Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Sadly. I wrote this oneshot awhile ago, it was my first attempt at Gilmore Girls Fanfic. It's just a cute fluffy piece. AU Jess/Rory. I was going to try to incorporate it into Don't Panic butI took that story a different direction - so here you go!
Too Everything
How he knew to be here, today, was so him. Manipulative, brilliant, everything. He handed me a letter. He looked at me, quiet and intense. His only explanation "This is what I would have told you." I believed him, I always believed him. Of course my decisions after his leaving would imply other wise.
But I know he would never lie directly too me. I know he would never lie to hurt me. Or conceal things from me. He never flat out lied, he told me what he believed or how he felt. That's what happened with school; he believed he could graduate, so it wasn't really a lie.
I looked up from the envelope he handed me. I touched the place on my arm where he had briefly skimmed it with his hand. He did it intentionally. He was too smart, too manipulative, too everything for it have been an accident.
rory,
this is 3 years too late and i really don't expect you to understand the timing, but at some point i needed to finally give you the letter i've rewritten in my head so many times i'm not even sure if this is really what I wanted to say originally.
Everything sounds better on paper doesnt? You know I couldn't ever say this out loud. You know I loved you. You know if this world was different and we were different and everything were different we would have worked out. But incidentally, we aren't. I spent so many days dreaming of our lives as urban nomads, of all the things we'd do. All the people we'd see and meet. Of all the nights I'd spend with you.
I had it so worked out in my head that I forgot the you I fell in love with. Stable, driven, ambitious, intelligent. When I showed up at Yale that night and saw you, short haired and collegiate with him. I stumbled, it was you, not my fantasy you and my cool collected reasoning for why you should come with me went out the window. I was desperate. Very, very pathetic.
Rory – love has never gone right around me, people screw up and I follow there lead. My mom is, was, shall forever be screwed when it comes to love. My dad… well he, everything went wrong. I loved you. I still love you. But im not delusional enough to believe that matters to anyone but my fantasy of you. I know you've dated, so have I, but I know nothing will ever work like we did.
He didn't sign it. He didn't have to. Only one person could write such a pathetically clichéd letter and get away with it. That only works if the writer meant every single word. And he did. The letter was short, there was no "dear" or "how are you" it got straight to the point.
"What was that?" Logan asked as I folded up the letter and put it in my purse.
"That was Jess." I didn't look him in the eye, instead I looked over his shoulder, and of course he was standing there. Because he's too everything to be anywhere else in the room. He was looking right at me, sipping his beer. He wasn't smiling, but it was clear me looking at him did something to his mood. He was nervous, and I'm sure, I'm the only person who can pick that emotion out.
"Logan…" I couldn't even finish the sentence before walking off in the direction he was in. I'm sure Logan was looking but let him.
"Rory." He acknowledged my presence. I touched is arm, I acknowledged his. He was clearly loosing his cool. I was old enough know to appreciate how I was the only person to ever do this to him. "I'm sorry." He whispered. Cool was gone, he was vulnerable and embarrassed now.
I glanced briefly over my shoulder where Logan wasn't there anymore. He was over at the bar. I nodded in his direction. "That's my boyfriend."
He nodded, "Never pegged you as the Aaron Carter type."
I smiled "He's parallel universe you. Rich, blond, happy, gets in trouble with the law, graduated-"
Jess cut me off, "I don't want to hear you convince yourself you like him."
"How do you know I don't like him? You don't even know him." I asked, clearly annoyed.
"Because you're over here, with your hand 'casually' touching my arm, talking to me, instead of over there at the bar drinking with him."
"I'm not a big drinker." I answered shortly.
"It's your 21st birthday; you're supposed to drink yourself sick."
"No." It was a pathetic answer but I really didn't have a reason. I just was. Like the time I went up to NYC to visit him, I went just because.
"Heard you stole a boat?" he pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and shoved it in his mouth. "Good job Gilmore, you're a felon now."
"Can we not talk about this?" I shifted slightly.
"Why? Heard you had a felon party – why wasn't I invited? I was Stars Hollow's most notorious, well of course until you stole the boat I presume."
"How do you know about the party?"
"The moronic kid with the accent can only talk about how this doesn't quiet compare. I knew you were bad Gilmore. Like Britney Spears, good girl start, bad girl at heart." He finally lit the cigarette in his mouth.
"When do you listen to Britney Spears?"
"All the time." His smoky answer lingered in the moments that followed. Everything about this was wrong. Him being here. Me being here.
I kissed him. I gently pushed my mouth against his, he dropped the cigarette. We kissed and I couldn't help but enjoy it when his hands started to wander, when I began to take of his jacket, when –
"What are we doing?" I ended the kiss sloppily and pulled away, breathing heavily.
"Kissing." His breath was equally heavy.
"I have a boyfriend."
He smiled, "When as that ever stopped you before?"
I paused for a second, he was right. When as have I let having a boyfriend get in the way of my attraction for him? He was right because he's too manipulative, too smart, too late,too everything. With that thought I kissed him again.