Chapter 2

"Where could he be?" The one question she couldn't answer kept replaying in her mind over and over again. Luka had left before but he always came back. She had really hurt him and she realized that now. She began to wonder if he was ever coming back. She stopped at a stop light and began to wonder, "What if I destroyed us? He will never forgive me for what I said. How could I be so cruel?" The light turned green.

She began to ease off the brake and hit the accelerator. She was mostly through the intersection when she heard the car blaring is horn. The roads were slick, the car couldn't stop. She didn't have time to react. The impact was quick and she felt pain for only a moment. Then there was nothing.

Abby was just about to leave when the called came in from the EMS. There was an accident and the woman involved was badly injured. She decided to stay around to help. She put her jacket on and met Carter outside to wait for it's arrival. Conversation for them had been limited since his return from the Congo, so they both had decided on small talk.

"I hate nights like these. Slick roads make for busy nights." Carter said to her smiling slightly.

"Yeah, but I could use the overtime." The lights of the ambulance were visible now as it pulled into the bay. The back doors quickly opened and the EMS team jumped out.

"26 year old MVA. BP is 70/40 pulse is 110. She lost consciousness at the scene and never regained. She looks familiar. I think she works at one of the hospitals." They pulled the woman from the back on a gurney and Abby took her first look at the critical patient before her.

"Oh my God, John! It's Sam! Page Luka now and let's get her inside!" she screamed to the nurse that had joined them. She would be here a lot longer than she thought.

Luka awoke around 5:00 in the morning to the vibration of his pager in his coat pocket. He forgot he had it. Mumbling in annoyance, he picked up the pager. The numbers were very familiar. It was the ER with 911 following it. He didn't think anything of it and picked up the phone to dial County General. Frank answered the phone.

"County General, ER"

"Frank, it's Luka. Did someone page me?"

"Shit, hang on." Luka heard Frank put the phone down and call for Carter. "It's Kovac, he doesn't know yet. He just got your page I guess" He could barely make it out but he heard enough .His pulse quickened. Was it Alex? Was he hurt? Sam would be there. Let me talk to her. His mind raced. Carter picked up the phone.

"Luka, where are you?"

"What's going on, Carter?" He was becoming more and more impatient.

"I think you should get down here. Sam was just brought in. She was in an accident." That was all Luka heard, he threw the phone in its receiver and was out the door. It didn't take him long to reach the ER. He quickly ran through the doors and ran to admit.

"Frank where is she?" He demanded. Abby came behind him.

"Luka, she's in trauma 1, but I don't-" He ignored her. All he could think of was getting to Sam, the women he loved. His Sam.

The sight before would haunt him for the rest of his life. Sam lay on the table with Kerry, Dubenko, Susan, and Neela all frantically shouting orders to Haleh, Chuny, and two other nurses he didn't quite recognize. He pushed open the doors with Abby close behind. She could see the hurt on his face. He was breaking right before her eyes. It was a terrible thing to witness.

"What is happening?" He begged for answers, his years as a doctor suddenly vanishing from his memory.

"She was in an automobile accident. Her liver was lacerated, and she has a perforated intestine. She's going to need surgery once we get her stable." Neela explained most sympathetically. Dubenko looked up at Luka, forgetting for a moment that the woman he was working on was the love of his life.

"You want to help? Tube her, her stats are dropping slowly." He asked ordering more o-neg.

"I don't think that appropriate. Chuny, take him outside." Kerry quipped in.

"NO!" Luka screamed, tears falling from his face. "I won't leave her!" He walked up to her face, trying his best to stay out of the way. He'd been here before, only the last time it was someone he didn't really care about lying on the table facing death. This was different. He caressed her face and whispered through the tears.

"Sam, please. Hang in there Sam. I love you." The staff could make out what he was saying. Abby wiped her eyes. She hated to see him like this.

"Luka she's down to 76 we need to tube her you have to leave." He moved out of the way reluctantly, but not before kissing her bloodstained forehead. He watched helplessly as they put a tube in the throat, put in chest tubes, squeezed in type specific blood, and worked on stabilizing her.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, they took her up to surgery. Luka followed and watched the surgery from behind the glass. He refused to leave her. Everyone from downstairs came up to see him and offer their prayers. He accepted them with a dead expression. All he could think about was the argument from earlier that day and what she must have been doing out that late. She was looking for me, he concluded.

Two hours later they emerged from surgery. Dr. Dubenko explained what they did and assured him that everything should be fine. Luka felt a wave of relief wash over him. They took her to recovery and he refused to leave her side the entire time. He wanted to be there when she woke up.

Finally she stirred.

A moan escaped her lips and his head shot up to look at her.

"Sam, honey, I'm here." He placed his hand over hers, afraid to touch her more and hurt her.

"Luka, what happened?" She whispered. He explained what happened through tear-filled eyes.

"Luka, please forgive me." She drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours. Eight hours after the surgery she was finally awake enough to be coherent. He told her again what had happened.

"Luka, I was so scared. I thought I lost you." She was crying now. Her throat was still horse from the tube, but Luka could understand her. His heart was breaking. "I'm sorry." She whispered again.

"Sam, don't say that. I just needed to get out. I'm here now." Luka felt his voice breaking. "Cater called me. I decided to stay in a motel." He was talking to her. She closed her eyes. "I got here as fast as I could. I was terrified. I saw you on that table downstairs and all I saw was my wife and children dying before my eyes all over again, with me helpless to do anything about it. I couldn't loose you and I'm scared that I will. I love you so much Sam. You and Alex are my world." A single tear escaped his eye and she smiled.

"Luka-" She started to speak but he cut her off.

"Please, let me finish. I don't open up to you because my past is painful. It's hard for me to talk about it. These past eight hours, when I was still afraid you wouldn't make it, I told myself I would tell you everything. Anything you want to know, as painful as it may be for me." He was speaking through sobs. He placed his head on her bed next to her. His body was shaking and all she could do was watch. It was to painful for her to move.

"Luka, I love you. I'm so sorry. I love you." She whispered. He kissed her hand. He decided he needed to go find Carter. He needed to thank him for calling when he did.

"Get some rest; I'm going to go find Carter." She nodded and he kissed her forehead and got up to leave. Turning suddenly he declared again, "I love you" and left to room.

He ran downstairs and had no trouble finding Carter standing behind admit giving Morris a hard time.

"Luka, how is Sam doing?" He asked when he saw Luka approach.

"She's better, Out of the woods as you say. I just wanted to thank you for calling me." He tried his best to keep his composure.

"No problem. I'm just sorry we couldn't save the baby. I know how hard that must be for you two." Carter realized immediately that Luka didn't know she was pregnant.

"What baby? Sam was pregnant?"

"Oh, my God. You didn't know. Luka I am so sorry, I thought they told you upstairs. She was 13 weeks along and the damage she sustained caused her to miscarry." Luka's world was crashing down around him. She had told him the test was negative. Did she know all along. Does she know now?

His mind was reeling. He recalled the conversation they had had when he found the pregnancy test. She had told him she didn't want another child, that Alex was a mistake and she didn't want it to happen again. His heart was breaking but he let it go, bottling his emotions up causing another scar to form.

He walked slowly back upstairs to her room. She saw him enter and her eyes lit up. 'Either she didn't know or she knew and was happy she got away without me knowing.' He thought bitterly. Luka always dreamed of having children with her. Now that dream was gone.

"Sam, I talked to John." He looked hurt and angry. She looked at him with a puzzled expression. "He told me he was sorry that they couldn't save the baby. You told me you weren't pregnant! Why would you lie to me like that? You know how much family means to me!" He was yelling now. Her expression dropped.

"What?" He realized instantly that she was sincere. She had no idea. "I was pregnant? Luka how could you tell me like this?" She was furious and hurt.

"I thought you knew. You took the test. You told me two weeks ago that you weren't pregnant. I thought you'd lied to me because you didn't want this baby."

"Luka! I can't believe you. I may not have wanted another baby but I certainly would not have intentionally injured myself to terminate the pregnancy!" She was yelling as loud as her voice would let her. Tears streamed down her face. Suddenly she began to breathe heavily. "How…. Dare you accuse… me of that…" She said through gasps.

"Calm down Sam." Her monitors were beginning to ring, the SPO2 began to plummet. Doctors and nurses came rushing in, demanding to know what happened. He saw her eyes close and they placed an oxygen mask on her face to attempt to raise her stats without having to intubate her.

Luka couldn't watch anymore. He left the room and ran out of the Hospital. Everyone saw him leave and Abby immediately got on the phone to call upstairs to check on Sam. A nurse put her on hold, telling her she was being treated now. Carter raced out of the ambulance bay doors chasing after his fleeing friend.

"Luka! What happened?" He called but with no response. He went back inside to see how Sam was doing. Finally a doctor got back with Abby.

"She's stable but that man is not to come back here. The nurse said she heard him shouting at her from down the hall. Something about a baby." Abby thanked the doctor and hung up.

"What happened?" Carter asked.

"Luka found out about the miscarriage." She told him solemnly.

"I know, I told him." He responded.

"John!" Abby scolded.

"I figured they would have told him upstairs. I wasn't thinking." He said defensively.

"Well that's good because now Dr. Mathis has demanded that Luka stay away from Sam while she is recovering." She walked away from Carter, obviously disappointed.