Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.
It's PARODY TIME!
GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 3: The UN-HOLY Trinity.
THE PAST, IN SOME PLACE
EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!
EVERYONE: DIES!
RYUHO magically GETS UP: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BANJO! I MEAN, MOTHEEEEEEEEEEERRR!
(ZETSUEI appears.)
RYUHO: SW33T! A P0K3M0N! I MEAN, THAT UGLY THING KILLED MY PARENTS!
HOLY HQ
MIMORI: Don't you think what you're doing to these people is wrong. I mean you treating them like Pokémon; for God's sake, that's un-HOLY!
ZIGMARI: First of all, that was the worst pun ever, and second, these are BAD people.
(POKEBALL goes into HALLWAY and releases KAZUMA)
KAZUMA: WOO-HOO! That was kick-ass! I mean, crap that wasn't a pleasant trip.
RYUHO: I will now interrogate you. NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
KAZUMA: Not good.
PITCH BLACK ROOM
(KAZUMA is being squeezed like an orange in a juicer.)
RANDOM INQUISITIONER: I will now ask you some questions, but I know you'll ignore me, because you're an asshole.
RYUHO: He'll answer me, though, because he's my bitch!
RANDOM INQUISITIONER: Umm…yeah. I'm going now.
RYUHO: Now, Second Degree Criminal NP-32232332223233232, WITNESS OUR MAGNIFICENT TAG-TEAM!
(RYUHO and ZETSUEI use their TAG-TEAM SK1LLZ on KAZUMA.)
RYHUO: One question before I continue whipping your candy ass. Have you seen an Alter User with a black right arm and a white left one? (Or was it the other way around?)
KAZUMA: Oh, yeah. He's my cousin. Just kidding!
RYUHO: Very well, Second Degree Criminal NP- Lotsa-Threes-n-Twos. PH34R T3H P30PL3S 3LB0W! (He elbow drives KAZUMA.) CAN YOU SMEEEEEELLLLLLLLL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKIIIIIING!
KAZUMA: Big meanie!
ZIGMARI: We have decided the hedonist's fate!
JAIL CELL
KAZUMA: Damn! I need a savior to help me, now!
MIMORI: I am your savior! I have come back in glory to judge the living and the dead, or I'm just her to rescue your sorry ass.
KAZUMA: I'll just go with the latter. You see, I did some naughty things in my life, fantasizing about Kanami growing up to be a sexy miniskirt-wearing contortionist/capoeirista or something.
MIMORI: Grow up! We're bustin dis joint!
KAZUMA: Damn! I'm too weak to walk. I should've taken that pie!
HOLY HQ
ASUKA: Hi! I share a name with a well known Evangelion character, and I'm stupid enough to let a Native Alter disguised as a petty soldier get to headquarters!
KAZUMA: You ain't just Whistling Dixie, brother! (He sucker punches ASUKA.)
ASUKA: You big meanie!
HOLY: You won't get away with that, Native Alter! We won't let you, for we are the Sentai of HOLY, fighters of order and justice, in our own minds! (Everyone strikes SILLY POSES. You see SCHERIS fall in the background, accidentally flashing her panties again.)
MIMORI: Ha-ha!
KAZUMA: Great, I'm fighting the Power Rangers.
RYUHO: Second Degree Criminal NP-I'm-Not-Even-Gonna-Bother.
KAZUMA: The name's Kazuma, dork! (He punches RYUHO in the face.) Anyway, I have a hostage! (He holds MIMORI.)
MIMORI: And after I broke my ass off to save you! (She steps on KAZUMA'S foot.)
KAZUMA: Cut the crap! We're bustin dis joint! (They ESCAPE.)
ROAD OUT OF HOLY.
(KAZUMA sings Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone.)
MIMORI: Are you singing the Top Gun soundtrack from 1986?
KAZUMA: Of course not. Now at least ACT like a hostage.
STRAIGHT: Hey, it's KAZUYA!
KAZUMA: It's KAZUMA, you big-nosed Shotaro Ishinomori reject!
KUNIHIKO: There's no need to fear! Kunihiko Kimishima is here!
KAZUMA: WOO-HOO! I'm outta here! (He ditches MIMORI.)
MIMORI: OH GOD! I'M GOING TO CRASH!
STRAIGHT: There's no need to fear! Straight Cougar is here! (His car magically clings to hers.)
RYUHO: Sorry about the car, dude. I'll stop him, because he's my bitch.
STRAIGHT: Umm…yeah. I'll stick around here with MINNIE MOUSE. Hmmm… Minnie Mouse. Minnie, Minnie, Minnie… Minnie Mouse.
MIMORI: --;
RYUHO: Kazuma! Stop this instant!
KAZUMA: I don't think so, bee-yotch! (He uses his COOL PUNCH ATTACKS to escape.)
RYUHO: Crap! No one escaped my wrath, before. I HAVE to remember his name, now. (A moment of CHEESY TOUGH BISHOUNEN SILENCE ensues.)
STRAIGHT: He looked too much like that Tekken character.
RYUHO collapses: Ugh! I'm dying, here!
MIMORI: Ryuho!
SCHERIS: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM, YOU BLEEDING VAGINAL BELCH! (She hogs RYUHO all to herself.)
MIMORI: You're the meanest conniving bitch, 3V4R!
SCHERIS: Yeah, I know.
DESERT AREA IN THE EVENING
KUNIHIKO: I'm flat broke, dude.
KAZUMA: None to worry pal. I have a load of jewelry I found at the locker room.
KUNIHIKO: Oooooh! Shiny!
KAZUMA: For a supremacist organization, they had a surprising amount of bling! We could be pimps!
KUNIHIKO: YAY! LET'S BE PIMPS! We'll grind Snoop Dogg's ass to the pavement!
The End, Bee-yotches!
Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 4: Big Magnums, Keeping the Internet Appealing since Forever.