A Smashy Amazing Race
Leg two- Guest authored by tikitikirevenge

Disclaimer: WHEEL… OF… FORTUNE!

A SMASHY AMAZING RACE

"Welcome to the Smashy Amazing Race! Of course, this is not a copyright infringement of 'The Amazing Race'; our pizza is infringing copyright too!" announced Master Hand, the host of this show. "If you don't want to watch this, why not eat some KFO (Kentucky Fried Ostrich)?"

The teams are (don't worry, this is the only list in the whole chapter):
Nana and Popo (the beast and the beauty)
Pichu and Pikachu (2 letters difference)
Kirby and Yoshi (carnivorous)
Peach and Bowser (the beauty and the beast)
Ganondorf and Young Link (old enemies)
Ness and Mewtwo (monopoly champions)
Zelda and Samus (friends)
Link and Jigglypuff (ex-pancake factory workers)
Falcon and DK (yeah, they're straight)
Fox and Falco (work colleagues)
Marth and Roy (you'll know after)

"After every pit stop each team gets a mandatory rest period, where teams have the chance to eat, sleep and mingle with the other teams.
A brawl between Ness and Mewtwo, and Samus and Zelda gave the two teams a slight grudge, almost finishing back to back.
Fox and Falco, and the Mario brothers experienced lots of problems.
A close call between on-crutches Mario and Luigi, and DK and Falcon made the Mario Brothers become eliminated," said Master Hand.

A big title appeared.
LEG TWO
"Ness and Mewtwo arrived at 5.33 PM, they will depart at 5.33 AM."

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly Champions
Currently in 1st Place
Ness opened the envelope.
"You must go to Saffron airport and book a flight to Mushroom Kingdom! You must then go and find your way to The Bronze starman!!" read Ness.
"Yeah!" replied Mewtwo.

A voiceover from Master Hand: "The Bronze Starman was erected fifteen years ago thanks to the generosity of the Mario Brothers Plumbing Company. It stands in the middle of a busy road, celebrating the annoying yet humorous presence of the Starman (plural, schmural), and remaining there as a tribute to the everlastingness, invincibility, timelessness, fadelessness and immortality of the Starman. The statue was washed away after a light shower fourteen years eleven months and thirty days ago, but you can still kind of make out where it once stood. In the middle of that same busy intersection, teams will find their next clue located in the centre of a tiny traffic island."

Zelda and Samus
Friends
Currently in 2nd Place
5:35 AM
Zelda and Samus ran to get to a taxi.
"Psyduck!" the driver said. "Where do you want to go?"
"Take us to the airport!"
"Psyduck!"

Nana and Popo
The beast and the beauty
Currently in 3rd place
Nana and Popo booked their flight, and then waited at their gate.
"Oh, hi Samus!" said Nana in a cheerful way.
"Hi beast and the beauty!" replied Samus.
"Oh yeah?" replied Nana, "At least we don't shoot old guys!"
"How did you know?" replied Zelda.
"Haha," replied Popo, "Nana's a beast!"
"And you're a beauty? You can obviously see that I am not a beast!" said Nana.
"So you're in protection of an old guy?" replied Samus.
"No, I'm in protection of Master Hand, because if you can arouse him, he'll let you win!" said Nana in a not so cheerful way.
"Ha! So you secretly want to do Master Hand?" replied Zelda.
"No! And you want to do that nerdy assistant in the pokemon centre!" screamed Nana.
"No I don't!" replied Zelda. "Anyway, I think the trainer was hotter!" replied Zelda.
"So you secretly want to do the trainer?" replied Nana.
"The flight's been delayed an hour," exclaimed Popo.
"Look," replied Samus, "The only people that Zelda wants to do are: Link, and Donkey Kong."
"DONKEY KONG??! THAT FANTASY WAS YEARS AGO! IF YOU EVEN DARE TALK ABOUT ME THE PRINCESS OF HYRULE LIKE THAT AGAIN I WILL PERSONALLY RIP OUT YOUR ()()(&$ AND I KNOW YOU HAVE SOME NANA OTHERWISE YOU'D BE FEMALE!" replied Zelda calmly.

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly champions
Currently in 1st place
"C'mon, this is taking forever!" complained Ness.
"Ness, can you fly a plane?" replied Mewtwo.
"Yeah," replied Ness. "But I don't think that it's legal," he added.
"Don't worry," said Mewtwo. "After all, we're in Saffron City! You can get away with anything here."
Three aliens abducted a shopping trolley nearby, and didn't receive a fine.
"See?" said Mewtwo.
"Wow! Back in Eagleland, if an alien did that, it could end up having to pay for the cost of an entire ice cream!"

Kirby and Yoshi
Carnivorous
Currently in 4th Place
"Hey Kirby!" called Ness.
"Poyo?" replied Kirby.
"Do you want a 15 minute head start?" asked Ness.
"Yoshi!" replied Yoshi.
"I can fly a plane, so we can get there faster than most of the other teams!"
"Plus, there's a loophole in the law that will make you responsible if there's an accident," thought Ness.
"Pardon?" replied Kirby.
"Uh… nothing, replied Ness.
"Damn."

Link and Jigglypuff
Ex-pancake factory workers
Currently in 5th place
Jigglypuff and Link walked into the airport.
"Jiggly?" "Is the bee bottomless?"
"Hey Link, do you want to fly in an illegal- er… legal plane? Heh heh," asked Ness.
"No Ness, I don't support the dark arts!" replied Link.
Link and Jigglypuff went away laughing.
"Hilarious," replied Mewtwo.

Pichu and Pikachu
2 letters difference
Currently in 6th place
"Pika pika?" "Do you want to join Ness and Mewtwo and go on their illegal plane?"
"Pichu!" replied Pichu. "Whatever."
"Do you want to join me and Mewtwo and go on our legal plane?"
"Pichu?" replied Pichu. "How many minutes do you cut off?"
"If we leave soon, about 15 minutes," replied Ness.
"Piika Pika Piika!" "Sure!"
"But for our plane to be semi-legal, we need two more."
"Hey Ganondorf!" shouted Ness.
"No, that's illegal, that's evil, and I'm certainly for one not evil," replied Ganondorf.
"Hey Fox and Falco!" shouted Ness.
"No way!" replied Fox.
"Roy and Ma…"
"No," replied Marth.
"Ness, you human fool, you'll never get anyone to board a stolen piece of junk," laughed Mewtwo. "Especially not P-"
"Peach and Bowser?" asked Ness.
"Of course we'll ride your perfectly legal vehicle!" replied Bowser. "But if it's illegal, we refuse to pay anything to Cokepsi™ Incorporated."
"Fine by me," said Ness.
"I WILL KILL YOU ALL" said Mewtwo, who happened to just have bought Cokepsi™ stock seven milliseconds beforehand.

DK and Falcon
Yeah, they're straight
Currently in Last Place
"C'mon, let's hurry!" replied DK, running down a lot of walkways into their gate.
"We made it!" cheered Falcon.
"GUESS WHAT SAMUS? YOU'RE PROBABLY THE BIGGEST B!(1-1 THAT WAS EVER BORN ON THIS PLANET!" screamed Nana.
"Hey, don't bag my baby!" replied Falcon.
"I'M NOT YOUR BABY!" shrieked Samus.
"Well Donkey Kong's your big fantasy!" replied Nana.
"HE IS NOT!" shouted Zelda.
"Well you said he was about 10 minutes ago!" replied Nana.
"YEAH, BUT THAT WAS YEARS AGO!" shouted Zelda.
"But, I thought you still liked him yesterday," exclaimed Ganondorf. "You told DK you liked him when you were doing that drunken lap-"
"LALALALALA CAN'T HEAR YOU LALALALA!" sang Zelda.
"First call for plane to Mushroom Kingdom, via De Island De Bowser!" called a speaker.

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly Champions
Currently in last place
"Good news!" announced Ness. "There's an unmanned aircraft on runway nine! It should fit us all!"

Master Hand took over. "All the teams except for Ness and Mewtwo, Kirby and Yoshi, Pichu and Pikachu, and Peach and Bowser are on a flight that is scheduled to leave at 08:30 AM, stopover at the Koopa Airlines hub, De Island De Bowser, at 12:00 PM, and arrives at 2.45 PM. The others will fly straightforward, and without the stopover, they'll have at least an hour head start. However, the smaller aircraft may not be as reliable, so there is a risk that Ness' stolen plane may crash and burn, scarring the survivors permanently. This may cause them to lose their advantage."

Samus and Zelda
"Friends"
Currently in 6th place
"Come on Zelda, let's go!" shouted Samus. Zelda and Samus ran off to the plane which had been stolen by Ness and Mewtwo, which was taking off (hence the flames), grabbed on it while it was taxi-ing and then hopped onboard.
"Wait up baby!" screamed Falcon who jumped onto the plane with Donkey Kong, making it twist in a way that the jet streams behind it spelt: "DRINK COKEPSI™".

Jigglypuff and Link
Ex-pancake factory workers
Currently in 9th place
"Drinks?" asked a Koopa Air flight attendant.
"Jig jiggly jig?" "What should I have?"
"Jigglypuff, have Dr. Salt!" replied Link. "It's good for the brain!"
"Hey!" thought Jigglypuff. "Jigglypuff isn't stupid or naïve. She won't fall for your evil advertising tricks!"
A piece of paper flew by, bearing the word "Cokepsi™". Jigglypuff knew! She'd buy this brand of vacuum cleaner or whatever it was instead! She tried to run through Link to reach it, but it didn't work too well.

Falcon and DK
Yeah, they're straight
Currently in 4th place
"Careful!" said C. Falcon, crawling deeper underneath the tarp which he was hiding under. "Donkey Kong, where did Samus and that other good looking she-prince with her go?"
"I'm Samus!" said Samus, who was about three millimetres in front of him.
"Oh!" he said.
They all heard footsteps coming up towards them. "Shh! Somebody's coming!" said Donkey Kong. For the record, I'll state that it was obvious that he was stating the statedly instated obviously obvious.
Everyone huddled up really close. "Don't you dare," whispered Zelda as Donkey Kong's left eyeball pressed into her nose.
"This hurts me more than it hurts you," DK whispered back.
"Good," said Zelda, digging her fingernails into DK's face.
"Ow!" said Donkey Kong, possibly in pain.
The footsteps dies away.
"I don't think anyone noticed us," said Captain Falcon, reaching forward. "Now give me a kiss, baby," he continued, wrapping his arm around at waist level seductively.
"I'm behind you," said Samus.
"Oh!" said Captain Falcon. "Sorry 'bout that, Zelda."
"You're sorry about what?" said Zelda.
"You're not Zelda? Oh, then you must be – Donkey Kong? It was an accident! I didn't mean to fondle you!" he said, trying to move his hands away but instead caressing gently. And smoothly. And lovingly. In an undeliberate manner.
"Nobody's fondling me," said Donkey Kong. "Nobody loves me! I'm a reject! A reject!"
"Wait!" said Captain Falcon. "I'm not holding Samus, or Zelda, or Donkey Kong, and I don't feel anyone holding me, so I'm not holding myself. So who is it?"
--that music from Psycho by Hitchcock--

Kirby and Yoshi
Carnivorous
Currently in 5th place
"ARURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURURU!" cried Yoshi, pulling his head out from under the tarp.
"Argh! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me! Falcon hugged me!"
"What?" replied Kirby, eating cake.
"THAT'S IT, FALCON!" shouted Samus, "Goodbye."
Samus pushed Falcon out of the moving aircraft.
"Wait up, Falcon!" shouted Donkey Kong. "You could have told me that you were leaving!" And in a flash of rare intelligence, he jumped out of the plane.

Falcon and DK
Yeah, they're straight
Currently in 5th place
"AAH!"
Falcon grabbed onto a wing of another nearby taking off plane. Donkey Kong rotated his arms fast and managed to get a grip on the left wing, that at the same time, Marth and Roy were grabbing.
(inside the cockpit)
"John, we've got extra weight on the left wing!" cried a pilot.
"We'll have to go to extreme measures…" replied John, another pilot, "Drop the left wing!"
They all fell down onto an auto-piloting motorboat.

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly Champions
Currently in first place
"Okay, let's land this baby!" shouted Ness.
Ness and Mewtwo forced the gears down and landed the aircraft in the national monument, the bronze starman. Ness, thinking quickly pulled himself out of the aircraft and locked the others in.
"WHA?" screamed Bowser, "THEY'VE LOCKED US IN?!"
Ness and Mewtwo pulled an envelope out of an envelope and looked at what was inside it.
"Fast Forward or Road Block?" asked Ness.

Master Hand had a voice-over. "In the road block, one person from each team must unclog one of 11 nearby public toilets until they reach their clue.
In Fast Forward, teams must drive to Moo Moo Farm, 1 hour out from here, and try to complete one lap of the go-kart track in 35 seconds. They have 2 tries to do this, and if they both don't do it in one try, they have to go back to the other tasks. It's a risk, but if they succeed it saves lots of time."

"Road Block," said Ness. "I don't have any go-kart experience and it will be a waste."
Ness and Mewtwo ran over to a cubicle, and started plumbing.

Peach and Bowser
The Beauty and the Beast
Currently in 2nd Place
"Pikachu," screamed Peach, "We need to go to desperate measures!"
"Pika?" replied Pikachu.
Peach rammed Pikachu into the door and then ran out, followed by Bowser and Zelda and Samus, Kirby and Yoshi, and then the electric pokemon.

Nana and Popo
The Beast and the Beauty
Currently in 6th Place
"Oh great, our pilot lost our left wing, they had to stop at Koop Island just to get a Mountain Dew, and now they have to stopover for three hours because the pilot needs to get aspirin, now what?" asked Popo.
Just then, the right wing of the plane fell off.
"THAT'S IT!" screamed Nana. Nana ran into the cockpit and put her voice over the intercom. "DO-YOU-WANT-TO-GO-TO-THE-MUSHROOM-KINGDOM?" continued Nana in an alarmingly nice voice.
"Yes," all the passengers churned almost at the same time.
"WELL, WE-ARE-GOING-TO-GET-THERE!" screamed Nana, and she started to taxi the plane into the water.
"Are you crazy?" asked Popo.
"YES!" screamed Nana as she drove the vehicle at high speeds without the wings.
"How much more have we got to go?"
"8 Miles," replied Nana, steering past flocks of birds, large clouds, and highly explosive oil tankers.

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly Champions
Currently in 1st place
"Got it!" shouted Ness, and Ness and Mewtwo read their clue.
"Scamper or Pamper?"

Master Hand said: "In Scamper, like in some Mario Party Games, members of each team must try and escape from Boo in his Mansion on skateboards. If they get through, they will get their next clue, but if they don't, they'll have to start again. If one person gets to the clue in time, they get to keep it. To do this you need a lot of physical exertion, but if you get it right in the first few tries, it will pay off.
In Pamper, teams must drive to Daisy's expensive hairdressers. They must give a patient a makeover, and when the customer is satisfied, they will give the teams their next clue. It is not physically hard, but it may take a while."

"Scamper," said Ness.
"Scamper," replied Mewtwo.

Kirby and Yoshi
Carnivorous
Currently in 3rd Place
Yoshi held Kirby down with his tongue, and then Kirby reached for the clue. Kirby jumped up and read the clue.
"Yoshi her Yoshi?" "Scamper or Pamper?"
"Scamper," replied Kirby.

Peach and Bowser
Beauty and the Beast
Currently in First Place
"So we're going to Moo Moo farm?" asked Peach.
"Yep," replied Bowser.
"There it is!" screamed Peach.

Kirby and Yoshi
Carnivorous
Currently in 3rd Place
"Go!" shouted Boo.
Kirby and Yoshi, Zelda and Samus, Ness and Mewtwo, and Pichu and Pikachu tried to escape on skateboards from Boo. Zelda tripped over Pikachu, who then fell behind. After that, Pichu pushed Zelda off her board onto Yoshi, making them both be caught. Samus jumped, and in midair kicked Mewtwo, but Mewtwo managed to teleport, but Ness fell behind. About halfway, Samus tried to kick Kirby, but Kirby ate Samus, thus making them both fall over. Mewtwo and Pichu tried to make it to the end, but Pichu fell over, and Mewtwo just managed to get the clue.
"Yes!" shouted Ness, and Ness and Mewtwo ran out of Boo's mansion and read the clue.

Peach and Bowser
Beauty and the beast
Currently in 1st Place
"Damn!" shouted Bowser, as he didn't make the end of the go-kart for his first try.
"If you catch me, I'll let you kidnap me!" said Peach.
"Ready…" said a Koopa, "Set… Go!"
Peach and Bowser set out on their go-karts.

Kirby and Yoshi
Carnivorous
Currently in 5th Place
"Yes!" shouted Kirby.
Kirby and Yoshi finally got past Boo and set out to their next destination.

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly champions
Currently in 2nd Place
"We need to make our way to Peach's castle!"

"Teams must now make their way to Peach's Castle, and navigate Peach's bedroom, which will be the 2nd pit stop. The last person to arrive may get eliminated!" announced Master Hand.

Peach and Bowser
Beauty and the beast
Currently in first place
"It's my house! This should be easy!" shouted Peach.
"Do you know where your bedroom is?" joked Bowser.
"Uh… Er… No," replied Peach.
"What?" replied Bowser.

Ness and Mewtwo
Monopoly champions
Currently in 2nd Plcae
"Peach's castle!" said Ness.
Ness and Mewtwo ran in, read the authors mind, and went into Peach's bedroom, all in front of Peach and Bowser.
"We-welcome to Mushroom Kingdom!" said a Koopa.
"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number one! And for that, you get a trip to sunny Koop Island!" announced Master Hand.
"Woohoo!" shouted Ness.
"Peach, don't you think we should go in there?" asked Bowser.
"No, it's a trap!" screamed Peach.
"But that's your bedroom!" replied Bowser.
"I know!" replied Peach.
"Have you trapped your bedroom?"
"No, I haven't!"
"Then why don't we go into your bedroom?" asked Bowser.
"It's a trap!"
Bowser sighed.

Zelda and Samus
Friends
Currently in 2nd Place
Zelda and Samus ran into Peach's house, looked into a few rooms, and then found Master Hand.
"Zelda and Samus, you are team number two!"
"Yay!" shouted Zelda.
"Come on, Peach!" said Bowser, grabbing her.
"Okay!" replied Peach.
Bowser and Peach walked to the doorway and then were about to open the door, when Peach dropped her lipstick.
"My lipstick!" cried Peach. "Where is it? I can't see it!"
Bowser picked the lipstick, but the cap fell off.
"You broke it!" cried Peach. "YOU BROKE MY LIPSTICK!"
"No, the cap just fell off!"
"But you hurt her feelings! Are you okay, lippy?"
Bowser sighed.

Kirby and Yoshi ran in, followed by Pichu and Pikachu.
"Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number three. Pichu and Pikcahu, you're team number four!"
"Yoshi!" shouted Yoshi.
"Oh that's it…" shouted Bowser.
Bowser rammed Peach into the door, took a few minutes to calm her down and then stepped on the world map that represented the pit stop.
"Bowser and Peach… You're team number five!"

Nana and Popo
The Beast and the beauty
Currently in 6th Place
After Nana hijacking the plane and driving underwater, putting serious damage to the plane, and after a serious argument with Boo, they found their way to Peach's castle.
"Nana and Popo, you're team number six."
"Yeah!" shouted a wet Nana who was soaked after they had to evacuate the plane before reaching land.

Link and Jigglypuff
Ex-pancake factory workers
Currently in 7th Place
Jigglypuff and Link ran in 10 minutes later, Jigglypuff holding her 23rd Cokepsi.
"Jigglypuff and Link… you're team number seven!"

Fox and Falco
Work colleagues
Currently in 8th place
Fox and Falco ran in, gave a dirty look to Nana and Popo and then ran into Peach's bedroom.
"Fox and Falco… You're team number eight," said Master Hand.
Fox and Falco sighed in relief and then went off.

Ganondorf and Young Link
Ye Olde enemies
Currently in 9th place
Ganondorf and Young Link ran into Peach's castle about 30 minutes later looking disappointed.
"Ganondorf and Young Link… Unfortunately you are in… 9TH PLACE!"
Ganondorf and Young Link celebrated, and a voiceover came from Young Link.
"We seriously thought we were going out, because we failed our Fast Forward miserably and no one was behind us. I seriously thought we were gone, long gone."

DK and Falcon
Yeah, they're straight
Currently in 10th Place
"Oh $(-)!T!" shouted Falcon. "No one's there!"
Falcon and Donkey Kong, Marth and Roy were looking for Peach's castle but they were at the wrong building.
"THERE IT IS!" shouted Donkey Kong. Donkey Kong and Falcon ran into Peach's castle but then were over-taken by Marth and Roy. They saw only one room with a lot of noise. They both ran for it, Marth ran ahead while Donkey Kong and Falcon were equal. All of them four ran into the room at the same time, but Falcon whipped Roy with a handbag.
"You have a HANDBAG?!!" asked Donkey Kong.
"It's just a backpack!" screamed Falcon. "Really!"
"Then why has it only got one…"
"There's the finish line!"
Falcon and Donkey Kong ran onto the finish line.
"Falcon and DK, you are team number ten! And that means Marth and Roy, you are unfortunately eliminated."

A voiceover of Marth appeared. "Well, we knew we were going soon, we were very close to last and we knew something would happen. If it weren't for Mr. Ever-So-Straights' handbag, we would've caned them."

Next time: (in more than a month) Congo Jungle! Lyrics and Mallets!

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Times: (Okay, so we're liars)
Ness and Mewtwo: 15:20
Zelda and Samus: 15:24
Kirby and Yoshi: 15:30
Pichu and Pikachu: 15:30
Bowser and Peach: 15:35
Nana and Popo: 16:18
Link and Jigglypuff: 16:27
Fox and Falco: 16: 31
Young Link and Ganondorf: 17:03
Falcon and DK: 17:09

Please R/R and tell us who you want to win!