I woke up the next morning, after crying myself to sleep, confused and lost. I felt my head being lifted and reset on a pillow. I opened my eyes, and murmured something.
"I'm sorry to wake you, Querida. I have class in half an hour," Jesse whispered. It was a few minutes before ten. I nodded, snuggling into the pillow again, hoping sleep would take away the hurt I was feeling from my argument the previous night.
I heard water running a few moments later, and Jesse came back in just before he left and kissed me on the forehead. "I'll be back this afternoon, okay Susannah?" I nodded.
"Do you have a final?" I asked groggily. He nodded and smoothed my hair. "Good luck. Not that you need it." He smiled, and squeezed my hand.
"Thank you, Querida." And then he left.
About forty-five minutes later, I climbed out of bed and pulled on Jesse's robe, like I usually did. I never did end up getting dressed last night after my mom barged in. It was sort of a testament to how close Jesse and I were that I could cry myself to sleep completely naked and be okay with that when I woke up.
I was still upset about what my mom had said. I didn't understand it. She had kicked me out of the house. She'd probably slam the door in my face if I tried to return. Of course I wasn't happy with my mom. She was crazy.
But that didn't mean I wasn't upset about being kicked out of the house.
I went into the kitchen, where Mark sat, drinking some coffee. He saw me, and choked. "What are you doing here?" He asked as he recovered. He must have come home from Jenna's apartment after Jesse had left. I'm sure Jesse would have explained what was going on if he was here.
"My mom kicked me out of my house." That sounded slightly more reasonable and mature than "I ran away." He raised his eyebrows.
"What, do you do drugs or something?" I rolled my eyes, and stuck a mug of water in the microwave. This being a guy's apartment, they didn't have a kettle. So I had to settle for microwaving my water for tea.
"No. It's because I want to be with Jesse." His eyes bugged.
"Your mom kicked you out because you're dating de Silva?" He laughed. "He is every parents' dream. A goddamn saint. Who wouldn't be okay with him dating their daughter?" I sat down, having stuck a tea bag (left over from my weekend trip) in my mug of hot water to steep.
"Yea, well, tell my mom that," I muttered, stirring sugar into the mug. Mark shook his head and stood up.
"I have class, and then a study group meeting. I'll be back late afternoon. If Jenna calls, can you just let her know? My cell phone's battery died, so she might try here." I nodded, and he left.
I took a shower and got dressed, before wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself to keep my mind off my parental issues. But then Nicole showed up.
"What?" I asked rudely. I felt for the girl, but come on. She still broke my computer. Not to mention the bad mood I was in.
"Have you told Angela yet?" she asked. I shook my head.
"Last night was the first chance I got to talk to Jesse for, like, two weeks. So chill, I'll talk to him about calling her tonight." She sighed.
"Fine." Then she paused. "Why are you so upset?" I raised my glance to her face and raised my eyebrows.
"What do you mean?"
"You're finally with your beloved Jesse, but you're still sad. I can see it." I sighed. I totally didn't need a ghost psychoanalyzing me.
"My mom and I haven't been getting along." She nodded sagely.
"I saw you two fighting at your house last night."
"She's psycho," I said. "She's going crazy. I don't know what the hell is up with her." Nicole shook her head.
"You shouldn't give her such a hard time," she told me. I raised my eyebrows incredulously.
"What are you, the Dr. Phil of the Afterlife?" I asked. She ignored me, save giving me a dirty look.
"You don't know everything that's going on. Your mother is doing what she feels is best. She isn't telling you everything, you know." Now I was confused.
"What do you mean?" She shook her head.
"I have heard things about your mother." I gaped.
"There are ghosts running around talking about my mom?" I asked. She ignored me.
"Just… give her a break. She'll come around. She'll tell you everything eventually." And then she dematerialized.
Well, that was weird.
I was thinking about what she said, when I spotted Jesse's notes and books still open on the desk, and I suddenly felt a stone of guilt drop in my stomach. I had totally interrupted his studying.
He didn't seem to mind, but I still felt bad. I mean, if he failed, I would totally take all the blame. Not that I expected him to fail, because even without studying he always did well in high school.
Still, I realized what he was doing for me—taking me in and housing me in the middle of his busiest and most stressful week. So I decided to do something nice for him.
I took $15 of the $35 I had left, and left the apartment. I wandered around a bit before I found a grocery store, and bought the chocolate chip cookie ingredients people don't usually have around their house.
Then I went back to the apartment, and baked cookies. Jesse has always loved my chocolate chip cookies—or, at least, he humors me and eats them and tells me they're good. I bought a sandwich, too, and went home and ate lunch before starting on the cookies.
Jesse returned from his test just as I was finishing up cleaning the cookie sheet. I heard the door open, and him call out, "Susannah?" I wiped my hands on a towel, and went into the living room. I greeted him with a kiss, and then sat him down on the couch.
"Open your mouth and close your eyes," I said. He looked at me dubiously before obeying. Then I grabbed a cookie—still slightly warm and soft—from the kitchen, went over to Jesse and sat on his lap, and broke off a piece and stuck it in his mouth. He grinned, and opened his eyes upon swallowing.
Then he took the rest of the cookie and ate it.
"How was your test?" He shrugged.
"Okay. I think I messed up on one of the essays, but the rest was fine." I hugged him.
"I'm sorry for bursting in while you were studying," I said into his shoulder. He hugged me back.
"It's fine, Querida. I was almost done anyway." I knew he was lying to make me feel better, and that he would've been up another two hours studying at least, but I appreciated it all the same. "So, you baked cookies?" I nodded.
Then we went into the kitchen, and enjoyed a very long conversation over cookies and milk.
I told Jesse all about Nicole, and he promise to call Angela. However, just as he began dialing the number she had wrote down, he hung up again.
"It's 9 hours later there. Only about 5:30 in the morning." We decided to call the following morning.
He was also perplexed about her enigmatic advice. He said he'd think about it, but in truth, he barely had time to think about anything other than school.
He had four other finals that week, and he barely had time to breathe, let alone contemplate the mysterious message from a ghost about his girlfriend's mother. Mark was the same—busy and stressed out. I wound up playing Mother to them—while they studied and typed furiously, I made them dinner, straightened up their apartment, and did the dishes.
Jesse was regretful that he couldn't spend more time with me, but I shrugged it off. I knew how important school was, and how much he cared about his grades.
Speaking of which…
I had called Father Dominic the first day I was there, before I made the cookies. He was really mad at me when I told him I had run away, but forgave me eventually, though grudgingly. He also said he'd do his best to convince Sister Ernestine that my absences were excused, so I could graduate that spring. I think he told her I was gone for health reasons. This wasn't entirely false; I had left for the sake of my mental well-being. Also convenient was that Christmas break started soon, so I only missed about 5 days of school.
I had taken the bus back to Carmel one day, gotten some homework and checked in with Father Dominic, and snuck into the house (my mom was at work) and got more clothes and bummed $30 off Brad. I'd pay him back, I reasoned. Eventually.
Father Dominic tried to convince me to stay in the rectory. He told me Andy was doing his best to work on my mom, but she was still adamant at not seeing me or letting me live there again. I refused, though. Even though Jesse was too busy with finals to pay much attention to me, I knew that they would end eventually… and I was already plotting ideas on how to convince Mark to disappear for a few nights.
Because, sadly, for most of Jesse's finals week, I'd fallen asleep before him. We managed to sneak in a few make-out sessions here and there, when he needed a break, and we spent time together when I was helping him study, but after the first night he held off on staying up late with me.
But that also might have been because Mark was there.
Between the homework I had picked up, taking care of two college boys, and the few opportunities to be with Jesse, I had managed not to think about my mom. But when I did think about it, I usually ended up crying. I kept that from Jesse, though. He didn't need the added stress of an emotional girlfriend.
But I loved my mom. Of course I did. I thought she was crazy and I was really mad at her, despite Nicole's warning to go easy on her, but I still loved her. But she still refused to listen to me and kicked me out of the house. That hurts.
I was stretched out on the bed when Jesse came home from his last test. I was reading from a book about Lyndon B. Johnson so I could make an opinion whether he was a good or bad president for a history paper.
"Susannah?" I heard Jesse call as he came into the apartment. I stood up as he came into the room, and was surprised when he promptly kissed me full on the lips.
"All done?" I asked when he released me. "How'd it go?"
"Fine," he said. "I'm done until January." I smiled, and hugged him. Then he sobered a bit. "I'm so sorry, Querida."
"What for?" I asked, sitting back down on the bed. He sat down next to me.
"Ignoring you. You came to me for help, and I completely overlooked you." I brushed his apologizes aside.
"Jesse, you've been helpful enough by just putting up with me the past few days. But," I added, when he opened his mouth, "if you insist on being sorry, you can make it up to me." Jesse caught my meaning, and leaned down to me and kissed me again, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me down to the bed.
Even though we didn't get much farther than just making out before we heard Mark come home with Jenna, it was still nice to be back with Jesse and have him focused entirely on me. Jesse helped me off the bed, and then I wiped my lip gloss off his mouth.
After some friendly teasing about what we were doing in the bedroom with the door closed, Jenna proposed the four of us going out to eat and celebrate. Jesse went to get a jacket, and I went into the bathroom for a second to reapply my lip gloss (my earlier coat having been smeared all over Jesse) and make sure my nose wasn't shiny.
I heard the door open, and a new voice join Jesse's, Mark's, and Jenna's, but I couldn't place it. Until I left the bathroom and went back with the others.
It was Jesse's mom. No wonder he suddenly looked so tense.
She was talking about something, I don't know what—it was too far in the conversation to figure it out—when she noticed me, coming out of the bathroom. She stopped her sentence short, and paused.
"What is she doing here?" she asked Jesse. Her tone was cold and accusing, a complete switch from the kind and relaxed way she had just been speaking.
I smiled weakly. "Hello, Mrs. De Silva," I said nervously, anxiously straightening my shirt.
As usual, she ignored me. This time, when she questioned Jesse, she spoke in Spanish. Jenna, who knew Spanish also from taking it in high school and college, suddenly looked really anxious and sympathetic toward me when she heard what Mrs. De Silva was saying.
Jesse's mouth tightened into a firm line when she was done speaking, and turned toward the rest of us. "You go ahead. I'll meet you there." Mark was handing me my coat when she spoke up again.
"No. I would like to have a word with Susannah." Jenna shot me a pitying look, took Mark's hand, and led him out of the apartment.
"Now, would either of you like to explain why you're here?" she asked. Her eyes were shooting fire. Jesse and I glanced at each other. I decided to be brave, and spoke up.
"My mother and I… haven't been seeing eye-to-eye on certain things, and I thought it would be best for us to take a break and cool off. Jesse was kind enough to let me crash here," I said, choosing my words carefully. I didn't want to say, 'My mom's crazy so I ran away and have been staying at your son's house since. Oh yea, in his bed.'
She turned to Jesse. "Why haven't you mentioned this, Hector?" Whoa. Hector. She was pissed. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he actually spoke.
"I've been so busy with finals… and Susannah has just been laying low… it must have slipped my mind."
"You forgot your girlfriend was staying over at your apartment." Ouch. Mrs. De Silva wasn't stupid.
And that sucked. It was so much easier to pull something over on an idiot.
Jesse shrugged as nonchalantly as was possible. "Really, I hardly know she's here… she spends almost all of her time doing homework, and by the time I go to bed, she's already asleep." She was almost opening her mouth to say something, when Jesse made a quick amendment. "On the floor." She raised her eyebrows skeptically.
"We, uh, thought it would be best for me to sleep on the floor," I said, taking her attention away from Jesse. I knew it was killing him to lie to her. It was much easier for me, as I didn't love her. "Jesse lent me a pillow and a few blankets, and I just curl up in the living room."
She gave me a stony glare, and then turned her attention back to Jesse, and spoke to him in rapid-fire Spanish. I didn't catch a word, but I knew it was bad, because Jesse's face slowly paled throughout the whole thing. When she was done, she turned on her heel and headed for the door. "Mother!" Jesse called. "Mother, I have something I want—"
But she was gone.
Jesse looked shaken up. He sat down on the couch and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, like he was tired and stressed out. I sat down next to him.
"What did she say?" I asked gently, and I started rubbing his back with one hand. He didn't answer me.
"Let's go, they're waiting," Jesse said. He started to stand up, but I pulled him back down.
"Jesse, what did she say?" I asked again, still gently but with more force. He shook his head.
"It doesn't matter."
"Jesse." I said. Just his name. He took a deep breath.
"She told me… that until we were finished, I am no longer her son. She doesn't want to speak to me or see my face until we've broken up." He looked crushed.
"Oh, Jesse," I said, and I pulled him into my arms. I knew Jesse loved his mom. I hated having to make him choose. I mean, I had basically chosen him over my mom… but not on purpose. She didn't give me that choice.
But Jesse… he had to choose. Between me and his mom. His girlfriend and his family. Did I really expect him to chose me over them? The thought made my throat start to close up and my nose start to hurt.
We just held each other, until I spoke up again, this time with difficulty. "Jesse… if you chose your mother over me… I'll try to understand." Jesse lifted his head, and looked at me, shocked. "I mean, it would suck… but I would try to accept it."
"Querida, I am making no such decisions. She's not getting rid of you that easily." I gave him a watery smile, and squeezed him. "I'll have to talk to her. Don't worry, Querida, I would never, ever make that sort of decision. I love you both. Too much to choose."
"Will she meet with you?" I asked. "I mean… didn't she say she wouldn't speak to you or see you?" Jesse grimaced.
"I'll try to think of something," he said. "But don't worry. Everything will be fine."
"Why can't people just let us be happy?" I asked. He sighed.
"I don't know, Susannah. But come on. Let's go find Mark and Jenna, and get our minds off this." He helped me up off the couch, put my coat on me, and led me out the door.
Well, that sucks. Review, please.
Oh, yes. I am going to be attending World Youth Day in a few weeks (I am leaving in 5 days). I don't know if I will get the chance to update before I leave, but I assure you, I will do my best to write some while I'm in Europe. However, if I get lots of nice reviews, I will have more of an incentive to write another chapter before I go. So review.