Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 1: Kazu-kun, the Quintessence of Brute Force.

LOST GROUND

(MIMORI is on an AIRPLANE)

MIMORI: La-la-laa. I'm on a plane, minding my own business, wishing I could sing, but I'd probably suck at it.

(She sees KAZUMA on the planes left wing.)

KAZUMA: Ohayo!

MIMORI: Ack! Stalker! (Did he just say Ohio?)

KAZUMA: Crap, I'm so out of here! (KAZUMA jumps off the plane.) Remember kids. Cool people don't use parachutes.

(He falls face first on the ground below. RANDOM GANGSTAS look at his twitching stupid body.)

RANDOM GANGSTAS: God, he's stupid.

(KAZUMA recovers and sees the chief, tied up to an I-beam.)

KAZUMA: Don't fret any, chief. I'll save you, and I'll do so by using my brilliant metallic arm to create a mighty explosion that engulfs people!

EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!

NEXT DAY

(RANDOM INSPECTOR and DETECTIVE look at the crime scene. SCHERIS approaches.)

SCHERIS: Let me guess.

SCHERIS and RANDOM INSPECTOR SIMULTANEOUSLY: Native Alter.

SCHERIS: Too bad I'm jailbait, cuz I think we're soooo compatible. (SCHERIS creeps us all out. Thankfully, she stops.)

RANDOM INSPECTOR: According to what I heard, the Native jumped off the plane without a parachute, and then fell face first to the ground…

SCHERIS: Well, he's an idiot. He should know damn well that all cool people use parachutes. Keep up. (SHERIS leaves, acting like she's cute. The AUDIENCE doesn't buy it.)

RANDOM INSPECTOR: Her voice is funny.

RANDOM DETECTIVE: Yeah, I know, dude.

SCHERIS: La-la-laa. I'm being adorable, strolling around, wishing I could sing, but I'd probably suck at it.

LOST GROUND SLUMS

POOR PEOPLE: We may be poor, but we're living a better life than you are, lazy bastards.

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: I love you, Kazu-kun, but I think you could use some improvements.

KAZUMA: You saw it, didn't you!

Enter KUNIHIKO: It is I, Kunihiko Kirishima! I have a job for you!

KAZUMA: Ha-ha! You have a girl's name!

KUNIHIKO: Shut-up! Anyway, your mission, should you accept it, is to beat up a BIG UGLY DUDE.

KAZUMA: Yaaaay! I get to beat up BIG UGLY DUDES!

CONVENIENTLY ABANDONED CITY BLOCK AT NIGHT

BIG UGLY DUDE: Gimme yo lunch munny be4 I bust a cap on yo a$$!

HIDEKI: You're the meanest big ugly dude, EVER!

BIG UGLY DUDE: I'm ugly and I'm proud! I'm ugly and I'm proud! I'm ugly and I'm proud! Ok, no I'm not.

KAZUMA: I've come to beat the crap out of you!

BIG UGLY DUDE: BIG UGLY ROBOT! I choose you! (BIG UGLY ROBOT magically appears.)

KAZUMA: A BIG UGLY DUDE with a BIG UGLY ROBOT! EAT THIS! (KAZUMA defeats BIG UGLY DUDE.)

BIG UGLY DUDE: DEFEATED!

KUNIHIKO: Ur the most awesome-est guy 3V4R!11!1

ROUND 2- KAZUMA vs. HOLD

SCHERIS: Hi! I'm Scheris Adjani of HOLY! Don't you wish you had a cool name like mine?

KAZUMA: No. How about I demonstrated my m4d sk1llz on your precious convoy. (KAZUMA punches CONVOY.)

CONVOY: OUCH!

SCHERIS: WAAAAUUGH! (SCHERIS falls over, with her legs spread out. Fangirls are outraged!) WAAAAAAAAAAAH! Panty shot! This is supposed to be a serious action series for Christ's sake! DAMN YOU, AKAMATSU!

RYUHO: Stop this nonsense, because I say so!

KAZUMA: Who the scribbly-babble are you?

RYUHO: I am Ryhuo, and I am far cooler than you'll ever hope to be!

KAZUMA: Oh yeah? Then why are you wearing Axe Body Spray?

RYUHO: Shut-up! Your attempts to berate me are amusing, little one! I am Ryuho! I am the one! I am the Matrix! WHOOSH!

(AUDIENCE is captivated by his bullet time skillz.)

RYUHO: And I shall make you my bitch!

KAZUMA: I don't like the sound of that.

RYUHO: ZETSUEI, I choose you!

(ZETSUEI magically appears.)

KAZUMA: That thing looks like Ringo Starr in a straight jacket!

RYUHO: ZETSUEI! EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!

(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to sissy-slap the living daylights out of KAZUMA.)

KAZUMA: WAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH! God, I hope I don't go to prison!

GOD: Guess what, Kazu-kun! You're going to prison! Oh, and you could use some improvements.

KAZUMA: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(RYUHO uses his POKEBALL to capture KAZUMA.)

The End, Bee-yotches!

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 2: Ryuho Wants to Make You his Bitch!