AN: Hi guys! 304 reviews and 10,816 hits! Lots of people don't review… BUT THAT'S OK! I love you all anyway! (not in a gay way)
Sugar High: Wow…. I congratulate you… I have never seen someone put so many different subjects in one review. It was quite fun to read XD. I'm glad you thought Havoc was pretty on. Yeah, I kinda just wrote him how I thought he should be, praying it was close to the real thing. That's about all you can do, right? HAPPY LATE COW DAY EVERYONE!
gundams forever: Sorry to say, but there are no Royai moments in this chapter. If you would have asked A LONG time ago there would have been, but see, this story was posted along time ago, then deleted for some reason, too many author notes I think. Right now I'm just fixing grammar mistakes and reposting it. But once I get to the new stuff there will be Royai moments just for you . Yes, I will dedicate them to you. It should be around chapter 39 or 40 I believe is where I left off.
MoonStarDutchess: I'm posting this quick. I have to go to work soon. Working until 9 o' clock tonight (if you don't have a job be glad, working sucks…). So I don't know if I can read any of your stories at this moment, but I promise I will read them sometime this week. Any you REALLY want me to read?
The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 27: Fast Food Isn't all it's Cracked Up to Be
"Sir, you have just punctured the most holy of places. Now you must pay!" Hughes shouted in his angry yet comical voice. One flip of his wrist and a little dragger like knife came shooting out of his sleeve and into his hand. A smirk appeared on his face.
"Really?" the chef replied with a smirk of his own. He then raised his deadly two pronged fork and pointed it at the Major. "We who are about to die, salute you!" he shouted a battle cry of the gladiators.
Hughes nodded as he and the little man began clashing eating utensils. "Oh, ha, we!" Hughes muttered little things here and there as he dodged the sharp prongs. He was walking backwards, the chef walking toward him. Their sliver weapons made a clanging sound when they hit together. The mob chef did the lunging, Hughes blocked with his small knife. He was at a disadvantage; his knife was too short to poke the chef from a ways away. "WHOA!" Hughes shouted as he almost tripped over a pan. His hands waving wildly in the air, he quickly caught his balance.
"Ho!" the small chef shouted when he saw Hughes' attention was not on him. He thrusted the fork forward and poked him in the stomach.
"Ow!" Hughes whined as he rubbed the sore spot. It wasn't bleeding, but it was hard enough of a hit to leave a small mark, as well as a hole in his navy blue jacket. "Come on, is that the best you got?" he asked as he stared jumping around like a kung fu master, moving his hands around in a strange martial arts like fashion. "Whoooo, wa ha!" he shouted, a smile on his face as he showed his…. interesting moves.
"Hm?" an annoyed expression appeared on the vertically challenged man's face as he watched Hughes wale around like an idiot. "Ptt…" he grunted at his threats and lunged forward again.
"Ow, ow, ow!" Hughes jumped back fast as the fork came in contact with the upper part of his left leg. "That's not fair! You're cheating! You're short! You can reach things better!"
As Havoc dashed passed Hughes he calculated that last interpretation in his mind. Too short… can reach things better... well that made a whole lot of sense…
SMACK!
The huge chef was right behind him. "I'm going! I'm going!" Havoc retorted to the whip like feeling as he sped up and around the end of the counter.
"Heh," the tall chef gave a satisfied grunt.
"Hughes!" Havoc's thin body was smaller and easier to move around compared to the big chef, making Havoc faster then him. He quickly got away from the chef and ran to Hughes' side. "Let's go! Forget about the stupid spatula!" he said somewhat out of breath, a few red makes on his face and hands.
"Yahh!" the little chef shouted as his arm leached out and poked Havoc in the side.
Havoc jumped back suddenly and glared at the little man. "Ouch! That hurt!" he whined as he rubbed his side, two little holes were visible in his jacket. "You put a hole in it!"
"I'll put a hole in you!" the chef replied in his mob voice as he thrashed out again. Havoc jumped back, but was stopped by a swat in the back.
"Ahh! Man, that stings!" he shouted. As he turned around fast and faced the large chef. He rubbed his sore back and stared, unsure of what move to make.
"Heyeah!" the small chef shouted again as he lunged forward and poked Havoc in his unprotected butt.
"OYO!" Havoc then shot around fast, making sure his eyes were fixed on the smaller chef. He wanted to know what the little man was doing at all times.
"Hah!" the tiny chef shouted again.
"I got this one!" Havoc replied with a smile as his hands blocked the prongs. "Ahhhiii! Oh that wasn't smart," he shouted. The prongs dug deep into his hand, leaving to small bleeding puncture wounds. "Don't you know I'm unarmed?" He whined as he shook his sore hand in the air, trying to get some of the stinging pain to go away.
The tall chef just smirked as he stood behind Havoc, watching his partner work.
"Heh," the little man smirked again. He lunged forward. His prongs aiming for Havoc's… um... ahem... 'down south' as some people would put it. The short man knew the one weakness that could bring the biggest and strongest of men down. He was in reach of it, so of course he couldn't refuse. "I think it time to do some landscaping on the private property."
"Looks like we're roasting weenies tonight," the bigger chef said with a smirk.
"Ohhhhhhh nooooo! Not there!" Havoc shouted and dodged the attacked. He jerked his body to the left, just missing the deadly prongs.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Hughes burst out laughing once again. Poor Havoc. He thought to himself as he bent over a little, putting his hands on his knees and dying of laughter. To Havoc and the two chefs this was very serious, but to Hughes it was just one big game. A game with a few painful pokes here and there. All in all, it was worth it!
"Gah!" Havoc shouted as he took off running again. It was worse this time, this time both of the chefs were on his tail. Poking him and slapping him along the way.
"Come back here you little!" the big chef shouted. He was getting very irritated that Havoc wouldn't stand still. They were running around and around in circles around the two counters.
I think it's time I help the Lieutenant out. "Are you referring to your short friend?" Hughes asked, breaking his laughter every now and them to say something. "The short guy is the one right behind you. Or is he just too small for you to see him?" He asked as he stood upright, his laughter stopped and he smirked. Boy, Roy would love this, short jokes!
"Hmmmm….." both chefs stopped dead in their tracks and turned to glare at Hughes, who had moved to the other side of the right counter. Havoc stopped running as well and turned to see what Hughes was cooking up.
"You want some of this?" Hughes asked as he stood behind the counter, the smirk still on his face.
Both the chefs growled and lunged toward Hughes, fork and swatter in hand, just itching for the taste of flesh and blood. "You want to play with me, big man?" the little mobster asked angrily.
"Do you want some of this? Huh? Do ya? Do ya?" Hughes asked playfully. He began jumping around a little bit. His back bent over slightly, it almost looked like the position you took while playing defense in basketball.
"Yes!" the big man shouted as he jumped the counter. The little man tried, but was too short. He just clung to the counter top, trying to pull himself over.
"Too slow!" Hughes retorted and jumped over the counter, leaving them on opposite sides once again.
"Grrrrrrr….." the big chef growled. He was getting really sick of this.
Hughes replied his growl with a smirk. "Did I disappoint you? Sorry about that. I hope you can forgive me." In his hast he didn't notice the small chef didn't make it over the counter and was standing on the same side as he was.
"Hehehe," the small chef smirked when he got an idea.
"Hughes, watch out!" Havoc shouted, but it was too late.
"Huh?" Hughes's head shot in Havoc's direction.
"Got ya!" the mobster shouted as he lunged at Hughes and tackled his legs, knocking him backwards and on his butt.
Oh no… Hughes though to himself as the small man sat on his chest, fork in hand.
"Sir!" Havoc shouted. He was getting way to into this. It's like his body snapped into combat mode and he raced toward his friend, adrenaline pumping through his veins. He rushed across the room and was about to lunge at the little man when he tripped over a pot. "Whoa!" he yelled as he flew forward. The speed and momentum he got from running caused his to fly and then slide right across the top of the sliver plated counter, and then fall on his head on the opposite side.
Ouch, that had to hurt. Hughes thought after he heard the loud thud that was made from Havoc's body hitting the hard tile floor.
"Oooooohhhooooo," Havoc whined as he opened his blue eyes, his head now throbbing. "Eh!" his eyes widened immediately when he saw the large chef towering over him. "Ahhhhhh!"
Slap!
"Gahhh! Please! Show mercy!" Havoc shouted as he scrambled to his feet, slipping every now and then. He leached forward, the chef following him once again. We were back to our original match up.
"Hehehehehe," the little chef crackled an evil laugh as he sat upon Hughes' chest.
"Uh…" Hughes gulped, his voice was nervous and slurred a bit. His yellow eyes were locked on the pointy prongs pointed down at him. "Can't we just talk this out? Man to man? Uniform to uniform? Giant to shrimp?" He asked, his eyes darting around the room every few seconds, searching for means of escape.
"Talk is cheap! Let's get cookin'!" the little mob man said as he lifted the fork high into the air. He brought it down hard. A small crunch noise was heard as the prongs entered Hughes' jacket, right where the pocket was.
"Huh? What's that?" the little man asked as he pulled the fork out and suck his hand in Hughes' pocket. There was a box in there. He pulled it out; two holes were punctured in the small, squished, square box.
"Hm?" Hughes stared at the box for a moment.
"Noooooooo!" Havoc shouted from the other end of the room.
Slap!
"My…!"
Slap!
"…Cigarettes!" Havoc yelled as he ran. His body was running in one direction, his blue eyes in the other. The big chef held Havoc by the shirt collar was trying to hold him back in one place. He couldn't hold him down, but he could slow him down. Slow enough to get a few good whacks in there at least.
Swat!
"Hold still and quit whining!" the big chef yelled as he raised the pink swatter in the air again. The color of the pink swatter along with the white of the chef's uniform, and the navy blue of Havoc's uniform stood out vividly against the white cabinets and walls of the kitchen.
"You don't understand! He blackmailed me! Then he stabbed it! That's means I'm doing all this for nothing!" Havoc shouted as he tried to scramble away.
"Anyway, back to business," the little chef said as he glared down at Hughes again. He was about to strike a second time when an idea popped into Hughes' head and his glasses flashed.
"Hold on! I have something very important to show you," he said in a serious tone.
"Huh?" the tiny man replied as he stopped his attack for a moment. Hughes' sudden seriousness interested him. "What is it?"
"Only the best thing on the face of the planet!" Hughes shouted. His glasses still lit up. He took a deep breath, and then reached for his pocket. "This is my wife, Gracia!" he shouted as he shoved to picture in the little man's face.
"What?" the chef jumped back in surprise. Once the weight was lifted off Hughes' chest he quickly lifted his upper body off the ground, so he was in a sitting position.
"Wha!" Havoc tripped over the small chef as he ran by. They hit the tie floor with a thud.
"Ouch," Havoc said as he tried to get up, the small man underneath him, tangled in his long legs.
"Come here, boy!" the tall chef said as he ran around the counter and grabbed Havoc's shirt collar again. He lifted Havoc up, hoisting him high in the air.
"Please… can't we just-" he began then stopped himself as his eyes wandered around the kitchen. Right behind the big chef was a silver spatula, sitting on the stovetop. His eye wandered a little farther, just beyond the stove was the sink and the door next to it.
"What?" the large chef asked as he flicked the swatter.
"Uh…." Havoc said as he tried to think of something. What would the Lieutenant Colonel do?
"Look!" Hughes said again. "This is my wife! Isn't she beautiful?" a large and proud smile on his face.
"Ptt..." the small chef spat again. His face had an annoyed expression as he picked himself up off the tile floor, stepped out from under the big chef, and walked back toward Hughes. He was irritated, and done playing games.
"Well... what do you think? Am I right or am I right?" Hughes asked as he waved the picture around. The chef didn't reply. He stood over Hughes, staring. His pale blue eyes had shown no hint of any emotion, none except hate.
He took a deep breath and exhaled it out of his nose, making his nostrils flare, much like a bull's would. Hughes didn't seem to notice, he was rambling and on on. "Hyeah!" he said after a few seconds. His fork shot straight in front of him. The small man still didn't show any emotion. He pulled the fork back and stared some more, the expression on his face still not changing.
"What'd you say?" the tall chef asked Havoc again. He was becoming very irritated and his grip on Havoc's shirt collar was tightening. If there was no fabric to separate the man's fingernails from the flesh of his palm, you could bet there'd be blood by now.
"Uh?" Havoc said again, still trying to think of something to do.
"NUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOO!" Hughes' mind numbing scream cut through the entire kitchen. Both Havoc's and the chef's heads shot in the direction of the screaming man.
Havoc expected to see blood. The sound of Hughes' scream was so... tormented. He thought he had stabbed Hughes in the chest, or worse, in his 'happy place'.
"HOW COULD YOU?" Hughes cried as he stared at the man. His eyes full of tears. The chef didn't reply, nor did his expression change from before.
"Hm?" Havoc glanced down at the floor. On the tile lay the picture of Gracia, well, half of it anyway. His eyes wandered back up the crying man's body, in his shaking hand was the other piece of the photo. The small man had decapitated Gracia. Ouch, that's gotta hurt.
"How could you….?" Hughes cried again. "YOU CUT HER HEAD OFF! GRAICA! Garcia, I'm coming! Don't worry; it will all be alright in a minute!" he said as he picked up the other half of the picture off the floor and looked around franticly. "WHERE'S THE TAPE?" he shouted.
I got it! Havoc said as an idea quickly popped into his head. If he wanted to do what Roy would do, then he'd have to think like him. He glanced down at the large chef. His attention was still on Hughes. Havoc took a deep breath, he was trying to make this next statement sound as realist as possible. "Look!" he shouted as he pointed to the left of the big chef. "Women in tight little mini skirts!"
"Where?" the chef asked as his head shot in the direction Havoc had been pointing in.
Now's my chance! Havoc thought as he frantically pulled is lower body up. He kicked the large chef in the stomach hard with both feet.
"Ahhhhh, why you little!" the chef growled as he bent forward a little bit. His chest was moving up and down at a rapid pace, heaving and coughing.
I have to thank Hawkeye for that. Havoc thought as the image of when Riza had punched him in the stomach outside the office window rushed back to him. He quickly hoisted his body up higher and kicked the man in the face. The chef quickly released Havoc's collar as he grabbed at his face. He growled in agony, Havoc's heel had got him right in the eye.
Havoc fell to the floor and scrambled across the tile, more or less crawling quickly on all fours. He reached up and scooped up the spatula as he raced past the stove. Then he headed toward the door.
"Grrrr…." the chef growled as he tried to open his now black eye. He raced after Havoc.
This had better work. Havoc thought as he grabbed for the sink. With his free hand he grabbed the orange dish soap. He needed a little diversion, a way to get back to Major Hughes and then back to the door.
The small chef still glared at Hughes, nostrils still flaring. He'd never met anyone like Hughes. He annoyed the small man on so many levels, it was almost amazing.
"Come here you little brat!" the big chef boomed as he raced toward Havoc. Once he got within a few feet of the sandy blonde haired man Havoc pulled out the soap and squeezed it hard. Orange liquid squirted out everywhere. It splattered on the floor and as well as in the big man's eyes.
"GRRRAAAAAAAHHHHH!" the large man roared in pain as he grabbed at his soap filled eyes.
Ouch, that has to burn. Havoc thought as he dashed passed the chef and toward Hughes. He quickly rushed to Hughes' side. He grabbed the Major by the arm and pulled him up, then dragged him to the door. "Come on, sir. I got the spatula!" he said as he dragged Hughes, who was still whining and crying, but he followed his subordinate.
"He chopped her in half…." Hughes said again. The shock was still plastered all over his face. "Right in half, just like that…" he continued as he clutched the pieces in his hand.
"Don't worry. You have plenty more," Havoc replied. He rushed past the large chef, hoping to miss the giant swinging arms. The man still roared in pain, his arms swinging wildly, he was blind from the soap. This gave Havoc and Hughes a better chance to get away.
"He chopped… GAH!" Hughes continued. Once Havoc pulled him passed the chef he began slipping in the soap that was on the floor.
"Come on, we're almost there," Havoc said as he dragged Hughes along. Hughes tried to get back up, but the soap was all over his boots, making him slip and slide all over. It felt as if he was trying to walk on ice. Havoc glanced back at the small chef. He hadn't moved from his original spot, still glaring. He didn't care that they were getting away, or that they had his spatula. He just wanted them gone.
A few seconds later Havoc burst though the door. It took a little doing trying to get Hughes up and passed the rampaging man. It ate up some of their time.
There was silence in the mess hall as all the men that were supposed to be eating their dinners stared at Havoc and Hughes. Havoc could hear the large chef screaming in the background. A nervous smile appeared on his face as he tried to think of what to do.
"Uh…." Havoc stared at them, unsure of what to do. Hughes was on the floor next to him. Havoc had a hold of his arm, pulling him along the way.
"He chopped her in half," Hughes mumbled again.
"…" they all glanced down at Hughes. He looked as if he'd been brainwashed.
Havoc decided it would be best if they got out of there. He pulled Hughes' seeming to be limp body up toward his upper body. He slug Hughes' arm over his shoulder then grabbed his waist. He then carried him out of the mess hall and dragged him down the hallway.