A/N – Thankyou all so much for your patience…I got caught up in uni, prac and then, ultimately, Afterglow (which I am currently writing the final chapter for, actually.) I do hope that you enjoy this chapter. It's one of my favourites, actually. Let me know what you think at the end.
"Sev?" Harry repeated, moving over to the other man, who was doing an incredible impersonation of a statue. "Severus? Look, I'm not going to throw myself on you again, if that's what you're thinking." The thought was appealing, though. "I just….I just wanted to get it off my chest, you know? Prove that I can do the adult thing and talk about what's tearing me up inside." He sighed, "At least, from now on. I know I should have told you, or at least someone -anyone- about being pregnant….But I was confused and afraid of ridicule. Like I am now…"
Dark eyes snapped up at the confession. "Ridicule?" Snape finally asked, a small smirk forming on his lips, "I'm not the one that will mock you for your…taste in men, Pot…Harry. Although, I must say…It is rather…difficult…to grasp."
A snort escaped the younger man, "You're telling me? I'm the one that had to admit it. I mean, me; Gryffindor's golden child…attracted to the head of Slytherin, bearing a child to the prince…"
Green eyes suddenly filled with pain.
"Nothing about me or my life is even going to resemble 'normal' is it?" He asked quietly. "A baby that defeated a dark lord, a boy forced to grow up in a cupboard, a guy that got knocked up at 16…by another man. And I'm a Gryffindor with a thing for Slytherins." He looked down sadly. Vernon was right. He was, and always would be, a freak.
Severus shook his head, aware that he was about to make what would probably be the biggest mistake of his entire existence. He'd already known of Harry's hellish upbringing, so the cupboard comment didn't throw him in the least. "Harry, look at me." He demanded, although his tone was gentle. "In the wizarding world there are many variations of the notion of 'normal'. And yet, you will always be unique. You will always be set apart from others. It is perhaps the most endearing, and equally the most annoying, thing about you."
Harry looked at him in confusion, causing him to smile. Not to smirk. Not to grin. To smile. Which only seemed to confuse the younger man further.
"I will not lie and tell you that I do not and will not find you attractive, because, although it pains me to admit it, I do." There was a moment of tense silence between them, as he allowed Harry to process what he was saying. He sighed, "However, as you pointed out, proving that you are not completely a lost cause, there are too many factors as to why 'we' would not, and will not, work."
The younger man looked away, not wanting Severus to see the hurt and defeat in his eyes. "I know."
Harry's tone was flat and lifeless, and it induced the strangest feeling of guilt in the older man. He wanted nothing more than to pull the Gryffindor into his arms and mutter reassurances that everything would turn out fine. But he couldn't do that. Nor could he take heed of the voice in his head that was begging him to take a chance on the possible relationship, and kiss the younger man senseless.
But then, how many other times had he ignored the voice in his head, and paid bitterly for it later on?
Far too many for his personal liking, actually.
Severus swallowed hard, and moved forward, "Harry," He started, locking eyes with the younger man, hesitantly reaching out for his hand, "I-"
A sharp wail cut him off.
Both men jerked away and looked up in the direction of Harry's room, where the baby had obviously just woken up. Severus didn't know whether to be relieved at the interruption, or extremely frustrated. Harry, it seemed, had chosen the latter.
The teenager stood. "Well, looks like the monitoring charm works…."
Severus nodded, avoiding Harry's gaze. "Apparently so. Reassuring to know that you have acquired skill in at least one subject…."
"Funny," Harry deadpanned, with a glare to rival Severus' own. "Really."
Obsidian eyes strayed over to green ones in amusement, "I thought as much."
The cries were growing in volume and Harry finally stepped away, "I'm going to…" He gestured towards the room. Severus nodded. The Gryffindor walked to the stairs and looked back, "We are going to talk properly, Sev." He added, feeling more confident than he had in months, before turning and strutting in the direction of his daughter.
Suddenly, things seemed to be looking up again.
-?-
"Shhh…" Harry tried, once in his room, "It's okay…I'm here…"
Callisto continued to scream, but this time her father was not going to be perturbed by it. He was going to prove himself, once and for all. The determination was clear in his voice, and the authoritative vibe was slowly working wonders in the way the baby responded to him.
Little by little, as Harry muttered nonsense to her, she seemed to calm down; the pattern of wails becoming cries, which then became sobs, and then tiny hiccups playing out in front of the young father. He was slowly getting used to this.
From his position in the formal living room, Severus listened via the monitoring charm -Potter had obviously forgotten to disarm it-, a small smile playing on his lips. Despite himself, he couldn't help feeling that this was the way his life was meant to be. And that scared him. If Callisto hadn't awoken at that exact moment…he shuddered to think of what he could, no, would have done. Harry was still in a rather unstable emotional state, and Severus himself was not yet sure of his own feelings.
Yes, he was attracted to the younger man. Yes, he could quite happily –perhaps too happily- imagine bending the Gryffindor over a table and having his way with him. But it all ran deeper than that.
He had let Harry in on information about him that nobody else knew. He trusted the younger man with that information. And he couldn't help feeling privileged that Harry trusted him with his own issues.
Then there was the fact that he was now rather consciously helping to raise Harry's child. He'd been there for her birth, taken care of her, bonded with her over a series of one-sided discussions of potions…he'd even supervised the shopping for her necessities.
Damn it, he was growing attached to the baby.
And, yes, he was growing rather fond of her father as well.
Again, the realisation scared him.
He couldn't allow these feelings to go any further. Just as he couldn't allow Potter to continue to feel…whatever it was he felt for him, either.
But then, he couldn't bring himself to eliminate any possibility…
Bloody hell, it was all so torturous. He'd been romantically alone far too long, but it was wrong of him to start being selfish now. However, the difference between 'right' and 'wrong' could go and bugger itself. For the first time in what seemed like his entire life, Severus Snape resolved to be selfish for once.
Although, what that entailed…well, he still had a fair bit of thinking to do on the subject.
-?-
The next couple of days were awkward between the two men, as they avoided each other for the majority of the time, only really speaking about Callisto and clarifying what exactly was going to be explained to the public once they returned to Hogwarts.
Harry was, at least, becoming more accepting to the fact that Dumbledore would have to be told the entire truth, although he didn't really like the idea too much. He seemed intent on taking responsibility for his actions, though, and was determined to accept whatever the consequences were.
Although, that might have been due to Severus' seemingly grudging (although obviously willing) resolve to support the young father through the ordeal.
For Harry, Christmas morning began the same way the last few had. He awoke to his daughter's cries, fed her, changed her, dressed her, and then made his way down to breakfast, where he and Severus would avoid conversation. However, the older man had taken to fussing over the baby, not that he'd ever get him to admit it.
This morning, though, Harry stopped himself at the bottom of the staircase, and just stared. In the living room stood a large, extensively decorated Christmas tree; one that had not been there the previous night. Under it sat a pile of presents.
"Quit gawking, Potter, and get a move on." The voice of the potions master came from behind him, startling him out of his stupor. He spun around.
"This…" He managed. "You…You did this…"
That trademark smirk appeared on Snape's face as he shrugged lightly, "With the help of a few house-elves, yes…" He nodded, reaching out and pulling the baby from Harry's embrace almost without notice. Cradling her in the crook of his left arm, he gestured with his right towards the tree. "Go on, then. I did not go to all that trouble just to have you gape at the bloody thing."
Harry's mind was still reeling as he complied. Walking on legs that suddenly seemed rubbery, he strode over to the tree and dropped to his knees to inspect the gifts. There were presents from Hermione, the Weasleys, Remus…his fingers hovered over that one, a dry sob escaping his lips. Sirius had obviously sent it; after all, Remus Lupin had died alongside Ginny Weasley and a few aurors in the battle.
Yes, Harry was proven correct when he read Sirius' letter. Remus had apparently purchased the gift many months before, having always been known for being the logical, 'always prepared' Marauder.
The Boy Who Lived closed his eyes, wondering how his godfather would take the news of his daughter. The trial for the animagus' official freedom was coming up soon, and Harry would tell him everything after that. No matter what the outcome would be.
The final gifts, once his attention turned back to the tree, surprised the Gryffindor. There were a few for Callisto and one for himself…All from Severus.
He turned around, to face the potions master, swallowing hard. "I…You…I…"
"Ever the intellectual, I see." The comment was delivered in that amazingly stoic format, although Severus was definitely not as intimidating when he had an infant attempting to suckle his fingers.
Harry flushed crimson. "Thankyou."
"You're quite welcome…Harry." The man scowled, "Now open the bloody things."
The younger chuckled lightly, and stood up, shaking his head. "Not yet…"
Black eyes narrowed. "Why ever not?"
Harry's cheeks burned, and he looked to his feet. "I…I bought you a gift…Didn't actually think I'd get a chance to give it to you…" He locked gazes with the potions master, "But, it's not right that I open these, and you have none…"
"Oh, I assure you, there are a couple of presents there addressed to me as well," Severus responded, with an uncharacteristic grin, "No matter what you students may think, I am on rather friendly terms with some members of society."
"Indeed." Harry replied, attempting to mimic the older man's usual form of response.
It earned him a light chuckle, which sent a shiver down his spine. He'd rarely been on the receiving end of the potions master's true laughter. The man's voice was deep and velvety, and sounded almost like a purr at the proper volume…
The image of Snape purring was too much for the Gryffindor, and he joined the man in light laughter.
The day progressed, both men enjoying the other's company, rebuilding the trust and comradeship that they had once shared. Awkward silences and moments of tension caught up with them fairly often, the knowledge that they were attracted to each other, and yet both afraid of the possibilities of the very notion, seeming to drag them both down.
"This is ridiculous." Harry finally exclaimed, after another comment fell flat between them. "I'm sick and tired of having to tiptoe around…everything." He seethed, more so at himself than anything else, "Okay, so I could have been a bit more subtle in the way I dealt with my feelings…But, really, I find it hard to believe that I am the first person to come right out and kiss you, let alone say 'hey, yeah, I find you incredibly attractive'."
Severus arched an eyebrow.
Harry folded his arms, mimicking the older man, "And you are definitely not the first to admit to finding me attractive…" He scowled, "And don't even think about going on about my ego, I'm just stating fact."
"Potter…"
The young man was inching closer to him, "And, you know what? I don't think I believe you when you insist that nothing can happen from it."
Severus was frowning now, "Potter, I mean it-"
"Fine, I don't want to believe it." The teenager was clearly not about to back down now, "I mean, I'm attracted to you, you're attracted to me…Isn't that all that should count?"
"No, it isn't."
"What?" Harry looked hurt, and Severus was yet again filled with the strange instinct to hold him and make it all better.
He shook his head. "Potter…Harry, there are too many complications…"
"Fuck the complications, Sev." The younger man leapt to his feet, his lips shaped in a tiny pout of indignity. "Nothing is ever simple. You told me that."
"This entire situation is different." Came the argument.
"And I could care less!" Harry waved his arms around, gesturing at the decorations that hovered around the room, at the discarded wrapping paper on the ground, at the tree in the middle of the room. "All this, Sev, is not something that you'd do unless there was a chance-"
"For what, Potter?" The potions master sneered. "You and I? Please. You don't believe that I can be nice for any reason other than what might benefit my love life?" He snorted in derision, "Did the thought that I might actually be attempting to provide you and your daughter with a relatively inviting Christmas, and nothing else, never appear in that thick head of yours?"
Harry froze, rediscovering a side of Severus Snape that he hadn't been in contact with in a long while.
The older man continued, rising to his own feet, towering above the Gryffindor. "Are you that naïve as to believe that I would just leap into your bed, even though you have just given birth to a child, whose father was yet another of my students?" He jeered, "You have a lot to learn, boy. Just because you are famous, does not mean that the entire world must bow at your feet."
That did it.
Harry's bottom lip began to quiver, and his eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry…" He responded, voice thick with emotion. "I didn't assume…I…" He swallowed and turned, before racing up the stairs and into his room, tears spilling down his cheeks.
Severus winced as he watched the younger man run off, flopping down on the couch. He dropped his head into his hands. That was definitely not how he had envisioned the day ending. Of course, a few of his twisted mental predictions of the evening had been rather…er…arousing; to use a euphemism that hardly gave credence to what he had actually imagined.
But, no, that little scene had definitely been far from any conversation he would have desired to have with the Gryffindor, and he couldn't help but feel a little anxious towards the way they'd correspond over the next few days.
Oh, why had he been so callous? Why couldn't he have responded to the younger man's needy advances a little more humanely?
Because he was both a sadist and a masochist when pushed, that was why.
Severus swallowed. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to wallow in his own self-pity. To mull over his current mistakes and not do a damn thing to change the situation in any way, shape or form. Naturally, he wasn't to be awarded that vanity, as Callisto began to cry, having awoken to the angered discussion and caught on to the negative energy in the room.
Snape frowned, and moved to her bassinet. He stood over it for a moment, just watching as her little arms flailed about, those tiny hands reaching into the air. She was, despite her vocal nature, growing on the potions master, and the thought that in barely a week's time she'd no longer be in his care, so to speak, disturbed him.
"Oh, come here…" He murmured, picking her up and cradling her against his chest gently. "You, child, are going to be the source of a lot of confusion in a few days' time…" He informed her, speaking in order to calm her nerves. He started to walk as he spoke, "Your father will be subject to a lot of questioning, and the headmaster will have my head on a platter for not informing him immediately…" He smiled tiredly, "And you won't understand any of it, because you, my dear, will be in the process of being passed from woman to woman at that bloody school." He snorted, "Talk of the town, you'll be. Of the entire wizarding world, actually. Like father, like daughter, I suppose."
She blinked up at him, her little fists grasping his shirt.
"Just don't let the fame get to your head. Hate to see you become another Lockhart. Or worse, Britney Spears." He shuddered at that, "Little witch. Absolutely no talent, that one. Had the displeasure of teaching her a few years back when the college in America needed a substitute potions professor…" He smirked, "I seemed to be the only person in that school that her mind manipulation techniques failed on…Do you have any idea the number of fines the Ministry has given her for misuse of magic on a supposedly helpless muggle population? No, I don't suppose you do…"
He sighed, having talked her back to sleep. She seemed to be the only person on the planet that had the audacity to fall asleep while Severus Snape was talking. The thought made him smirk. He looked up, and realised that he was standing outside the door to Potter's room.
Well, that was just brilliant, wasn't it?
The potions master took a deep breath. He'd have to mend things with the young man some time, anyway. And, as all those annoying optimists said; the sooner the better. He raised his free hand and tapped lightly on the wood.
"What?" Came the reply, "Come to humiliate me more? Come to crush the Boy-Who-Refuses-To-Die's willpower even further?"
Severus sighed, and pushed the door open. "Contrary to popular belief, I do have a conscience, and I do have a heart, and I came to apologise. I shouldn't have responded like that."
Harry looked up in surprise, while Severus placed Callisto in her crib. "Look, Severus-"
"Are you going to allow me to humiliate myself properly or not?"
Despite himself, the younger man smiled a little. "Go on, then."
Looking Harry directly in the eye, Severus unfolded his arms and began, "I would like to apologise for not handling the situation as well as I could have." The younger man tilted his head in wait of further explanation. Damnit, he was actually enjoying this. "And I apologise for being deliberately cruel."
Harry was still waiting for something else. What else did he want to hear? That Severus was wrong? That he'd admit defeat? That…Oh, Merlin's Balls, he did.
Severus looked away, "And, I imagine I could be…incorrect about…some… things."
A grin broke over the Gryffindor's face. "Such as?"
Oh, Merlin, no. He was not going to allow himself to be pressured that far.
"Harry, I can't-"
Green eyes glared at him, "Such as, Professor Snape?" The younger man enunciated, having succeeded in flipping the authority between them, if only for a few minutes. However long he had the power, he didn't really care. He was still going to use it to the best of his ability, before everything went back to normal.
Severus swallowed, trying to maintain his dignity and resolve. "Such as, Mr Potter, the notion that you are a child…"
"And?"
"And…I think this is utterly insane!" He finally snapped. "I am sorry, Harry, but there are limits-"
"I know, it's just…" Harry dropped back down onto the bed, "I'd like something to actually be easy for me, you know? Just once. I mean, you used to hold my fame against me, using the reasoning that I was The Boy Who Lived, and thus got everything I wanted…but, well, you know that's not true…"
Tentatively, Severus sat beside him. "That's beside the point, isn't it? There is no use in dwelling on the impossible."
"Thanks." Harry replied half-heartedly. "You know, if I wanted to hear something cryptic, cliché and not at all useful, I might as well have spoken to Dumbledore."
Severus snickered, "Albus does have a knack for transforming the obvious…"
Harry nodded, and silence fell between them once more. "Did you mean it?" He asked after a while, having gathered up some more courage. Severus looked at him quizzically and he sighed, "When you said you were only trying to give Callisto and me an inviting Christmas and nothing more?"
The older man closed his eyes. "It's complicated. I can't possibly begin to explain-"
"Try." Harry pleaded.
"Bloody hell, do you not understand the meaning of the word 'no'?" Severus pinched the bridge of his nose, "Even if I had wanted…" He stopped himself, "Harry, it's not just my life that a tryst with you would affect. Or yours. Your daughter deserves-"
"Another parent or just myself, I know." The younger man sighed. "I know she doesn't deserve to have strangers coming in and out of her life."
"Indeed, neither of you does." Severus agreed, before frowning at the words that had just left his mouth. Who was this creature that had overthrown his resolve and taken control of his thoughts and actions? He wasn't sure whether he liked this new inability to maintain some will power or not. He found his hand had taken hold of the younger man's –much to his horror- and he frowned in concentration. When had that happened?
The Gryffindor's voice broke into his thoughts. "Severus?"
He looked at the young man, "Mistletoe."
Now that was rather abstract. Albus would be proud.
"What?" Harry asked in unmasked confusion.
Severus gestured above them, to a bunch of the offending plant hovering mid-air. Well that explained why he was acting on impulse. Stupid magic. The muggles didn't know how close they were with their kissing customs when it came to mistletoe. On wizards and witches, the plant caused whoever was under it to act on romantic impulse –provided the witch or wizard below harboured some form of attraction for the other. "Mistletoe." He repeated, by way of explanation.
The younger man looked up, and then back, grinning in the most annoying, and yet most seductive fashion. Severus moved closer to him, lips parted, his mind screaming that this would not end well, while other parts of his body argued that it most definitely would.
Harry's heart rate increased tenfold in anticipation. He leant in as well, licking his lips, heat spreading over his body, blood rushing to both his face and his groin. And all over the prospect of a kiss. Merlin, if the mere thought did this to him, what would-
A shrill scream, with rather irritating timing, cut through the tension better than any knife ever could.
Severus bit his lower lip, and squeezed his eyes closed, scolding himself for what he had almost done. Harry, meanwhile, groaned in frustration. Dark eyes opened slowly to look at the younger man, and something in his mind snapped.
"Bugger this…" That deep voice growled, causing Harry to turn his attention back to Severus, just in time to see the man in question coming towards him at an almost inhuman speed, those obsidian eyes laced with desire.
Their lips met, this time on Severus' own grounds, where he was much more comfortable with the situation than he had been in Diagon Alley after being taken by surprise. Harry's body stiffened, and then relaxed into the meeting, as a cool tongue begged entrance into his mouth. They tore apart reluctantly, their need for air surpassing their bloodlust, and Harry swallowed, running a hand through his hair.
Severus stood, having dispersed of the mistletoe by doing its bidding, thoroughly more confused and upset with himself than he had been at the beginning of the entire ordeal.
"That was…" Harry began, somewhere to his side, "Wow…"
The potions master nodded, refusing to look at him, choosing instead to sort out the thoughts in his head first. He was vaguely aware that the baby was wailing in the background. He made his way towards the door, "Tend to Callisto," Snape finally spoke, trying not to notice that the Gryffindor was staring after him in a mixture of shock and hurt.
The younger man made his way towards the crib, fighting back tears.
"Oh, and Harry?"
He turned back slowly, to lock eyes with the older man.
Severus gave him a small smile, "Merry Christmas."
He could only nod and watch as the potions master turned and swept out of the room, before sighing sadly, re-running the last few minutes in his mind.
-?-
Severus paced the floor of his room, trying to assess the damage of the situation. What in Merlin's name had he done? Nothing that he hadn't imagined, that was certain, but just because he'd considered it didn't mean he had to actually follow through.
Blasted mistletoe.
And why on earth had he smiled and continued to give the other man hope? He didn't intend on actually leading Harry on, did he? He wasn't that shallow a person. And he definitely wasn't about to leap head on into a serious relationship –or any form of relationship- with a student.
Although, there hadn't been too many people in his past that had elicited such strong emotions inside him. In fact, he could only recall one other…and that had ended a good 20 years earlier, with a swish of Voldemort's wand.
If nothing else, the realisation of that alone shook Severus to the core.
He had lost a long-term lover, and it had torn him up inside. The mere possibility that he could feel something deeper for Harry than just basic sexual attraction…It was both horrifying and relieving. After all, he had thought that he would never feel anything that strong again. With a sigh, Severus wished that his second chance was someone a little less…complex than Harry.
But then, beggars couldn't be choosy, could they?
Severus scowled to himself. He couldn't allow his own selfishness to complicate Potter's life further, though. He was most likely a passing phase to the younger man, someone that was just there until something better came along. After all, the teenager had been through a lot alone, and was more than likely acting on desperation to be with anyone.
He tried to ignore the pang he felt at the notion, before cursing himself for allowing Harry to get under his skin.
They couldn't work as a couple. They wouldn't work. He could not allow himself to sit back and daydream over an idealistic 'happily ever after' that would never, and could never occur. It was pathetic, really. Utterly absurd. He was 37 years of age and hopelessly mooning over a teenager. Not just any teenager, though. The son of his schoolyard nemesis. The saviour of the wizarding world. And he was an aging ex-Death Eater –slash- spy for the light.
Incredibly ironic, really.
And highly, HIGHLY irritating.
And, on that note-
"Sev?"
Oh for the love of Merlin.
"Potter?" He turned towards his door, attempting to clamp down on the bite in his tone. "What is it?" 'Attempting' being the operative word in the former sentence.
The handle turned, however hesitantly, and the younger man's head appeared, followed by his torso and legs. "I…."
"Spit it out, I haven't got all evening."
Eyebrow's arched in defiance, "Last I checked, you did."
"Indeed…" The potions master responded, stoic as ever, "When, precisely, did you become my keeper?"
Harry's arms folded over his chest, "When you started acknowledging me as such." He grinned wickedly, "Your guess is as good as mine, then." He moved closer, suddenly exuding a confidence that he did not possess.
Severus swallowed, "Potter…Harry…that kiss…it was the mistletoe. The plant, it-"
"Professor," The Gryffindor taunted, "I took your class, and I did learn in it. In fact, I learnt enough to remember that the mistletoe only causes you to act on impulses that were already there…" He tilted his head to the side, smirking, and effectively disturbing the older man further. "After you left, and that sunk in, I don't know…." He walked over to the bed, and sat down on the corner. "I thought, someone that has the impulse to kiss like that…there is no way that you can believe 'we' don't have a chance…"
"You are still my student-"
Green eyes looked down, "I know…But…five months, Severus. Five months and I'll have graduated."
"And where would that leave 'us', if there was even possibility of it?" Snape continued, hating that he couldn't just have his way with the younger man and deal with the issues later, "I live at the school for the majority of the year. You have a daughter to take care of-"
"I don't know." And, as suddenly as it had come over him, the confidence left Harry's demeanour. He ran his fingers through his hair, obviously debating the pros and cons inside his head. After a few moments, he locked eyes with the potions master. "But I do know that whatever it is I feel for you…and this is so strange to admit, because it just crept up on me, y'know?…Well, whatever it is…it's more than lust…more than just hormones playing up inside me…"
Severus bit his lip, willing Harry to stop talking. Didn't he know it was hard enough to seem emotionless as it was, let alone have to fight against reasoning that seemed to mirror his own feelings?
"And, look, I know it sounds like a load of rubbish…but, when I really look at it, I think that whatever these feelings are? They started a while ago. When we got past the 'I hate you's and the 'you're a greasy git's."
"That is beside the point-"
The Boy Who Lived's eyes revealed a world of hurt, "No, it's really not…I think…I think I lo-"
"Potter. Stop." Severus finally hissed. "You have just given birth to a rather fetching little girl. You have been alone for as long as you can remember. You have gone through more than any other man your age should have…"
Harry's eyes narrowed. "What are you-"
"What you are feeling is a need to attach yourself to the nearest person and, I assure you, in the coming months, you will look back on this Christmas and-"
"Think of the man that was there to deliver my daughter. The man who saved my life. Who didn't ask questions or let me withdraw into myself." He sighed, "Severus, I've made too many mistakes already…I'm not going to sit back and let you bully me into submission just because something, no, not something…a relationship between us would be 'complicated'."
"Potter…"
"Please, stop using my last name. After kissing me like you did, it's worthless, and you know it too."
"You still have yet to answer my question."
The younger man stopped and glared. They were getting nowhere in their discussion and it was bugging the ever living daylights out of him. He wondered, idly, if he should just bridge the space between them and indulge in another one of those body warming, skin tingling, pant tightening kisses. Severus might not react with quite as much hostility as he had in Diagon Alley, due to the fact that they were in private, and he had initiated the last one.
Rising to his feet, Harry strode over to the potions master on shaking legs. His eyes met Severus' and he searched for a signal that his actions would be welcome. The dark orbs, like the older man's face, gave him nothing to work with. Then it was there. The impatience. The air of challenge. The extremely vague amusement and yearning.
Harry leant upwards, and slowly kissed the other man, and was mildly surprised when a strong arm wrapped around his waist, drawing him closer. The kiss wasn't one fuelled with desire, as the last had been, nor was it uncertain and chaste like the first. It was gentle, and yet still burned with a passion that had to come from something deeper than lust.
His hands travelled up behind the potions master's head, fingers slowly trailing paths in the long, jet-black hair. All too soon, the need for oxygen became too great, and the young man pulled back with a sigh. Leaning his head against the older man's shoulder, he closed his eyes.
Severus internally hexed himself. Not only had Potter gotten under his skin, he'd invaded his private space and had not stood down until the feelings he evoked took control. And now the potions master was hooked. He would not be able to completely dismiss the Gryffindor anymore. In fact, he wasn't too sure he'd be able to survive the next five months in a platonic teacher/student relationship with the young man.
Damn this entire situation.
He was 37 years old! A grown man! He should be able to reserve some control over his bloodlust and other emotions! But, oh no, here he was, allowing his libido to run amok over a STUDENT. It was absolutely sickening to think of, and yet, somewhat pleasing at the same time.
Damn it. Damn it all.
And yet, he thought as emerald eyes blinked up at him, was it really as horrific as he made it seem?
The grandfather clock in the hall chimed eleven.
"It's getting rather late…" Severus noted, unsure of what else to say. Harry nodded resignedly. He eyed the young father and extended his arm in a gentlemanly fashion, "Allow me to walk you to your room." With a small smile, the Gryffindor accepted and they strode in silence down the hall.
Once inside the other room, Harry strode into the walk in closet, while Severus made sure that Callisto was properly tucked in. Moments later, the younger man reappeared, clad in his pyjamas, hair tousled, and an –although Snape was loathe to admit it- adorably goofy grin on his face. He stepped towards the older man. "Thankyou," He said, sounding content and exhausted, "For everything…"
The potions master nodded, his mind still racing to catch up with the actions that his body had taken. "I trust you know where to find me, should you require-"
"Stay?"
Both men seemed equally shocked at the request; Harry not really knowing what had possessed him, while Severus fought to find a fair way to excuse himself.
"I beg your pardon?"
The Boy Who Lived blushed, and looked down at his feet, "I…I asked-" He looked up, "Stay with me?" He asked, clearly afraid of further rejection, "I…I don't want to be alone…I'm not asking you to…uhm…" His cheeks flushed an even deeper shade of red.
If not for the serious nature of the circumstances, the older man would have chuckled. Instead, taking note of the fragile nature of Harry's emotions, and the realisation that this was indeed more than lust they felt for each other, Severus nodded. "As you wish."
"I understand that you-" The potions master's words finally reached Harry's ears, and his eyes widened in surprise, before he broke into a glad smile. "Thankyou…"
Again, the older man could only nod, before striding over to the bed with as much pride as he could muster. Sliding in under the covers, not bothering to get changed into his sleepwear, he arched an aristocratic eyebrow at the other, whose blush had returned. "I do hope you don't intend on standing there all night."
Awkwardly, Harry made his way to the other side of the bed, and settled himself beside Severus, idly wondering whether his heart beat was as loud as it felt. The air was tense between them, and neither was comfortable enough to give way to sleep. After Harry's ninth attempt to fix his position, without bothering his potions master, Severus rolled his eyes.
"For Merlin's sake, Potter, I don't bite." The man hissed into the darkness, and Harry could have sworn that he'd heard the smirk in his voice when he added, "Not much, at any rate."
The younger man sniggered despite himself, and rolled over, to come nose to nose with his bedfellow. "Sorry, I just…I didn't want to disturb you." He whispered in explanation, his breath reaping unwanted effects on the other.
Severus cleared his throat, "Indeed." He sighed, before uncharacteristically pulling Harry closer to him, causing the other to wriggle into a more comfortable position. He bit his lip, and swallowed, forcing his mind to dispel the thoughts of Harry wriggling around in bed with him in a more…suggestive manner. "Is that any better?"
Harry nodded, face now pressed softly against Snape's chest, being soothed by the rhythmic beating of the Slytherin's heart. "Mmmhhmmm." He agreed, then, "Oh…Merry Christmas, Sev," before happily allowing himself to be lulled to sleep.
The potions master smiled softly, feeling himself become overwhelmed with a desire to hold and protect his new partner. For that was definitely what Harry was now. It would not be a fairytale relationship, that was for certain, and he would most definitely have a large amount of explaining to do where Albus was concerned. But the annoyingly optimistic voice in his head was telling him that he'd be happy. And, for once in his life, Severus Snape was inclined to believe it.
He just hoped that the younger man would not regret his decision, as it would undoubtedly break him.
And, with the final and rather shocking realisation that it was indeed he, and not Potter, that had been the one in need of emotional healing and rescue, Severus succumbed to the first proper sleep he'd had in years.
A/N - Alright, so the boys are a little OOC, but this is fanfiction, and you'd been warned far earlier. Please review, I look forward to reading your opinions!