Disclaimer: I...
(one) .. do not take any for orginality for the creation of this parody. It has been varied so many times, all bits of originality have been sucked out of it.
(two) .. do not own Whose Line Is It Anyway in anyway and I give all credit for ideas to the production. That is copyright to ... go figure...
(three) .. do not own FullMetal Alchemist in anyway. That is copyright to Hiromu Arakawa, BONES, Funimation, and Viz.
(four) .. DO own myself and the alias The Sparx Alchemist. That is copyright to myself.
Okay, for the sake of humor, I will be creating a clichéd version of Whose Line with the characters from the popular anime, FullMetal Alchemist. Whoohoo, eh? If it should arise, please do not become offended by any statement within the text of this parody. Because it's just that. A parody and used just for fun. I will be writing it in script form but I need this question answered... I'm taking a vote whether this should be continued in script form or prose form. Also, based on the reviews, I may or may not continue this parody (or at least take the trouble to type it up) so keep that in mind... ON TO THE PARODY! (FWOOOOSH)
Sparx: ... (Leaning back on a wooden stool, feet propped up on Drew Carey's "pulpit", balancing a pen on her nose) (Scans the dark studio, then stage, then audience seats out of the corner of her eye) (Sigh) Anytime now...
(The two sets of large wooden expensive doors burst open, giving way for overflowing waves of a loquacious audience who scramble for seats, punch each other for the front ones, and eventually eye an unfaltered Sparx suspiciously)
Random man: (Leaps up suddenly and points towards Sparx) OH MY GOD! Drew Carey got the same operation that I got! ... Only opposite! WE'RE SO COOL! SEE! I'm just like Dre-
Sparx: (Loses balance and hit floor) (Staggers up angrily) Do I LOOK like Drew Carey to you, man? ... Woman?... IT?
Man: ... (Sits slowly) ... yes... (Cough)
(Silence fills the studio with stray coughs and hacks here and there)
Spontaneous person one: When's the show starting?
Spontaneous person two: What's going on?
Spontaneous person three: Where's the potty!
Spontaneous person four: Who is that girl?
Spontaneous person three: Oops... erm... Nevermind...
Spontaneous person five: WE WANT FUNNY!
(The audience begins chanting "WE WANT FUNNY!" complete with stomping and the tossing of random objects that seem to suddenly pop out of no where)
Sparx: (Sighs, growling inaudible words under breath) ALRIGHT! Since you couldn't possibly wait a mere FIVE MINUTES for the cameramen to finish getting ready-
(Everyone glances over at unwary cameramen picking their noses)
Sparx: -Then we'll start if you SHUT UP!
(Silence... Thank the Lord)
Another random man: (Breaks the silence) I speak waffle.
Sparx: (Turns and glares accusingly at man) (Points intimidatingly) I'm watching you, Canadian. (Fixes stool and hops onto it just as the lights begin flashing and theme music plays, automatically causing an uproar of praise in the audience)
(Four dark figures slink onto four stools... -yes, I'm making them sit on stools too-... on stage as the music ends and the lights and cameras focus on Sparx)
Sparx: Hello and welcome to this doubly special edition of Whose Line Is It Anyway! (Stops for crowd cheers) The game show where there's no script and the points don't matter! Hey, just like my pay check for this! Go figure, eh? Alright! Why is this episode so special, you ask? Because I'm hosting! HA! No, I'm joking! This is our most anticipated Christmas episode of Whose Line but joined with our guests from a most popular anime! Let's meet them, shall we? Taking the place of Colin, it's "I'll eat you alive if you barb my height", the tin limb FullMetal Alchemist himself, Edward Elric!
(Lights shine on Edward on stool one as many many fangirls screech enthusiastically)
Edward: (Glares at Sparx) You promised you wouldn't use that intro!
Sparx: (Grins) Must of slipped!
Edward: When this is over, Sparx, I'm-
Sparx: Playing as Ryan, he worships miniskirts but he idols himself far more! If you want tall, dark, and handsome, he's is not the guy you're looking for! It's that egotistical pyromaniac, Colonel Roy Mustang!
(More fangirls scream as lights reveal Roy on stool two, shaking his head and sighing)
Roy: Stop denying it, Sparx.
Sparx: Denying it? Aren't you alittle too old for me? (smirks)
Roy: ... That's not what I meant...
Sparx: ... Uhhuhsureyoudesperatesonofawombat- OKAY! Taking Brad's spot, it made the palm tree Florida's state tree when it sailed over with Columbus! It's way past it's prime but still wears miniskirts! Perhaps it's trying to woo Roy? Heh! It's the one and only shim humonculus, Envy!
(Lights shine on Envy and the two security guards trying to hold him down at stool three)
Envy: COME HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, SPARKY!
Edward: (Laughing hysterically and pointing at a seething Roy) HAHA! I KNEW YOU WERE DESPERATE! AHAAHA- (Is kicked off stool by Roy) (Hits ground on back staring up at Roy) Oo... (Bursts out laughing again) AAAAAAAHHHAAAHAHAHAAA!
Sparx: Oh, get over it Envy. It's a flippin' joke!
Envy: (Grumbles angrily and sits on stool like a sulking toddler)
Sparx: ... And so is this! (Pulls a small rope connected to the inside of Drew's desk)
(Water pours down on Roy)
Sparx: Oops... Wrong Person.
Edward: 00... (Tries incredibly to hold laughter in but fails) BWAHAAAHAAAAAHHAHAHAHAAA- (Gasps)- AHAHAHAAHAAAAA!
Roy: Nic- (Is poured on again)
Sparx: (Buzzer) You can't say my real name while random people are within hearing distance who could perhaps be in the FBI!
(Two up-tightly dressed men in black leap up from the audience)
Man one: Drat! We've been found out Chelsea!
Man two: I heard! Run , Tanya, RUN!
(Both dash for the exit)
Sparx: (Admiring Drew's desk) Man! This thing is really tricked out!
Unknown fourth person on stage: Ah hem?
Sparx: Oh! Sorry! And last but not least, spotting for Denny, she fixes limbs and breaks them too! Her best friend is the dreadful wrench of bad judgement! It's the automail mechanic and obsessor, Winry Rockbell!
(Lights focus on stool four and a smiling Winry, satisfied with her intro)
Winry: It took you long enough!
Sparx: Heh! Sorry! I had to deal with those losers... Now that the insul- I mean, intro time is complete, let's move on to the first game of tonight! And to all of you people out there in the world of Fan Fiction. com, there will be more characters coming in for each different game so bear with me!
(Crowd cheers in anticipation)
Sparx: (Pulls out an enormous afro wig jammed full of half-folded papers) Let's start off with Questions With Wigs!
Edward, Roy, Envy, Winry: O.o ? With WIGS? (Separate in pairs (Roy and Ed on right, Envy and Winry on left) on stage and make their ways to two separate boxes overflowing with hair pieces)
Sparx: Got that right! It's an updated version of Questions Only. This is for all of you and you'll start in pairs- the two starting pairs being Envy and Winry. Here's the point: As with Questions Only, you can ONLY talk in questions and you have to act out the scene drawn from this funky 'fro-
Roy: Don't say that again...
Sparx: -... and do it in the character of the person your wig implies.
Edward: (Eyeing an old woman's scalp cautiously) (Raises hand)
Sparx: No Ed. They aren't real scalps...
Edward: (Puts wig on)
Sparx: ... Except for that one.
Edward: 0.0! (Rips it off)
Sparx: When one of you takes too long to respond or doesn't respond in question format, I'll buzz you out and the next person will try their luck. Of course, the one to stay in the game longest wins my favor. Aren't you all so honored. So, Winry and Envy, you are going to start us off...
(Winry and Envy snicker as they skim through the box)
Sparx: Yes! It's a great game to play at home when you're bored and you have a lot of wigs! Wigs make it more fun and always will!
Envy: (Trudges onto stage) Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, Sparky. (Slips on multi-colored clown wig and glances over at Roy fitting on a flaming mile-high anime hair to the laughter of the crowd)
Sparx: (Pulls out a piece of paper) Oh... This is appropriate! The scene is ... An extended family is getting together for a Christmas dinner! Start when ready!
(Winry crawls on stage and up to Envy wearing an extremely long wig with hair that covers face and trails to the floor- complete with a small black hat)
Winry: (High pitched voice) Yabadoooslabtagelaticalalsnorlulity?
Envy: (Cocks head) Have you ever read John 3:16?
Winry: Talvasilvatachcalalitisalv?
Envy: Did you like my little show at the Super Bowl? Up in the Crowd?
Winry: Wereyouthere?
(Edward dashes by in the background)
Winry: Whattheheckwasthat?
Envy: Can you see?
Winry: HaveyoueverseentheAdam'sfamily?
Envy: Are you It, or Thing?
Winry: ... Umm... I'll be right back... (Buzzer)
(Edward struts in casually sporting an afro resembling the one Sparx has)
Edward: How's it goin', man?
(Fangirls scream again (sheesh))
Envy: (Raises eyebrow) Are you celebrating Christmas or Quwanza?
Edward: (Throws up hands nonchalantly) There's a difference?
Envy: (Glares) ... I've got- (Buzzer)- nothing.
(Roy shuffles in, swaying left to right, with a large Jamaican head piece)
Roy: Do ya have a lighta', mon?
Edward: Are ya smoking?
Roy: ... Who's askin'?
Edward: ... Wha- ... (Brakes concentration and laughs) (Buzzer)
Winry: (Slowly walks out with a walker and the old women's scalp)
(Edward shudders as he walks by)
Winry: (Licks "false teeth") WHERE'S DA TURKEH?
Roy: Do you know who you look like, mon?
Winry: Have ya eva seen that telly-vision show "Whose line is it anyways"?
Roy: ... eh. (Buzzer)
Winry: (Walks around as if with trouble) Where's da rest of muh family?
(Envy walks up with Pipi Longstockings hair only backwards where the two long brown braids are on either side of his face)
Envy: (Hebrew accent) Did someone call for a Rabbi?
(Sparx bursts out laughing)
Winry: (Smiles creepily again) Do Rabbis cel'brate Quwanza?
Envy: Would you like a dradel, dradel, dradel made out of clay?
Winry: (Watches Envy flick hair affectionately) What- (Snorts into laughter) (Buzzer)
Edward: (Leaps out with dark brown poofy woman's hair) (Acts as if hand is a gun) Anyone call for a Christmas Angel?
Envy: Why do you look more like a cow?
Edward: (Glares) Don'tcha know I'm undercover?
Envy: Shouldn't you stay that way?
(Crowd erupts in laughter)
Edward: (Brushes hair out of face as a woman would (oh boy...)) Why are you being so mean?
Envy: (Looks away defeated) ... Nothing... (Buzzer)
(Edward grins triumphantly)
Roy: (Suddenly embraces an unexpected Ed with a black and white hair piece resembling a skunk (Hint, hint)) (In a french accent) Why won't you kiss me Mademoiselle?
(Audience claps and whistles)
Sparx: (Gasps for air from laughing) (Presses buzzer multiple times ending the game)
Edward: (Sighs relieved)
Roy: (Lets go)
Edward: (Hits floor (once again)) Yesh, Mustang! That was alittle too convincing, don't you think?
Sparx: And that's the power of the wig for ya! I wonder why they don't play this game more often... ?
Envy: (Raises hand) I know why! (Glances evilly towards Edward slipping back onto his stool)
Sparx: Al-l-lrighty, one hundred Christmas geese for everyone and a pear tree to Edward for having to get so close to Roy!
Roy: (Raises eyebrow) (In french accent again) You want some, Madame?
Sparx: Well, if I told you, I'd have to kill you! So let's move on to our next game, Daytime Talkshow! And that means... a few new characters!
(Crowd roars as another random man throws off his shirt and twirls it over his head like a frat boy)
Sparx, Edward, Roy, Envy, Winry: 0.x;;
(Sparx presses a random button in the desk) (Man drops from sight screaming "CALL ME WINRY! MY PHONE NUMBER IS 1- 473- 6251!")
Winry: I'm gonna hurl...
Sparx: MAN! I LOVE this DESK!
Okay... So it wasn't funny at all... It's a one-shot, what do ya expect? Anyway, as I stated at the top, I need to know whether I should continue it and what form. Believe me, the next chapters will be funnier (I hope). Thanks again for reading this and I hope it brought somewhat of a smile on your face.
By the way, the number shouted at the end is actually the progression intervals best take in music theory. Ha. Haha. I hate music theory... Ha.