Chapter 4

Authors Note: nothing to say o ;;; R&R

Rin's POV+

We left early that day after breakfast, Sesshomaru, Jaken and I heading towards Naraku once again. I couldn't help but wonder if I'd meet Kikyou-sama again, and then there was the conversation with Sesshomaru, and maybe it was just me but that smile…it didn't seem angry or arrogant it seemed sad…lonely. And I wonder if my lord is hurting inside himself, I wasn't sure why I thought this but I couldn't help but believe it was true.

Jaken was slowing down a bit; he seems to be showing age now. Not that I could really determine HOW old Jaken-sama was but he was walking a bit slower then usual, and he stumbled more frequently, and I noticed Sesshomaru suppressed from hitting him as often. A tight feeling grasp my chest, I didn't WANT Jaken-sama to die, when a demon starts showing age does that mean their near death? I wasn't a demon I didn't know and I couldn't ask it would be rude.

A lot of things would be rude to ask, like was it even possible for Sesshomaru-sama to defeat someone as powerful as Naraku? I would never want to offend my lord but there were days when I watched Sesshomaru-sama's half brother fall to his knees in pain as well as his companions. Even Sesshomaru-sama had been injured in countless battles with Naraku. I couldn't say anything but it worried me. Even with my lords protection I was still scared, scared to see the bodies of the ones I've grown to care for be sprawled lifeless on the ground, No I wouldn't be able to take it again. I already lost my first family; I wouldn't dare lose my second.

"My Lord?" I heard Jaken gawked and I almost bumped into him, Him giving me a cold glare as usual. Jaken was so predictable, he was always angry.

"That women's scent" Sesshomaru-sama's voice seemed to trail off, his face was much solid now as in deep thought. Nothing seemed to puzzle Sesshomaru-sama more then Kikyou-sama did, I'm not sure why but he always had THAT look on his face when he was talking about her. It wasn't kind or caring, it wasn't disgusted or calm, it was just puzzled.

"Kikyou-sama?" I questioned quietly as Sesshomaru stared towards me, calmly as he always did. That emotionless mask of his, unwavering but I could read it, clearly he was saying it was Kikyou. So I remained quiet.

"What do you propose we do my lord?" Jaken said quaking again being curious.

"Leave it alone, She's 10 miles off and I doubt she's heard of Naraku within a matter of hours" He said calmly, 'But I smell blood, thousands of youkai that's she's been exterminating, perhaps she has? Sesshomaru thought calmly still staring in the direction of the scent.

"Sesshomaru-sama" I said after a long pause, "I'd like to see Kikyou-sama" I'm not sure why I said this, I wasn't trying to get on Sesshomaru-sama's nerves but after I said it I was almost certain I saw relief in the demon lords eyes, as he began to walk off in the her direction.

I never would understand Lord Sesshomaru or why he kept me with him as long as he has. I'm not sure how he thinks of me, or how his mind works. But I'm grateful that he hasn't left me that he lets me be by his side, even if it is possible I'll die.

Flash back- Rin's POV+

My tiny footsteps ran from the dirt road over towards three grave stones on the side. Sesshomaru-sama was only a few inches away and looking off in towards the direction Jaken had left to get Ah-un.

I looked to him over a shoulder from my kneeling position in front of the tombs. "Hey Sesshomaru-sama!"

"What is it?" He replied quickly as he always would and I felt my smile only widen as I stared towards my demon lord for a brief second. My finger slowly running over the cold stone, the smile on my face was still there. I had just accepted something and I was going to tell him.

"If Rin should ever die would you please not forget about me?"

He gasped slightly as he looked towards me, I could hear it the sound of surprise in his voice. His mouth tightened again and then he fixed his gaze upwards towards the clear blue sky.

"Such a foolish thing" was his only response.

End Flashback+

I wonder if Sesshomaru-sama remembers that day, it was about four years ago though. I was only 6 and now I'm 10. I never understood what was so foolish about my question; perhaps it was foolish for him to remember me. Or perhaps it was foolish that he'd forget me? Or perhaps it was foolish that he'd let me die? I doubt it was the last one, I wish I could ask him but I knew such a pitiful memory was long since forgotten in Sesshomaru-sama's mind.

I looked up towards him as we continued forward, Jaken stumbling behind still.

"Sesshomaru-sama" My voice was quiet and I felt like I was shaking inside out, I wanted to ask him about it. I wanted to know, I couldn't not know forever could I? All of it, everything inside me, the questions, and my heart. It makes me want to know what's in his heart, if he could ever love someone like me as I love him? I don't love Sesshomaru-sama like LOVE; the thought sickens me of having a 'mate' as Jaken says. When I say I love Sesshomaru-sama I love him as family, I even love Jaken-sama too. They've been with me, they've taken care of me, and I have to know if they love me more then just a little girl. I think I'm old enough for the truth.

"Hai" He says in his bland way as he always done, calm and neutral. I've broken that a few times, and I've been with Sesshomaru-sama so long, I can almost even read his calm mask now even when he's showing no emotion, I can see it now. For the longest time that's all I've ever wanted to do, but now as I grow older it's not enough. I believe I may be selfish that way, but my curiosity is just too strong for my own good.

"Do you…care for me?" I questioned gently as he stopped in place for a few seconds, He looked to me over a shoulder, and I was back in my six year old body with those golden eyes staring towards me and I had no idea what he was saying any longer.

I tried again repeating the same words as I did in that memory, four years ago, except reworded…just a bit.

"If Rin should ever die would you forget me Sesshomaru-sama?"

I sensed his pause and then I heard the small gasping sound again, the sound of breaking and he looked to the sky again as if he knew I caught him in the same trap as I had those four years ago and instead of not answering he had no choice now. Then again to think that would be wrong, Sesshomaru-sama always had a choice.

"Such a foolish thing…" And that was all he said, I could feel my heart drop. He replayed his words just as I had replayed mine only taking out a few instead, then I heard his voice again, softer then normal. It was a solitary word, stating that was all he was going to say.

"No"

I smiled widely, 'He wouldn't forget me!' I felt my heart loosen and bounce as if the weight of the world had been lifted off me. True it was a lot from him and I would not regret that small word, I didn't know when I would die, young or old. But the time I have with Sesshomaru-sama I know he will not forget. And for me, that's more then enough.

We walked for a long time after that, Jaken-sama was miserably doing worse and we even had to stop and take breaks. Sesshomaru-sama almost looks regretful, why? Sesshomaru-sama can save Jaken with Tenseiga if he dies, so won't he? I'm terribly worried.

It wasn't long after that time when we crossed over to a village, the villagers were hiding in fear in the buildings, I wasn't a demon but I could easily sense the fear in their hearts, the look of terror on their faces. Kikyou was there dead in front of the building, her body drenched in sweat, breathing heavy her bow trembling in her left hand. Youkai corpses were all around her body, chunks of meat thrown to the ground as nothing. I turned around and threw up.

It wasn't that I had never seen such damage, fighting was something you had to do to protect yourself. It wasn't the fact of how terrible or disarrayed she looked, or even the horrible rotting flesh of the corpses that danced around her feet. I understood something I didn't before, something I had been blind to all my life and for some reason I feel after this I may grow up, something I swore I would never do. Kikyou-sama wasn't just an elder, she wasn't just a miko. She was THE miko. When I had seen Kagome-sama she was always relaxed and happy, carefree, something….a miko isn't. Kagome-sama has spiritual powers, we all know that but Kikyou-sama she... I can't finish my thought. To be a miko…you have to suffer; you have to lose your youth, your heart, and most importantly maybe even your life. Kagome-sama she…has all of that. She has her heart, it's big and caring but Kikyou-sama…she shut her heart off, just like Sesshomaru-sama has.

The miko turned towards us her eyes cold and daring, they weren't looking at me though, and they were looking straight towards Sesshomaru. It was a strange look, too cold glares as if he were the next one she was to fight. Her voice was calm and weak and she stared towards him "You…" was all she said. Her body fell to the side, limply and I felt myself gasp as Sesshomaru ran towards her catching her limp body in his arms before she could even collide with the ground.

"Rin ask for medical attention for the miko" his voice was dull but he didn't look at me from over his shoulder as he used too. It was as if Sesshomaru-sama didn't want me to see the look in his eyes. That frightens me. I can't go against him though; I just don't have the heart so I find myself running off into one of the shacks, the people almost immediately hurrying out. I couldn't tell if they were worried about Kikyou-sama or just scared of what Sesshomaru-sama would do if they didn't leave.

Authors Note: This whole chapter was in Rin's POV. Their will probably be a few more chapters like this…I have a certain spot for Rin and I think it's interesting in her point of view though I need to make sure I do it in Normal as much as possible. Anyway review to your liking….XD