The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 12: The Power of Clean
It was seven o' clock the next morning. They were all grateful to the Fuhrer for letting them go home the night before instead of making them stay over night. But cleaning at seven in the morning? That didn't go over so well.
"WAKE UP, ROY! You're supposed to be helping," Hughes said as he stood over the sleeping military dog. Roy had fixed the legs for his desk, turned it right side up, and then slumped down over it. The sounds of a deep snoring filled the room.
"At least he had the decency to put it back where it's supposed to be," Havoc said as he stared across the room and at Roy. A big glass window sat leaning against the wall beside him. He carefully picked it up and let it lean on his upper body. It was very long, at least two feet of it towered over his head.
Hughes was in charge of dusting up all the ashes and whatever else littered the floor. Riza's job was to mop, in hopes at least some of the black tar would come off the once green tile. Havoc's job was to fix the window and the light that used to be in the ceiling. He was trying to replace the broken window at the moment, but was failing miserably. Armstrong's job was to pick up all the heavy things and put them back as they were, such as the big bookshelf.
"I'VE GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT! I'M LOSIN' IT! I'M LOSTIN' IT!" Havoc shouted as he tried to balance the long heavy glass window against his chest. It was really a two person job to carry it, but since they didn't have that many people he'd have to hold it on his own.
"Be careful with that," Armstrong said as Havoc began stumbling toward him. Armstrong was on his knees trying to nail one of the shelves back in the broken bookcase. He had already stacked all the books neatly against the wall.
Crash!
The window fell out of Havoc's arms as he tripped over the pile of books. The glass shattered and flew everywhere in the area. Havoc lay on the floor with swirly eyes and a bloody nose. The once perfectly stacked by 'the Armstrong generation' books lay underneath him and around his body.
"That's the third one," Hughes said as he walked over and began sweeping up the broken glass. Havoc had already broken two other windows earlier that morning. The first time he was half asleep and tripped over Armstrong. The second time he just lost his grip and dropped it, and now this. He really could use Roy's help.
"What happened? I heard a loud crash. Did Havoc break another window?" Riza asked as she walked into the messy room. She held a bucket full of cold water in her right hand.
"Yeah, he tripped over the books," Hughes replied as he got down on his knees and pushed the glass into a small black dustpan. "I tried to wake Roy up, but we all know how he is when it comes to doing work. Especially when the work is cleaning and it's this early in the morning."
"Really?" Riza replied in a somewhat annoyed tone as she looked over at Roy. She then casually walked over to him.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Havoc asked when he came out of his coma-like state and saw the look on Riza's face. He sat up and stared at her. Her face held an expression that was a cross between annoyed and amused. He didn't like the 'amused' part of it.
"Awwww, look," Hughes said with a smile as Riza stood over the still sleeping Roy. "He's drooling."
"I think I'd better wash it off," she said as she held up the bucket and looked into it. She could barely see her refection in the dark murky water. Do people actually drink this? It'll give you some weird disease no one's ever heard of. "I don't think its cold enough. Be right back," she said as she hurried out of the room.
"What was that about?" Armstrong asked.
Hughes just shrugged his shoulders, "At least she's helping."
"True," Havoc said as he looked down at the window fame. It sat empty. "Huh?" he asked as he stuck his hand right through it. "Did they forget to put the glass in this?"
"No," Armstrong replied in his usual tone as he began nailing again. He was careful not to break the hammer again. It was the last one they had. He'd broken the top off the last five from banging them too hard. That was actually the reason most of the bookshelves had fallen out of the bookcase. Originally there was just a big hole in the back of the bookcase. He was trying to cover that up with a wooden board. He set the bookshelf on the floor and once he hit the wood, the iron part of the hammer broke off and went flying backwards. The two points on the back of the hammer got stuck in the wall behind the big man, and the force of Armstrong's blow caused all the shelves to fall out.
"Watch it," Hughes said as his eyes locked on Armstrong. "He's trying it again."
Both Havoc and Hughes ducked for cover. Jumping behind the nearest desk and grabbing something hard to put over their heads, in hopes it would protect them from the flying metal hammerhead. Poor Roy, he's defenseless. Should I go out and protect him from a flying hammer? Hughes wondered to himself. "Nah!" They closed their eyes tight and got ready for the worst.
Bang!
A few seconds later Hughes and Havoc opened their eyes and cautiously peeked out from their makeshift shields. Their eyes widened in disbelief when they saw the metal part of the hammer still intact. They both stood up and began clapping, smiles on their faces. Armstrong's blond mustache curved into a smile and he pounded the hammer down again.
Bang!
Ka-thud!
Before they realized it there was yet another iron hammerhead stuck in the wall.
Havoc stared; he had no idea what to say now.
"Well, he almost got it. That's an improvement in itself, and we could always use those to hang up pictures, or our coats," Hughes said with an amused smile as he stared at the wall. There where six hammerheads stuck in the wall above Armstrong's bald head.
"Hmmmm…" Armstrong said as he stared at the wooden handle in his hand. "Why does this keep breaking?"
"It's the famous Armstrong line," Havoc replied with a sigh.
"Hmm?" Armstrong looked up at him.
"What are we supposed to use for a hammer now? That was the last one," Havoc said as he turned to Hughes. Hughes always came up with the most creative ideas and solutions.
"Use the bottom of your boot to pound with," Hughes replied as he continued sweeping as if nothing had happened.
"Uhhh… right," Havoc replied.
Armstrong was about to slip off his boot when Havoc and Hughes screamed 'NOOOO!' They would lend him one of their boots. Armstrong's strength was not only measured by his power, but also the stench of his feet. Armstrong looked at them questionably.
"We'll lend you one of ours," Hughes replied to the muscle man's silent question.
"Why?" Armstrong asked. He clearly didn't know how bad his feet smelled. Maybe living with them his entire life killed his sense of smell.
"Because…" Hughes replied trying to think of something, "Someone from the great Armstrong line shouldn't be scaled down like that. Using your own boot as a makeshift hammer is so disgraceful. But if you use someone else's then it's alright. We wouldn't want to unholy the great Armstrong boot and anger the great Armstrong ancestors."
"He's not using mine. I need it to go get a new window," Havoc replied as he lit a cigarette.
"Umm..." Hughes said not wanting to give up his boot. He looked around the room. His glasses lit up for a split second as he found the perfect candidate. "Here, use Roy's!" he said as he dashed over to the sleeping Lieutenant Colonel. He almost tripped over the fallen light on his way over.
"Are you sure he doesn't need it for something?" Armstrong asked in his usual tone.
"I don't think so," Hughes replied as he leaned over, close to Roy's face. "Roy…?" he whispered. "Roy, do you need your boot for anything?"
Roy didn't reply. He just gave a long loud snore.
"Nope!" Hughes snapped upright, "See, he doesn't need it," he said as he walked around Roy's desk and to where his feet hung. He then carefully began to remove the boot. Sweat began dripping off the strange man's face. He looked so focused, like one wrong move would cause a bomb to explode, and really, if Roy woke up and found what was going on, a bomb really would explode.
"I'm back," Riza said as she entered the room. Her expression became confused when she saw Hughes trying to pull off Roy's boot.
"It's a long story," Havoc exclaimed when he saw Riza's face.
"There, I got it!" Hughes said as he held the black boot up triumphantly. He then carried it over to Armstrong and handed it to him. Armstrong took it and began hammering.
Oh, that's why. Riza said to herself as she walked over to the other end of the room and picked up the mop. She dunked it in the water, which now had tons of ice cubes in it, and began pushing the mop back and forth across the dirty floor.
"I'm going to get a new window now," Havoc said as he grabbed his jacket off the nearby chair and walked out of the room with a small wave.
"Do you want someone to go with you?" Hughes asked just before Havoc got away. "I mean, you did break the last three. Maybe you need an extra hand?"
"You're all busy," Havoc replied, "Who else could come?"
Armstrong and Riza turned and stared at Roy. Hughes saw them staring. "I already tried waking him up. It didn't work."
Riza smirked, "I can get him up, no problem."
"How?" Armstrong asked curiously.
"Watch and learn," Riza replied as she picked up the freezing cold water bucket and carried it over to Roy. She then turned back to the men, giving them specific instruction on how to go about doing something like this. "First, you need a lazy sleeping pig," she said as she stood over Roy. "Then you need a bucket of cold water and I just so happen to have one here," she said as she set the bucket on the desk, next to Roy. "Now, you have to be fair when you do this. You have to give the person one chance to wake up," she leaned over Roy, the same way Hughes had done a few minutes before. She whispered in his ear, "Sir, you need to wake up now," she cooed.
He snored in reply.
"Ok, since your warning didn't work you carefully lift the bucket over the lazy pig's head, like so," she instructed as she lifted the bucket and let it dangle above Roy's unsuspecting face. "Then you slowly turn the bucket so it begins tipping toward the pig's head. You do this until they wake up or you run out of water. If that happens, you run and get more water." She tipped the bucket slowly, and then just as the water hit the rim of the bucket she tipped it completely over. The water came crashing down like a waterfall all over Roy's face.
"GAHHHHHHH!" Roy shot up like a rocket, coughing and bickering. He was dripping wet as some of the cold ice cubes rushed down his back. "AHHHHHH! Cold! Cold! COLD!" He screamed as he jumped around the room and grabbed at his back, trying to get the ice out. After a few minutes of that he glared evilly at Riza. His black hair dripping, and his skin had gain a little hint of blue as his body shivered from the cold.
"And that men," Riza finished with a smirk. "Is how you wake up a sleeping pig." her expression was unreadable as it usually was, but you could tell she was satisfied with herself. She then walked out of the room and down the hall to get more water.
Roy glared infuriated after her. His eyes burned with hot flames, but his body shivered with cold. Havoc, Hughes, and Armstrong began to wonder if you could have two totally different temperatures inhabit one body like that.