfort. Then there's the cuts on my back that Carson had to stitch up...and let me just say that it's a good thing he doesn't make his living as a seamstress because I really think my grandmother could have done better. As it is, I'll be scarred for life. And then..."

"Rodney!" Elizabeth cut him off with a stern look.

"Oh...yes...I'm all right."

"Is Atlantis completely back on line yet?" he asked McKay.

"Not yet...but we are close. I think we'll have everything back in the next two or three days. I'm just glad we got the major systems on line when we did. We almost lost you a second time."

Sheppard looked up at McKay sharply. "You what?"

McKay looked nervously at Beckett. "Oh...you haven't told him yet?"

"No Rodney, he hasn't been conscious long enough.. But thanks for the introduction...twice." Beckett turned back to Sheppard. "I was goin' to let you get a little stronger before I talked to you about this, but it seems Rodney has moved up the timetable a wee bit."

"It's okay, Doc. Just tell me. I've been dead before, remember? How much worse can it be?" When Beckett didn't say anything, Sheppard began to get nervous. And then he saw the haunted, sad look in Elizabeth's eyes and he was really afraid.

"After you told them to remove the ZPM, you had a seizure and then went into cardiac arrest. We worked on you for quite a while, but we just didn't get any response. I had to go help Rodney after he was trapped in the explosion, but Nick kept working on you for a while. He finally had to call it when he couldn't get you back."

Sheppard looked around nervously. "He called it? So...am I dead and I just don't know it yet or what?"

"Oh wait til you hear this next part. Straight out of the movie of the week," offered McKay.

Beckett gave McKay a warning glance. "You're not going to believe this...but Atlantis talked to me...in my head. She was very weak and I could barely hear her. She said for us to keep trying and she would lead you back...that we couldn't let you die. So we tried again...and we got you back."

Sheppard frowned, looking deep in thought. "I keep having this weird...it's not a memory...it's more like an impression...of being lost inside the city...and Atlantis coming to get me and leading me out. I don't know, I haven't been able to make sense of it yet. It could just be a dream."

Sheppard lay back against the pillow for a moment. "Did you guys...were you ever here...all at the same time?"

Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. "Yes...how did you...were you aware we were here?'

"No...not really. I just suddenly had this impression that you had all been here together at one time. So you were?" Sheppard wondered at the sad expressions on their faces. "What?"

Elizabeth stepped forward and took his hand. She looked at his hand, though, and not at his face. He thought for a minute she might cry.

"What is it?" he asked softly.

"Major..." offered Beckett. "I called them all here to sit with you because...I was pretty sure you weren't going to make it through the night."

Elizabeth squeezed his hand. "We didn't want you to be alone, so we stayed with you. Rodney worked on fixing Atlantis until early in the morning. He joined us just before..." Her voice trailed off and she looked back down at her hands.

"...just before you died," said Rodney softly. He shifted his glance from the floor to Sheppard. "And then the city came back on line and you...came back too. Carson and I monitored it after that. Every time we brought a system back on line...you got better. You and Atlantis are connected in a way none of us understand."

Sheppard closed his eyes and leaned back into the pillow. He'd died twice and apparently Atlantis had brought him back both times. He' d died twice. How many times had he almost crossed that line? He thought about his team standing around waiting for him to die and it filled him with a sudden sense of sadness. HIs face felt flushed and hot and he wanted desperately to be alone. He opened his eyes and looked at Elizabeth. Now he understood the haunted look in her eyes. She had sat with him for hours only to watch him die...and now he was back. That had to be unnerving.

"I'm...kinda tired," he said softly. It wasn't a lie. He really was still very tired, but he also wanted to be alone to try to sort out the conflicting emotions now swirling through him.

Elizabeth made a quick swipe across her face with the back of her hand and he saw the tell tale remnant of tear tracks down her face. "Of course you are. We'll let you get some rest. We can talk later." She squeezed his hand one more time before letting go.

McKay nodded at him briefly, a small smile edging up the corners of his mouth. "I'm glad you're back, Major. It would be way too much trouble to break someone new in. I've invested far too much time in getting you trained." He turned and walked out behind Elizabeth.

Sheppard sat thoughtfully for a few seconds before he looked up crossly and said, "Trained? What do you mean trained? I'm not trained, McKay! ...McKay, get back in here!"

Beckett just grinned at the return to some semblance of normal. "Get some rest, Major."

TBC

Okay...was that better?