A/N: Eh…there's a lot of cursing in this. Just to warn you all.

Anyway, here's where you find out who died. I actually wrote two chapters, just in case I decided on the other person. If you want to see the other chapter when this story is over, just drop be a review and tell me.

If this chapter seems really choppy...that was kind of the intent. Enjoy.

Oh, and thank you's to all of my reviewers. I really appreciate that you take the time to tell me what you think. Even though this story might not be what you expect.

Letting Go

Numbness

His hands tightened on the steering wheel once more as he slammed his foot down on the breaks.The priest cursed loudly as the force threw him forward. He ignored him.Sanzo could rot in hell. In fact, he preferred that that goddamned priest died a painful and bloody death.

"Fucking kappa. Who the hell taught you to drive?" Sanzo got out of the jeep, glaring at the man who still sat in the driver's seat. "Goku. Get out here."

Gojyo didn't answer Sanzo, just watched as Goku jumped out of the back seat, the usual spring missing from his step. Why the hell couldn't Sanzo realize—?

The two disappeared into the inn, presumably securing three rooms for the night. Gojyo could have laughed. Knowing their luck, there would only be one room left. Or, ironically, there would be four.

Of course it would be four. Why wouldn't it be four? Now that Hakkai was dead—

Gojyo slammed his hand down on the steering wheel. Of all the people to go, it had to be Hakkai. Why couldn't it have been that damned priest? Or the stupid monkey? It's not like they really needed either of them. And if it hadn't been for Sanzo, they wouldn't be on this fucking mission in the first place. Hakkai wouldn't be dead. They wouldn't be stuck in one room every time that they stayed at a hotel. Hakkai wouldn't be dead. He wouldn't have to listen to Goku complaining about being hungry. Hakkai wouldn't be dead. He wouldn't have Sanzo try to shoot him all the time. Hakkai wouldn't—

In one violent movement he got out of the jeep, barely noticing as it turned back into the small white dragon that began to fly around his head, cheeping pitifully. He ignored Hakuryu, jamming his hands into his pockets and heading inside.

He saw Sanzo and Goku instantly; they were speaking to the innkeeper. Well, Sanzo was. Goku was sitting on the ground, staring at the wall with a blank look in his eyes. Stupid kid. Always spacing out.

As he walked in he saw Sanzo put his hand to his head, the other twitching towards the gun at his side. "Fine. We'll take it. Just give me the damned key."

Gojyo sauntered over to them, leaning on the counter. "What's the matter, priesty? Four rooms this time?"

Sanzo glared at him. "One more word out of you and I'll blow your head off."

Gojyo decided that he would push Sanzo as far as he could. After all, why not? And it would make him feel better, even though he didn't really like having a gun pointed at his head. "Oh, so there's more than four rooms? Are we actually going to get our own rooms tonight? Bet you're sad about that, Sanzo-chan. You try to hid it, but we all know that you like being in the same room with—"

He just narrowly missed getting hit by the bullet. As it was, he wouldn't be surprised if he were missing some hair. Sanzo's revolver was still aimed at his head.

"You want me to answer your question, you fucking kappa? They have one room. One fucking room. Got it? Not four, not ten. Not even two. One. Get it through your fucked up head. Now, either shut your mouth or go and get yourself killed. Or I'll kill you myself. Got it?"

Gojyo crossed his arms and leaned forward, deliberately taunting the priest. "I'm not sure I heard you correctly. One room? As in, one bed? Oh, our lord Sanzo is going to be so happy about that. Aren't you?" He watched as Sanzo's eyes narrowed and his finger tightened on the trigger. "Gonna shoot me, are you? Go ahead. I don't think you can do it."

"Please, sirs," came the voice of the innkeeper. He sounded quite frantic, though Gojyo didn't pay any attention to his words. "Don't fire that gun in here. And—"

"Sanzo? Gojyo?" Gojyo turned his head and saw that Goku was staring up at them. "Guys, I'm tired. Can I go up to th' room?"

Sanzo stayed still for a moment, then lowered his gun, returning it to its holster at his side. "Do I look like I care? Do whatever the hell you want."

"Um, Sanzo?" The priest twitched as the boy spoke, his eyes narrowing slightly.

"What? If you say that you're hungry I'll—"

"You have th' key." Goku said it quickly, cutting off the rest of Sanzo's words. "You have th' key, Sanzo. I'm gonna need it if I want to get in."

Sanzo stared at him for a moment, then turned and began to walk towards the stairs that would lead up to the room. "Fine. Come on, then. Stupid monkey."

Goku didn't say anything. Didn't complain about being hungry, didn't whine about being called a monkey. Just followed after Sanzo. Just walked quietly behind him.

Gojyo stared, a little confused. No, really confused. The monkey wasn't acting like himself. Not at all. And that damn priest was more trigger-happy then ever.

"Hey," he said, turning towards the innkeeper. "You. Ya know of a bar in town?"

The innkeeper, looking shaken from what had just occurred, jerked his arm to the right. "Yeah. Just head down the road a bit. There's a place down there with some pretty good stuff. It's called—"

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks. I'll find it." He turned and strode out of the room. Beer sounded good right now. Lots of alcohol and a pack of cigarettes…that would make him feel better.

…

He sat at a table; legs propped up, a beer bottle in one hand, a smoke in the other. He threw his head back, taking a swig from the bottle.

That was better. Drowning everything out in a torrent of bitter liquid…numbing, shoving everything out of his mind. So much better. And that damned priest was nowhere to be seen. Wouldn't dream of going to a bar like this.

Gojyo had been sitting there for a long time, the empty pack of cigarettes and the stubs in the ashtray the only indicators of how long that time had really been. That and the empty bottles before him on the table.

He'd avoided the card games. He'd seen people sitting at other tables, cards in their hands, money out in the center. Bets and laughs and the smell of smoke. Then lying down of the cards, someone cussing when they lost.

Hell, he didn't want to see it. Or hear it. If he went over there he bet that he'd win. Knock 'em all flat and take all the money. But really, every win would remind him of all the times that he'd lost. All the times that he had won. When Hakkai had showed his cards with that smile on his face, apologizing for winning. Sending Gojyo into a fit of curses.

Oh! A straight flush—I'm sorry.

Goddammit! This is how I make my living, you know!

More beer. He needed more beer. And more cigarettes. He had lit his final one a while ago and it was burning down to a stub. Soon there would be nothing left. Nothing at all.

He took it from his mouth and stared at it. And stared. Then, in one savage motion crushed it in the ashtray, burning his hand as he did so.

Damn it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.

Hakkai hadn't like the smoke. Had even complained about it a few times. Goddammit—

"Hey." He looked up, signaling to the serving girl. "More beer."

"Sure thing, hot stuff." She winked at him. Any other day he would have taken the opportunity. Flirted with her, seduced her, get her into his bed. But now he just…

He just didn't want to think anymore.

How could that fucking priest not feel anything? How could he just drag them away from the grave like that, not give them enough time to say good bye or anything? Go on like nothing had ever happened? He wasn't actinglike Hakkai was dead. Other than the increase in threats, but Gojyo didn't think that meant anything. After all, Sanzo was Sanzo. He didn't need a reason to try to kill him.

He'd probably regret drinking this much in the morning. He'd wake up with a hangover, a throbbing headache. Sanzo would shoot some bullets at him and tell him that he'd better not go drinking again because he wasn't going to let some fucking drunk kappa drive them all to their deaths.

Like Sanzo was any better at driving. He'd just…he'd just…

It was getting hard to think. Gojyo's hand jerked as he brought the bottle to his mouth again, spilling beer down his front. Damn it.

But it was getting harder to think, and that was a good thing. A really good thing. Maybe he'd forget for a little bit.

His head drooped, falling toward his chest. He blinked, raised it. Where the hell was his beer? He couldn't see the serving girl anywhere.

"Oh, him? He's right over there."

He heard the voice dimly, not comprehending it. Then he felt someone grabbing his arm and heard a voice that he was pretty sure that he knew.

"Gojyo! Get up!"

"Not…getting up, Hakkai," he muttered. There was a moment of silence. Then the tugging on his arm began again.

"Get up, you perverted kappa!"

He blinked. "Goku?" He turned his head to the side, the image of the boy swimming before his eyes. "Why the hell 'r you here? Where's Hakkai?"

Silence again. All the alcohol had done what it was supposed to do. Make him forget that Hakkai had died.

A/N2: Well? I guess it's kind of unexpected...I know a lot of you thought it was Gojyo who died, but I thought Hakkai would actually have more of an impact on Sanzo. Also, Gojyo was more interesting to write, even though this chapter was pretty hard to write.

I'm actually going to save my reasoning for this death until the end of the story. Which will be in a few chapters. It's just that it's going to be a pretty long thing, and I don't want it to write it out yet...I know, I'm kind of lazy. But there are going to be one or two more chapters, showing how this little bit closes down.

Again, thank for reading. Any comments will be appreciated.

Raven