sakurapixi: You're a new reader to this fic, aren't you? Ya know how I know? Because this fic was deleted, and if you had read it before you'd know the answer to your question. Lol, well, the answer is yes, there will be romance. Sorry if I spoiled it for you other readers, but ya had to know it was coming somewhere, right? I did say this was a Royai fic in the summary, and they do like each other in the show. So yeah, I'm glad you started reading, Sakura! Thanks for all your compliments, and please enjoy the story!

MistressofHeaven: You're right, I have no idea how Hughes did the phone thing. But we all know he'd find a way to do it!

The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 15: Revenge: It's so Overrated!

Riza stared at the wiring under the desk. A smirk appeared on her face. Oh Lieutenant Colonel, don't you know revenge is so overrated?

Uh-oh. Hughes thought as he pulled his head back in the room a little ways, not much, just enough to see what Riza was doing. Her smirk looks almost as menacing as Roy's. Armstrong watched Riza as well, but he wasn't going to get involved unless he absolutely had too. They were in enough trouble already.

"I think I can work with this," Riza said quietly as she put her hands under the desk and began rewiring things.

She's destroying my masterpiece! Hughes cried. The smile he always had was replaced with a sad expression as milk tears began steaming down his face.

"What's wrong with you?" Riza asked as she glanced over at Hughes.

"Nothing, nothing at all," Hughes replied, still crying.

"…Ok…" Riza replied as she looked at him questionably, and then got back to work. As she rewired the wires and pulled off the tape a few big sparks appeared. Armstrong was afraid she was going to start another fire. He felt he had to get involved.

"Umm... Second Lieutenant Hawkeye?" he asked as he knelt down beside the bookcase, his stinking shoe sitting on the floor next to him.

"Yes?" Riza asked as she worked.

"May I ask what you're doing?" Armstrong asked.

Riza pulled hard on one of the bigger wires. It made a loud 'snap' as it broke. "I'm getting back at the Lieutenant Colonel," she replied.

"How are you planning to do that?" Armstrong asked in his normal tone.

"I'm gonna rewire this 'thing' and send the song to the Fuhrer's office."

"How will he know the message is from the Lieutenant Colonel?" Armstrong asked.

"I'll figure that out later," Riza replied as she continued rewiring. She was a very smart woman, and she thought she could figure this out, but it was electronics, not guns, which posed a little bit of a problem. It can't do any more bad then good. She thought to herself when the thought of failure from lack of knowledge crossed her mind. As long as it reaches the Fuhrer I really don't care if I did it perfect or not.

"Do you think that's really a good idea?" Hughes asked. From what he could see, Riza really wasn't doing a very good job. He didn't know much about this sort of thing either, but he clearly knew more then she did, and she wasn't doing any of it right.

"Not really," Riza replied as she ripped some duck tape off a wire with her teeth. "But you know what they say; you'll never learn anything until you try."

Armstrong and Hughes exchanged glances as Riza worked her magic.

After a few minutes of the Second Lieutenant's rewiring under the desk, and then working on the wires leading into the wall she thought she had everything right. "There," she said as she wiped some sweat off her forehead. "That should do it."

Right… Hughes thought as he looked at the sparking mess. At last his job wasn't too noticeable. This was pathetic; wires were all around the desk, not hidden like they should have been. There was quite a big bunch heading into the wall, all of it was sparking.

"All I have to do it attach this last one to the phone, and the message will go from our phone to the Fuhrer," Riza said as she held up one last wire.

She could have just connected it to the record player under the desk. That would have made it a lot simpler. It would have gone from the record player to the wall, not from the record player, through the phone, then into the wall. Hughes thought as he watched Riza struggle to find a place to plug in the last cord. The mess of cords coming from the back of the phone made it almost impossible to see what you needed to see. Riza took the plastic cover off the phone to see all the little nick knacks inside. Hughes didn't have to do that, which is another reason the phone was sparking so much more.

"Good, it's all done," Riza said as she stepped back and smiled at her accomplishments. "Now to make it ring."

"Do you know how to do that?" Armstrong asked as he stood up from his work and walked over to Riza, careful not to trip on any of the cords.

"I think I do. I'm pretty sure if I just dial the number to the Fuhrer's office it will work," Riza said as she began to turn the circle shaped dial on the phone.

"You're not going to talk to him are you?" Hughes asked.

"No," Riza replied, "The song is just going to play."

"I see," Armstrong replied.

Suddenly there was a 'brrrring!' heard in the Fuhrer's office.

"I wonder who that could be? I hope it's the Brigadier General, I'm still waiting on his report about this year's State Alchemist exams," the Fuhrer said as he reached over and picked up the phone.

Brrrring!

Brrring!

The expression on the Fuhrer's face became somewhat confused. He left his door open and he could hear an echo in the hallway. It sounded like all the phones in the area were ringing.

"Huh?" some of the soldiers in another room said as both the phones in the room began ringing at the exacted same time.

"Hmmm…" some other soldiers said as they walked over to their phones.

Soon all the phones were picked up and the ringing stopped. When that happened the Fuhrer put his phone to his ear.

Get a job you bum, bum, bum, BUM.

Havoc and Roy had just reentered the building when they heard about 100,000 men scream out in agony.

"What was that?" Havoc asked as he looked around. Holding one end of the big window, Roy held the other.

"I don't know," Roy replied. Then they saw a man running toward the door, screaming. He was a solider. He had on the standard military uniform. He appeared to be slightly older. His brown hair had hints of grey, and his brown eyes were wide and full of pure terror.

"Run away, RUN AWAY!" he shouted.

"Stop," Roy said as the man approached them. He wanted the scoop on why everyone was screaming. Has someone taken over? He wondered.

"GET OUT NOW! IT BURNS!" the now mentally ill man shouted as he raced toward the door. His brown eyes looked blood shot.

"HEY, STOP!" Havoc shouted. Just then Roy dropped his end of the window. It hit the floor with a loud crash. Once again there was glass everywhere. Havoc just gave a big sigh when he saw the shattered glass. He then shrugged his shoulders and pulled out a cigarette. His attention directed back to Roy.

"I ORDERED YOU TO STOP!" Roy shouted angrily at the man. He had one hand on the man's navy blue color, holding him against the wall. His other hand was in the man's face, in the snapping position. "Now I'm going to ask again. What is going on?"

"There... there's a song. A crazy song is playing over and over. It's taken over our entire commutation system," the man said, fear engulfed his face. His brown eyes were locked on Roy's glove, praying his fingers wouldn't slip. "Everything was fine, then suddenly all the phones in the building started ringing and that song was on every one of them. We all hang up, but they just keep calling back. It's like the phone lines are possessed. If it's not the song, then the incessant ringing of the phones is driving everybody mad."

Havoc and Roy exchanged glances. Roy dropped the man and they both ran to the office. They could hear non-stop screaming as they ran. It was awful, it sounded like someone was killing the soldiers slowly and painfully. Some of the pitches were so high it made the hair on the back of their necks stand up, like fingernails on a chalkboard.

"I can't believe they are screaming like this just because of a stupid song," Roy said with an annoyed look on his face, not slowing down his fast pace. The echo of screams being created by the halls made it almost impossible to hear anything, even the sounds of their boots hitting the tile floor was being drowned out.

"What?" Havoc shouted. He couldn't hear what Roy said, but he knew he said something because he saw his lips move.

"Never mind!" Roy replied.

"What!" Havoc shouted again.

"NEVERMIND!"

"Ok!" Havoc replied.

"What!" Roy asked.

"Never mind!"

"WHAT!"

Now Havoc's faced looked almost as annoyed as Roy's. If they had the same hair color you could say they were twins by the expression on their faces. They charged up the stairs. Havoc tripped twice. Then they rushed down the hall to their office.

The door opened with a loud slam. The room was full of chaos. Hughes was trying to unwire the wires, Armstrong running here and there. Riza was trying to show Hughes what she had done, rather quickly, but despite the chaos in the room Riza looked very cool, like she knew exactly what to do under pressure.

No one looked up at them. Roy hated this whole 'not being noticed' business. He grumbled a little bit and his fists clenched. "Hey, you ok, chief?" Havoc asked when he saw Roy's tightened fists.

Roy didn't bother to answer. He grabbed the door knob and slammed the door hard against the wall again, hoping the loud noise would get his men and woman to pay attention.

Riza glanced up at him with a sigh. "I told you not to break the door, Lieutenant Colonel."

"WHAT?" both Roy and Havoc yelled. The screaming was everywhere, even coming in their office, draining their voices and messing up their conversation.

Riza just gave them an annoyed look then got back to work on helping Hughes.

"What did you do?" Roy asked as he came over to his desk, rather quickly, and looked down at the sparking wires.

"We just had a little clumsy moment, Roy. No big deal," Hughes replied, his hands full of different wires.

"No big deal," Havoc mumbled from the door, "No, it's no big deal. We are driving all our men crazy. Other military bases teach their men to behave with intense training. Ours? Ours drives them mad to the point were they can't tell their head from their hind end with the endless ranting of stupid childhood songs. But no, it's no big deal, nothing to be worried about. We care deeply about our troops, we do…really…"

"Did you fix it?" Roy asked after a few minutes.

"Lieutenant Colonel," Riza replied calmly, "They are still screaming! Do you really think he fixed it?" the second part of her sentence came out as an annoyed shout.

"They could just be screaming for fun," Havoc replied as he leaned on the door frame and puffed on his cigarette. They all stopped what they were doing long enough to give him an annoyed stare.

"Why are they screaming anyway? That song can't make you that crazy," Roy said.

"Oh believe me, Roy. When it's been going on for the last hour and a half, it can," Hughes replied.

"The phones ringing and the fear that our commutation system being taken over by hobos is just icing on the cake," Riza added.

"What are you doing?" Havoc asked as Armstrong walked quickly by.

"Major Hughes told me too do whatever I thought seemed necessary, but in a quicker manner," Armstrong replied in his normal tone. Then he left the room.

"…ok…" Havoc replied as he turned back to Riza, Hughes, and Roy. The navy blue uniforms stood out vividly against the black charred walls. Their shadows appeared every so often as a huge spark appeared and lit up the seemly dark area. With no lights working in the room, and the sun beginning to go down it made the already black room seem even darker.

Havoc was still leaning on the doorframe, watching. Then suddenly he felt someone breathing down the back of his neck and glanced back into the hallway. "GAH!" He jumped back a few feet suddenly. His blue eyes widened and his cigarette fell out of his mouth and to the floor when he saw a very angry General Gran standing in front of him. Gran was glaring down at Havoc with scornful eyes and his arms were folded over his chest.

"Put this one here," Roy said as he looked over Hughes shoulder. None of them had noticed the angry General standing in the doorway.

"No, it goes here," Hughes replied as he tried to put one of the wires in a place other then the area Roy had instructed.

"I said put it there!" Roy snapped as he pointed to the area on the phone he wanted it to go.

"It doesn't go there," Riza replied. She was going with Hughes on this one. If he could make the phone into that 'thing' then he knew far more then she and Roy did.

"I'M THE LIEUTANENT COLONEL! IF I SAY IT GOES THERE, THEN IT GOES THERE! THE PHONE HAS TO TAKE ORDERS FROM ME JUST LIKE THE TWO OF YOU DO!" Roy snapped. The stress of this whole mess was really starting to get under his skin.

"AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE ORDERS FROM ME!" Gran snapped. His booming voice cut through the screams of terror like a sharp knife through… well… nothing.

Hughes, Riza, and Roy looked over toward the door and within a second of seeing who was in the doorway they all snapped upright and took the saluting position.

Gran glared at them, disgust all over his face. "I knew that hobo nonsense had something to do with you. Hobos taking over the communication system, that's the most ridiculous thing, I've ever heard!" Gran snapped. He then looked around the room. When he noticed they had done nothing to clean it up he became infuriated.

"Now look what you got us into," Roy snapped as they stood in front of the Fuhrer's desk yet again.

Riza didn't answer. Her eyes were dead locked on the Fuhrer's big black chair. She wasn't about to speak and show disrespect to the Fuhrer, not after all this.