"Riddikulus!" He shouted, a look of sheer determination on his face. There was a split seconds view of Snape in the lace dress before Neville let out an enormous "Ha!" And the boggart exploded, into smoke, gone.
"Excellent!" He cried as the class broke into applause. "Excellent Neville. Well done, everyone…let me see…five points to Gryffindor for every person to tackle the boggart, ten for Neville because he did it twice, and five each to Hermione and Harry." He tried to add up in his head.
"I didn't do anything." Harry said.
"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of the class Harry. Very well everyone, excellent lesson. Homework, kindly read the chapter on boggarts and summarize it for me. Due Monday. That will be all."
The class left the staff room and he slumped into a chair. "At least the first class with him wasn't too bad." He muttered, holding his head in his shaking hands. He sighed and closed his eyes. Just looking at Harry made him see James and Lily again. It made his heart hurt deep inside of his chest. He didn't know what he was going to do all year if he didn't get a hold of these emotions.
Letting his breathing steady, and listening to the pounding of his heart, he let his mind wander.
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Remus sat in front of the window of the North Tower Owlery, alone, among the owls. It was calm. He'd had a very, very, very bad day. First, he found out that he was failing Transfiguration, Herbology, and of course Potions. Then, he'd been called a poof by a group of desperate Slytherins. After he'd sat in the library and done all his homework, he realized that it was Friday. And to top it off, the next week, when they were going to Hogsmeade, was a full moon. He was going to be 'out sick' this time. Last time he was 'visiting his Aunt Mona.' The funny thing is, he didn't he have an Aunt Mona.
He sighed, trying to calm himself. It wasn't working. He looked out the window, letting the cool night air wash over his face. He smiled a little, and then he heard the Owlery door open. Damn, someone was disturbing his peace.
"Hey Reme." Sirius walked in, a smirk on his face and his wand twirling between his pointer finger and his middle finger. "Whatchya doing?"
"I'm sitting"
"I've seen that myself. Now, what else are you doing?"
"Staring out the window."
"And?"
"Nothing." Remus sighed, turning away from the window, the starless sky, and the harvest moon. "Just thinking."
"What about?" Sirius leaned against the wall, facing Remus.
"Well, next trip to Hogsmeade is a full moon."
"And we needed to stock up on Zonko's too. James'll talk to Lily. Have her pick stuff up for us." He sat down next to Remus and looked out the window. "What is so interesting about the night sky?"
"It's a habit I've had ever since I became a werewolf. Watching out for full moons you know?" Remus stared at the wand twirling between his friend's fingers. "What's that for? There's no magic allowed in the corridors."
"Well, technically this isn't a corridor. And technically, I'm using magic in an educational way."
"How so?" Remus asked, smiling a little broader. He'd never heard of Sirius doing anything educational willingly.
"Well, if I call for my broom from here, it's practicing Accio right? I need to practice some. Wanna come with?"
"I can't. I have to go talk with Dumbledore."
"Live a little."
"No."
"Why not?" Sirius asked, pointing the wand at him. "No point in living if you don't do anything."
"I really can't. It's the headmaster."
"Come on." Sirius grabbed him by the shoulders, shouted, "Accio broom!" And pulled him onto the broom, waiting by the window. The zoomed off towards the lake. "Just once around, and then I'll drop you in a window close to the headmaster's office. I promise." He smiled.
"Alright. Just once." Remus let the wind fly past him, and before he knew it Sirius was landing near the edge of the lake. "Really, this is a window close to the headmaster's office?" Remus asked, a bit of a laugh sneaking it's way into his speech.
"I want to show you something first." Sirius grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the water. Remus looked down into the water and saw his ragged reflection. Next to his reflection was Sirius's. His blue eyes off set Remus' brown, and his dark hair offset Remus' light. Their pale skin blended together, and Remus thought that they didn't look that bad together. Then he shook off that thought, because it was obvious that Sirius didn't like him. So he looked up at his friend.
"What?"
"Look." He waved towards the water.
"What?"
"Look at us."
"What about us?" Remus looked up, amazed.
"Look at how we look together. We look great together." Sirius looked into his eyes.
"What do you mean?" Remus gulped, and he knew his voice sounded odd and hoarse.
"Remus…" Sirius moved towards him, and in one slow movement, kissed him. Once the kiss was broken, Remus nearly collapsed. He stuttered, mutterings even he couldn't comprehend as he sat down on the muddy lake bank.
"I…"
"You're straight aren't you? Bullocks! I should've asked first, not just come right out and done it…" Sirius's amount of worry and embarrassment confused Remus for a moment before he realized why. He was sending negative signals, because he was so shocked and baffled.
"No, it's not that. It's just…" Remus looked towards his friend, trying to find the right words, but not being able to. "I didn't know that you…and that we… I never thought that you'd thought about it."
"Have you?" Sirius asked, relieved as Remus stood up again. He nodded slowly, swallowing.
"Quite a lot actually. I didn't want to admit it. Risk loosing you." Remus stared at the ground, averting his eyes from Sirius.
"I've thought about it for ages. I wanted to take the risk."
"Why?"
"I guess I suppose the good would be so good it would balance out the bad result." Sirius looked at him hazily, as though disputing whether or not to kiss him again. Remus made a very bold decision in one split second, and later when he looked back, it was worth it. He pulled Sirius towards him and kissed him so deeply that it shocked even himself. Sirius smiled and made the kiss deeper, if possible, tugging Remus closer to him.
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Opening his eyes slowly, Remus saw Professor Dumbledore standing in front of him. "Hello Remus. It's nice to see that you've rejoined us." Behind Dumbledore, Professors McGonagall, Flitwick and Madame Pomfrey were looking at him.
"Are you alright?" Madame Pomfrey asked. "It's almost time for your next class to be over."
Remus jumped up, trying to collect himself. "Yes, I'm fine Madame Pomfrey, fine." He murmured. "I just slipped off. I better go." With a smile and nod he swept off towards his classroom, where a group of confused fifth years sat. They had been doing homework since the beginning of class, with occasional checks from Professor Binns, who's class always fell asleep anyway and could drift through the walls.
He opened the door and walked in, smiling broader at the children who now looked up. "Sorry I'm late, I had something else that kept me occupied. Er…" He looked at his lesson planner. He was supposed to teach them about the jarvey today. Damn. Why did he 'fall asleep'? He looked at the homework. Too complicated for them to do without understanding what the jarvey was. "Homework this evening shall be to read the chapter on jarveys and summarize for me." He pulled it out of his hat of tricks. "Due Monday." The class nodded, recorded the assignment, packed their things, and left.
Remus sat down behind his desk, sorting through all the papers he had on it. Third years had that assignment due, fifth years about the jarvey, first years were reading about dragon blood, second years were reading about pixies, sixth years about Chimaeras, and seventh years lethifolds. He put his lesson planner in the drawer, his papers along with it, and closed his eyes, leaning back. He didn't fall asleep. He had been so far into the back of his mind he hadn't heard anything the Professors had been saying to him.
A small wisp of wind blew threw the room, and Remus let it wash over him like some medicine, like some aid that would cure his loneliness, that would bring back his friends. He wished he was in the common room, a boy, with Sirius, James, and Peter, reading over some new scheme they were planning, or some mail they had received from their parents. That's one thing Remus never got. Mail. He remembered once, when they were about in third year, right before they found out Remus' secret, Sirius noticed he never got mail.
"Why don't you ever get any post?" He had asked. James and Peter looked at him curiously.
"You know, I had never noticed that before, but he's right." James had said.
"I don't know." Remus had replied.
A small knock at his door threw him out of his minor flash back. His eyes opened, his ears still ringing with the sounds of his boyhood friends' voices. "Come in." He croaked. Dumbledore walked in, his robes whirling behind him.
"Remus, are you alright?" He asked. There was a serious look of concern on his face.
"Professor, I'm alright." Remus muttered, clearing his throat. He stood up, still being dwarfed by Dumbledore's height, and intellect. He wondered if the man had a superior.
"Ah, but I disagree. Are memories coming back?" What was it about Dumbledore that allowed him to read minds?
"Yes, but they're nothing."
"Can you carry on teaching?"
"Yes Headmaster, I can." Remus looked the professor straight in the eyes. He didn't want his flash backs and memories to get in the way of his only source of income, and shelter. He needed this, far more than anything else he'd ever needed before. He needed a home.
"Alright. I'm going down to dinner. Will you be joining me?" He asked.
"Yes, in a bit."
"I'll see you there." Dumbledore turned around and left, still feeling a little hazy about the former student. With reason.
Remus slumped against the wall, sighing. If only the professor knew what was haunting him. For that past ten years he'd been trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong, what he hadn't seen. And nothing was coming back to him. When he had heard that Hogwarts needed a teacher, in his best subject no doubt, he applied. It was no surprise that the former mentor of his had hired him, let alone convinced the wary staff members to trust him. His eyes drifted off to the door, watching the small shadow of Mrs. Norris pass by.
That was the reason he had come, wasn't it? To remember what he hadn't seen? What he'd missed? He composed himself, standing up and walking towards the door. He'd go and eat, then lock himself up in his room, and remember. Or try to anyway.
Walking down to dinner, he sat down at the staff table, with some wary looks from every teacher but Severus. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were gathered around their table, eating their foods. Remus grabbed some food and pushed it around his plate, taking a bite occasionally. He hated the fact that the staff was watching his every move, but he appreciated that they were worried. He looked around at all the students, and every so often he saw flickers of James, Sirius, and Peter, running around the hall, laughing. He missed those days. Blinking, he watched as the Weasely twins, who now had possession of the Marauders' Map, were carefully surveying the grounds. The first Hogsmeade trip was coming up soon, and unfortunately, it would occur on the full moon. This meant he would have to be 'out sick', drinking Severus' concoction to keep him calm and in the human mind.
Remus smiled and waited for the Great Hall to empty, all the students filing back to their common rooms to dwell until tomorrow, when classes would start again. Once it was empty, he bid farewell and goodnight to all the teachers, and locked himself up in his living quarters.
Slumping onto the couch, he dimmed the lights, kicked off his shoes, and pulled a blanket over himself. Another trip down memory lane was in order.
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