The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 13: Plotting Revenge is Oh so Sweet

"Calm down, Roy. You don't want to get sent to the Fuhrer's again, do you?" Hughes asked as he stood next to Roy, trying to get the rampaging man to calm down.

Roy just mumbled. He was so angry his jaws were clenched and he couldn't speak. Not only that, but he was too angry to think of anything to say.

"Come on, it was all in fun," Hughes said with a little smile. Roy could reply to this comment.

"Fun?" he asked, his fists now clenching as well. The water was dripping off his black hair and blue uniform onto the floor forming a small puddle around his feet.

"Yes, Roy, just fun," Hughes replied.

"She just dumped a bucket of disgusting water on me! And on top of that! It was freezing cold and it had ice in it!" the Lieutenant Colonel snapped.

"Lieutenant Colonel Mustang," Armstrong began.

"What?" Roy barked as his head turned to the huge man. Confusion appeared on his face when he saw the hammerheads suck in the wall, but that quickly passed and he was focused on Riza again.

"At least it wasn't slime," Armstrong finished. The tone of his voice was as it always was, calm and collected. It seemed his voice never showed any hint of emotion, like nothing ever bother him.

"I WOULD HAVE RATHER BEEN SLIMED! AT LEAST IT'S WARM!"

"I guess that's true," Hughes said rubbing his chin, "But at least you don't have to try and get the nasty smell out. There's no smell in that water. Riza was telling me earlier about how she spent most of the night washing her uniform over and over, trying to get the smell out."

"Well do you know how long it took me to get that ink out?" Roy shouted at him.

"Doesn't look like you did a very good job," Hughes replied as he looked over Roy's uniform. It was indeed different. The ink color was a grey instead of a dark black. In the shadow you'd never know it was there.

"Hey," Havoc interrupted as he stood next to the door, leaning on the doorframe. "Sorry to interrupt, but I still need someone to come with me."

Armstrong and Hughes looked at Roy. Hughes smirked, but Armstrong's expression didn't change from his usual face.

"Don't even think about it," Roy said as he glared back at them.

"We're both busy," Hughes replied. "You're the only one who's free."

Roy's expression got a little angrier and a little more annoyed, but he knew he couldn't win and he should just let it go. "Hughes," he said. His voice a little muffled and a little quiet as he tried to suppress his rage.

"Yeah?" Hughes asked as he looked at his soaked friend questionably.

"I just got a great idea," Roy replied as a smirk appeared on his face.

"Oh no, does this ever end? Haven't we gotten in enough trouble already?" Havoc asked. He knew what that famous 'Roy Mustang smirk' meant.

"No," Roy replied and spun around all macho like as he took a strong pose. It really looked stupid, but in Roy's mind it looked cool. Like something a superhero would do. Then he said in a strong confident voice. "We can never get in to much trouble! Not until you get thrown out of the military! That's the only time you know you've crossed the line! Since we didn't get thrown out for our last attempt at getting rid of Hawkeye then we are far from that line!"

"Who said we were trying to get rid of her?" Havoc asked in an annoyed voice. Roy's proud expression died in a million flames at that comment.

"Isn't that what you were doing outside the window?" he asked as a suspicious look appeared on his face.

"No, we were-" Hughes tried to say they were spying again when Havoc took the nearby mop, locked it in his ankles, and by maneuvering it around. He managed to trip Hughes with it. Havoc was doing his best to make it not seem suspicious. Maybe Roy wouldn't notice he tripped him. Hughes fell flat on his back. His uniform soaked up some of the cold water as he lay on the floor.

"We were searching for women in mini skirts," Havoc finished Hughes' statement. He knew what would happen if they told him they were spying and not helping him. They would be the ones dying in a million flames.

"I see," Roy replied as he closed his eyes and thought about it for a minute," Well, even if you weren't helping your leader. You will still doing something honorable. So I won't punish you for it."

"Thank you, sir!" Havoc said with a smile as he took the saluting pose. "Now can we go, please? I think it would be better if we got yo-… uh us out of here before Hawkeye comes back."

"Speaking of which," Roy replied as he turned to Hughes. "Since I'm doing this for you, you have to do something for me."

"Uh, what's that?" Hughes asked, a little uncertain if he wanted to know the outcome.

"Hawkeye played a joke on me, now it's only fair I get to play a trick on her," Roy said as he planned out what he wanted to do in his mind.

"And what part do I play in this? Bodily injury is not something I'm going to be apart of, for my sake and hers," Hughes replied.

"Oh no," the Lieutenant Colonel said. His confident and cool voice retuned. "I would never hurt Hawkeye." He was clearly convinced and proud of his plan.

Wow… I haven't heard that tone of voice in awhile. Not since the night of the bank robbery. Which was... like three days ago, I think. Hmmm... Sure seems longer then that. Hughes though to himself as Roy's voice had thrown him back into the past, thinking about what all had happened the last few days.

"HUGHES!" Roy shouted in Hughes' ear, trying to snap him out of his train of thought.

"Yes?" Hughes replied with great surprise in his voice.

"I want you to do something for me," Roy said in his once again cool voice.

"What's that?" Hughes asked.

Armstrong just sat at the other end of the room, watching quietly. Maybe if he didn't say anything or draw attention to himself, Roy wouldn't notice him and make him do something troublesome.

"Are you familiar with that children's song? You know the one from the show with the dancing hobo?" Roy asked. He was referring to a song called 'Train Hopping Homeless Bum' the theme song to the hit radio broadcast, 'Hobo Mary John'. It was the biggest kids show on the radio and that song was very, very annoying. It was how the annoying ranting of 'Hello Kitty' and 'Hamtaro' came into being.

"Yes, I've heard it on the radio once or twice," Hughes replied, "Why?"

"Well, the Fuhrer said he'd call Hawkeye and I when he was ready for us to set out on our mission, right?"

"Yeah."

"Well I want you to find a recording of that song and hook it up to the temporary phone line in here. So when Hawkeye goes to answer the phone she hears that annoying song over and over and over. It will drive her mad."

"Can't she just hang it up? Or not answer it?" Armstrong finally asked.

"She can't help but answer it. She has no idea if it's the Fuhrer or not, and yes, she can hang up, but that song is one of those tunes that just sticks in your mind and repeats one little part over and over and over," Roy replied.

"Ummmm…" Hughes said as he thought about this. Well, at least no one will get hurt in this. At least I hope not. I'm sure it's a lot safer then some of the other things Roy will come up. Sadly I think I have no choice. "Ok, Roy, I'll do it, but you can't blame this on me if things get out of control."

"Don't worry, Hughes. This will stay perfectly under control. After all, it's all in 'fun', right?"