Just fixing up the track numbers cause I screwed them up... that's all.


Disclaimers: Yeah, I own it. And the music. What do you say to that? (cough) "Because you live" is entitled to that dude that sings it… uhm… Jesse McCartney. Whatever.

Author's Notes: (hackcoughhack) SatoDai fluff? Perhaps. Think of it as 'damnit, it's your fault Krad's in me'. Or just think of it like the aforementioned pairing. Nothing happens anyway, it's angst. What do you expect? And has anyone else noticed that Satoshi seems to get the most out of this? Or does it have something do with the little thing called broken love songs? I pity him…

000

Track Eight: Because You Live

000

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice pulls me back
Like a wake-up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere…
I couldn't see that it was right there

But now I know what I didn't know

CHORUS
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl
My world...
Has twice as many stars in the sky

It's all right. I survived. I'm alive again.
'Cause of you, made it through every storm
What is life? What's the use?
If you're killing time
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone...
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly looking in your eyes

REPEAT CHORUS
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl(you live)
My world(my world)
Has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live… I live

Because you live, there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've givin' me
Always...

REPEAT CHORUS
Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help(when no one else can help)
Because you live girl
My world (My World)
Has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live girl(girl you live)

My world
Has everything I need to survive
because you live... I live, I live

000

Darkness swamped the city with harsh cold winds weaving in and out of the alleyways, wailing and howling into the silence that would have been there but wasn't. Not that it particularly mattered in the end, but it was cold, it was dreary, and held the air of depression that could only be classified as annoying. And yet, why would anyone be out in this weather? That was the question in the end, and there was no one around to answer it. It practically screamed the semblance of death, pain and inner turmoil, and unless the people were at some job that kept them that late, there was no reason for them to be there at all.

And yet, there was a single figure in the blistering cold for no reason. Maybe it was them being insane, a bit off put, their minds wandering off elsewhere. What were they doing? What did they want? What was the point of it in the end?

Well… they didn't have the answer then, so what was the chance in that they would have it now?

Ignoring the blistering cold that hit his exposed skin, Satoshi honestly had no idea as to why he was wandering outside in the cold of night. Sure, his nightmares weren't all that pleasant and loved to jerk him awake with every passing minute, but for some reason he had just given up on sleeping altogether and had wandered out of that freaking place of an apartment and here he was now. That was, where 'here' was; he had absolutely no idea.

Aside from the incredibly loud wind and the more than frequent rustling of the leaves in trees, there was no chance that the blue-haired boy would be bugged by anyone for miles around; and that did not include the thing in his head and he would not think about it because it was a horrible curse that didn't help him at all and it was depressing and he knew that he was going to go mad one day because of the voice inside his head, etc etc.

So that was the little cycle it played.

Strangely enough, he seemed to be miraculously left alone by Krad at the moment, although there were those few hours in which the voice didn't disturb him, but then bang, there it was again. And endless loop that he could never escape from, and that really, really sucked. Like, really.

And he knew he was talking to himself too much and paying no attention whatsoever as to where he was going at all. Not that it really mattered on where he was or where he ended up, as long as he was not attacked by large dogs or run over by a few cars. But then again, at this point, he didn't mind either option. Hm… what would it feel like…

The blue-haired boy was not suicidal; at least, that was what he wished to believe. He didn't hurt himself unnecessarily or do any of that 'pity me' acts, and always kept to himself. Yes, he had fears, pains and all that junk, but he never acted on it, so it would just build up. The problem with that was, since he never did anything, the feeling just continued to build up constantly and if he wasn't careful there was a good chance that he WOULD do something drastic but he hadn't yet and…

Well, he had just lost himself as to whatever he'd been thinking about. Whatever it was. Oh. Uh. That's right, he was remembering that he had mental problems, hated being close to many people and was NOT suicidal. At least, that was his strong, very strong belief.

Although there was that one time when he was really young and was first adopted that…

He shook his head and tried to gather in his surroundings. Empty road, no cars, the moon was only half-there…

… Hello…

Not even noticing how far he had ended up walking, Satoshi found himself at a bridge of sorts, with, far below it, train tracks that obviously led to some place or another. It was definitely a desolate place that reeked of isolation and some sort of pain, but almost at once, the boy stopped walking and headed over to the railed edge. It was useful to stop little, inquisitive children from slipping over and breaking a good number of bones – as the drop was rather dizzying – but that was all it was in the end.

The cold stone chilled his already freezing hands and he leaned over just slightly, taking in the drop without much of a comment. Dizzying, cold, well, what had he expected. So why was he still looking down there?

:You really do want to jump, don't you, Satoshi-sama: asked Krad suddenly, though not unexpectedly:In vague hope that you may finally rid of the Hikari curse.:

:Perhaps: was the short reply, and the blonde smirked to himself.

:But my dear boy, you know as well as I do that you would never do that.:

Satoshi raised an eyebrow, still looking down at the bleakness below:Oh, and what makes you say that:

The blonde never stopped smirking as he glanced down at the drop as well:You are very well aware that I can take over your body when I wish, and I do believe that even this drop would not be enough to kill you. And then I would take over and kill the Niwas. Ah yes, that is my second reason: his golden eyes flickered over to his tamer:You would never do anything to yourself because you know that it would hurt the Wing Master.:

:Shut up Krad: snapped the boy, trying hard not to allow his emotions to just suddenly run amok. But obviously, being who he was, the blonde did not stop and continued to torment him… or talk to him; whatever suited him better.

:But then I speak the truth, Satoshi-sama. You care for the boy, you never want him to be hurt, and you know that if you hurt yourself in any way; he will worry.:

:I said shut up.:

:Growing so attached to that boy was the biggest mistake you ever made, and you know it as well as I do…:

:Leave me alone: came the furious shout, laced with venomous hate that actually shocked Krad into silence:You don't know anything… you don't and you never will… just leave me alone…:

On the whole, the blonde – with such an occasion at hand – would have just taken over or continued the mental traumatising, but there was so much hurt in the boy's voice; so much emotion, hate, longing, loneliness, that he actually consented to his host's wishes. Fading away into the back of the mind, he watched, listened, but chose to say nothing.

Satoshi hated it. Really he did. He hated about what he had become and what he would always be until the day he died. It was ridiculous and, not matter how many times he tried, he couldn't deny it.

Yes, Krad did have a point this time.

And yes, he would never jump off this place because he knew that Niwa would be hurt by it.

It was kind of odd, actually; his whole life seemed to be in the hands of a redheaded klutz who was supposed to be his enemy, became his friend, and cared for him to the extent that the long-haired Harada had considered said redhead to be. That was the problem here; Niwa was his so-called most precious thing, and the Niwa was with the short-haired Harada.

Wow, reality did suck.

Yet at the same time, Satoshi still had to be there, because he was the only one who knew about the Niwa's other identity, and could even relate and… er, whatever.

The fact was, his life seemed to be in the balance of someone who would probably never feel the same way about him and blah blah blah, so forth, and it was oddly depressing but not all that surprising and so forth.

Hm… maybe the jumping off idea wasn't a bad one after all…

His whole existence and being still alive now seemed to be thanks to the Niwas, he admitted grudgingly; because without them, he had no reason and he would probably be dead already. So many years had gone when he had had no one who would talk to him or treat him like a human being, and with Dark's host now, who was the sort who couldn't care less about his own safety…

Man, this was really beginning to confuse the hell out of him. Really.

So without the existence of Dark and Niwa, he would not be alive, Krad would be nonexistent, and no one would care. Well, that summed it up on a whole, but still…

It was a pretty pointless matter to get one's head across, but he was still doing that because… he had nothing else to do and knowing him, it was going to be a long time before he went back to the apartment in which he lived and stuff, with the voices in his head. Satoshi gazed blankly down at the train tracks and just, well, stared. He was not going to jump off anytime soon, anyway, Krad was being quiet, thankfully, and he had nothing else to really think about; aside from the whole Niwa thing, which both bugged him yet was the only thing worth thinking about. Very odd, in the end.

The shifting winds and the rustling of leaves weren't all that important to him – along with the faint roar of car engines – fell dead upon the blue-haired boy's ears, but then the shifting sound to feet approaching made him start. Turning, he raised an eyebrow at the same redhead that had been the trouble of his being in the first place.

Of course, the additional fact that the boy was out in the cold, in his pyjamas and not even wearing shoes could clearly indicate that he had gone insane. Then there was the blank look in his eyes and… Satoshi shook his head.

Walking over to the dazed boy, he shook him by the shoulders, "Niwa?"

The redhead jerked up at the sound of his name and his eyes cleared back into reality, "Hiwatari-ku… wha-where am I?" panicking, he looked around at his surroundings and blinked. "How did I… get here…?"

"I was about to ask you that very same question."

Niwa fell silent for a moment, but then grimaced; clearly he had asked Dark about the situation and was given a pretty pointless answer in the end.

"I was sleepwalking… again."

"Outside."

"Yeah."

"In this weather."

"Yeah."

"Without getting run over by cars."

"I… suppose so," the shorter boy looked embarrassed – and cold – as he looked down at what was below, "This place looks deserted…"

"Yeah," pulling off one of his many coats, Satoshi handed it over, "You should probably go home…"

:Before I decide to take over: Krad finished the sentence that had been left hanging. But by the sound of the blonde's voice, he was too lazy to try and fight for control anyway.

:Like hell you will.:

"But why are you here, then, Hiwatari-kun?" Niwa was really thick-headed at times, he had to admit, seeing as the boy was smiling and probably freezing to death and still had to ask about him. Really, that attitude would one day be the death of him.

He shrugged, "Just needed some fresh air." He smashed whatever his curse uttered after that sentence firmly so that he needn't to hear it and sighed. "You should go home, Niwa."

"But…" it was clear that the redhead wasn't about to move anytime soon, and Satoshi was in no position to drag the boy home either, so they merely stood there and literally did nothing; they didn't talk, didn't make eye contact… it was really quiet, in the end.

So Satoshi went back to thinking about what would happen if he did jump down. It was a rather far drop, but as Krad had pointed it, it might not kill him and the blonde, being who he was, would take over and so forth, so forth.

And then there was the thing with the boy right next to him. Guh… if he hadn't gotten so attached, he wouldn't be stuck in this situation in the first place. Really now, he couldn't believe he had snapped so quickly. Not that he could do anything about it now, but that was as far as his mind went when it came to thinking these days. Sure, he was supposed to catch Dark and end it and all that, but it was bloody complicated now and they were caught in the long run.

:So, still planning to jump off:

:Shut up.:

The Niwa and the Hikari stood there for a few more minutes before they both came to the simple agreement that if they stayed out for too long, they were both going to die due to frostbite or something equally evil.

As the redhead walked out of sight, Satoshi glanced up at the sky and shrugged; nothing could really change what would happen and the course really was all set out for them.

Oh yes, either way, it was going to be hell. But if he was going to be alive for a few more months, well…

Again, he shrugged these thoughts off.

Niwa or not, it was going to happen in the end. And he knew it.

000

My world
Has everything I need to survive
because you live... I live, I live

000

(cough) To put it simply, I made it clear that Satoshi is NOT SUICIDAL… to an extent. I won't go into details other than that, so let your mind wander around. And yeah, this whole thing was dedicated to why the hell he thinks his lives. At all. As in, why! He sure doesn't know… other than volume 1 where he says that his entire exitence is cause of Dark… he's lying (sing-song voice) We all know it must have something to do with Dai-chan, romantic or not. Now I will shut up and you will review--! (guh…) Oh, and I will be working on the Kyle/Freedery/Elliot thing still… it'll take time…

And yes, the lyrics does say girl, but I can't help it. So don't sue me or whatever.

Tsuki Fox: Saa… thanks.

Next with be either Daisuke/Dark or Towa ;D