The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 8: What 'Really' Goes on in the Office

Havoc needed to get some calmer air for a moment. The tension in the office had shot sky-high and all the negative vibes being tossed around were giving him a headache. He stood out in the hallway, just outside the door, pondering if he should go back in or not. Maybe he'd go down to the mess hall and get a big pot or pan to put on his head to protect his skull from the flying objects inside. The silence didn't last five minutes after things calmed down. Roy was rubbing the ink off his face and made some weird comment about women and the make up they put on their faces, and the whole mess started up again. I really could sell tickets. Havoc thought to himself as he leaned against the wall, hands in his pockets and a cigarette in his mouth. I'd have to make them sign one of those papers that states 'don't sue me if you get killed during the show' but I'm sure that wouldn't stop most of them from coming. A good show is a good show, right?

A loud "WHY YOU!" came from inside the room then a giant crash was heard. Uh-oh…. Roy threw the desk again. Havoc thought, his blue eyes once again hitting the ceiling as he stood outside, waiting for the more violent part, at least he hoped this was the most violent part, of the storm to blow over.

Just then Armstrong was seen coming down the hall. He wanted to know how the new Second Lieutenant was doing. "Hello there, First Lieutenant Havoc," Armstrong said as he put his large muscular hand on the doorknob.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you," Havoc replied, not moving from his relaxed comfortable position.

"And why not?" Armstrong asked as his big face turned to look at Havoc. Only his blond mustache moved when he spoke.

"Just wait," Havoc replied.

"I'LL KILL YOU!" a woman's voice shouted and then a few gunshots fired.

"NOT IF I GET YOU FIRST!"

Smash!

Crash!

Smack!

"Ding, dang, doodle, doobi, doobi, doo," Havoc said as they heard a large amount of destructive sounds coming from inside the door. God alone knew what the office looked like after this, if it was even still there that is. Armstrong stared at Havoc with a strange expression on his face. Havoc just shrugged his shoulders at the mountain man, "What? I had to finish the song."

"Yes, I suppose," Armstrong said in his normal tone, "Let's go see which one of them is dead."

"No! Are you crazy?" Havoc asked as he jumped up. Thus causing his cigarette to fall out of his mouth and to the floor.

"Don't worry, solider. I'll protect you," Armstrong replied as little pink and shiny shapes suddenly appeared around his face and he ripped off his shirt, flexing all his huge muscles. "I've dealt with this many times. Women such as Lieutenant Hawkeye have been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

Havoc saw the shine coming from Armstrong and covered his eyes, "AH! THE LIGHT! IT BURNS! And how do you make those little shapes appear? I see the same thing with Hughes only little pink hearts when he pulls out his pictures!"

Armstrong mumbled a bunch of little sounds as he flexed, "It's all manpower!" he said as he moved a little closer to Havoc. He wanted the little man to see every detail in his oh-so-perfect muscles. He turned his body so his chest was right in Havoc's unsuspecting face.

"Oh man, put a shirt on before you poke someone's eye out with those," Havoc replied as he backed up a bit, pulling his arm next to his forehead to protect his eyes from the flexing pecks and blinding light that that was coming out of… nowhere?

"Hmmmm..." Armstrong mumbled and walked over to the door, somehow managing to get his shirt on in the two seconds it took from getting from Havoc and back to the door.

"Don't open it," Havoc said again.

"You men are so incompetent! How do you make it on your own when you're single?" they heard Riza yell from inside the room and another gunshot was fired.

More loud crashing noises were heard as the yelling continued. The two outside the door could hear the light explode and guessed Riza had tried to shoot Roy, but Roy moved just in time to miss the bullet.

"That light in on the ceiling…" Havoc began, "How did Mustang manage to get Hawkeye to aim up there?"

"Maybe Hawkeye was low to the ground and he was standing on a desk," Armstrong replied.

"But I heard Mustang throw his desk before you came."

"Maybe it was yours."

Tears that looked like milk began streaming down Havoc's face, "Do you know how long it took me to set that desk up in such a way that I could find everything? I get stuck suffering in this wither I'm in the room or not."

"Let's stop them before they one another," Armstrong said in his normal tone and turned the sliver knob.

"WAIT!" Havoc said and franticly dashed behind the big man's body. At least this can act like shield. He thought as he stood behind Armstrong's body, peeking out beside his huge arm.

Armstrong opened the door fast, but not all the way. "Lieutenant Colonel? Second Lieutenant Hawkeye? I just came to see how you were doing when I heard all the commotion," he said as he and Havoc peeked around the door.

"Uhhh…" Havoc said nervously as he saw two evil glares turn and look at them. Suddenly he felt a painful chilling sensation shoot down his back. It made the little hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Death glares… that's such a cheat in battles, and why the hell doesn't it affect the person it's 'really' meant for. It always seems to get the unsuspecting guy in the corner, or the comic relief guy. I think I'll get Hughes on this after this is over. I want to know if this is a legal move in battle. Havoc thought to himself for a few seconds.

Riza's back was turned toward them. She cocked her head enough that her flaming amber eyes could see the two men peeking at her. She had her pistol in her hand.

Roy was at the end of the room. The black ink was still smeared on his face and uniform. He was taking shelter behind his desk, which was lying on its side and had tons of bullet indentations in it. Luckily the room had no sign of being burned. Roy hadn't used his alchemy yet. But the room was a mess. All the desks were more or less in shambles, the three chairs were scattered out around the room, papers sat on the floor crinkled and ripped, and the bookshelf was knocked over and the books lay on the floor all around it. The light blue walls were full of bullet holes and the light that used to be on the ceiling lay on the floor, glass all around it, the wires were still connected to the light. Both of the men's blue eyes followed the wires and saw that they were still attached to the ceiling, coming from a big hole in the roof, flickering and sparking.

Havoc was once again crying milk tears. Not only did my desk suffer, but the whole room did. That poor office, or even more so, poor me, Hawkeye and Mustang are going to kill me next time this happens, and I don't have time to escape. If worse comes to worse, I guess I could jump out the window. It's a few stories up so I might break a leg or two, but hey, I'm alive, right?

There was silence as Armstrong stared at the room, almost in shock, Roy and Riza still glaring at them. "YOU WITCH!" Roy yelled and broke the silence. As he yelled this he threw one of the legs from one of the desks. He wasn't sure which desk it belonged too, but he also didn't care. He just grabbed whatever was lying nearby and threw it.

"YOU PIG!" Riza replied and shot again.

Bang!

Roy ducked behind his desk/shield once again. Once he heard Riza reloading her gun he popped his head out and grabbed one of the chairs and threw it. It missed Riza by a few feet.

"Stay out of here!" Riza yelled to Armstrong and Havoc as the chair came flying toward them. Roy didn't mean for it to go that way, it just did.

Armstrong still stared with that usual blank expression on his face. He didn't seem to notice the chair coming his way.

"I SAID STAY OUT!" Riza yelled again and pointed her gun at them. She knew they'd get away if there was a gun pointed between their eyes.

"GAHHHHHHH!!" Havoc screamed then reached around Armstrong's large body and grabbed his hand, which still held the door handle, and pulled as hard as he could getting the door to close in the blink of an eye. The door slammed and they heard the chair hit the wood with a loud thud and then a bullet puncture it.

Havoc leaned against the wall and slid down the floor with a huge sigh. "Now I know I'm gonna get killed," he mumbled. He felt like crying those milk tears again. "How do we stop them?"

Just then Hughes showed up with a small wave and a big smile, "How's it going?"

Havoc and Armstrong just stared at him.

"What's wrong?" Hughes asked as his smile turned to a confused look and his wave stopped.

"Hawkeye and Mustang are killing the office," Havoc replied.

"Oh really?" Hughes asked.

Armstrong nodded in reply.

"Are they doing a good job?" they both nodded this time. "Sounds fun. Wanna go watch?"

"NO!" Havoc cried and grabbed Hughes leg begging, "Please don't, don't open the door again, PPPPLLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"How could we do that?" Armstrong asked, just curious to see what Hughes answer would be.

"There's a window in there, isn't there? Anyone got a rope?" he asked with a smile. His glasses lit up as they did when he had an evil idea, "It's our duty anyway. We have to make sure our friends don't kill each other, right? It's only right we check up on them."

Havoc and Armstrong just stared at each other, unsure of what was going to happen next.