A/N: Second chapter. Wow, got a lot of reviews on the first post. Thanks, everyone! Any way, here's the next one. Different point of view and I'm not sure that any of you were expecting what has happened...

This chapter is also written in past tense, rather than present. The tenses may change around a bit from chapter to chapter; present when it is a very emotional part, past when it is showing movement. I find that the tenses help me to get across different moods.

Anyway, thank you's to everyone who reviewed. Especially to those who told me that there were errors in the last chapter. I went back and fixed it, tried to smooth a few parts out a bit. Special thanks to Ditch Gospel for pointing out two specific errors. Also...I suppose this chapter will answer a few peoples' questions...

Oh, and narrizan? I am feeling much more cheerful now. Writing is so good for doing that...thank you for asking!

Read on...

Letting Go

Why?

He was lying in the back seat of the jeep when Sanzo returned. He didn't notice at first, being so absorbed in watching the clouds dart across the sky that he didn't hear the light footsteps that announced the priest's presence.

The jeep shifted slightly as Sanzo sat down in the passenger seat. He heard the sound of his robes rustling, the crinkling of a package, the clicking of a lighter, and then the scent of cigarette smoke drifted back to him. He really didn't want to smell smoke right now. He just wanted to stare up at the sky. Because when he looked up at the sky and didn't see anything else he could imagine that nothing else in the world existed. That he was back in his cave on the mountain, not knowing about death and loss.

He turned his head, looking at Sanzo. The man was sitting there, still as ever, one hand holding his cigarette as he smoked away. Goku sat up, leaning forward so as to get a view of Sanzo's face. He looked and saw…

Nothing. It was just a blank mask, like always. There was nothing there.

Like nothing had ever happened.

He blinked. Shouldn't Sanzo feel something? After all, he was gone…

"Sit down, Goku. And you," he directed his next words to the man in the driver's seat. "Let's go."

The man behind the steering wheel stared at him. "Wait. Sanzo—" His voice was hoarse, from the crying he had done.

Goku saw Sanzo close his eyes as he exhaled a cloud of smoke. Other than that…

Nothing.

"We've already wasted too much time. Now, get the damned jeep moving." Despite his words, the tone that he spoke in was…blank. Almost too controlled.

Goku turned his head to the side, staring at the blond haired man. Far too controlled. Maybe—

"Sanzo, don't you even care that—"

There was a clicking sound as Sanzo drew his gun and in one swift movement had it aimed at the driver's head. "I said to get the jeep moving. If you can't do that, than get out of the jeep or get your head blown off. Keep his sorry ass company, for all I care. And Goku, I said to sit down!"

Goku sat back in his seat, his eyes wide. Something was wrong. He just wasn't sure what.

The man in the driver's seat had tensed at Sanzo's words, his fingers tightening on the steering wheel until they turned white.

"Bastard," he growled, his voice icy. "Don't you dare talk like that, especially about him." He swallowed hard and Goku could see that he was fighting to keep his anger down. "You want me to drive? Fine, I'll drive." Without much warning, he slammed his foot down on the gas.

Goku grabbed at the side of the jeep, bracing himself with both his feet and arms as the vehicle jumped forward. He heard Sanzo swear.

"What the hell are you doing? Trying to get us all killed? Slow the hell down!" Goku cringed at the tone of Sanzo's voice. Couldn't he just…

"I thought you told me I could go die. What do you want from me, Sanzo? Do you want me to drive or do you want me to die?"

"Guys!" yelled Goku, trying the only thing that he thought would get them to stop this. And that was yelling. "Guys!"

"Shut the hell up, you damned monkey," snarled the priest, though no gun or fan appeared. "I don't want to hear that you're hungry."

Goku bit his bottom lip, taking a deep breath. "Sanzo, I wasn't going to say that. I wasn't."

"Really. Somehow, I don't believe you." Sanzo sat there, looking forward. After those words he fell silent. As did the man sitting next to him. Neither looked at each other. Neither spoke. An uncomfortable silence fell over the jeep, broken only by the wind as it whistled past them.

Goku sat back. "Guys…" There was no response. "Hey, I have something to say! Can't you all just listen to me?"

Nothing. It was like talking to a rock. Only…only it was probably possible to get more of a reaction out of a rock.

"Guys…please?"

"Shut up."

He sank back against the back of his seat, gripping the seat cushions with his fingers. He wouldn't listen. Neither of them would listen.

Maybe he should just stop trying. If they wouldn't listen, maybe he should just stop talking.

It was strange, this whole death thing. He'd killed so often but he had never really lost someone before. At least, not from what he could remember. He'd thought that he'd lost Sanzo, all those times that he had been injured to the point of almost dying. Thought he'd lost him, only to find out later, before anything had really sunk in, that he would live. That he would be fine.

So he'd never really lost anything before.

And now…now he didn't really feel like himself. He felt numb. Really numb. He wondered if the feeling would ever go away, if he'd ever get over it.

Other people lost things and got over it, didn't they?

He hadn't eaten since…since when? Last night? The night before? But the thing was, he wasn't hungry. Oh, he knew that he needed to eat. But he just…the thought of food was repulsive at the moment.

What he really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry. Or scream. Or just start running. And keep running until his shoes wore out and his feet were cut to bloody ribbons.

Would that help?

And shouldn't…shouldn't Sanzo be feeling the way that he was now? And shouldn't he be showing some of that pain? Scream, cry, yell, break out from that cold, icy guise he always wore? Shouldn't his eyes show some sort of pain?

He leaned forward, wanting to get a better look at Sanzo's eyes. Only, the priest was facing forward. Goku couldn't see his eyes.

"Hey, Sanzo?"

No answer.

Goku tapped him on the shoulder. "Sanzo? I'm hung—"

That did the trick. The priest turned around, fan out, upraised, ready to hit him—

"Shut the—"

Nothing.

Sanzo dropped his arm and let his voice stop. He turned back to the front.

"If you're hungry, there's bound to be something back there. Eat all you want. Not like I care."

Goku just sat there, staring. He had stopped. He hadn't hit him. Hadn't—

Maybe he did feel something after all. After all, Sanzo had never not hit him once the fan was out before. And he was acting different...

But his eyes were the same. Exactly the same. Nothing had changed in them from before this whole mess had happened. There was nothing new in them, no hint of any feeling that had just suddenly appeared.

So maybe he really didn't feel anything.

Goku's shoulders slumped and he lay down in the back seat, covering his head with his arms. So what if the jeep was moving? He could still lie down if he wanted to.

He started crying again. Softly, so that Sanzo wouldn't yell at him. He really didn't want to be yelled at.

He'd been the one to gather the flowers. He'd been the one to set them on the grave. White ones, red ones, yellow ones, purple ones. He'd found some in the forest, some in the fields near where they had buried him. After all, picking flowers by hand meant more than just buying them at some store. Didn't it?

But really, the flowers weren't enough. They hadn't stopped the numbness. They hadn't made him come back.

They were just stupid, useless flowers, like Sanzo had said.

Flowers. Feh. Why the hell should we get flowers? They're not going to change anything.

But Sanzo!

Get flowers if you want to. Just leave me out of if.

The seat was getting soaked with tears now, but he didn't move and he didn't stop crying.

Why did he have to die?

He'd been there. He could have stopped it. It wouldn't have been that hard to do. Just turn around and drive his weapon through that youkai's gut. And then he wouldn't be dead.

But it hadn't been that easy.

There had been more youkai than usual. Far more. And it had been harder to keep track of all of them. And there had been two…

And there had two at that moment, one going after Sanzo, one going after him. Neither of the two men had seen them coming, being otherwise occupied at the moment. There had only been time enough to kill one of them…

Goku had made his choice. He's save Sanzo. And let the other one kill—

So it was his fault, wasn't it? That he was dead? Wasn't it?

He sniffed, still crying. But he couldn't have done anything else! One of them still would be dead! It just would have been Sanzo instead.

Would he have been able to deal with it if it had been?

What if he hadn't made a choice at all? Suppose he had just let them both die? And then…

Should he have just let them both die?

"No," he whispered. "No. I did what I had to. I can't—"

"Won't you just shut up?"

Goku buried his head further into his arms. And he kept crying, though he made sure that he was as quiet as possible.

Did he really feel anything? How could he not be affected by this? Why did he still have to tell him to shut up? Why, why, why, why, why…

Always why. And what if. And should have and did and would have and how and…and why.

Silence fell over the jeep as it continued to carry the three men west.

A/N2: Well, I didn't tell you who it is yet. You can guess, if you want to. Gojyo or Hakkai. There was a hint in there, but it is very subtle. There will be a few more chapters (at least one more. But if I get really inspired and if you all want more, then I will write more) and they will shift from character to character, though there will always be something about Sanzo in them. Oh, and once I reveal which character is dead, I will explain my reasoning behind why Sanzo got so emotional over the death.

Thank you for reading and reviewing,

Raven