Disclaimer: I haven't, don't and most likely never will own anything and that is most likely all the better for you.

The Marauders of Middle Earth?

Chapter 2: Who the are you?

Last time we left the intrepid explorers they were…well we don't know. So now the Marauders are stuck with Malfoy and Snape in some place, somewhere apparently on earth.

(A/N: Since I know where they are I will tell you, just so not to confuse you. They are in dum dum dum Middle Earth. Yes, yes, I know easy, a no brainier but it was for the slower readers out there.)

Sirius: Dude that was cool can we do that again?

Peter: Yeah can we, can we? I felt weightless, like I could eat forever and not get fat….

James: ….ER! Anyhoo, no we can't do that again because in case you haven't realised we have a bit of a situation.

Sirius: Dude your scaring me. You're sounding like Remus… NERD!

Remus: And is that so bad?...On second thoughts I don't want to know. Besides in case you haven't noticed we have more than a bit of a situation.

Peter: Well then what do we have? Is it food? I'm hungry.

Remus: We have a ginormous, fantastically huge situation and NO it's not edible.

Peter: Edible….that means you can eat it right?

Remus: Yuppers

Peter: Well then noppers I can't see what's so wrong besides the lack of food and if that's what your talking about….

James: NO NO NO can't you see where in someplace we don't know and…….

Sirius: I thought that was the point

James: W…W…Well, yes, but THEY (pointing to Malfoy and Snape who are just casually standing their as though nothing had happened) weren't supposed to be here.

Sirius: Yeah I wondered what those retarded moles were doing here.

Snape: Well at least you acknowledged our presence instead of ignoring us like we were some lump of lard in this weird retarded land.

Malfoy: HELLO LOOK AT ME! I'm here too you know.

Sirius: I said moles didn't I…yes yes I did. Consider yourself acknowledged.

Malfoy: IM NOT A MOLE! I'm a handsome beast and you know it…I've read slash before I know you guys dig each other….and occasionally me for that matter….oh the sex appeal I have, you know you love it.

Lurtz (some evil orc dude) wanders over looking dumbfounded

Lurtz: Are you new orc trainees?

Peter: Orcs?...that rimes with dorks hehehehe

Lurtz: ignoring the ignoramus more commonly known as peter New orc trainees follow me. I go this way points to the east starts walking west

Remus: Orcs…..I know I've heard of them some where before……tink tink tink (A/N: that is the sound of thinking……have you people not read…I forget what its called but its this really cool book I read in grade 4)

Sirius: You think you've heard of everything before.

James: Remus you think your so smart.

Peter: Yeah what they said.

Sirius: But your not you know.

James: You don't know everything.

Peter: I do!

Everyone (cept Peter): WHA!

Peter: Augustus Everything he's just a first year I met him on carnival day in the eating competition, he nearly beat me too, stupid fat boy.

Sirius: Look who's talking.

Peter: I can't exactly see myself you know I don't have a mirror, though if I had a nice greasy hamburger I might be able to see me in all the greasiness of the grease.

James: I'm sure if you just look down you'll be able to see all your fat boy.

Remus who had tuned out to this entire bit of conversation suddenly looks like he's figured out a way for world peace or something of the kind

Remus: I know…I've got it….I am a genius….Aren't I everyone?

Snape: You could be a genius if only you invested in a brain, but of course you and your filthy little "things" here would never qualify for one.

Malfoy: Yeah. Besides I'm the best person around here so if anyone is the be called a genius its me. I get to have all the good adjectives because I'm so good and handsome and stuff.

Snape glares at Malfoy in the jealous we-are-friends-so-I-have-to-be-kool-too type way

Malfoy: as though he's come to some really big really important realisation OH YEAH!...wait hang on…tink tink tink…….I got it…..Snape my good friend buddy ol' pal over here also gets good adjectives too…..but only the ones I don't want and I get all the really good ones.

Snape: sigh Oh well its better than nothing. You know what Malfoy, I think its time we left these losers to stand around and be losers.

Malfoy: Why not? But more importantly what could we do in this…place?

Snape: I was thinking wand swinging adventure my boy. Explore this place, become all famous and stuff. You know become even better than we are.

Malfoy: Is it even possible for me to become any better than I already am. I mean after all I am the picture of perfection, the best of well…everyone.

Sirius: Can't be THAT hard to get better than crap, even if it is you and snake boy.

Snape: Why thank you, snakes are my personal favourite…

Malfoy: I thought I was your personal favourite, no fair. Do snakes get more time in bed than me?

Snape: My favourite animal FOOL. I would never sleep with a snake. Well only my pocket snake wink

James: HA! I always new there was something queer going on over in your dorm rooms.

Snape: Now look what you did Malfoy. You idiot!

Malfoy: HEY! I only get good adjectives. We have been through that. Anyway I was only ummm…joking when I said that…hello a stud like me would only ever sleep with hot chicks.

Sirius: Yeah too bad there are none in Slytherin. Mind you Snape does look very famine today. Not hot but defiantly feminine.

Snape: Malfoy let's get outta here. Can't stand this trash for a moment longer. Let's follow the immense eerie looking object over there.

Snape points at Lurtz who has been standing in a corner of out in the open waiting for someone to follow him

So Snape and Malfoy plod off to meet their most probable inevitable doom while the Marauders try to think of something constructive to do.

What will happen next time?

How will Snape and Malfoy die?

Will Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pip suddenly jump out of the bushes?

Or will someone more to the fan girls liking jump out, such as Aaragon or Legolas?

Author Note: So this is the end of the second chapter of a fanfic I started writing almost 3 years ago. This is still my first fanfic and I still haven't written any others…MEH!