The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't By Crushing His Ego Chapter 19: Are We There Yet?, a fullmetal alchemist fanfic

AN: You Already know what I'm gonna say…

gundams forever: I think she would have thrown more too, but she really didn't have much there, and that was a strange situation. I don't think she knew what to do really.

mistressofheaven: One after this one. Lol, don't worry; after I reread it again I saw that it REALLY needs to be redone. I don't know if I'm gonna rewrite the whole thing are just parts of it. You will have to wait and be surprised, wither the whole thing is redone or not, it will still be different… or… somewhat different… I also remember I changed something at the last minute so it seemed out of place in the next chapter. I changed that as well. You'll see what I mean soon when you catch hints of it. (Sorry, I know this sounds dumb, explaining it this way so I don't give it away to first time readers. I hope you know what I'm getting at. I think you would, but if you don't, it is what we were just talking about for the next chapter. You know 'that' thing.)

The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 19: Are We There Yet?

Roy and Riza sat in the back seat of the small car. If you were looking back from the driver's seat, Roy was sitting on the left side and Riza was on the right. Roy had his elbow resting on the bottom of the window, his chin in his hand as he watched the boring scenery pass by, just a bunch of ugly buildings. This whole city looks the same. He whined to himself as he yawned. It was a very boring drive indeed, stop go, stop go, stop go in all the heavy traffic. It was also very quiet, Riza refused to say anything to him and the driver just drove. He was a real grump, Roy didn't really want to talk to him, all he'd do was complain.

Riza started out her window as well. Oh, why did it have to start now? Of all the times for 'that' to happen. Why did it have to begin last night? Riza began to curse herself, but not showing any hints of it to Roy. She took in a deep breath and tried to ignore the pain in her abdomen. It wasn't a very good day to say the least. The mood she was in could only be blamed on the way she felt. The lower part of her abdomen was very tense and ached, her stomach was upset, and she had one of the worst headaches anyone could imagine. She leaned against the back seat, her arms crossed over her waist in a relaxed fashion. She was doing her best to not show any hints of pain, weakness, or irritability toward Roy. She did this by avoiding him and staring out the window. She was very bored as well, but didn't show any signs of it. She looked calm and cool as she stared at the car next to them. It was the same type of car as theirs, except it was blue, theirs was grey. In the back seat sat a little boy, about four or five years old. He had short blonde hair and blue eyes. He looked surprisingly a lot like a younger version of Havoc.

Once they came to a stop he jumped up out of his seat and put his arm out the partly open window. Riza's eyes widened the second she saw the boy stick his arm out, a new red toy car in his hand. He was waving it around like he was driving a car on the busy road, too. This is a fast road, and the next stop is one that just pops up out of nowhere, lots of accidents happen there because no one sees it coming. If the mother doesn't see it and has to slam on her breaks that boy will go flying right out the front windshield, either that, or his arm will keep him in the back seat, but will be broken from the force of the blow. Riza thought to herself as she thought this through in her mind. The cars started going. The vehicle with the little boy inside sped up faster then theirs, leaving them behind.

She could see the little boy's arm still hanging out the window. "Speed Up!" she demanded.

"Huh?" both Roy and the driver said in unison as Roy looked over at her and the driver looked in the rearview mirror. They're faces both questionable.

"What for?" the driver asked taking his eyes off the mirror every few seconds to look back at the road.

"Just do it. Get even with that car," Riza ordered as she pointed to the blue car, now a great distance away from them. She doesn't know the stop is there. If she did, she wouldn't be going this fast, it's suicidal. The military dog thought to herself as her amber eyes flashed from the speeding car back to the driver's confused face, showing clearly in the mirror.

"But…" the driver began.

Roy resumed his original position of sleepily staring out his window again, "Just do it," he said. His voice relaxed and bored. "It gets us there faster. The faster the better, then we can go home."

"But why?" the driver asked again. It seemed as if his grumpy mood just melted away as he listened to the strange talk in the back.

Roy's dark eye glanced over a Riza for a moment. He saw her amber eyes begging to flame. "DO IT!" he snapped. He didn't want Riza in a worse mood then she was already in, and a little speeding never hurt anything. They were only 20 miles over the speed limit. Another 25-30 miles wouldn't hurt.

"…ok…" the man replied. He was truly and utterly confused, but Roy was his superior. What else could he do? He pushed his foot hard down on the gas, making them accelerate very quickly. The force pushed Riza and Roy back into their seats slightly.

They came upon the blue car quickly after that. "Now what?" the driver asked as they came up next to the speeding vehicle.

"Go up a little more, so I am even with that car's backseat," Riza instructed as she stared at the little arm, still waving the car around. The stop was only a little way away. She had to think of something fast. "Ok, that's good," Riza said when she came face to face with the boy. He was laughing and smiling playfully as the two cars drag raced.

"Hey," Roy said nervously when he saw Riza reaching for her holster. "What are you doing?" He asked as he came out of his 'relaxed' trance and started at her, somewhat scared. His hand on the door handle, falling out of a speeding car was better then getting shot. Does she want witnesses? Roy wondered. He thought she was going to kill him. He knew she was mad, but not this mad. He'd seen plenty of girls in their underwear; none of them got this angry. But what else did she want her gun for?

Riza didn't pay any attention to Roy. She waited for the best chance to get the boy's attention. "HEY, KID!" she yelled loudly. She had to scream it out so her voice would tower over the two engines.

They sped over a bump, sending the dogs flying off their seats and toward the roof. It didn't faze Riza. She kept her eyes on the car and her mind on the situation.

"Owww," Roy whined as he rubbed the top of his head. He glanced up at the roof with an annoyed expression.

"Huh?" the boy looked at her questionably. Then he smiled and held up his toy car so she could see it, a big proud smile on his face.

"LOOK AT THIS!" Riza snapped. She tried to sound angry. She wanted to scare the boy. Then she quickly pulled her gun out over the window and pointed it at him. She aimed right between his eyes.

"AHHHHHHH!" the boy squealed in fear as he jumped back down in his seat, cowering in fear. Then it happened. His mother saw the stop and slammed on her breaks, almost slamming into the car in front of her. She stopped with mere inches to spare.

"Are you alright?" she looked back in the backseat at her boy. He was lying down on the seat crying. She hadn't seen anything Riza had done. She thought the boy was just frightened from what just happened.

Their car sped passed the blue one. They didn't have to stop because they weren't turning. Riza sat back in her seat and gave a big sigh of relief. Then she put her pistol away.

Roy and the driver just stared. They saw it happen, but couldn't believe it. "How could you do that?" Roy snapped. "You just aimed your weapon at a child!"

"I just saved his life," Riza replied as she glanced over at Roy. A slight hint of annoyance in her voice.

"But…" Roy began, but stopped himself. He just smirked then went back to looking out his window.

"Uh?" the driver looked at them through his mirror. They were motionless, much like they were when this little road trip started. "I think we need some music," he said. He needed something to break the silence, and after just seeing that, he needed something else to put his mind on. It was strange, after something such as that. People would be screaming or cheering, but there was nothing here. It was just… odd. "Yes, some music," he said again as he took his hand off the steering wheel and moved it toward the radio dial.

He played with the dial for a few minutes before he found a station that'd worked. It was strange; on most of the stations all they got was static. Then they found one that worked. They heard a man's voice on the radio. It sounded strangely and suspiciously familiar. Like they knew the person and he was trying to disguise his voice.

Roy and Riza glanced at each other in wonder…

"Nah!"

"Alright all you cat's and chick's out there, are you in a fight with your special someone? Well, don't worry about it too much. We have a song coming up next that will lift your spirits and make all those feeling of hatred and rage just melt away!" the voice said as music began playing. It was another country song. Roy sighed, he hated these songs, nothing blew up. The beat was fast and fun. The instruments used were those that were used in rock and roll, but played in a way that it still sounded country-ish. There was also a hint of the good ol' guitar and violin, but played at a fast beat. The 'oing' and 'yeahing' began. The singer was a woman, older then the two of them, but not an old lady. Her voice was somewhat deep, like she was a little angry when she sang, but also fun. It fit the song perfectly.

Last night we went to bed not talkin',
'cause we'd already said too much.
I faced the wall, you faced the window.
Bound and determined not to touch.

We've been married seven years now.
Some days it feels like 21.
I'm still mad at you this mornin'.
Coffee's ready if you want some.
I've been up since five, thinkin' bout me and you.
And I've got to tell you the conclusion I've come to.

I'll never leave, I'll never stray.
My love for you will never change.
But I ain't ready to make up.
We'll get around to that.
I think I'm right, I think you're wrong.
I'll prob'ly give in before long.
Please don't make me smile.
I just wanna be mad for a while.

These lyrics made Roy a little suspicious. He glanced over at Riza. She remained as she was. She heard the song, but didn't really seem to care what it said, even though it was very true. He looked back out his window, wondering. The buildings were flashing by. The style of the buildings began to change. They weren't so big or crowded, a little beaten up looking. They were getting farther and father out of the city.

Well, now you might as well forget it.
Don't run your fingers through my hair.
Yeah, that's right, I'm bein' stubborn.
No, I don't wanna go back upstairs.
I'm gonna leave for work without a goodbye kiss.
But as I'm drivin' off, just remember this.

I just wanna be mad for a while.

The driver glanced in his mirror for a moment. Just to see how they were reacting. He was a little nervous that Riza would shoot him for listening to a song like this, but she didn't do anything out of the ordinary.

I just wanna be mad for a while.

"Is that really true?" Roy asked as he looked over at Riza again. She gave him a small glance, and then looked back out her window. "Second Lieutenant," he said in a stern voice.

She turned back to him. She was about to say something when a strange broadcast came through the radio. "Hey, what are you doing in here?" the man they had heard on the radio the night before came on. He sounded angry and surprised.

"Ah! I was just umm... yeah!" the strangely familiar voice replied. A loud noise was heard and the object he was using to hide his voice somehow went off and his true voice came through the speaker. "Hey, watch the shirt!"

"You have to be kidding," Riza said as she stared at the radio.

Roy clenched his fist as an annoyed look appeared on his face. "…Hughes…" he grumbled.

The scene changed over to the radio room. Hughes was sitting in the broadcaster's chair. He was leaning back and his feet were propped up on the desk comfortably. He held the microphone in his hand. Then the real radio broadcaster came in.

"Ah!" Hughes yelled as the broadcasted grabbed him by the shirt collar and pulled him away from the machine which held all the buttons and switches, turning off his voice disguiser.

"Stay out!" the man barked as he threw Hughes out on the sidewalk.

Hughes fell on his face with a thud. He glanced up, his glasses covered in dirt. He blew some of the dirt off his lips and gave a big smile. His glasses lit up through the light colored dirt as he gave a little chuckle. "Hehehe, have a nice trip you two," he said evilly.

"What was that about?" the driver asked. He knew Hughes, but for some reason it never hit him.

"Nothing," Roy replied as he slumped back in the seat. His fist relaxed and he folded his arms over his chest. He started out the window, the annoyed look still on his face.

Riza looked back out her window as well.

"Oh," Roy said after about a seconds of silence. "You never answered my question," he said as he snapped back into his cool voice and looked over at Riza.

She looked back at him. She gave a small look of hopelessness and was about to answer when the broadcaster came back on the radio.

"Sorry about that. We had a few minor problems."

"Minor… yeah…right…" Roy grumbled.

"Now that that's done with, on with the music! I think this song fits well after that hooligan broke in."

The scene switched to Hughes once again. He was crouching down on the sidewalk, holding a small black machine to his ear, listening to one of the break dancing kid's radio.

"Hooligan!" he shouted in disgust. "I'm trying to build a relationship here! Isn't that what country is all about?"

"Hey come on man, give it back," one of the kids whined.

The scene once again switched back to Roy and Riza. (Sorry about all the switching.)

"This is going to be good. If it fits well with Hughes making an idiot out of himself, then country is ok in my book," Roy smirked.

"Which book would that be, sir?" Riza asked in her usual tone. "Could it be that book of golden rules you told me about that night in the bank. The one with the rule about the mini skirts?"

"Hm?" the driver's head popped up. The 'mini skirts' word caught his interest.

Before Roy could answer the song started. The song was heavy and mean, not your typical country song. The singer was a woman. Her voice was deep and she sounded like a total witch.

Well, you filled up my head with so many lies.
You twisted my heart till somethin' snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try,
But my give-a-damn's busted.

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong;
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long.
Well, go ahead and water the lawn:
My give-a-damn's busted.

I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:.
No, sorry: nothin'.

You can say you've got issues, you can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault, after all you didn't pick 'em.
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen:
My give-a-damn's busted.

Roy and the driver glanced down at the radio. This song was so harsh; couldn't the woman singing see the poor man was trying to apologize? She was just bashing him farther and farther into the ground. There's only so much a man can take before his spirits broken. Lucky for them one peek at a mini skirt will heal them right up.

"This woman sounds like a total witch," Roy said as he listened.

"Yeah right," the driver replied with a smile, "Listen to her, she sounds so hot!"

Riza and Roy just looked at each other, "I'm not getting into this. If you want a woman who will act like a jerk and treat you like dirt then that's your decision," Riza said. She agreed with what some of the woman said, but she didn't have to say it in such a mean way.

"She sounds like you," Roy grumbled, luckily Riza hadn't heard him over the loud instrumental.

Well, your therapist says it was all a mistake:
A product of the Prozac an' your co-dependent ways.
So who's your enabler these days?
My give-a-damn's busted.

I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:.
No, still nothin'.

It's a desperate situation, no tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you, you say your life is through.
C'mon, gimme somethin' I can use:
My give-a-damn's busted.

Well, I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:
No, I'm sorry.
Just nothin', you know.
You've really done it this time, ha, ha.
My give-a-damn's busted.

A few minutes after the song ended Riza turned to Roy, "You wanted my answer, sir?"

Roy nodded.

"That first song wasn't true, but that was," she replied in her normal solider tone. She would have smirked, but that was far to out of her character.

Roy just gave a sigh, some of it was 'oh great' and another part was hopelessness. After hearing that, how could he treat women the same way? They'd bash him into the ground with country songs and haunt him forever. "Turn it off," the Lieutenant Colonel said and looked out the window again. They were nearly there. He couldn't help himself. He had to say it, and in a little whiny kid voice too, "Are we there yet?"

"Awwww!" Hughes whined, still holding the radio. "Thanks a lot, man. I'm sure Riza and Roy will get along really well after hearing that."

One of the kids snatched the radio out of his grasp and ran off. Hughes just looked after them, milk tears streaming down his cheeks. "Why does everyone hate me? First I get thrown out on the street by a radio dude, and then a little brat steals a radio from me. It's so unfair. All I was trying to do was help," Hughes said quietly as he got up, shoved his hands in his pockets, and sulked all the way back to work. "What's worse is my voice thingy got switched off. That's means Roy probably heard me." He paused for a moment. "OH CRAP! ROY COULD HAVE HEARD ME!" he cried and darted off to the Central building. He figured he might as well get some practice in running away before Roy ever actually used his flames on him.

AN: So what did ya think? I hope you liked it. I'll tell you, just before I posted this the idea to put Hughes in there popped into my head. I had to go back and change a bunch of stuff. I couldn't help myself. He's so evil, trying to get Roy and Riza together in secret! I guess he's still sticking to his life long dream of trying to get Roy a wife, ne?

The songs were "I Just Wanna be Mad" by Terri Clark and "My Give a Damn's Busted" by Jo Dee Messina! They're awesome! Sorry to all you Jo Dee fans out there. I didn't mean to call her a witch, but in the music video she just looked so much like one, lol.