Prologue

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

I can't keep the thought from escaping my mind, even though she had warned me not to let it happen. She told me that she never blamed me for the way things turned out between us, but somehow I can't help but feel that everything was my fault. There were so many things that I could have done differently and if I were given a second chance, I wouldn't hesitate to act the way I know I should have then. I should have stuck by her, I should have said I love you more often, and most importantly:

I should have saved her.

It shouldn't be me standing here on this cliff, overlooking the Pacific Ocean, letting ashes fly freely into the changing tides below. I would give anything to have her standing here instead, letting me go. She was too young and it shouldn't have been her time yet. There were too many people in this world that loved her, too many peoples whose lives she had changed for the better. Like she had changed me. And then I had thrown it all away the first time she had ever made a mistake in her life. Maybe it had been because I held her at a higher standard compared to everyone else, or maybe because I had finally felt what it was like to be on the receiving end of heartache and mistrust. I will regret the decision I made that one day for the rest of my life.

Again I do my best to push these thoughts out of my head, for her. At least for today. She had told me to make today a positive day. It's just the circle of life, she had said. One life in, one life out. But how can I think positively when I know that I will never see her breathtaking face again, never truly right the wrongs that I have done? And really the only positive thought in my mind was that I met her in the first place, but maybe that was the worst thing of all.

I try to focus on the rolling waves of the water in front of me, to concentrate on anything else but the pain. I've done my best to stick to my promises lately, and that's how I ended up here at this spot. I can still clearly remember the day when she told me how badly she wanted to travel to California, probably because it was only a few short weeks ago.

"I've always wanted to go to Santa Monica- to stand on a cliff and just dive right into the chilling Pacific Ocean. I can just imagine how it would feel to let the waves overtake me and carry me back to shore. I could just float and not have a care in the world."

"I'll take you there, then."

"You know we can't do that…"

"No, I don't care. I'll drive you there if I have to. Whatever it takes- I'll get you there. I promise."

And then time had run out and I was forced to do the hardest thing I'd ever done in my whole entire life, say goodbye.

So I knew that I had to bring her here- a cliff overlooking the ocean in Santa Monica- because I had promised her that I would. And in a way as I was letting the ashes go, she was diving into the ocean right along with them.

It had been her dream to travel here, and that is why I thought it perfect to be the last place she visited. The place where she was finally put to rest; rest which she deserved, but that I wished wasn't permanent. The past year had been difficult on everyone, but somehow she had kept a smile on her face. She had stayed strong for us all- only showing her true feelings to me on the nights when we stayed up for hours just talking. When I would hold her fragile, weak body in my arms as the tears finally fell on her delicate face. We would talk about everything; what had happened in our lives the years when we were apart, how afraid she was that everyday could be her last, and how badly we wished that we could take back the past.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see my brother standing behind me. I fall into his arms, leaning on him for support in more ways than one. Our family and friends stand further away, not exactly sure what to say to me or how to act. We're all dealing with the same thing, letting her go, but for a few of us it is harder than others. She had been our best friend, our morals, and our life support. I don't know how I'll be able to get through the rest of my life- no one will ever touch my heart in quite the same way.

I break away from my brother and turn back towards the ocean. I give up on trying to hold the tears back as they are now continuously falling down my cheeks, a constant reminder that life hurts unbearably sometimes. I know that it's time to leave, that there's nothing left to do here now that I've let her go. Everyone is waiting for me, to make sure that I'll be okay. My chest is constricting and I feel like I can't breathe, but I'll act like I'm okay so that they'll leave me alone; at least for tonight.

"How am I going to do this without you?" I whisper out towards the water. "I'm already falling apart. You're stronger than me and I would give anything in the world to have you standing here instead." I choke back a sob and my brother's hand is back on my shoulder. I feel a moment of strength pass over me and I use it to softly whisper my parting words. "I love you and I'm never going to forget your face."

One last deep breath, "You were the best thing that happened to me, Haley James."

Okay guys, I really just want to know what you think about this chapter.This is just the Prologue- so I promise thefollowing chapters will be a lot different. I really just want your straight out feedback! I'll hopefully update within the week! I don't know if I'm still going to be updating Honestly, unless you guys really want me to, I've just become really attached to this one!

So just give me some reviews bc I really want to know what you thought!

3 Kylie