Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.
It's PARODY TIME!
GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 2: Ryuho Wants to Make You his Bitch!
INTRO
RYUHO: I am the star of the show, now!
KAZUMA: What!
RYUHO: Hey, I thought I was making you my bitch! ZETSUEI! ATTACK!
(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to slap KAZUMA silly.)
KAZUMA: Stupid evil Pokémon!
LOST GROUND AT NIGHT
RANDOM ALTER USER: HOLY sux!
RYUHO: No, you suck. (RYUHO uses his POKEBALL to capture the RANDOM ALTER USER.)
GANGSTAS: How dare you treat our homeboy like a Pokémon!
RYUHO: I dare, ok? Now stay out of my way or I'll make you all my bitches!
GANGSTAS: WAAAAAAARGH! WE'RE ALL HIS BITCHES!
NEXT DAY, AT A LABORATORY
MIMORI: AT LAST! MY GREATEST CREATION IS COMPLEEEETEEED! (I always wanted to say that.) Now, I'm going to bring back some fond memories of Ryuho and me. Good times.
FLASHBACK
YOUNG MIMORI: Hi, I'm Mimori Kiryu, girl genius!
YOUNG RYUHO: Hi, I'm Ryuho, and I'm an Alter User!
YOUNG MIMORI: OH, MY GOD! Let's make out!
YOUNG RYUHO: Whatever, but don't come to my house, or I'll hurt you.
YOUNG MIMORI: You have an issue with abusive relationships or something?
YOUNG RYUHO: Umm…Yeah.
YOUNG MIMORI: Okay, but I'm coming over, anyway! Boy, for a girl genius, I just can't take in the concept of abusive relationships!
END FLASHBACK
NICE LOOKING STREETS NEAR LABORATORY
(A CAR approaches MIMORI)
MIMORI: Ack! Another stalker!
STRAIGHT: Actually, I'm Straight Cougar, and I'm your escort for the day, MINORI!
MIMORI: It's MIMORI!
STRAIGHT: Whatever, MINORITY. I'll just deliberately get your name wrong to piss you off.
ROAD TRIP TO HOLY
STRAIGHT: I have the power of speed at my disposal! I am The Flash bitch!
(CAR turns to EVIL SPEED DEMON.)
STRAIGHT: Ilikespeed! Whenyoudothingsfastertheworldisabetterplacetolive! ThatswhyIlikespeed! Speedspeedspeedspeedspeedspeed!
MIMORI: I don't understand a thing you're saying. (She covers her mouth with a HANKERCHIEF.) Ugh! I'm sick! I wish I could vomit in your face!
HOLY HQ
STRAIGHT: Na-na, na-na, na-na, na-na! I'm the f---ing greatest!
CAR: EXPLODES!
Enter SCHERIS: Hi, faithful! Welcome to HOLY! Masses are at 7:30 AM, 9:00 AM, 10:30 AM, Noon, and 5:30 PM. Misa en Español is at 7:30 PM!
MIMORI: I'm Mimori Kiryu, girl genius!
SCHERIS: …with a problematic ego.
MIMORI: What was that?
Enter RYUHO: The Commander will see you shortly. Oh, hi Mimori!
MIMORI: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
SCHERIS is pissed off and resorts to using her JEDI MIND TRICK: Ryuho. You do not know this woman.
RYUHO is DUMBFOUNDED: I do not know this woman.
(SCHERIS exits with RYUHO, holding his hand and being all snuggly-snuggly. She looks back at MIMORI)
SCHERIS: Hee-hee!
MIMORI: YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME, YOU LITTLE TURD!
CAFETERIA (After a delightful, but BORING conversation with the COMMANDER)
MIMORI: Once that bitch with the ugly voice comes in here, I'll eat like I just won the Glutton Bowl. She will ph34r my m4d 34t1n sk1llz!
FAT GUY WITH WATERMELON: I just won the Glutton Bowl.
MIMORI: That's apparent.
Enter SCHERIS: Don't mind the posse of HOLY. We're all crazy.
MIMORI: Thanks for the piece of advice, but I still hate you.
SCHERIS: Feeling's still mutual.
(They both drink TEA together.)
SCHERIS: Bye, you stuck-up, uptight, high-strung, tar-haired bitch that makes Janet Reno seem like a $3 Bangkok slut, and has an ego that could inflate the Goodyear Blimp.
MIMORI: See you later, you water-headed, boyfriend stealing, dishwasher-warped ho-bag whose only role in this series is to flip up that tiny translucent lavender skirt as fan service for 13-to-31–year old fanboys.
(SCHERIS leaves.)
Enter STRAIGHT: So, how's Scheris?
MIMORI sips her TEA: You mean condom-top? I hate her.
STRAIGHT: I'm sorry to hear that, MOMOKO. How about we go to a CLIFF together and witness their M4D SK1LLZ?
MIMORI: Let me think about it… No.
STRAIGHT: GREAT! I'll get the car ready!
A DISTANT CLIFF AT NIGHT
STRAIGHT: Scheris and Ryuho are the only ones doing the work because they're cooler than the rest of us.
MIMORI: Oh, is that how it's supposed to be?
STRAIGHT: BOO!
MIMORI: WAAAAAAAH! That was totally random and incoherent.
STRAIGHT: Just look through the binoculars, MAMIMI.
MIMORI sees SHERIS fall over after KAZUMA socked the CONVOY: Heh-heh. I see London, I see France! I can see her underpants! See, what did I tell you?
STRAIGHT: You saw WHAT? Give those back!
MIMORI: Screw you, you zany pervert! (She looks through the BINOCULARS again and sees RYUHO and KAZUMA square off.)
RYUHO: 1 4m t3h 0n3, 4nd 1 sh4ll m4k3 u my b1tch! Ph34r my sup3r10r l33t sp34k!
KAZUMA: J0 M4M4'S S0 0LD, J00 C0ULD F1ND 4 P1C7UR3 0F M0S3S 1N H3R Y34RB00K! H4-H4!11!
RYUHO: J0 I/I4I/I4'$ $0 /R1IIKLY, 7I-I47 $I-I3 /4$ I/I1$74K3II F0R 4 $I-I4R-P31 4IID T4K3II I-I0I/I3 4S 4 P37!
KAZUMA: Damn! His l337 is so advanced that it's become completely incoherent!
RYUHO: ZETSUEI, I choose you!
(ZETSUEI magically appears.)
KAZUMA: That thing looks like Ringo Starr in a straight jacket!
RYUHO: ZETSUEI! EVIL STREAMER ATTACK!
(ZETSUEI uses its EVIL STREAMERS to sissy-slap the living daylights out of KAZUMA.)
KAZUMA: WAAAAAAARGH! I'M HIS BITCH!
(RYUHO uses his POKEBALL to capture KAZUMA.)
MIMORI drops the BINOCULARS: My God! He's turned to the Dark Side of the Force!
(The STAR WARS IMPERIAL MARCH plays in the background as RYUHO takes his POKEBALL and gets back in the CONVOY.)
FANGIRL: Wait! I didn't remember that happening!
GYRAX: Animators just like to add on things.
KAZUMA (from his POKEBALL): Any way you see it, I'm screwed to the max.
The End, Bee-yotches!
Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 3: The UN-HOLY Trinity.