A Smashy Amazing Race

by Hoogiman

COMPLETE! With all teams neckandneck, quick fire from Falcon and Donkey Kong takes them to the lead. However, Peach and Bowser manage to creep to second place, and with a dead heat at the last clue, it will be closer than ever. Who will win?

9. Leg Nine: Summers

"Last time on A Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand. "Teams went to Sector X!"
"After being beaten for first place by Link and Jigglypuff, Samus and Zelda, and Kirby and Yoshi came together, to send Link and Jigglypuff off course!"
"Peach and Bowser, and Falcon and Donkey Kong struggled on the road block, while Jigglypuff held up Link!"
"Kirby and Yoshi went through the detour easily, which ensured that they finished first! The other two teams managed to go through relatively easily, which made them finish shortly after!"
"Despite having to go through a spaceship course with a go-kart, Peach managed to finish the road block and the detour quickly, which ensured non-elimination!
"When Link and Jigglypuff went back on course to the detour, Falcon and Donkey Kong were still struggling!"
"But with some quick wit at the end, Falcon managed to trick Jigglypuff, so that they could get through, and Link and Jigglypuff would get out of the running for one million dollars!"
"Two legs remain, who will win A Smashy Amazing Race?"

The Teams:

Kirby and Yoshi (Eat buffet)
Peach and Bowser (Relax by the pool)
Ness and Mewtwo (Read a book)
Samus and Zelda (Go to the archery club)
Falcon and DK (Get a guy to come and… uh… oh &!)

LEG NINE

"Kirby and Yoshi arrived at 10:37 AM, they will depart at 10:37 PM!" said Master Hand.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
Kirby ripped open the envelope and read.
"You must now fly to Summers, and go to Club Stoic!" read Kirby.

"Teams must now go to the Club Stoic in Summers! They will find their next clue inside the jazz lounge, provided that they are smart enough to enter – the people at Club Stoic are extremely proficient at sending people away! Uh, please get off my back, Crazy," said Master Hand.

"Yoshi, hup hurr," said Yoshi. "Now, let's keep our lead, and let nothing distract us!"
Kirby saw a Waddle Dee jog down the road nearby them.
"Hup hurr," said Yoshi. "Let nothing distract us!"
Kirby saw 10 Waddle Dees jog down the road.
"Hup hurr," said Yoshi. "Let nothing distract us!"
Kirby saw 10 Waddle Dees jog down the road, holding a flag, saying "Follow us, Kirby!"
"Hup hurr," said Yoshi. "Let nothing distract us!"
Kirby saw 80 million billion Waddle Dees jog down the road, holding a flag, saying "Follow us, Kirby!"
"Hurr, hup Yoshi?" asked Yoshi, angrily. "Hoogiman, why do we have do resort to Peach-style humour?"

Oprah
"It's probably because you are feeling oppressed, or was neglected as a child. You have to expand your horizons: Life is like a window, if you keep it open, you can guess what's ahead of you. But if you keep it closed, you'll never see what may happen."

"Yoshi hupp Yoshi! Yup Yoshi! Yoshi?" said Yoshi, angrily. "Shut up Oprah! Right Kirby? Kirby?"
Yoshi looked around.
"Yoshi!" screamed Yoshi. "Kirby!"
Yoshi ran after Kirby.

Mario-luigi-toad-bowser-kirby-marth-fan116839
"HEY, KEN I WRIT EY OHPRAH FEN FIC?"

WTF Chicken
"No."

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 2nd Place
"You must now fly to Summers, and go to Club Stoic!" read Zelda.
"We're currently a minute behind Kirby and Yoshi, and we can't let that margin get any bigger!" said Samus. "Kirby and Yoshi are the most consistent team, and they could win because of that. So we have to beat them, or we'll lose the million dollars!"
Samus and Zelda flagged down a taxi, and then looked at the driver.
"How come everyone that gets eliminated has to have a guest appearance as a taxi driver?" asked Zelda.
Jigglypuff, driving the taxi, wound down the window, and looked at Samus.
"Whoever takes it, crash it," said Samus.
Jigglypuff nodded, and then Samus and Zelda flagged down another taxi.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 3rd Place
"Club Stoic," said Ness. "We need a reservation to get in there."
"Maybe we should find a phone directory," said Mewtwo.
"Okay, because I have a feeling if we don't, they won't let us in. I was there once before… too horrible to think about…" said Ness.
"The nearest telephone line is 2kms away. Let's teleport there, hold on to my hand," said Mewtwo.
Ness squeezed Mewtwo's hand, and they both disappeared, and landed on a soft, grey carpet. Ness observed the place that they were teleported to. It was a small room, with pink walls, and lots of stickers on the walls.
"Wait, this isn't the phone booth!" said Mewtwo.
Mewtwo walked around, and then stepped into a red substance. He looked at his paw, smelt it, and then looked at more red substance on the carpet, in a long trail.
"Blood!" screamed Mewtwo.
Mewtwo looked at the end of the trail, leading to a barrel, and then looked around, and then saw a laptop.
"Wait, this is Peach's torture room!" screamed Mewtwo.
"Let's save whoever was taken hostage here!" said Ness.
"Help-a me! It's a-me, Luigi!" said a voice from the barrel.
"Oh," said Ness. "Let's teleport."
Mewtwo looked at the barrel containing Luigi. "Agreed."
Ness squeezed Mewtwo's hand, and they landed in a phone booth.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place
"Waddle Dees!" said Kirby, sprinting fast after them.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 3rd Place
"Hi, can I book a flight to Summers?" asked Ness. "Okay, when does it land?"
Ness gave the thumbs up to Mewtwo.
"3:30 PM? Okay," said Ness.
Ness and Mewtwo
On 1st Fox Air Flight
Ness hung up the phone, and then looked at Mewtwo.
"Okay, we'll book Club Stoic," said Ness.
Ness keyed in some numbers, and then waited for a person on the other end.
"Hi, can I have a reservation for Ness at 4 today?" asked Ness, twirling the cord with his finger. "Okay? Good!"

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Peach, on this leg, make sure you don't do anything stu-" said Bowser, before turning around. "Hey Peach, what are you doing?"
"Uh… I didn't give all our money to that fake charity over there, 'Save the beans'?" asked Peach, giving her wallet to a person, with 'Save the beans' on his t-shirt?
"Peach, why did you do that?" asked Bowser.
"The skiing resort made out of vegetable extract made me do it?" asked Peach.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 1st Place
"Can I book a flight to Summers?" asked Samus, waiting paitiently.
"Uh," said the Koopa attendant, typing in some numbers to the computer. "It leaves at 12:00, is that okay?"
On 1st Fox Air Flight
"Yeah, have you seen a pink puffball and a green dinosaur?" asked Samus.
"No, maa'm!" said the Koopa.
"Good," said Zelda.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place
Peach walked over to the taxi, and looked at Jigglypuff.
"Hi Jigglypuff, can you give us a ride?" asked Peach.
"Jig, Ig, Iggly puh puff!" said Jigglypuff. "Samus told me to crash this taxi, and steal Bowser's testicles!"
"I like beans too!" said Peach, happily. "It's safe!"
"Just don't lose our passports, and I'll come i-" said Bowser, before looking at Peach. "Peach! What did you do?"
"http/hoogi. brickfilms. com/forum?" asked Peach, eating their passports.

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"You must now fly to Summers, and go to Club Stoic!" read DK.
"Me and Donkey Kong entered this race to see whether or not our personal relationship would develop and…" said Falcon.
"Wait, hang on a second there," said DK. "Are you in love with me, or something?"
"HEY GUESS WHAT I SAID ME AND DK ENTERED THIS RACE TO SEE WHETHER OR NOT OUR PERSONAL BEANS WOULD DEVELOP! HAHA! GET IT?" said Falcon, desperately.

WTF Chicken
"Now that is definitely a regulation… WTF?"

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Waddle Dees! Mmm… Waddle Dees!" said Kirby, licking his lips.
Kirby saw the Waddle Dees run off into the distance, over a giant world map. Yoshi caught up to Kirby, and then looked at him.
"Yoshi, hupp hurr Yoshi!" said Yoshi. "Kirby, that's the pit stop!"
Kirby and Yoshi walked onto the map, quite confused.
Master Hand stared at them in utter shock.
"Hiii!" said Kirby, waving his arms.
"Uh… Kirby and Yoshi, did you complete all of the tasks?" asked Master Hand.
Kirby and Yoshi looked at each other for a moment, exchanged smiles, and then looked back at Master Hand.
"Yes," said Kirby, nodding very rapidly, as if he was lying, but of course he wasn't.
"Then Kirby and Yoshi, you are definitely the FIRST TWO TO ARRIVE! Just step onto the mats like so."
Kirby and Yoshi stepped on triumphantly, beaming.
Master Hand cleared his throat.
"Kirby and Yoshi – oh, and seeing as you're first, I guess you're the first ones to enjoy the free buffet at the 'Summers Generic Hotel'!" said Master Hand. "Kirby and Yoshi, you are team number-"
Master Hand paused.
"Kirby and Yoshi?"

Meanwhile… In the hotel…
Kirby scarfed down a bear, two whole turkeys, and a pot full of lamb soup, and then looked at Yoshi.
"Shouldn't we check in first?" asked Kirby, scarfing down a whole lion.
"Yoshi, hurr hup!" said Yoshi. "Naah… I want to eat this bear first."
"K…" said Kirby, gobbling down a house made of butters.

Master Hand gasped. "A team… gave up first place… to eat?"
"Perhaps," said Peach.
"You're not here!" said Master Hand.
"Oh," said Peach, teleporting away.

WTF Chicken
"WTF is with the continuity errors?" asked the WTF Chicken.
"Uh… well," said the rofl pony, sweating. "…I PWN joo!1111111!"
The Rofl Pony picked up his 'LOL' shotgun, and started firing bullets at the WTF Chicken's evil STFU machine.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 3rd Place
"Peach, how are we going to pay for our flight?" asked Bowser.
"I can sing!" said Peach, doing a twirl.
"Peach, no one's going to pay you money to si-" said Bowser, before looking at Peach.
"Hi everybody at the airport!" said Peach, naked, holding a microphone walking around. "If you want me to put my clothes back on, pay me money!"
Peach spat out an earring, and then looked at a Koopa, sitting down, staring at her.
"Hey, how's the weather down there, short person?" asked Peach.
Peach started giggling, and then kept on giggling, and then started hyperventilating, giggling.
"Hahaha!" said Peach, clapping her hands.
"Peach, that's not even-" said Bowser.
Bowser tried to face Peach, and then turned behind himself, and looked at Peach patting a man.
"Look at me ma! I'm riding a fox!" said Peach, patting a man.
"STOP IT!" screamed TEH AIRPORT.
"Oh look, it's TEH AIRPORT!" said Peach, smiling.
"I SHALL PAY JOO A MILLIARN DOLLA!" said TEH AIRPORT.
"WTF?" said Peach, giggling.

2 seconds later…

"Well, we got on the 1st Fox Air flight!" said Bowser.

WTF Chicken
"Seriously," said the WTF Chicken. "What is with the continuity errors?"
"ROFLMAO FF7 CROSSOVAR!111111111" said the Rofl Pony.

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"Hi, can we book tickets to Summers?" asked Falcon.
"Yeah, it leaves at midnight," said the Koopa at the check-in desk.
"Has anyone else booked this flight?" asked Falcon.
"Yeah, three other teams," said the Koopa.
"Yes, we're in luck!" said DK.

1st Fox Air Flight to Summers

"Samus and Zelda, Ness and Mewtwo, Peach and Bowser and Falcon and Donkey Kong are now on the same flight to the Beach Side Resort of Summers, famous for being in the Earthbound games! When they land, teams must go to the popular local club: Club Stoic!" said Master Hand.

1st Fox Air Flight Lands
3:30 PM

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd Place
"I ordered a taxi on the plane," said Mewtwo, running along with their luggage.
"Good, that means we can get a head start!" said Ness, running out of the airport.
Ness and Mewtwo ran out to the taxi deck, and got into their taxi.
"Club Stoic, please," said Ness.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"Taxi!" screamed Samus, running towards a car.
"Uh… Miss… this is my car…" said a Koopa, sweating.
"Do you know where Club Stoic is?" asked Samus.
"Uh… I don't know… I was here a business trip, and I'm going back to mush-" said the Koopa.
"Good! Drive me there!" said Samus, in a slightly threatening tone.
"Ooh, can I slit his throat?" said Zelda, pulling out her dagger (Special Princess Edition™).
"Wait 'till we get there," said Samus patiently.
"I'm not going to drive you there!" said the Koopa, angrily.
Samus shot twelve heat-seeking missiles at the Koopa, and then stared angrily for a few seconds. "Drive, or I'll kill you!"
"Uh… he's dead…" said Zelda, "you stole my kill…"
"Pwned," said the rofl pony.
"I'll drive," said Samus, "because, uh, hm…" she rammed the taxi through a wall and out into the street.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Look!" said Bowser. "It's – oh shoot, Samus and Zelda are driving their own car."
"So?" said Peach, who was wearing nothing but a top hat so large that she was trapped underneath it.
"Peach! Get out of that!" Bowser paused. "Samus and Zelda are extremely reckless, and I bet they're going to go down that One Way Street of Death backwards and end up in first place!"
"It could be worse," said Peach.
"Yeah," said Bowser, "we could be behind Kirby and Yoshi, those losers. They're still back at Sector X, aren't they?"
"Uh… ooh, a car!" said Peach.
Bowser grabbed the car, shook vigorously, stomped on the driver when he fell out, and hopped in. "Let's go! See if we can beat Samus and Zelda at their own game."
Peach didn't respond, preferring to shove a fork into her ear, so Bowser dragged her in.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd place
"Mewtwo," said Ness, "can you psychically sense it?"
"What? That you have a royal flush?" said Mewtwo. "Or the exciting car chase that's about to distract camera attention from us?"
"Both," said Ness.
"Uh… no," lied Mewtwo.
"Oh, okay," said Ness.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 2nd place
"Woot!" shouted Zelda. "We're going against traffic!"
"I wanted to say that!" said Samus.
Zelda looked out of the window. "Great; the beauty and the beast are after us."
"Which one is driving?" said Samus.
"The beauty."
"Oh, not Peach," said Samus, disappointed – if Peach was driving, then those two had lost the leg no matter what.

Bowser brought their car up next to the girls' taxi, and slashed at their tyres with his claw.
Samus swerved to the right. Peach and Zelda leaped out of their cars and performed a midair high-action slapping fight.
Bowser and Samus rammed each other into other cars; Peach and Zelda threw gloves at each other.
Bowser and Samus tried to blow each other up; Peach and Zelda did intimidating ballet dances.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st place
"Mmm…" said Kirby. "Pancakes…"

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place
"Peach!" shouted Bowser. "Come back and help – and put your clothes on!"
Both cars swerved off the road and straight into a shopping mall.
"Zelda!" shouted Samus. "You're supposed to take out the dagger before you start fighting, not after!"
"Oh," said Zelda, pulling out her dagger and killing Peach.
"I'm dead!" said Peach.
Bowser and Samus ran over lots of people.
"Hey, Bowser!" said Samus, firing several bombs at him, "let's make an alliance!"
"Okay!" said Bowser, dodging the bombs.
Samus and Bowser's cars crashed through a wall and into the main street.
"Shake hands!" said Samus.
"Here's a nice handshake!" said Bowser, firing a cannon at Samus.
"In our country it is necessary to FIRE MISSILES at the people we meet!" said Samus, angrily firing 12 missiles at Bowser.
"That's okay!" said Bowser, squashing Samus with 200 tonnes of metal, killing her.
Zelda staggered out of the taxi, and walked up to Bowser.
"Is Samus dead?" asked Zelda, slightly worried.
"Uh…" said Bowser, scratching the back of his head. "…um… Don't worry, there's no sugar!"
Bowser tried to smile, and then slowly grabbed a pillow from behind his back, and choked Zelda to death. As she died, she pulled out a laser sword and shot him.
Suddenly, everyone regenerated, and appeared in front of Club Stoic.

Continuity Error WTF Chicken
"Wait a minute, why did everyone suddenly appear in front of Club Stoic, and why did they suddenly become healthy again?" asked the WTF Chicken.
"ROFFLES, TEH HARREE POTTAH TETRIS CROSSOPRAH!" said the rofl Pony.

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
Falcon and DK, sat in the taxi, staring off into blank space.
"Hey, Falcon," said Donkey Kong. "Maybe we should have some more interesting dialogue, so that the fans like us a bit more?"
"Yeah, okay," said Falcon.
"So, who do you like?" said Falcon.
"Zelda," said Donkey Kong.
Donkey Kong realised, and then started smacking Falcon repeatedly.
"GET THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR HEAD!" screamed DK.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 2nd Place
"Hi, is this Club Stoic?" asked Bowser.
"No," said a big thug, guarding the door.
"Then what about the label on your shirt that says, 'Club Stoic'?" asked Bowser.
"That's… a joke…" said the guard at the door.
"I get jokes!" said Peach, shoving Bowser aside. "Get it?"
Peach started giggling uncontrollably, and then tried to inhale a moose.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"How the heck will we get in?" asked Samus.
"Let's try and persuade him," said Zelda.
Zelda walked up to the thug at the door.
"Hi, can I come into Club Stoic?" asked Zelda.
"This isn't Club Stoic, this is the bank," said the thug.
"Well, I also need to go to the bank, can I go in?" asked Zelda.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Wow, that person won't let her in!" said Peach.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"Did I say it was the bank? I said this is the bakery," said the thug at the door.
"Well, I need some cinnamon buns."
"This is a non-cinnamon bun bakery."
"Well, I want some bread!"
"This bakery doesn't sell anything."
"Can I see the manager?"
"I'm the manager."
"Why won't you let me in?"
"Because this isn't a bakery, it's a barber shop."
"Well, I need a haircut!"
"Well, they don't give you haircuts in a bakery, do they?"
"Well, I need to go into the bakery!" said Zelda, angrily.
"Why, this is the bank!"
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WASN'T A BANK, IT WAS A BAKERY!"
"Well, I don't think you need a haircut!"
"I NEED A HAIRCUT!"
"WELL, YOU CAN'T ENTER!" said the thug.
Ness and Mewtwo walked by, gave the thug the reservation note, and then walked in.
"How come they got in there, then?" asked Zelda, angrily.
The thug scratched his head. "Uh…" The thug clicked his fingers twice, and the WTF Chicken ran up behind Zelda, and hit her with a bar.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd Place
"Where's the clue?" asked Mewtwo.
"Right there," said the bartender, in a friendly manner.
"Road Block!" said Ness, reading the clue.

"Road Block!" said Master Hand. "A Road Block is a task that only one member of each team can perform! In this Road Block, one member of each team must travel 200 metres to the famous Summers Beach. They must then search two thousand beach towels for their next clue. This sounds simple, and it is, but only five beach towels have clues under them."

"Should I do it?" asked Ness.
"I think I should, because I can move around a lot more easily," said Mewtwo.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
Yoshi gobbled down a moose, and 3 hamburgers, while Kirby gobbled down the WTF Chicken. However, thanks to continuity errors, the WTF Chicken appeared in a nearby paddock.
"I guess when to your advantage, continuity errors aren't so bad," said the WTF Chicken, eating a FAO burger.
"Curse you, WTF Chicken," said the rofl pony, "I'll get you next time."

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"Oh, that's it," said Samus, firing a missile at the thug.
Samus walked up angrily, and then looked at the thug.
"Now will you let us in?" asked Samus, angrily.
"Uh… Samus… he's dead…" said Zelda.
"Well, uh… there appears to be a flaw in my plan," said Samus.
They went inside.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Hey," said Peach. "Should we ask again?"
"Peach, first of all, he's dead, second of all, I've already told you, six times that we're going inside!" said Bowser, angrily.
"Oh yeah!" giggled Peach.
Peach walked up to the door.
"Mr. Thug, will you let us in now?" asked Peach.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"NO?" shouted Peach.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"Wow, that person won't let us in too!" said Peach, angrily.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"That's mean," said Peach.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"That's very mean," said Peach.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"That's really mean," said Peach.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"That's really very mean," said Peach.
"Peach, he's d-" said Bowser, before being interrupted.
"COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.
"COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.
"COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.
"COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"Here's Club Stoic," said Donkey Kong.
"Okay, let's go in, and get the clue," said Falcon.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"Who'll do it?" asked Zelda.
"I will," said Samus.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"I'll search towels, Peach," said Bowser, reading the clue.
"But I wanna do it!" said Peach.
"Peach, you are incapable of searching things, and you probably can't identify towels!" said Bowser, angrily.
"Hehe, look!" said Peach, giggling. "I found a towel!"
"Uh…" said Bowser, sweating. "That's not a towel, that's Luigi's dead carcass."
"Oh," said Peach. "Do you think I'm ignorant?" asked Peach, angrily.
"Yes," said Bowser.
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.
A fire-breathing pony snuck behind Peach, and took her crown.
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.
A 10m long strand of spaghetti came out of Peach's nose, and stole her wallet
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.
Wario broke a chair on Peach's back.
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.
Wario broke several chairs on Peach's back.
"I'm not ignorant!" said Peach, giggling.
Wario broke Peach's skeletal system with several steamrollers.
"COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.
"COPEE AND PASTE HUMOAR!" said Crazy Hand, doing a twirl.

Rofl Pony
"I do apologise for the copy and paste HUMAOR, I do not apologise for the FAO cannon in your middle heart."

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"Uh," said DK, "You can do it, because I have a short attention span."
"Okay," said Falcon.

Mewtwo
"Wow Ness," said Mewtwo, shouting out loud. "These towels are pretty far apart."
"Hmm…" said Ness. "Maybe we should form a graph of what people have searched, so we can search in a smaller area."

Peach
"Hey Bowser, I found the clue!" said Peach, cheerfully.
"You did?" asked Bowser, running up to Peach.
"Yeah!" said Peach.
"Uh… Peach, you didn't," said Bowser, "You found a piece of paper that says, 'ginger, ginger, I like ginger'!"
"Do I still get to keep him?" asked Peach, with puppy dog eyes.
"Woah," said Bowser, nervously. "It kind of scares me how you can randomly slaughter animals and take off parts of their body."
"See, here's the puppy dog, and look what I did to its eyes!" said Peach, happily.
Bowser stared blank eyed at what Peach was holding, and then looked concerned at Peach. "Peach, I don't think anyone would drink a martini glass full of salt water, with an eye-ball as flavour-"
"I can also take my clothes off!" said Peach, doing a twirl.
"But-"
"Hi sir!" said Peach, naked, walking towards a person on a beach chair. "Would you like a cocktail?"
Bowser stared at Peach, and the person on the chair. "But-"
"Sure, ma'am!" said the sun bather.
The person drunk up the whole glass, and swallowed the eyeball.
"But-"
"Would you like some extra topping?"
Peach offered the dead carcass of the dog to the man, in a small beer cup.
"But-"
The sun bather ate up the whole dog, and then looked angrily at Peach.

Lindsay
"And now for the punchline…"

Peach
"Did I just eat a bear?" asked the sun bather.
"If I told you, you probably couldn't bear the truth!"
insert laugh track here
"OMFG, that was funny!" said the rofl pony.

Mewtwo
"Okay, Peach hasn't searched yet, Samus seems to be searching in rows from the left, and Falcon seems to be searching from the right side, I guess that means our best bet, is probably in the middle," said Mewtwo.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Yoshi hurr, Yoshi?" asked Yoshi. "Hey, have you noticed that the managers are trying to pull us out?"
"What managers?" asked Kirby, spitting out a tux.

Mewtwo
"Ah, there's the clue," said Mewtwo.
Mewtwo opened the envelope, and read it.
"Detour!" said Ness.

"Detour!" said Master Hand. "In a Detour, teams must choose between two tasks, to get their next clue!"
"In this detour, teams must choose between Sink or Swim!"
"In Sink, teams must walk to the dock, and scale down ten metres using this old-style waterproof suit, with no air tanks! They must then search around for clams, and inside some of these clams, are their next clue. This seems easy, but getting used to the suit could be challenging, and it may take ages to find any clams!"
"In Swim, teams must swim against the tide to buoys fifty metres apart. One of these five buoys contains their next clue! This is hard work, but a strong person should be able to complete this quickly!"

"Sink?" asked Ness.
"Yeah, sure," said Mewtwo.

Samus
"Found anything yet, Samus?" asked Zelda.
"No Zel, but I found this hallucinogen," said Samus. "Give this to Falcon, would you?"
"Okay," said Zelda.
Zelda walked towards Donkey Kong, looked around, and then looked at him.
"Uh, Donkey Kong," said Zelda, scratching her head nervously. "Do you know where Falcon is?"
"Uh-" said Donkey Kong, "I think he-"
Zelda fell over face forward, spilling some hallucinogen onto Donkey Kong's chest.
"Whoops," said Zelda.
"No, no, that's okay," said Donkey Kong, slightly drowsily.

Peach
"Uh… Peach," said Zelda, walking over to Peach. "Have you seen Falcon?"
"I LIKE BOOKS TOO!" said Peach, grabbing the hallucinogen, spilling it over on Zelda's head, and drinking the rest.
"PEACH! WHAT DID YOU-" said Zelda, before looking twice at Peach.
(The text in italic is the hallucinated dialogue)
"Hey Donkey Kong, you're looking quite fine today, nice clothes!" said Zelda, aroused.
"Peach, quick! The parade is in two minutes, and I need some clothes or all the other fruit will laugh at me!" said the magic pineapple.
"Okay, what do you want?" asked Peach, dumbly.
"Thanks, and you are looking magnificent!" said Donkey Kong.
"Shall we say, have a cuddle?" asked Zelda, smiling slyly.
"Peach I need your shirt, so the other fruit can't see my 'oh so embarrassing' scars!" said the magic pineapple.
"Okay," said Peach, taking off his shirt.
"Okay, my darling," said Donkey Kong, taking off his shirt.
"So you do love me?" asked Zelda.
"And take off your skirt," said the magical pineapple. "So the other fruit can see my artistic touch."

Samus
"Hey Zelda, I found the c-" said Samus, before looking over at Peach, taking off her clothes for Zelda. "Uh… do I need to know about this?"

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd Place
"Mewtwo, you teleport underwater, even though we both have to go down there, you have to find it," said Ness.
"Okay," said Mewtwo. "We gotta keep this lead for the final leg."

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"Well, I can't swim," said Samus. "So we better go underwater."
"Okay," said Zelda.
"We've also got to do it quickly, so we can beat Ness and Mewtwo to first," said Samus.
"Has it ever occurred to you that Kirby and Yoshi got a really early flight, and they're just about to check in now?" asked Zelda.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Kirby and Yoshi, you better check in before Falcon and Donkey Kong come here!" said Master Hand.
"But then we have to stop eating!" said Kirby, wolfing down a steak.
"But you'll get to come back and eat!" said Master Hand.
"But what if someone else gobbles up the buffet at an alarming rate?" asked Kirby, eating two cheeseburgers.
"Like…?" said Master Hand.
"I LIKE FOOD!" screamed Kirby in the throes of his passionate eating.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd Place
"Mewtwo, can you hear me?" thought Ness.
"Yeah," thought Mewtwo. "I can hear your thoughts underwater."
"So can I, so you better not think about who you like," thought Ness, jokingly.
"So I shouldn't think about that cute Pichu?"
"Did you just say that you liked-"
"BUBBLE GUM POP OOH BUBBLE GUM POP BUBBLE GUM POP BUBBLE GUM POP WENT OUT ONE DAY PEOPLE WENT AWAY MARIO'S GUTS I HAD TO SLAY LAAH FA LA LA!" thought Mewtwo, very quickly.
"Mewtwo has a crush on Samus!" thought Ness, singing teasily.
"Yes… Samus… You mean person…" thought Mewtwo, in somewhat of a fake tone.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
"Okay, there's where Sink is!" said Samus, running over to the dock.
"So we have to put this on?" asked Zelda.
"Yeah, let's just do it quickly!" said Samus.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd Place
"Got the clue, Ness!" thought Mewtwo.
"Okay, teleport back before Samus and Zelda see where you went!" thought Ness.
Mewtwo teleported back to near the dock, and along with Ness, swam up to a ladder, and climbed up.
"Hey, Ness, Mewtwo, where are the clams?" asked Zelda.
Ness took off the waterproof suit, and then looked at Zelda. "They're all situated over that way!" said Ness, pointing in the wrong direction.
"Okay," said Zelda, grabbing one of the waterproof suits.
"Okay, open the clue," said Ness.
"You must now travel to the pit stop, the Hotel Generic Summers!" read Ness.

"Teams must now travel two hundred metres to the last pit stop of the race, the Hotel Generic in Summers, famously known for its unlimited buffet!" said Master Hand. "Teams must check in as fast as they can, as the last team to arrive, will be eliminated!"

"Let's go!" said Ness. "It's only a quick walk down the road!"

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Must… get… Kirby and Yoshi… to check-in… so Falcon and Donkey Kong… don't win…" muttered Master Hand, trying to grab Kirby out of his chair.
"Must… get… maximum… use… out of… unlimited… buffet…" said Kirby, trying to sit down and eat a garden salad.

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 2nd Place
"There it is, Hotel Generic!" said Ness.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 1st Place
"Check-in now, Kirby!" said Master Hand. "Ness and Mewtwo are coming!"
"But what if someone took our table?" asked Kirby, looking around at the restaurant, lacking patrons due to fear of being mistaken for a food dish.
"That's it, I have to go!"

Ness and Mewtwo
Currently in 1st Place
Ness and Mewtwo ran up to the world map, and looked at Master Hand.
"Are we first?" asked Mewtwo.
"Ness and Mewtwo, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.
"Yes," said Ness, doing a hi-fi with Mewtwo.
"And I have some good news, you receive a holiday, along with a lifetime pass to Mario Land, to Mushroom Kingdom! Some better news, you are one of four teams that will race to the finish line, to win one million dollars!" said Master Hand.
"Yeah," said Ness.
"Then where's Kirby and Yoshi?" asked Mewtwo.
"If they checked in properly, they would be team number one, but instead, they went off to eat the unlimited buffet!"
"Okay," said Mewtwo. "I hope that our trick will give us enough of a lead."

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 3rd Place
Zelda did a signal that meant that they would go to the surface of the water.
"We're seventy metres away from the dock," said Zelda. "You think that they tricked us?"
"Yeah, let's go the other way," said Samus.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Peach, hurry up and look under towels!" said Bowser, impatiently.
"Okay, okay, chill dude," said Peach. "It's not like I'm going to find the clue in 2005!"
"It is 2005!" said Bowser.
"Whoops, forgot to update my watch!" said Peach, cheerfully.
Peach got out a marker pen, erased '2004' off her hand, and wrote '2005'.
"Heh, I guess gingivitis prevention squad win again!" said Peach.
"Just search!" said Bowser, angrily.
"Okay!" said Peach, dumbly.
Peach went into the centre of the laid out towels, and then took a towel off from the beach. Peach picked up the clue, and looked disappointingly at Bowser.
"No clue," said Peach.
"Then what's that in your hands?"
"Gelati?"

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 2nd Place
Kirby looked over and Ness and Mewtwo, and then looked at Yoshi.
"Should we go check in?" asked Kirby.
"Yoshi hurr," said Yoshi. "Naah, can't be bothered."

Falcon and Donkey Kong
Currently in Last Place
"I found a clue!" said Falcon, taking a clue out from under a towel.
"Okay, come on, we've got to catch up!" said Donkey Kong.
"Sink or Swim? Swim against the tide, or search underwater?" asked Falcon.
"We'll swim!" said Donkey Kong. "Swimming against the tide should be a breeze!"

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Hehe! Iron!" said Peach, doing a twirl.
"Peach, come on, and swim against the tide!" said Bowser, angrily.
"But my goldfish, he'll drown!" said Peach, crying.
"Peach, First of all, goldfishes live when underwater. Second of all, if you stay out of the water, it will die!" said Bowser.
"Of course I knew that, I was just testing how you would respond after I pretended to be dumb, therefore making you the fool!" said Peach, poking her tongue out.
"Peach, did you say something smart?" asked Bowser.
"No, I just wanted to take advantage of this bag!" said Peach, hitting herself with a narwhale.

Samus and Zelda
Currently in 2nd Place
"Phew, that was tough going the other way," said Zelda, walking up to the world map.
"Samus and Zelda, you are team number two!" said Master Hand. "And, I have some good news, you are one of the four teams that will race to the finish line, to win a million dollars!"

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"Bowser, watch out for the bikini whale!" said Peach.
"Right…" said Bowser.
"Heh, I guess I found one of those clue things!" said Peach.
"Peach, you didn't find a clue, you somehow managed to pull one of the buoys out onto the beach!" said Bowser.
"And look, there's a clue inside it!" said Peach, pulling it out.
Bowser took the clue, and then read it.
"You must now make your way to Summers Generic Hotel, which will be the last pit stop… come on Peach, let's go!" said Bowser.

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"Hey look, the clues are on the beach!" said Falcon.
"Quickly, read it!" said Donkey Kong, passing the clue to Falcon.
"You must now make your way to Summers Generic Hotel… come on, that's the pit stop!"

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place
"Come on Yoshi, let's check in!" said Kirby, dragging Yoshi out of his table.

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"There's the hotel!" said Bowser. "Walk faster, Peach!"

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"This can't be the end, we've got to run there," said Falcon.
"Pick up the pace!" said Donkey Kong, jogging.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place
"Look, a slurpee machine!" said Kirby, dragging Yoshi away from the direction of the pit stop.
"Yoshi, hurr hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi. "Don't let anything distract you!"

Peach and Bowser
Currently in 4th Place
"There's the world map!" said Bowser.
Bowser dragged Peach along onto the pit stop.
"Peach and Bowser, you are team number three!" said Master Hand. "And you are one of four teams who will race to the finish line, to win a million dollars!"

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"Here's the hotel!" said Falcon.
"Go! We might still have a chance!" said Donkey Kong.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in 4th Place
"Yoshi, hurr hup Yoshi!" said Yoshi, trying to pull Kirby off the slurpee machine. "Get off, a million dollars can't be worth less than a slur- hey, this is good slurpee!"
Yoshi got a cup, and started sculling slurpees.

Falcon and DK
Currently in Last Place
"Pit stop!" said Falcon, walking onto the map.
"No, this can't be happening! They got here from the begin- I shouldn't have told them about- Why did I- AARGH! FALCON AND DONKEY KONG, YOU WIN, YOU GET TO RACE TO THE FINISH! YOU ARE TEAM NUMBER FOUR! Why? Why? DYEWTFYUASYAAARGH!" screamed Master Hand.

Kirby and Yoshi
Currently in Last Place
"Looks like Falcon and Donkey Kong checked in," said Kirby.
"Yoshi hurr," said Yoshi. "Oh well, at least we get slurpee."

"Out of four couples, who will be the team to break through, and win?" asked Master Hand.

Ness and Mewtwo
"There's no doubt about it, we've got the lead, we can keep the lead, it's not about staying in the race, it's about winning," said Mewtwo.

Samus and Zelda
"Even though we haven't won a leg, we are the most consistent team, and we know we are better than others, we just haven't tried," said Samus.
"We're going to have to play a dirty game, use everything we can to win, we've done a few things before, but now it's rough," said Zelda.

Falcon and Donkey Kong
"I reckon, that us coming second last every time, means that we're going to win, I just have that strange feeling, and we know we can do it," said Falcon.

"Four teams are left, who will win, a Smashy Amazing Race?" asked Master Hand.

Finish Times:

Ness and Mewtwo: 4:41 PM
Samus and Zelda: 4:47 PM
Peach and Bowser: 5:02 PM
Falcon and Donkey Kong: 5:04 PM
Kirby and Yoshi- Did not check in- ELIMINATED!

Note from Hoogiman: Kirby and Yoshi were my favourite team. However, I couldn't resist this ending, and what would they do with the money, buy more food? Keep on cheering, next leg is the last official leg.

http/ hoogi. brickfilms. com/forum