+ Into the Façade +

In the world where the boundaries between acting and living fade, life becomes confused… unreal… and almost as if imagination had taken over reality… The façade goes into place and life then becomes a living stage.

Bright lights shining vividly into the startling blackness of his mind, the image that would forever embed itself in his eternal nightmares… never could he forget… nor will he… things that happened that day… that fateful day… five years ago…

Chapter 006- With Sadness I Remember, With Happiness I Forget…

By fannychan

A cool hand was on his forehead, icy against his burning flesh.

"Hmm, seems like a slight fever." It was a warm yet unfamiliar tone. "Unfortunately, you caught me at a wrong time. I've something urgent to attend to currently. Please give him the painkillers by the side table when he wakes up. Thank you."

Brisk steps formed a rhythmic pattern as the heels hit smartly against the wooden floor, diminishing as it faded with the soft click of the door.

Eyes refusing to pry open, Ryoma slowly accustomed himself to the life of a blind, using his four remaining senses to figure out where he was and who was talking. His entire body was throbbing slightly, dully.

Suddenly, he felt movement beneath his comforters, and long slender fingers entwined themselves within his own, brushing against his skin ever so gently.

"Echizen-kun…" it was faint, almost inaudible, but within it, he had somehow received comfort. In reply, he squeezed the other's hand, tightening his hold and snuggling under the warmth of the blanket as if hugging a bolster.

"…Wake up Echizen-kun…" The same voice repeated - clearer now though still slightly hazy.

But the outside world had already started to fade again and no matter how desperately he tried, he could never reach that light that would liberate him from the fatigue that overcame his senses. Thus once again he felt himself being dragged away from this moment of peace as he plunged back into the dark abyss within his mind.

"Ryoma please I beg of you. Forgive your father… it's not his fault. Forget what had happened… I feel he still loves us dearly… But he was no longer able to face the both of us after what he did and simply disappeared… And now, you are the only one I have left …"

Ryoma felt his heart constrict painfully as his heart-broken mother held him securely within her delicate embrace while whispering those desperate words perhaps to convince even herself. She was shaking as fragile as that of an autumn leaf.

And clenched within her palm, marked with tear-stains and creases but nevertheless genuine, was the fateful letter which held words that ignites both anger and sorrow.

"Kaa-san… I… I will never abandon you like father did… Why is my father like this? Why can't he face up to his mistakes! If… if… he could just say sorry… Kaa-san…"

Tears finally started welling up in young Ryoma's eyes, glistening with the paleness of the setting sun. "… He didn't have to leave…"

A lapse of time had past since then and later, the emotionally-wrecked mother and son sat together on the sofa, engulfed in darkness with exceptions from the tiny hints of light which lingered just as the sun disappeared into the horizon.

"Kaa-san."

"Hmm…?"

"I still love tou-san… but I don't know if I can forgive him now… I need some time kaa-san…"

His mother hugged him tightly before pulling away, fingering his bandaged shoulder slightly. Understanding was the most blatant emotion within her moistened eyes.

"Take all the time you want Ryoma, but never hate your father…"

"Hai, okaa-san…"

His mother mustered a small smile.

"Arigatou Ryoma."

Golden-green eyes wrenched themselves open suddenly, and he jerked upright, beads of cold perspiration trickling down his back. His chest heaved with each gulp of breath he took, trying desperately to suppress all residual memories left in the aftermath of his nightmare. It had been two years since he last had them and now it's starting all over again- terrible flashbacks and memories he would rather forget were once again taking over his mind and haunting his darkest thoughts.

But then he calmed down as he felt someone sliding an arm across his chest and gently laying him back down to rest. The fingers were still entwined in his right hand, kneading perfectly into his own.

"There, there Echizen-kun. You're finally awake."

Ryoma gave no reply in his befuddled state of mind but when the long fingers were pulling away from his grasp, he tightened his hold. Their hands were now sweaty and moist but none paid it any heed.

"I was just going to take the jug of water," Fuji informed him but Ryoma refused to let go.

Smiling softly, Fuji sat back down and reached towards the tablets placed on the bedside table.

"The whole crew and cast went havoc after you had fainted and our dear director had immediately ordered me to bring you here. Welcome to Erinnerugen's make-shift nurse's office. It isn't much but since we have yet to have an official one, this would do perfectly fine."

Ryoma had sat up again and was glancing around the spacious room.

"It's a little big to be considered temporary," Ryoma mused aloud.

"I guess so…"

"Arigatou Fuji-senpai."

Fuji turned towards Ryoma, surprised by the other's sudden twist of topic but Ryoma had already turned to look elsewhere as he finally let go of Fuji, eyes showing something that seemed beyond his years, his right hand gripping his left shoulder in solemn remembrance.

Something in Fuji stirred uneasily and with his hand which was still rested on the bed, released from Ryoma's grip, he used it as a leverage to bring him closer to the bed.

"Are you thinking about the past?"

Ryoma blanched as he turned to face Fuji before immediately collapsing, clutching his head while he writhed in agony.

Throwing himself flat onto the bed, he tossed and turned, he tried to push away all those thoughts that he had wanted to forget, all those that gave him pain. Those words had targeted his vulnerability with pinpoint accuracy so much so that it triggered something deep within him. Unable to take it any longer, Ryoma scrambled out of bed, running towards the nearest wall before continuously banging his head on the marbled surface.

There was a clatter of a bottle hitting the floor as surprisingly strong hands suddenly grabbed his shoulders, spinning him around as lips swiftly covered his own. He felt the other's tongue pushing against his lips, demanding entry. With a note of bewilderment, Ryoma put up a brief struggle and taking hold of this opportunity, something was swiftly shoved into his mouth. Then, the bitterness which followed, spreading rapidly throughout his mouth, could all but make him gag violently… and immediately, the kiss was broken.

Coughing gently, Fuji offered a smile, returning back to the fallen medicine bottle and began dumping the pills that had spilled onto the floor into the bin. "I'm sorry for my method but you were struggling too violently."

"Iie…" Ryoma shook his head, still coughing slightly but his headache was fortunately starting to fade away. He slumped against the wall, exhausted. He had similar experiences before, two years back. Time to time, he would have so awful a migraine that he felt like flinging himself out some window to end his misery.

Fuji studied him for a moment, eyes seemingly analyzing the boy that was before him. After a while, he placed the medicine bottle on bedside table, stood up and walked over to the counter to pour a glass of water before handing the glass to Ryoma and guided him back to the bed.

"I think it is better I not ask what happen anymore ne Echizen-kun?"

Ryoma looked up and shrugged.

"It was a bad memory that's all."

Just then, the door was pushed open and Ryoma jerked up from his pillow in surprise just as Fuji glance over his shoulder.

"Echizen-sensei?"

"Thank you for your help Fuji-kun but I need a moment with Echizen-kun. You can return to class now. Ann had filled me in on the details."

"Hai Echizen-sensei. Ja ne, Echizen-kun."

After Fuji left the room, the air seemed to tense up ever so slightly. Even if a pin were to drop, one would be able to hear it with crystal clear clarity.

"Ne sensei, what have you look me up for?" he asked haughtily, turning away in an act of defiance. His father was the last person he'd ever wanted to see… Besides Tezuka that is.

"I heard you fainted during rehearsal…"

Well, of course fainting is not in the normal flow of things. People faint due to pressure, heat and the likes… but in this case, it was different and one would be able to guess if they knew the place to see.

"It was because of that… or am I wrong?"

Ryoma squeezed his eyes shut, purposefully ignoring the tentative tone of his father's voice. Why does his head still hurt despite the help of the painkillers? He clenched his fist and bit his lips.

Just go away… go away go away go away go away… it went on like a chant in his mind, never ending, never hesitating and he was seemingly perched on the verge of hysteria.

'I won't say anymore Ryoma- anymore than I need to. I'm sorry. What must I do to regain the trust you once had in me? The closeness we once shared as father and son?"

But no reply would ever meet these anxious words as the silence prevailed till when Nanjiroh left the room, just as suddenly and quietly as when he arrived…

And on the bed where the boy lay, bare to the eerie coldness that seeped through his skin, crystalline tears flowed in silted streams down his cheeks beneath long wet lashes, staining the sheets a harsh pale blue…

"But you had been the one who gave it up… tou-san…"

Take all the time you want Ryoma…

Was this too long a time to take?

His overwhelming emotions pressed heavily on his chest, suffocating him. He felt like breaking down- to just slump on the bed and let all his emotions and sorrow poor out, but instead, he lay back on the comforters, closing his eyes. He was more willing to be captured in the dark tendrils of his nightmares than give in to the intensity of the feelings threatening to overwhelm. What had he done to deserve this?

Outside, Nanjiroh strolled across the hallway to the stairway in long heavy strides.

"I'm sorry my son… but I know even if I apologized a hundred times, I would never attain your forgiveness unless you would willingly give it to me. I know your stubborn nature all too well Ryoma… I was your father… and hopefully I'm still is…"

As the bell rang in complete ignorance of the circumstances that had sudden befallen their beloved principal of Erinnerugen, Nanjiroh began his long descend down the stairs.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Ryoma, Fuji or anyone from POT . … sniff No matter how much I wanted to… hehe… but I do have plushies haha… huggles Ryoma and Fuji plushies

Fanny chan: Believe it or not. I had actually done this before August… actually it's the previous version of this. But I wasn't satisfied with how superficial it was so I changed it thus passing the date due. And since then, I've been wondering if I should post this or not. Hmm… anyway, I finally did. So I'm so terribly sorry for keeping all of you waiting…

Chibifanny: As if she is. If she did, then she would have posted it earlier when she could!

Fanny chan: I wasn't confident of this chapter yet. Now, I think i… well, let's just post it then… /smiles/ Hope you enjoy. Slight hints of Fuji/Ryo… if u can call them hints…. v.v0… I guess I didn't live up to my second promise as well… gomen nasai. And I must warn u. My exams are coming up real soon so It'll take a while before the next chapter will be up /teary-eyed/ BUT I'll still try to do some of it during my September holidays!