Yay for more of a mess! I don't own Fire Emblem. Wee. Enjoy.

"A badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger badger a snake a SNAAAAAAAAAAAKE KILL IT!!!" Pent screamed and hit the computer upside the monitor with his physic staff. The computer made a noise but the kid next to him anonymously exited out of the web page before Pent could do anymore damage to the computer. Pent blinked and looked around at all the people staring at him. "You saw nothing! Go back about your daily business! You saw nothing!"

"Uh…"

"NOTHING!" Pent shrieked at the kid and glued his own eyes back on to the computer screen. "Hm… advertisements… Click here to win an X-box… what's an x-box? Nah… Click here to win a dream vacation for two. I don't want a vacation in my sleep! What? Hot wild teenage myrmidon girls 18 birthday partypics XXX? Hm…. Click here…"

"I hate department stores."

"But they have a sale!"

"I hate department stores."

"So what!" Lucius yanked Erk by the back of his robe and dragged him inside. Strange day for a sale. It was way too quiet. A little TOO quiet, if you asked Erk. There were a few customers lurking about, trying on clothes or peeking in and out of the dressing rooms.

"Lucy, if there's a sale, how come there isn't anyone here?"

"They're all in the checkout line." Lucius pointed. There was a snake of people at the check out line, all crabbing and complaining at the employee who was busy picking her nose.

"Oh, we are NOT standing in that line."

"No worries! It'll die down in about two hours."

"…Two hours?"

"CAN I HELP YOU!?" The annoying sales lady from hell popped up out of a clothes rack and nearly toppled Erk. "CAN I BE OF SERVICE TO Y OU!?"

"Yeah…" Erk called from the floor. "Get off my back.

"OH I AM SO SORRY!"

"Must you yell?!"

"YELL? WHAT IS THIS YELLING-HI! WELCOME TO JC PENNY!" The sales lady spotted a new customer and ran off to 'assist' another poor customer.

"Well… that was definitely out of the ordinary." Lucius held out a hand to Erk to help him up.

"Are you kidding? From the way this trip is going I'd say it WAS ordinary."

"Hey!" Raven burst out of the same clothes rack the sales lady was in. "Have you seen those stupid myrmidons?"

"Um… I don't think so…" Lucius tapped his chin. "Last I saw they were running towards Victoria's secret."

"Hm… I must come up with a plan… KATE!"

"I can't find my sock!" Kate tumbled out of the clothing rack and landed on her butt with a single sock grasped in her hand. "My foot is cold!"

"…You left the inn without socks and shoes on?" Erk poked the tactician. Kate growled and bit at his hand, but Erk was too fast and yanked his hand away. "Down Kate!"

"WAH!"

"She was trying on shoes." Raven explained. "However, I'm not sure as to why she took off her socks."

"The boot ate it!"

"If the boot ate it, why didn't you just pull it back out?"

"Cuz the boot ATE it."

"…"

"It was gone! Digested! Decomposed! Disintegrated! Really big word for breaking down stuff!"

"Strange, I didn't know the first three were in your vocabulary…" Raven blinked, then grabbed a pair of socks off a rack and tossed them at Kate. "Put those on! Then we must find the myrmidons! And after that we shall rage my revenge!"

"Against what?" Erk quarked a brow.

"Hecto-I mean… the BEES…"

"…but it's Winter?"

"SILENCE!" Raven decked Erk. "You do not challenge the king!"

"These socks make my toes all warm."

"Put your shoes on and come!" Raven tossed some gold and the sock tag at Lucius. "We have myrmidons to find!"

"Aye aye sir!" Kate saluted and hopped out the store after Raven.

"Was there a point to that?"

"No." Lucius flipped through the clothes racks until a sign finally caught his eye. "Hm… 'buy this for your special someone'…Erky, do you think Lord Raymond would-"

"NO He does not want lingerie!"

"Well…" Lucius tilted his head at Erk and smiled.

"…NO I'm not going to buy you lingerie either."

"FINE." Lucius sulked and stormed towards the kitchen supplies.

"So now that we've shoveled the snow and had our warm drinks, what do we do next?" Wil asked Wallace. The two of them were standing outside with a ladder and Wallace had a box of mysterious objects.

"Now that we have defeated the army of the white, we must hang the heads of the enemy upon the house!"

"This is knightly?"

"No, its barbaric, but its one of those traditions the women like. It's a rather inhumane task that requires wyvern riders and Pegasus knights… but we are not allowed to use them!"

"How come?"

"Because it makes us look less manly!" Wallace grunted and shifted the ladder to the side of the house. "Now ascend the ladder! I will hold the ladder and you will string these heads upon the house!"

"…How do they stay?"

"Little arrows are sticking out of the string holding the heads! Just stick the arrow into the gutter of the dwelling and the heads will stick!"

"What happens once we have the heads strung?"

"Then we plug them in and fire ignites inside of them and they light up! The ladies find this quite charming."

"How are the Christmas lights coming?" Fiora was standing at the window right where Wallace and Wil were hanging the decorations.

"Aye, they're going up." Wallace grumbled. "Keep your skirt on, lass, this inn will be decorated in no time."

"You can't look up that stuff." The kid was busy running a scan on the computer Pent was using. "For one thing its disgusting, and another, those sites are always packed full of viruses."

"I see…"

"Um… does your wife know you look up that stuff?"

"It is something a man does in private and it is none of his wife's business!"

"Yeah she doesn't know."

"Nope. Not a clue."

"Well, don't do it again, especially in public." The kid mumbled, "Now I can see where your name came from."

"Fine, fine." Pent sat down at the next computer while the previous one made noises and removed all the viruses from the insane amount of naughty material Pent had looked up. "Hm… no new emails… just junk mail… house mortgage? The castle mortgage is fine! Louise took care of it. Well, there was the time Erk blew up the western wing… next. Chain mail. Read this and send it to ten people or the love of your life will leave you. AHHH!!! NO!! DON'T LET MY SPARKY DOG LEAVE ME!" Pent quickly forwarded the email to 10 people, then went to the next email. "…E-bay?"

"The dog… can… BIG WORD! BIG WORD HURT BARTRE HEAD!"

"Woah calm down there!" Canas rushed over to Bartre and sat down next to him. "Let's try reading the word very very very slowly, okay?"

"Okay."

"The first sound is an R. Can you say R?"

"R!"

"Right-o! The next sound is an UH sound."

"UH!"

"Good job! The last sound is an N sound!"

"N!"

"Together it reads R UH N. Say it fast!"

"RUN!"

"Very good!"

"The dog… can… RUN!"

"Wow." Nino looked at Bartre and Canas, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "I'm just learning to read myself but… wow. I'm not even THAT slow…. Hey, is that Pent over there?"

"Fire tome for 40 gold… I think I will sell mine for 30 but have a shipping and handling for 20 because lords are idiots and don't read that stuff." Pent gleefully clicked a bunch of things and watched as bids flew on his account. "Yay!"

"Hey Lord Pent! Whatcha doing?"

"Selling things off this place called E-bay." Pent said proudly.

"Cool! What all did you sell?"

"I sold the old fire tomes, a BRAND NEW healing staff, some tactician robes, a pair of boots, Eliwood's horse, the whole province of Caelin, and HEY Cornwell is up for bid!"

"Cornwell?"

"A place with a well and corn in it!" Pent said matter-of-factly. "I will say… 2000 gold!"

"Right…"

"Sain, get out of there."

"NO!"

"Sain."

"NO!"

"Sain, no lady is going to walk in there with you in it."

"And how do you know that, Kent?"

"Because I can see your abnormally large feet."

"Well, you know what they say about men with large feet."

"…You are an exception to that rule. In your case, your head is just bigger."

"And how would YOU know that?"

"…"

"Oh… nevermind, but you are missing the point!" Sain walked out of the dressing room. "Alas, I will ne'er have a sweetheart for the holidays."

"…Can you talk like a normal person?"

"No."

"Try this." Legault emerged from the shadows and walked over to Sain. "It's a new fragrance called Mistletoe."

"Where'd you get this?"

"The cabinet with colognes and perfumes." Legault pointed behind him. "This cologne is guaranteed to have women all over you."

"Hm… prove it!"

"Alright." Legault turned to Denning, who was standing there for no reason, and sprayed him with the cologne. Denning blinked and looked at Legault, emotionless as always. "You see that girl over there? I want you to ask her out." Denning, still thinking Legault was a member of the black fang, obeyed and wandered over to a girl and a bunch of her friends on the other side of the store.

"I have a message for you."

"Um… like yeah?" The fake bake asked and twirled her hair.

"Meet me on the Dread Isle."

"OOOOOOOOOOOO YOU ARE LIKE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ATTRACTIVE!" The girl screamed and she and her friends all glomped Denning and dragged him off into the mall, never to be seen again until 5 minutes later at a K-mart down the road.

"…See?"

"Wow." Kent and Sain were both dumbfounded. "Thank you!" Sain grinned and sprayed himself with it. He then marched into the middle of the mall where a bunch of girls were and threw his arms around them. "Ladies come to me! Your true love is here!"

"Ew get away!"

"Get off you pervert!"

"Take this!" The girls all screamed and surrounded Sain and furiously beat him with their purses and bags.

"Ow!…Ladies please-AH!! Not there-OW! KENT!"

"No way, I'm staying out of this one." Kent folded his arms.

"LEGAU-OW! AHHHHHHHHH!"

"…I thought you said the girls would be all over him." Kent said as monotone as ever.

"What are you talking about?" Legault smirked, "They are all over him." He looked at Kent for a minute until a candle with a flame clicked on over the knight's head.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I get it."

"…Your laugh is quite scary."