Of courseI apologize for the extensive wait (it's been more than two months! How crazy is that?), but I was in Europe (lots of fun) and then I had to get back and do my mountains of homework and school and my National Honor Society application, etc. I do think this will only have 1 or 2 more chapters. I can't promise a super-fast update, but I'll do my best!
And now for chapter eight.
PS- I changed something—back in chapter 6, Suze told her mom that Paul had been physically abusive—pretend that didn't happen. Okay? Thanks.
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As Jesse said goodbye to his mother, I settled on the couch, very pleased with myself and my good deed of the day. I heard the lock click, and Jesse turned around and looked at me, awestruck.
"Susannah… how did you… what did you do?" he asked, sitting next to me on the couch. I took one of his hands in my own and splayed the fingers and played with it.
"You were so upset," I explained. "I hated it. So I called her, and we had a little chat… she still hates me," I assured him," but she's going to put up with the fact that we're together." Jesse looked so happy—the whole stunt was totally worth it just to see him so overjoyed.
"Have I ever told you that I love you?" Jesse asked.
"Not since this morning," I grinned. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. We remained like this for a few moments, until we needed a little thing called oxygen.
"I love you," Jesse said. "And thank you."
"Anything for you, darling," I said, and patted his cheek.
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The next afternoon Jesse asked me to go out grocery shopping. Mark was, as usual, out—he did come back for the night, but left the next morning—and Jesse vaguely said he had something to do. I hoped this might have something to do with Christmas in a few days, so I took the money and list he gave me (the list, as it had been made by a guy, left out several essentials that I added on.)
I got all the way downstairs and around the corner before realizing I had set the money down on the counter while I had revised the shopping list. I groaned, turned around, and trudged back to the building, and rode the elevator back up.
I opened the door, and was about to call out to Jesse to let him know it was just me, when I heard his muffled voice from inside the bedroom.
Suspicious, I glanced at the phone and realized it was off the hook. Employing a trick I had learned the other day, I pressed my ear against the small speaker on the base of the phone (the actual cordless phone was in Jesse's hands).
For some reason, if you listen carefully to the speaker, you can hear the conversation of the person who is on the phone. I never felt the need to eavesdrop on Jesse before, but for some reason, something told me to listen.
"Stop bothering me," a woman's voice said rudely. "Why don't you and Suze just go back to bed? That's all you two care about, isn't it?" Shocked, I realized it was my mother. I knew there was a reason I wanted to eavesdrop.
Jesse's voice sounded affronted. "Mrs. Ackerman, please. You have the wrong impression on our relationship. That is why I want to speak to you, to set things straight. Listen, I love Susannah, and she loves me. But Susannah loves you, and I know that you love her--"
"You don't know anything about me," she snarled. My mouth fell open in shock. Yea, my mom could be a bitch to me, I'm her daughter. But the innocent, do-gooding boyfriend?
Okay, considering the last time she saw us we were both naked and in bed, maybe innocent isn't the greatest word.
She continued speaking. "And you don't know what love is. Neither of you do. You're just teenagers overcome with hormones."
Jesse sounded exasperated as he tried to reason with her. "You have to understand, Mrs. Ackerman. I love Susannah, and I would never do anything to hurt her. I want only the best for her." She snorted, and muttered something in reply, but I couldn't hear it. "It's true," he urged. "I know we're young, but that doesn't mean I don't care for your daughter; I do, deeply." This all was sending warm flushes to my face. Hearing him tell me that he loved me, and tell my mother that he loved me were two different things; telling my mom took guts. It wasn't something you'd do if it wasn't absolutely true.
"All men are the same," she said cynically. "You'll dump Suze to the side of the road as soon as you get tired of her." Hey, thanks, Mom. "You think you love her now, but please, say that to me when some prettier girl is available and the conquest of Suze has worn off." Well, that certainly took away my warm-fuzzies.
"Mrs. Ackerman!" Jesse said. He sounded… affronted. Insulted. "You say I do not know you, but yet you claim to know how I feel. I will admit, some men will do that to a girl," he said, and added in with a mutter, "like that bastardo Paul." Damn straight. "But I have only the best intentions for Susannah. All I want is to one day make her my wife."
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
WHOA.
I choked on my saliva. Wife? WIFE?
Like, he wants to MARRY ME?
The biggest, silliest grin broke out on my face. I didn't even hear my mom's startled, shocked snarl of a reply. I did hear her slam the phone down, though.
I managed to control my facial expressions before Jesse emerged from the bedroom, looking tired and worn. He saw me, and froze.
"Querida, what are you doing here?" he asked. "Didn't you go shopping?"
"I forgot the money," I said. "I came back." I could see the gears working in his head, thinking back on the conversation.
"Did you…er… hear the conversation?" he asked with a feigned casualness. I nodded. He looked apprehensive.
"Is it true?" I asked, my heart thudding. I didn't need to clarify. He knew what I was talking about. Jesse's anxiousness intensified.
"Er, well…" he hesitated. "Susannah, I…um…" My heart pounded faster.
Did his hesitation mean it wasn't true? I didn't doubt that he loved me; but maybe he really didn't have plans for the future.
Before I overheard him, this wouldn't have bothered me. But now that I heard the word "wife" from his mouth referring to me, the thought was like a stab to the heart.
"Well, Susannah, I didn't mean… you're only 18… we're too young…I don't want to move to fast. But Susannah, I want to be with you forever." He opened his mouth to continue apologizing, but was startled to find his words muffled by, well, my lips.
He was startled at first, but then wrapped his arms around me, kissing me back.
We stood there, just holding each other and kissing each other for a while, but then I found myself leaning back against a wall and pulling Jesse against me even closer. He certainly enjoyed this, and his knee found its way between mine.
I slipped my hands underneath his shirt and I tugged it off, finding as much pleasure in shirtless Jesse as I always did. I ran my fingers up his smooth muscles and through the dusting of chest hair, enjoying the feel immensely.
Jesse obviously did too, because suddenly I felt his hands on my butt, lifting me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he carried me from the living room into the bedroom.
He laid me down on the bed, and climbed over me, kissing my neck and undoing the buttons of my jeans. He helped me wriggle out of them, and then tossed them from the bed.
As he set to work underneath my shirt, the grocery list lay forgotten inside my pocket on the jeans lying on the floor.
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Mrs. Jesse de Silva… Susannah de Silva… Jesse and Suze de Silva… Okay, it wasn't very feminist of me, but I couldn't help these thoughts from streaming through my brain as Jesse and I lay under his comforter, my head on his chest and our hands holding each other loosely.Yea, I was still upset about my mom. Duh. But Jesse wanted to marry me! We were practically engaged!
Okay, so he didn't actually propose or anything… but still. It was making me happy.
But when I glanced up at Jesse's face, he didn't seem to be feeling the same joyousness I was. His face was troubled.
"Jesse, you look pretty unhappy for a guy with a naked girl in bed with him," I said, rolling over so I was looking at him. He smiled, but it disappeared quickly.
"I'm sorry, Susannah… you made things right for me. I just wanted to return the favor, but I failed." I narrowed my eyes.
"Did my mom get to you?" He sighed.
"I want to make you happy… but I couldn't."
"Jesse, shut up," I said. "You make me happier than anyone ever has in my life." He smiled sadly.
"But not as happy as you made me today." I started to protest, but he shushed me with a finger. "I just… I hate that she doesn't believe I love you. I hate that she just pushed away my feelings and told me they were worthless." I felt a bubble of anger in my chest. What right did my mom have to say those things to him? None.
"Jesse," I said, trying to reassure him, "ignore her. She isn't your problem. I'll deal with her. Don't take anything she says to heart, because none of it is true." He too started to say something, but I silenced him with my lips.
And as we continued kissing and shifted our positions, I felt him slowly relax and start focusing on me, and I knew he was no longer thinking about what my mom had said to him.
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The next morning was Christmas Eve. (a/n: I actually lost track of the days. So if you're anal and picked up on what day it SHOULD be, stop paying so much attention.) I woke up, and saw Jesse was still asleep on his stomach, one arm draped loosely across my waist and the other under his head.
I carefully slipped out from under his arm, and crawled out of bed. I showered quickly and pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater, left a note on my pillow, and slipped out the door.
I needed to confront my mom. Once and for all. This was all seriously getting absolutely ridiculous. I just wanted my mom to accept the fact that I have sex on a pretty regular basis (very regular, since I've been staying with Jesse.) She doesn't need to start giving me sex tips or whatever.
I walked in the chilly, December air to the bus station. I bought a ticket and climbed on the bus that was heading to the terminal right outside of Carmel. There were a few commuters on the bus, the ones not lucky enough to get off on Christmas Eve, with newspapers or cups of coffee.
After I got to the terminal, I found the bus that would take me to Carmel and called Cee Cee up on my cell phone.
"Hey, Cee, can you do me a favor?" I asked.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Can you drive down to the bus stop on Moraga Avenue?" Cee Cee paused.
"Sure. Why?" she asked hesitantly.
"Because I'm on a bus now and I'll be dropped off there in about ten minutes."
"You're coming home? Oh, Suze, that's great! I'll be there." She hung up.
True to her word, when I climbed off the bus, I spotted her family's dark blue Jetta parked on the side of the street. I hurried over, and slid into the passenger's seat.
"Thanks a bunch," I said.
"Did you and your mom finally patch things up?" she asked as she pulled out of the parking spot. I grimaced.
"No. That's why I'm here. I need to talk to her." Cee Cee frowned.
"What happened?" I briefly explained the conversation Jesse and my mom had. I didn't, however, tell her about Jesse's comment. That, I thought, should be kept to ourselves. At least until he actually proposes.
She pulled into my driveway. There was a wreath on the door and pine boughs draped on the porch railings. I was slightly hurt that they still were decorating and celebrating when I had been basically kicked out of the house.
"Good luck," she said. I thanked her, slid out of the car, and she drove off.
As I walked up the steps, I took deep, calming breaths. I was nervous. Very nervous. I wasn't really sure what I was going to say.
Even though I'd lived here for more than 2 years, I didn't feel welcome just walking in the door—so I knocked.
I heard voices from inside. I thought I recognized Andy's, asking someone to go answer the door. Sure enough, a moment later, David's face appeared where there used to be just a wreath.
"Suze?" he asked after a shocked moment. "What… what are you doing here?" Moved with a compassion I didn't realize I had, I reached out and hugged him. He was startled into hugging me back.
"I missed you," I mumbled, and I released him.
"Mom's been scary since you left," David whispered, looking over his shoulder. "She's so angry all the time. And she cries a lot." I frowned. "Not when she realizes anyone is looking or listening, though."
"Is she home?" I asked. He shook his head.
"My grandma is coming over this afternoon. Mom went out to the store to buy ingredients for the dinner Dad's making," he said.
Andy's voice came from the kitchen as he emerged into the hallway. "David, who's at the—Suze?" I smiled weakly.
"Hi, Andy." He stared at me, shocked, until he finally found words.
"Come in, come in." He ushered me into the dining room, and then busied himself getting me a few Christmas cookies and a mug of hot chocolate. At least he missed me.
He was telling me what was going on at home when the front door opened. "David? Brad?" I heard my mom call. "Can you get the groceries?" Then she turned to go to the kitchen and spotted me. For the third time that day, I rendered someone speechless.
For a split second, her face seemed to start to light up—but then it was forcibly darkened and she glared, and put the two bags of groceries on the ground.
"I thought I told you that you aren't welcome here until you cut ties with that boy."
"Now, Helen," Andy started soothingly, but she cut him off with a look of fire.
"Are you finished with him?" I sighed.
"No, Mom. Listen--" I began, but she interrupted.
"Then get out. I won't have a daughter who disgraces the family like this." I laughed humorlessly.
"Disgrace the family? What are you talking about? I only stay at Jesse's apartment because you are completely unreasonable and kicked me out!" I scoffed.
"David, go upstairs," Andy said quickly. He slunk up to his room disappointedly. "Now, listen, you two," he began, but my mother interrupted.
"You have no morals, no respect for your family, and no respect for yourself!"
"Helen--"
"No respect for family? What do you call what you had for me when you locked me in my room? Drove me away from the guy I love?"
"Love, love, love! That's all you two talk about, how much you love each other. You don't know what love is. You won't, until someone you thought you loved breaks your heart. And that's what Jesse's going to do. You don't know what being hurt is like," she shouted. I blinked at her.
"So being slammed against a locker by your boyfriend isn't being hurt? So having your boyfriend dump you after you sleep with him because he told you that you would do it if you loved him doesn't break your heart?" I asked scathingly.
My words cracked her façade. She sank down into a chair. "W-what?" she asked, her anger gone. I sighed.
"It's over with, Mom. Yea, Paul was an ass. He's gone. Jesse healed those wounds." My mom wouldn't let it go though. The angry-psycho mom was gone; the one I knew before that dreadful Thanksgiving weekend was back.
"Susie, what happened? What are you talking about?" I sighed.
"I slept with Paul. He broke up with me the next day. I asked him about it, and he shoved me against the lockers." I hate talking about it. I feel like whenever I mention it, people will think I'm trying to get attention or sympathy. 'Oh, Suze wants us all to feel sorry for her because she dated a jerk.' This probably isn't healthy, but whatever.
Andy reached over and awkwardly patted my arm, in an attempt to comfort me. My mom, to my surprise, put her elbows on the table and her face disappeared into her hands. "Helen?" Andy asked questioningly. Even he realized how weird it was that she wasn't screaming at me for opening my mouth.
Suddenly, I heard deep, racking sobs. Andy and I looked at each other, bewildered. "Mom?" I asked gently.
"Oh, Susie…" she gasped. She is clearly menopausal if she was just telling me she was ashamed I was her daughter, and now is crying and being all 'Susie' with me.
That, or she's just disgusted with my stupidity.
"I'm so sorry…" she cried.
"It's okay…" I said, uncertainly. "I mean, I'd like to move back in…" Except I'd miss Jesse. "As long as you let me see Jesse," I amended.
"No… no… not about that," she whimpered. Oh. So she isn't sorry about kicking me out of the house. "I'm a terrible mother."
"No you're not," I said awkwardly. She really isn't—besides the psychotic behavior as of late.
"I d-didn't want you to turn out like m-m-me," she said through her tears.
Now I was really confused. My mom was a successful journalist, living in a nice house with an adoring husband who could cook fantastically. "What do you mean, Mom? Why wouldn't I want to turn out like you?"
"I w-wanted to p-protect you from guys like C-carl." Now I was really lost.
"Who's Carl?" I asked. She hadn't answered, when my cell phone rang. I excused myself, slipped into the living room, and answered it. It was Jesse.
"Where are you?" he asked. "I woke up hours ago, and you haven't come back. Is everything alright?"
"Yea, I'm fine," I answered quietly. "I'm at my house." Silence on the other end of the line showed that he was obviously confused. "I'll explain it later. I'm fine, though. Don't worry about me."
"Okay, Querida. Call me later. I love you."
"Love you too," I said, and went back into the dining room, where my mom had gained control of herself. Andy, also, had seemingly excused himself from an obvious mother-daughter moment. I sat back down next to her. "Mom, who's Carl?" I asked again. She took a deep, shuddering breath.
"He was my boyfriend when I was your age. I was crazy about him, and he seemed crazy about me too. He kept wanting me to… you know," she said, "but I was too afraid. HE kept saying that he loved me, and I thought I loved him, but I still wasn't sure. But then he told me he wanted to marry me, so I thought it was okay to finally sleep with him." I had a sinking feeling in my stomach when she said this. "So we started having sex. But then a few weeks later"-she took another deep breath-"I went over to his apartment, and found him in bed with my roommate."
"Oh, Mom," I said sympathetically.
"Obviously, I got mad, and I screamed at her to leave. But then he dragged me from his room and hit me and told me to get out of his apartment, and that I'm an idiot if I thought he actually wanted to marry me."
I felt shock pervade through my body. So this is what Nicole meant, I thought. "Don't give your mother a hard time… you don't know what's going on. She'll tell you everything eventually."
Why couldn't all-knowing Nicole told me this? It would have saved everyone a hell of a lot of grief.
"I'm sorry, Mom," I said quietly. She sniffed, and gave me a sad smile.
"I only wanted to protect you, Susie," she said forlornly.
"Mom, you can't always protect me. I'm 18. Besides, you don't have to worry about Jesse. He isn't like Paul. Or Carl. He isn't going to hurt me. He's the one who picked up the pieces after Paul dumped me," I said. I continued gently "Jesse and I want to be together forever, and I really believe he means that, whether you like it or not. And I really, really hope you'll accept that. I want to be part of this family. But I want Jesse to be part, too."
She was silent for a long time, but then she sighed. "Okay." I immediately brightened.
"Really? Do you think he can come right over and stay for Christmas?" I asked excitedly. She looked like she was about to object, but then she sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly.
"You two have been living together for the past few weeks haven't you?" She sighed. "I suppose, if he is able to. But I don't care what you've been up to, he's sleeping on the futon in David's room."
I grinned, and gave my mom a hug. "Thank you. I love you," I said, feeling a huge weight fall from my shoulders as I finally said those words.
"I love you too."
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Whew. It's about time. I actually started this chapter over a month ago. I hope I didn't lose any readers. Please review!
