I'm putting in Soren and Reyson. Just because. This chapter sucks. Trust me.

"No, I'm not going."

"Please, Soren?"

"No! Make Janaff go with him!"

"Janaff's hung over!"

"Then make Ulki do it!"

"Ulki is still rocking back and forth in the corner from hearing Calill and Largo all night."

"Then YOU go with him, Ike."

"Reyson specifically requested you, Soren. He says that it makes him sad that you spend all of your time… angsting."

"Angsting?"

"YES. He says that you should be on at LEAST three times as many anti-depressants as he is!"

"You don't get it, do you, Ike?"

"What?"

"You're trying to make ME go to a MALL where PEOPLE are with a bi-polar blonde who breaks his hand when he opens a pickle jar!…WITH WINGS!"

"You make him sound like a feminine pad." Mia walked by.

"…You're going and that's an order!"

"Damn you all."

So this is how Soren was tricked into going Christmas shopping with Reyson. This mad him very very angry. Soren was SO angry he did not even QUESTION where this mall is or where they were. He just wanted to go home and lurk in the corner of his tent and do that "angsting" thing Ike said he was accused of always doing.

"Don't worry, Soren, this will be fun!" Reyson smiled at the sage.

"No, it won't."

"Well, it won't be if you keep up that attitude."

"It's a MALL, Reyson. Technically, they should not even exist in our time yet, but I'm not going to question WHY one exists. Also, malls are swarmed by buckets of hormones also known as teenagers. The females are all 40 pounds underweight, blonde, and retarded. The males aren't much better but they vary from rich asshole to poor douche bag."

"…Don't major in Sociology or Psychology, okay? You might kill yourself." A sweat droplet ran down the back of Reyson's head, but his panged expression turned to one of joy when he saw the bright colors of the mall just up ahead. "Well, here we are!"

"I swear, the sizes just keep getting SMALLER!" Lucius sucked in his chest. He finally managed to get a size 2 blue sweaters over his head and pulled it down over his chest. He fussed at his hair for a bit, then walked out of the dressing room.

"How's this, Erky?"

"Lucius, you're wearing a girl's shirt."

"Well it's not MY fault it's more form fitting than male clothes!" Lucius snorted, "…Well?"

"Try a lighter blue. That one's too dark- and I thought we were shopping for Christmas PRESENTS, not Lucius PRESENTS."

"Well… I… I got distracted!" Lucius bolted back into the dressing room to change.

Erk sighed and leaned back up against the wall. Oh, how he would rather go home and unscrew a few Christmas lights on the roof to confuse the crap out of Wallace and Wil. But no, fate dictated he spend the at least two year long day because Kate never updates this fic omg with Lucius. Out of the corner of his eye, a tall blonde dressed in a white robe with wings walked into a dressing room with his arms full of clothes. This didn't phase Erk. After dealing with Serra for more than 10 month, very few things surprised Erk.

"Why am I not surprised to see you here?"

"Hm?" Erk looked to his left. There was an extremely pale kid about his age, dressed completely in black. He had hair the same color as his clothing, but his eyes were bright red, and he had an interesting symbol on his forehead. "…Please don't tell me you're with the winged blonde."

"I won't as long as you don't tell me you're here with that cross dressing eunuch."

"I wish I could tell you that much." Erk rolled his eyes. "Would you rather we leave here and find something else to do?"

"I hate social events. You know this." The mage raised an eyebrow.

"So you would rather sit here and watch Angel Boy try on clothes?"

"No." Soren frowned, "There is a coffee shop near by we can go to."

"You like coffee?"

"Can't stand it."

"Neither can I." Erk stood up. "Lucius, I'm abandoning you for that mage that traveled with us for a few weeks."

"WHAT!" Lucius burst out of the dressing room, half-clothed, but Erk and Soren were already gone. "Why that little… eh?" He heard sniffling in the room next to him. Lucius put his ear up to the door, but by then the sniffling became crying.

"WAAAAAAAH I'M SO FAT I CAN'T FIT INTO THIS OUTFIT! EVERYONE IS GOING TO LAUGH AT ME AND CALL ME STUPID AND I SHOULD JUST GO WRITE IN MY LIVEJOURNAL ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE MYSELF AND I SHOULD JUST GO DIE!"

"Oh, I'm sure it looks fine! Open this door!" Lucius knocked on the door.

"WHY? You're just gonna LAUGH AT ME!"

"No I won't, I promise!"

"LIAR!"

"I'm not a liar! I haven't even seen you yet! How would you know?" Lucius frowned, "I'll tell you what! If I laugh, you can… punch me!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"Now what?"

"IF I PUNCH YOU, I'LL… I'LL…"

"You'll what?"

"I'LL BREAK MY HAND!"

"…Okay, open this door before I knock it down." Lucius was now annoyed. "You are being soooooooooo pathetic, you know that?"

"I'M BI-POLAR!"

"I don't CARE what sexual preferences polar bears are! OPEN THIS DOOR!"

"FINE!" Slowly the door creaked open. Lucius stood there, blinking. A man about the same height but with a slightly more manly stature was standing before a mirror, sobbing uncontrollably. He had blonde hair about the same color as Lucy's, but Lucius also noticed that the man had large white wings, and those damn wings were getting feathers everywhere and making me sneeze! My nose hurts!

"Hm… Well, I can see what the problem is."

"I LOOK FAT!"

"Only because you got the wrong SIZE, silly!" Lucius snorted, then grabbed Reyson by the belt. "Look, these are a size 40 waist! The length is also off! What are they… 42? You are nowhere NEAR these sizes! Let me see that jacket!"

"There's HOLES IN IT FROM MY WINGS!"

"Don't you DARE start crying or I'll give you something to fuss about!" Lucius frowned, but Reyson strangely bucked up. "Now, for starters? If you want a nice evening suit to wear, this department store is not for you! Put your regular clothes on and stifle your cries! I will rescue you from this fashion disaster!"

"I'm a DISASTER!"

"Yes, and you allow me to help!" Lucius handed Reyson his robes. "Now stop blubbering like a baby and buck up!"

"Y-yes sir…"

"…So yeah, that's pretty much what happened." Soren was seated at a table with Erk, each with a steaming cup of coffee in front of them.

"Wow. And here I thought Janaff was the dominant one." Erk seemed surprised.

"Remind you, Janaff and Reyson were both very drunk." Soren's expression didn't change.

"And I'm sure we've all seen what happens to those who drink." Erk took a sip of his coffee and made a face. "Just ask Kent about Raven's birthday party."

"I'll just take your word for it." Soren looked out the coffee shop window, then slowly raised an eyebrow. "It seems Lucius has found Reyson."

"Who? What?" Erk looked outside.

"The bird I was with." Soren explained, "They're going into a man's warehouse of clothing and those annoying myrmidons are following. I'm tempted to say we should follow them in secret."

"Why?"

"Your foolish tendencies seem to have rubbed off on me somewhat." Soren closed his eyes. "And I do not like coffee."

"You don't like anything! …Let's go."

"Try this one on!"

"It has STRIPES! I don't like stripes, they make me look fat!" Reyson frowned.

"HORIZONTAL Stripes make you look fat and those are for restricted use by tourist grandmothers who wear WAY too much lipstick anyway!" Lucius explained, "VERTICAL stripes make you look professional and slimmer. NOW GO TRY THIS ON!"

"YESSIR!" Reyson spazzed then flew into the dressing room, which caused even MORE feathers to get up my nose.

"Lucy! These feathers are interfering with my diabolical plans!" Raven climbed out of a coat box resting on a nearby counter. "…Where is Kate?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

"BIIIIIIIIIIIRDYYYYYYYYYYY ACHOO!"

"KATE! Get out of there!" Raven snapped. The dressing room door flew open and Reyson flew out in heron form, and then dove for sanctuary between two clothing racks. Kate toppled out of the dressing room, covered in feathers.

"ACHOO!" Kate sneezed, and more feathers flew everywhere. "Mah noesh is all shtuffed up. Eeeey I found the myrmidons!"

""Ey Pete! Check out that angel!" Fuzz snickered.

"That ain' no angel, Fuzz!" Sherbert snorted, "That's Harvey Birdman!"

"It is!" Pete's eyes went wide. "GOOD, cuz we needa lawyer!"

"I'm NOT this Harvey Birdman you speak of!" Reyson stomped his foot, then acted all majestic like. "I am Reyson, Prince of the Heron Tribe of Serenes Forest."

"…Sure you ain't the queen? Cuz ya sound like one!" Pete hooted, then caused he and his cousins to break out into laughter. Reyson's eyes welled up with tears and he stormed back into the dressing room. "Aiyee… oops."

"Ya think he knew we was just playin?" Fuzz looked at Pete.

"You should be ashamed of yourselves! Picking on him like that!" Lucius slapped each of them upside the head with his purse, then went to comfort Reyson.

"HEY! YOU THERE! MYRMIDONS!"

"Awww hellfires." Sherbert rolled his eyes. "Jigs' up, guys. The King found us.

"Now that I have successfully purchased a land of wells full of corn and spent all of my wife's retirement money, I think I will go do something else." Pent began to look around at other things on the Internet. "AIM? Instant messaging? This should be fun! Let's see… screen name? What is a screen name? You do not name screens!"

"It means username." That kid next to him spoke up again. "Just pick a name and put it down."

"Hm…" Pent tapped his chin for a while, and then finally typed in a username. "Yes! Brilliant!"

"…Cottage Cheese?"

"Yes." Pent looked gleeful.

"…Whatever you say, man…"