A/N: I don't own Fastlane or any of its characters. I'm just having fun here.
It had been two weeks since Billie Chambers had gotten out of rehab for her renewed heroine addiction. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving and she felt that she had nothing be thankful for. Ever since she'd been kidnapped, her whole life seemed to go straight to hell, and to make it worse, she'd taken her closest friends, Van and Deaq with her. With this thought in her mind, Billie took one step forward. When she did, she watched a clump of dirt fall from the edge of the cliff and disintegrates on the rocks, seventy five feet below. She tightened the grip she had on the barrel of her 9mm pistol as a few tear ran down her cheeks. She had to do this. It was the only way to make things right. Sure, they'd be disappointed, but at least she wouldn't have to be around when they found out that she'd shot up again. If they knew, they'd make her do rehab again, and she'd rather die than do that again.
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours aloneWhen you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
"Hi Van. I just wanted to call and tell you, how sorry I am." She said into the phone as she sobbed. "I really didn't mean to get you and Deaq in trouble. I know nothing can make it better, but, I just wanted to apologize and tell you that I won't be around to do it anymore." She mumbled with a sob. The drugs and alcohol were entering her system with full force now. She shakily put her phone on the ground beside her and dug her wallet out of her pocket. She flipped through it and tore up the pictures of her mother, father, brothers and sister, before tossing the wallet off to the side. More tears spilled down her cheeks. "Oh god. I'm so sorry." She said to the heavens.
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along.
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on.
Van drove the car as fast as he could. He had gotten the voice mail Billie left him and it had confirmed his worst fears. She was in a place of utter despair and felt she had no way out and nowhere to turn. Just by her voice, he could tell she had been drinking and possibly using. He didn't know about the latter though, since the only way to tell was to look in her eyes. That's why it was imperative that he find her, and soon. He knew that she was unstable and he wanted to get to her before she had a chance to fix a temporary problem with a permanent solution. He had heard the waves in the background and new instinctively that she was at the beach. As he pulled his car around the curb, he saw her. She was standing on the edge of the cliff and it was apparent what was on her mind. Van got out of the car and quietly closed the door so he wouldn't scare her. As he walked closer to the ledge, the cold wind whipped around him violently. He stopped about ten feet away from her. "Billie, don't. Please." He said to get her attention. "Go away Van." She said as she wrapped her arms around her and stepped closer to the cliff edge. "Billie, talk to me. Please, just tell me what's the matter. We can work it out." Van said calmly as he took a couple steps closer to her. Billie put the hand with the gun to her head. "Stay there Van. I'm serious! If you come any closer, I'll shoot!" She sobbed. Van took a step back. "Okay. I'll stay here. What's wrong though? Please tell me. I need to know why you're so upset and what I can do to help you." Van said quietly. "You can't help me! Not this time." She yelled as she sobbed. "Why not? It can't be that bad." Van said taking a step closer to her. "It is! You don't know! You don't know at all! It's that bad! This is the only way out!" she sobbed, falling on the ground. "Why is it that bad, Billie?" Van softly questioned as he took a few more steps, stopping three feet from her and sitting on the ground and waiting for an answer. Billie looked up at him like a frightened child. The tears and pain in her eyes tugged at his heart. She didn't answer him. Instead she rolled up the sleeve of her gray sweater and showed him her arm, streaked with fresh track marks. Van looked at her arm for a moment then his eyes traveled up to her face. The pain he felt for her in his heart didn't even begin to register on his face, even though Billie couldn't meet his gaze and the pain that was in his gray green eyes. "Oh Billie." Was all he said as he took her hand in a show of caring and support.
Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand.
If you feel like you're alone ,no ,no, no, your not alone.
As Van watched her cry, all that was around them disappeared. The only things left in the world were, Van, Billie and the pain she was in. He wanted to do nothing more than wrap her in a hug and tell her it would all be okay. He wanted to take all her pain and make everything better for her. Sure, he and his partner were on disciplinary probation because of what had gone down with Billie's ex employee, but that paled in comparison to her being placed on administrative leave and put in rehab. At least he and Deaq had jobs, she was just waiting for the axe to fall and be fired. Slowly, Van scooted closer to Billie. Finally she just collapsed against his chest and sobbed uncontrollably. "Shhh. It's okay Billie. Everything will be fine, I promise." Van whispered in her hair as he held her.
If you're on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on.
After what seemed like forever, Billie finally started to calm down. "I can't do it. I just can't." she said, trying to sit up. Van tightened his grip on her, prompting her to just readjust her position against his chest. "What can't you do?" Van asked softly as he played with the soft curls in her hair. "This. I can't keep relapsing and then ending up here alone all the time." She said, sniffling back the tears that threatened to drop on his chest. Van placed his hand on her shoulders and sat her up to look at him. Her face was pale with bags under her eyes and streaks of mascara on her cheeks. Gently, he took his thumbs and wiped the black streaks away as much as he could. "Billie, you're not up here alone. Not anymore, and not ever again." He whispered with a smile.
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
Suddenly the weight of his words made their way through her drug and alcohol fogged brain. "You mean you don't hate me? Even after everything I've done to you?" she asked tentatively, not ready to believe that he could still care after all this. Van just laughed slightly as he pulled her into a hug. "Hate you? Why would I hate you? You've not done anything to me to make me hate you. If anything, after all that you've been through the past six months, I care even more." He said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and let the tears fall on his shoulder.
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes.
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on.
"I'm so sorry I hurt you." She sobbed as the cold wind whipped around them and sent a chill through her. Instinctively she snuggled closer into his neck and Van hugged her tighter to keep her warm. "Shhh. You didn't hurt me. Nick and Gabby hurt me when they hurt you." He said rubbing her back to calm her. It was then that the realization hit her. Van cared more than she could ever know. That's just the kind of loving soul he was. Billie looked up from his shoulder and smiled up at him. "Thank you for being here." She said quietly. "You're welcome." Van said smiling down and kissing her temple, then slowly, his hand lifted her chin to meet his lips in a feather soft kiss. "I'll be here as long as you let me." He said as the kiss broke and the first genuine smile in a long time, appeared on her face. "Come on. Lets go home." Van said as he stood her up with him and led her to the car. It would be a long road to get her back to herself, but with Van by her side, she could do it, of that, Billie was sure.
Everybody hurts. You are not alone.
Fin!