DNAngel Bonus Album Chapter 7: Hurts So Bad, a d n angel fanfic

Disclaimers: I own it not. And 'Hurts So Bad' is Anthony Callea's. So yeah.

Author's Notes: Like Satoshi's last track… but it was scary… mostly cause I could SEE Satoshi singing this one…

000

Track Six: Hurts So Bad

000

You're an obsession now,
Night after night I think of you,
A little mysterious,
You're hot like the sun but you're cool like the moon

It would be easier,
If I could only read your mind,
Not knowing is killing me,
Are you trying to be cruel 'coz I'm dying inside

CHORUS
Do you know what you're doing when you walk like that,
Do you mean what you're saying when you talk like that,
Did you steal my heart 'cos you knew you could,
How could something feel so good,
When it hurts so bad

Are you insatiable,
How many hearts are on your list,
When will you let me know,
Am I touching your soul when I'm kissing your lips

Do you believe in love,
Or are you making other plans,
You're making it hard for me,
I know what I'm feeling but I don't understand

What can I do to make you understand,
You've got to know you're my one and only,
You're all I need baby, all that I have,
How can it hurt so bad

000

The shrill sound of the bell was what woke Satoshi up. He grumbled something under his breath as he sat up, a number of students passing by his desk to reach the door. No one was paying any attention to him anyway, but why would he care?

Stuffing his books into his bag, the blue-haired boy got up and sauntered to the door, exiting the now-empty classroom. It was like any other day; where teachers and students were caught up in a constant battle of willpower, and all the people who weren't involved got caught up in the crossfire. It was very painful, but you just had to get used to it.

Walking home was a drag, but today seemed more peaceful than usual, due to the lack to girls around to stare at him. That was a relief for so many reasons and why did it have to happen every single day? It was just painful to think about it and he shoved it away.

It was just another day. There was nothing special about it.

Oh, how very wrong he was.

The familiar sound of that really annoying reporter-wannabe – Saehara – yelling something that made no sense whatsoever reached Satoshi's ears. Then he heard another voice, telling him to calm down. It didn't take long for him to work out who that was.

Niwa.

But why was he there? Supposedly, the other boy had dragged him off for one reason or another. Although Satoshi had come to accept his own feelings for the boy – as ridiculous as it was, Krad so often told him – he couldn't stand being around the redhead, because it was just so… painful. Honestly, the boy was too naïve for his own good, and that's what made it more complicated.

Besides, Niwa would end up with Harada Riku; when she came to accept Dark, anyway. He was a Hikari, and that was all the reason he needed to avoid being around others, and staying a good distance away from the redhead.

So why was it, almost constantly, that Niwa would hang around him? Talk to him? Treat him like a friend?

If it had been anyone else, he would have questioned their sanity. Or lack thereof, seeing that most people, as much as they worshiped him, they were wary of him. No one ever communicated with him unless it was entirely necessary, and even then they were hesitant.

And then there was Niwa and Dark. The Phantom Thief, being who he was, taunted and treated it all like a game. If that meant they got along, he was going to have to shoot him.

But Niwa… it was strange. Odd. Almost like someone was manipulating their lives and pulling them into these sorts of situations. But he was the first and foremost person who treated him like a fellow human being. And even after he found out about the curse inside of himself and, later, Satoshi, he still talked to him and didn't seem to care about their other halves.

That in itself was a questioning thought.

There was no logical answer to it, and that was what baffled him the most, and that was what made it even harder to work out what to do and how he was going to handle it. It was just too much to take in, especially when the very boy who befriended him was host to the one he sought to get rid of.

Did he even have the heart to do it anymore? He wasn't sure, and there was a chance that he would never know. There was so much at stake against the two clans, and the spirits that resided within them, but how could he hurt someone who had done him no harm?

But then again, now that he thought about it, aside from Krad and, perhaps the whole of his existence, Niwa was the first person to truly hurt him in a way that could not be forgotten.

So then why did he care so much for the boy? It didn't make any sense to him, and maybe that was what hurt the most.

It was the fact that he held onto a dream that was not only foolish and absurd, but something that would never happen. And still he clung onto it; to him, it was the one of the few things worth living for.

The rest was just to catch Dark.

Was that his only purpose in life, then? Was that all he had to look forward to? For many years that had been his only goal and there was no other; so why was he thinking about it now?

So many conflicting emotions; so many troubles and fears that he now had to face. Things that he never had to experience now piled up on him, and perhaps that was Niwa's fault.

If it hadn't been for him, if Satoshi had only been able to keep his distance away from the red-haired boy…

Then things would be different.

And he also knew that it was too late to think like that. There was no way to change the past now, and that was final. He had to continue living, even if he hated it, and loathed the curse within his body and soul, but he would keep living. And that in itself he hated. Or maybe it was because he knew that Niwa would never allow that to happen.

Why did the boy care so much about his well-being? He was the very same person who hurt both Dark and himself, and he was still willing to smile, laugh and just talk with the blue-haired boy. Why didn't he see the dangers, the pain, the fact that he didn't want to talk to anyone?

Why did it have to be this way!

Satoshi stopped thinking this way as he came into consciousness that he was hyper-ventilating. Calming himself down, he tried to rid himself of the thoughts that plagued him constantly now. In a way, it was his fault for letting things get out of control, and now look at him.

He had both made an enemy and friend.

Was that even the right word to use in this situation?

Again, it was a questionable thought.

Niwa fell in and out of love with the younger Harada girl, and was now in love with the older of the two twins. But was it really love? He didn't know; he didn't know what love was. It was a word, it was a trigger, and it was a curse.

Spinning on the heels of his shoes, the blue-haired boy mentally berated himself for thinking again and made a different route home. Or, to put it simply, the small room that he lived him almost all day unless he needed to be somewhere else.

Nothingness greeted him as he entered, as he knew it would. It wasn't like the man who adopted him would ever really be there, so there was nothing new to the dead feeling that hung in the room. He didn't care about all that and the thoughts in his head weren't exactly helping his train of thought either.

Being alone was what he was used to, and Niwa had invaded in his privacy; breaking into the depths of his own humane emotions and letting them loose and allowing them to wreak havoc.

He hated Niwa for that.

000

Voices.

Another presence. Another being.

:I'm right here.:

Stifling a curse, Satoshi tried to mentally block out the voice that plagued him constantly. It was there, and there was no way for him to be rid of it; or, at least, not until it was all over. But he couldn't stand it; he couldn't face the pain that he had to endure each day.

It wouldn't leave him alone, no matter how many times he tried.

:You can't get rid of me. You can't destroy my presence.:

These were the types of days that Satoshi hated the most. Although school was a pointless study in itself for the blue-haired boy, he could never stand the sibilant hiss that was there. Prowling, searching, whispering, seeking…

Being there.

As it had been, he could never go to school in such a state, especially since there was a good chance that he would crack under the pressure; and he was supposed to be the student who didn't talk to anyone and got incredibly high grades.

But it didn't mean anything about his emotional and mental well-being.

:I will always be here for you, and you know that as well as I do. We are the one and same, Satoshi-sama.:

He hated it so much, but it wouldn't leave him alone. Choosing to ignore it, Satoshi rolled onto his side and stared at the bleak wall in the far corner. A thin strip of light fell across to that side and was the only interesting thing to focus on, but then again, he wasn't really focusing.

He was contemplating. But it wasn't the smartest thing to do.

:You can't protect Niwa forever. You never were one to hold such emotions to anyone… until now…:

He couldn't stand it… he just couldn't stand it…

000

The vague sound of buzzing was what brought Satoshi back to reality and he looked up at the speaker/thingy blankly. School would already be over and there was no reason for anyone to be at the front of his… place of residence, so who the hell-?

At least Krad had decided to leave him alone for the time being; and for that, he was grateful.

Opening the door slowly, he spoke to the figure standing out there monotonously, "Yes?"

"Hiwatari-kun? It's Niwa. Sensei wanted me to bring you your homework, so…"

It wasn't the first time that the redhead had brought Satoshi's homework to him, so it wasn't all that surprising. But it was still a wonder as to why the boy – probably – volunteered to it. But it was either that or some squealing fangirl, and as much as he hated to admit it, he enjoyed the boy's company.

Pulling the door back, Satoshi allowed him entrance, "Come in."

"Eh?" the redhead seemed confused for a moment, but then obliged willingly. Although why, he would probably never know. The boy was too trusting towards others, and even if it was a good thing in some ways, it was definitely bad in others.

So why had he told Niwa to come in? He… had no idea.

He enjoyed the boy's company, he enjoyed listening to him speak, and hell, if it was possible, he may be in love with him; but again, how could he love if he didn't even know what it was.

But he did know that he cared for the boy more than some random person off the street, and that was enough of an excuse for him.

"Are you feeling better now, Hiwatari-kun?" this was Niwa.

"… I suppose."

The redhead smiled at this.

Watching him, Satoshi couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if things had been different. If it hadn't been for Dark and Krad, maybe, just maybe, the situation wouldn't have been so complicated for them. If it hadn't been all part of what was between the Niwa's and the Hikari's, there might have been more to life.

Besides, the boy in front of him was caught in the middle of it all, there was no reason for him to get hurt in the fight.

And yet he could still smile.

How could he still be smiling? How could he be so trusting? So pure of heart? So… so…

He couldn't even find the right words to explain the boy.

It was something that couldn't be comprehendible, and maybe that was what made him even more of a different person from the rest of them. He always seemed to be caught into one problem or another, and there he was, right in front of him and still living life like everything was normal.

Confusing, naïve, trusting…

God, he was confusing himself a lot now.

Niwa seemed to be able to see the good in everyone, and in it's own, it was okay; but to Satoshi, maybe it was the fact that he knew that no good would come out, that all his inner, conflicting emotions tore him up so badly inside.

There was so much he wanted to say, but there was so many consequences that he would have to face because of it.

And he didn't want to hurt Niwa.

It hurt this way, but he would just have to endure it a little longer.

:You never allowed yourself to feel for another human before… so why did it happen now:

000

Do you know what you're doing when you walk like that,
Do you mean what you're saying when you talk like that,
Did you steal my heart 'cos you knew you could,
How could something feel so good,
When it hurts so bad...

000

… Right…

Reviews:

neko-nya: Long time since I did this. But yeah, I like the first four as well.

Tsuki Fox: Eheh… thanks a lot! I suppose insanity and great works go hand in hand for some reason. Or they battle each other and everything goes haywire XD

Tink: Nyeheheh… XD Thanks! I think we're all a bit insane anyway. It comes and goes from time to time, and the depths in characters and songs can really take us all far. That's what makes everyone unique and special. Thanks for the comments!