Perfection
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these Harry Potter characters. All are of J.K. Rowling's creation.
A/N: This may seem like heavy drama or slightly angsty (I HOPE NOT) but I think the mood will lighten. This is just a little difficult time for a certain character. Its actually partly in his POV.Tell me what you think. R&R! means it was supposed to striked through.
:-)
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It was late. Too late. I need to move on. But how, he thought. How could I lose that endless sinking feeling in his stomach, erase that dead look from his own eyes. He wished he could go back to where it all began.
But where did it begin?
Where did his life start?
Where did -
She is, no, was his reason to shake the stifling blanket of nightmares that racked his mind. The girl who made him shiver with a glance, the girl who drove him to the heavens and back with one touch.
The girl who would never again look him in the eyes.
Perfect. Just perfect.
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I need to get away. Far, far away. Wherever my problems can't follow. I stare at the ceiling. Trying to force these thoughts out of my head.
Enjoy the dark and the silence.
There the only things right now that will always be there. No matter what. Everything else is fragile.
Breakable.
Promiscuous.
No. No. No. Damn you. Damn you thoughts.
I get myself off the bed. Pick up my wand and my map. I need to leave.
Remus will understand. Peter would've wanted to come. Sirius-
He would've wanted to take my girlfriend for little shag while I was gone. Two-timing bastard.
Damn. More thoughts.
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I sneak out the castle. Transform.
And Run. Run. Run.
For the first time in my life I run from my problems.
And it feels so good. Why haven't I done this before?
Oh. Yeah.
My life is perfect.
Whoever wanted perfection was a bloody jackass.
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The lake was calm and still. I think it is mocking me. My "inner turmoil" as Moony would put it. I didn't have the strength or the heart to disturb it. I didn't have the strength to do anything the last few days. Ironic, isn't it? How one event can set off a chain of events and how another can only do so much. How a butterfly flapping its wing can cause a hurricane from far way. But a hurricane may barely create a wind to shake a leaf from that same distance.
How everything could happen to me but the lake can still be serene.
I'm going to wait here until the lake has to weather a storm too.
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The rain was beating down hard on the roof of the Gryffindor Boys Dormitory, when Remus woke up to see Peter's face.
"Pete? It's still pouring. And it's Sunday. What do want?"
"James is missing."
With a start Remus sat up, "What? Did he take the map?"
Peter snorted, "Obviously. Otherwise I would know where he is."
Remus jumped out of find him before he does something stupid. You check inside and I'll look on the grounds."
Peter started getting ready, mumbling, "I dunno why he didn't wake me up. I would've wanted to come…"
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Sunday morning rain is falling
Steal some covers share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew
That someday it would bring me back to you
That someday, it would bring me back to you
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Remus saw him lying by the lake steadily rising sun. As he walked towards him he found on the ground a book with the words, "James Potter's: I wouldn't open this if I were you" scrawled across the top.
"I think this is yours."
No response.
"James, I know what happened. You can talk to me you know. I'll wait."
No response.
Silence.
Finally he said, "It's been less than a week since I got that day. Five days. And then I got to watch firsthand, again, as the rest of my life crumbled. Twice I had to watch the people I love slip away."
More silence.
"I didn't cry. I knew crying was wrong. Grieving them was wrong. I know that sounds stupid because they were my parents. But if I lamented for them it wouldn't do any good. So I stood up straight and fought him. Yeah, they didn't mention that in the obituaries."
Remus kept listening wondering why he, himself, hadn't been there for his friend.
James continued, "I fought him with everything I had. And it wasn't good enough. It felt like he was playing with me. The last thing he said to me was, 'You lasted longer than the rest of the scum. There is Hope for you, yet. But only if you join us.' Then he left. It was me and his Death Eaters. I couldn't take it. I just let my anger, my sadness, let my shame, let everything go."
Shocked, Remus looked at him wondering how James kept this in all along. Then he heard, "I probably killed some of them. And I wasn't disgusted with myself. Only until after did I cry for the first time. I thought 'I'm no better than he is'."
"Last night I got a letter. It said that I was the last one. The Last Potter alive. They went after everyone in my family. I was going to look for you and Sirius. But then I found him and -
"I think I need to be alone again, Remus."
"I understand", Remus got up and began to walk away.
"Oh and Remus?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"I'm always here for you, James."
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It was sunny again when James finally opened his eyes again. Students were finally coming outside after breakfast. He wasn't in the mood to deal with his fan club today. Or anyone else, for that matter. But talking to Remus had lifted some heavy burden off of him. But he needed to stretch his muscles. He saw some of the teachers walking outside too. Why not give everyone a show. He thought for a moment about what he could do. He saw the cliff a little ways away. The dormitory window was open. Everything seemed to be in place. Perfect. He picked up his notebook, with the newspaper clippings of late. And a letter. He looked at it one more time. Goodbye.
Then threw it as hard as he could.
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Professor McGonagall was calmly talking to Professor Sprout when she a crazed young man with messy black hair running toward the cliff.
"James, NO!" she screamed. One of her smartest and definitely most troublesome students running toward the precipice. Taking the most recent actions that happened to him this was a desperate act. She was about to lose a student, secretly one of her favorites, to suicide and could not do a thing about it.
He said something indecipherable.
And Jumped.
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Those lyrics are from Maroon 5 's Sunday Morning. Good song. Great album.
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