raven krystal: BUT I WANT A COOKIE! Breaks down and sobs. NUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOO! What's a graf?
The Way to a Man's Heart Isn't by Crushing His Ego Chapter 37: Suds in a Bucket
"Man…." Havoc groaned with a sigh as he leaned back against the wall. He was currently sitting on his knees, on the floor, trying to get the hard black gunk off the once green tile with a pen. Yes, the tip of a pen, it did work. It took off the char, but it was a very slow way of doing things. He glanced down at the ground and saw little tiny green lines where the tip of the pen had scraped up the black gunk. "This is going to take forever," he moaned and held up his tool. His blue eyes traced the end of it. The top of the pen was full of black tar, and it clogged the opening. I'll never be able to write with this again. He thought as he tried to pick some of the dark junk out of the top of his writing utensil with one of his dull finger nails, but to no avail.
The room was surprisingly bright for the little amount of light they had. Since the light had busted when Riza shot it, all they had access to were some flashlights. They taped them to different places in the room. Some sat on the floor, some taped to the top boarders of the wall. All in all, it looked like a misshapen Christmas tree with only one color of lights, that were boring and never blinked in a funky fashion. "Merry Christmas to all," was all Hughes could manage to say after they stepped back and looked over their handiwork.
"Is it still raining outside?" Hughes asked as he looked up from his pen and his little lined area and over at Armstrong, who was doing the same thing in the area under the window.
Armstrong looked up from his work and at Hughes. Then he glanced up at the broken window. They still hadn't gotten a replacement in successfully. They managed to keep the rain out by taping some empty folders together and then taping the new creation to the wall around the window frame. The ugly brown folders were the liveliest looking thing in the room. "Let me see," he said as he sat up so only his knees and the bottom of his toes touched the floor. He peeled back the bottom of the makeshift shield and glanced outside. "It's still raining, but it looks like it's letting up," he informed them. The muscles in his face tensed as the cold raindrops hit his skin.
"Ok," the dark haired replied.
Havoc looked over toward Armstrong as they heard a loud gust of wind howl. "Eh…" he mumbled when he looked down and saw Armstrong's area. He quickly looked back to his, and then glanced up at Armstrong's again. How did he do that so fast? He wondered as he stared at Armstrong's spot. It was three times better then his and Hughes' combined.
"Anything else?" Armstrong asked Hughes as he pulled his head back in the window. The little blond curl in the middle of his forehead was no longer curly, but hung limp as the combination of rainwater and gravity pulled it toward the floor.
"No," Hughes replied and looked back down at the dark floor.
Armstrong nodded and set his pen on the floor beside him, trying to tape the folders back to the wall. The strong wind howled as it attacked the building.
That's why. Havoc said as his eyes hit Armstrong's pen. It was totally destroyed. The tip was clogged beyond belief and it had snapped in two. It was now held together with the ever famous duck tape.
"Do you need help?" Hughes asked as he watched Armstrong struggle with the folders. The large man was now standing, trying to push the whole shield against the wall. The wind had blown the folders from the window frame.
"No," he replied as the brown folders pressed against his face. It was getting very difficult for him to keep the folders together. They weren't a solid piece of board that stayed straight firmly. They bended and the ones on the edges began to blow apart as the tape began to lose its hold.
"Are you sure?" Havoc asked.
Armstrong made one of his growling noises as his eyes narrowed and the little shiny shapes appeared around him. "Don't worry boys, this method of folder holding and taping has been passed through the Armstrong line for generations!" he shouted as he pushed on and tried to keep the folders together, now using his legs to try and block the bottom row of folders from breaking away.
Folder holding and taping? Havoc thought as a confused expression appeared on his face. Just then the room was filled with wind as the folders flew in circles around them, carried by the gust of air, and the rain began coming in.
"Hmmm…" Armstrong said in defeat as the folders blew and landed around the room, one landing on Hughes' head. It looked like a little tiny dark tent sitting on top of his skull.
The black-haired man sighed as he pulled the folder off his cranium. "Ouch," he whined as he pulled the gray tape from his hair. Then he leaned back so he was lying on the floor. "We won't get anywhere at this rate," he said as he stared at the folder. He held it open above his face. His eyes looked into the folder like it held some information to read. "And I need to get home soon," he added as he thought of Gracia, sleeping in the big bed alone.
"Yeah," Havoc replied with a yawn, "I haven't pulled an all-nighter in ages, at least not at work."
"What do you propose we do then?" Armstrong asked. His mustache twitched as he spoke. He was now back at the window. A stroke of genius had just hit him and he was now taping a big black garbage bag to the wall to block out the outside world.
"I dunno," the Lieutenant replied as he leaned back against the wall again. His face became unpleasant as he stared at the ceiling. He destroyed my cigarettes. He thought as his body began to go into a craving. The horrid image of the fork in his cigarette box came rushing back to him.
"Come on, let's get this done," Hughes said as he sat back up and threw the folder to the side. Then he picked up his pen and began running the tip back and forth hard against the floor. His eyes widened as he watched the swaying movement of his hand.
Havoc and Armstrong began to work as well.
"I got it!" Hughes shouted after a few minutes of thinking.
"What?" Havoc asked as both he and Armstrong glanced over at him.
The big grin returned to Hughes' face as his glasses lit up. "We can mop it all off the floor!"
Sweat drops appeared on the back of the other men's heads. "And you just came up with this now?" Havoc asked.
"Yes!" he replied with a satisfied smile.
"Eh…" Armstrong and Havoc both fell over anime style, feet sticking in the air, one of the black boots twitched.
"What?" Hughes asked as he looked at them in disappointment and confusion.
And you call yourself a Major in the Investigations Department. The sandy-blond haired man thought as he and Armstrong got back up.
Hughes blinked curiously when he didn't get a reply. "Ok!" he shouted as his smile returned. "I'll get the mop! Lieutenant Havoc, you get the bucket of water! Major Armstrong, you get the soap!"
"Uh…" Havoc looked up at Armstrong. The tall man looked down at him for a second.
"Alright," Armstrong replied in his usual tone as he turned to the door, quickly followed by Hughes.
Havoc just sighed as he followed after them. I have a feeling this won't be as easy as it sounds.
The three men walked around the base blindly for about half an hour before Armstrong realized something then asked, "Where exactly are we going?"
Hughes raised one arm in the air, his pointer finger aimed at the ceiling. "To the janitor's closet!" he replied as he led the way.
"And where is the janitor's closet?" Havoc asked as he walked next to Armstrong. He looked so small with the mountain of a man next to him.
Hughes stopped dead in his tracks.
"Hm?" Havoc and Armstrong exchanged glances.
Hughes turned to them slowly. "I have no idea!"
"Eh…" Havoc and Armstrong got sweat drops again.
"Should we go ask then?" Armstrong asked as he stared down at Hughes. A few other men in military uniforms walked passed them and down the hall.
"Ummm…" Hughes began calculating to himself, putting his hand to his chin. "Nah, I think we can find it. Onward troops!" he said as his smile returned and he headed down the hallway.
Havoc sighed and Armstrong stared, no emotion on his face as they started down the hall. Unsure what this little adventure would bring.
…Two hours later…
"Major Hughes," Armstrong said as they walked down yet another hallway. The green tile and whitish walls began to look very similar as they walked down isle after isle. The only way for them to tell if they'd been in that area already was to look out the windows that showed the men the outside elements, but that didn't help very much either. It was still dark outside.
"Yes?" Hughes asked as he turned to look at him.
"With all due respect, sir. It's getting late. Shouldn't we ask and see if anyone knows where the office is?"
"It's a closet, not an office. There's a difference," Hughes replied.
Havoc sighed and looked out the window. I wish I had my cigarettes, and it's getting light outside. He thought as he glanced over to the wall and saw sunlight coming through the window. At least the rain stopped. He walked over to the window. It wasn't that bright. It was maybe 5 or 6 am. The sun was just beginning to rise. It sure did rain a lot. When he looked at the ground below and saw all the puddles on the sidewalk. The sidewalk itself was a dark gray color; the white it used to be was dulled by all the rainwater lying on top of it. There were also some military men just arriving. He watched as they avoided the small pools of water and chatted amongst themselves. Aren't they lucky? Havoc thought as he watched the men below him, talking and having a good time. Yeah, yeah laugh it up, boys. He growled when he saw the happy-laughing expressions on their faces.
"First Lieutenant Havoc," Armstrong's voice brought the skinny blond-haired man out of his thoughts.
"Yes?" Havoc asked as he turned from the window to look at his superiors.
"We have decided to ask for directions," Hughes cut in, "Go ask someone."
"What?" Havoc asked, "Why me?"
"Because we said so," he replied with a smile.
"But…" Havoc began, "that's not fair!"
"Nothings fair on the battlefield," Hughes replied. "Be strong, man!" he shouted as he went up behind Havoc. He put both hands on his back and tried to push him into the nearest office.
"Hey wait!" Havoc shouted. A distressed expression on his face as Hughes pushed him into a door. "Oww…" he whined when his face was bashed into the door.
Armstrong mumbled as he watched the two men.
Fury was walking down the hall, some folders in his hands when he noticed his comrades. "Uh?" a confused expression appeared on his face as he walked over to them. "You know there's a door there, sir?" he said as he pointed at the door with his free hand, his other hand held the files at his side.
"Ah, that's an excellent point," Hughes replied, "Here, let me get that for you, Havoc," he said with a smile as he reached around Havoc to turn the knob.
"But…" Havoc tried to retaliate again as Hughes pushed him through the doorway.
"Have fun now. Be sure to listen closely, and take notes if needed," Hughes said as he stared at him, who was now on his hands and knees inside the room. "Make sure to get them all right. We'll be waiting for you out here," he chimed as he slammed the door, leaving Havoc in the room alone.
The three men sitting at the desks in the office just looked over at the new arrival, confused expressions on their faces.
"Uh…." Havoc said as his attention went to the men, his face unsure and a sweat drop appeared on his head.
They just stared at each other for a few seconds, and then the superior in the office spoke up, standing up from his desk, "Can we help you with something?"
Havoc's eyes widened when it was his turn to speak. "HUGHES!" he shouted as he turned around and grabbed the doorknob, "I don't want to do this!" he pulled hard on the silver knob, but it wouldn't open. On the other side of the door Armstrong is seen holding the knob, keeping the door closed. Hughes is right beside him and Fury is standing behind them, watching in confusion.
"Well, we don't either!" Hughes replied. His glasses lit up, a grin on his face, and one hand cupped over his mouth. He wanted to be sure Havoc got his message loud and clear.
"Then make Fury do it!" Havoc replied, still yanking on the door.
"But you're already there!" Hughes replied. Havoc was pulling like a madman on the other end of the door. Both hands were now on the knob. His feet planted on both sides of the doorframe, pulling furiously. Armstrong held the knob with one hand. No expression appeared on his face as he had no problem keeping the door closed.
Havoc glanced back at the three soldiers behind him. They were all staring at him, unsure of what to do, sweat drops on the back of their heads. Then Havoc got an idea, "Sir, there's no one in here! They haven't arrived yet!"
"Oh?" Hughes asked as his smile disappeared. "I thought I saw someone in there," he said as he looked up at Armstrong. "Let him out."
Armstrong nodded and pushed the door inwards.
Havoc smiled victoriously as Hughes' head popped in. Havoc dashed for the door, seeing his chance of escape.
Hughes glanced up and saw the men. "I knew there was someone in here!" he shouted and pulled back on the door fast. The wood slammed hard, almost being pulled of the hinges as the Major pulled it closed, Armstrong aided him.
"No!" Havoc shouted as his body hit the door, he slowly slid down the floor, whining.
"You know, Lieutenenant," he heard Hughes' menacing voice from the other side of the door. "It's bad to lie to your superior. Now this is not only an order, but a punishment. It's ask or face a court marshal!"
"But, sir…" Havoc whined as he sat, looking up at the door like a dog.
"Ummm…" the superior in the room looked at Havoc puzzled. "Is there something we could help you with?"
Havoc glanced back at him. A distressed expression on his face.
Hughes, Armstrong, and Fury stood in the hallway. Well, Armstrong and Fury stood, Hughes sat on the floor.
"He's taking his time," Armstrong said as he glanced up at the clock on the wall.
"Yeah," Fury replied.
"That's a deadly sign," Hughes said calmly.
Armstrong and Fury looked down at Hughes in confusion.
"When it takes along time to get directions…" Hughes began. His eyes on the window across from him. He watched the clouds roll through the partially lit sky.
"Sir?" Fury asked, wanting to know the rest.
Hughes face suddenly went from calm to whiny as milk tears began streaming down his face, "…then it takes along time to follow directions…"
Fury and Armstrong stared down at him. Fury held a nervous laugh and smile. Armstrong didn't say anything.
"Sergeant Major Fury," a familiar voice was heard coming down the hall.
"Huh?" Fury glanced back, "Hello, Falman," he said when he saw Falman walking down the hall with a not-so-happy expression on his face.
"Why haven't you taken those files to the Brigadier General yet?" the gray haired man asked, "Did you find another animal out in the rain?" he snapped in an annoyed tone.
"No, I was just helping the Majors and First Lieutenant," the small man replied with a smile.
"I see," Falman replied as he looked to Hughes and Armstrong, "Well you're going to have to help later. Gran has been on my butt for the passed ten minutes. He said if you don't bring him those files in the next five minutes then you're going to be court marshaled."
"Oh?" Fury asked as a distressed look appeared on his face. "I have to go, sorry," he said as he turned to Armstrong and Hughes.
"It's alright," Armstrong replied.
"Why is Gran having you get his files?" Hughes asked.
Fury shrugged, "I don't think his men have arrived yet. I was passing by his office and he stopped me in the hall," he replied. "Well, I'd better go," he said and left, walking somewhat quickly down the seemly empty hall.
"What are you two up to?" Falman asked as he looked at the two Majors.
"Just getting directions," Hughes replied with a smile.
"I see," Falman said, "Well I better get back to Gran's office. I don't want him to think I'm slacking off."
"Ok," Hughes replied as Falman walked away. "Have fun."
"…Right…" Falman sighed as he gave a small wave, not bothering to turn back to them. Then he rounded the corner.
"What now?" Armstrong asked.
"Just have to wait," Hughes replied with a sigh.
Armstrong just nodded as he stood like a wall. His arms folded over his chest.
Just then Hughes got an idea to entertain their boredom. His glasses flashed as the evil grin returned to his face. He reached for his pocket, "Did I show you my wife?" he asked as he pulled the photo out. The tape still wrapped around it, holding Gracia's head on her body.
Armstrong just stared at him. His face held no emotion but his mind said, 'oh God no. Why me?'
After a few minutes of Hughes rambling on and on the door was heard opening.
"Hey!" Hughes' head popped out from behind Armstrong's large body. "What'd ya find out?"
Havoc just sighed and leaned back against the closed door. "They don't know where it is either…"
The hallway fell silent as they stared at Havoc. The cricket was heard chipping again.
Hughes glanced around. Where are you cricket? He wondered with a growl. Then the sound stopped. Darn, he got away. I'll get you cricket, you just wait. You're the only one who I haven't shown my pictures too. How can you live without Gracia's grace? You'll thank me some day.
"Are you sure they didn't know?" Armstrong asked as he stared down at Havoc.
"Yep, they're men too, remember? They don't ask for directions, and they don't care about cleaning supplies," then Havoc's face became somewhat enraged and displeased.
"What's the matter?" Armstrong asked when he saw Havoc's expression change.
"They all laughed at me," Havoc replied as he glanced over at Hughes.
Hughes stared back at him, a confused look on his face. Then he broke out into a chuckle and put one hand behind his head, "Your punishment has now been fulfilled. Good work, Lieutenant. As your reward I'll let you have this picture of Gracia," he said as he got up and was about to hand the picture to Havoc.
Havoc glared at it. Under normal circumstances he would have taken it to shut Hughes up, but he wasn't in a good mood right now, "Give that thing to me, and I'll give it to the chef, who will burn it…"
Hughes' happy face immediately died in a million flames as his eyes got big and watery. He pulled the picture back to his chest, cradling it. A puppy dog whine was heard as he laid it back in his pocket.
"What now?" Armstrong asked as he looked back at Hughes.
"Well…" he replied as his smile returned yet again, "We'll just have to find it ourselves!" he shouted as he stuck his arm in the air again.
"Haven't we been trying to do that the whole time?" Havoc asked; now back to his normal self since Hughes had felt his wrath.
"Yes!" Hughes replied, "But we haven't checked in every room!"
"Huh?" Havoc and Armstrong both stared at Hughes, unsure of what he was trying to say.
…15 minutes later…
"Not this one!" Hughes called out as he flung a door open, and then slammed it in whoever was insides face.
"Not this one either," Havoc replied as he opened one of the doors on the opposite side of the hallway.
"Hmmm…" Armstrong mumbled as he opened the door, and then closed it.
Havoc glanced back at Armstrong and gave an annoyed, hopeless sigh. Armstrong was on the same side of the hallway as Hughes, and checking all the rooms Hughes had already checked.
Hughes had made it to the end of the hall. At the end sat an intersection between the hall they were in, and the hall running perpendicular to it. Right where the two halls intersected sat two rooms. Both with pictures on the doors.
Hughes walked up and peeked in, "Oh, so that's what a urinal looks like!" his voice chimed through the hallways. Some of the officers turned to look at him.
Armstrong glanced from the door he'd just opened and toward Hughes.
"Oh thank God!" Havoc shouted and sprinted down the hall, almost knocking the family-obsessed Major over as he ran in.
Armstrong closed the door and walked down the hall, stopping next to Hughes.
Hughes just smiled and shrugged, and then he looked up at his muscular companion. "You too?" he asked.
Armstrong shook his head no in reply.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Yes," Armstrong replied.
"Alright," Hughes began scolding like a parent to a child on a road trip, "But we are only stopping once. Speak now or forever hold your pee."
Armstrong just stared at him.
"What?" he asked slightly confused.
…5 minutes later…
"Nope!"
Slam!
Everyone in the building could tell which doors Hughes had checked.
Havoc sighed again. We're never going to find this 'janitor's closet'. There are millions of offices in here. Watch, there is only one closet out of all of them. It's like trying to find a door in a hall of doors. He whined as he leaned on the wall. This night of sleeplessness was starting to get to him. He rubbed his eyes. They burned from lack of sleep.
Havoc continued his rubbing when he heard Hughes call out, "I found it!"
The Lieutenant turned around and saw Hughes standing by an open door at the other end of the hall. A big grin was on the Major's face. He pushed himself off the wall and walked down toward him, Armstrong already at his side.
"There it is, boys," Hughes said as he pushed the door wide open. Havoc and Armstrong stood behind him. "Isn't it beautiful?" he asked as he wiped away a tear.
"Hm?" Armstrong mumbled again as he stared into the closet. It was far from beautiful. It was very small, lined with crowed shelves on all three walls, the shelves all messily stacked with different cleaning bottles and sponges, it was dark, and at the bottom sat a bucket full of murky water that had been there for God knows how long, and was full of no even God knows what. There was also a rancid, disgusting smell radiating off the mop that sat on the floor, the stick leaning against one of the shelves.
Hughes smiled widely, pleased with himself.
"Yeah…" Havoc replied. "Great... I can almost hear those church bells ringing…"
"What are you doing?" an old gruff voice was heard from just beyond the door.
"Huh?" they all turned to see a not-so-happy janitor staring at them. He was an old man. He was short, had messy white hair, a white mustache, and wore a nasty smelling grey jumpsuit. In front of him sat a cart full of cleaning supplies.
The men stared at each other for a few minutes. The old man wanting an answer and the soldiers not sure of what to say.
AN: So what'd ya think? Sorry to say this is going to be extra evil and have TWO chapters! Sorry if Havoc, Fury, Falman... anyone really who was out of character! Don't kill me! Everyone hears 'Honky Tonk Badonkadonk' playing in the background. "That honky tonk badonkadonk, keepin' perfect rhythm makes you wanna swing along!" Sorry about that, gotta have my country! In my strange mind that would be Roy's theme song and the video would be what the military looked like if he became Fuhrer.