Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!

WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.

It's PARODY TIME!

GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 4: Big Magnums, Keeping the Internet Appealing since Forever.


INTRO

MIMORI: Hey! We barely make an appearance! It's all about Kazuma this week!

SCHERIS: So you wanna?

MIMORI: Let's duke it out!

(They fight each other KUNG FU STYLE.)

RYUHO: I'm going to sit here and get turned on. (He DOES.)

LOST GROUND SLUMS

POOR PEOPLE: We may be poor, but we're living a better life than you are, lazy bastards.

AKIRA: Not only do I share the name with a big-time anime movie, I look a lot like that creepy kid from the movie. HAIL KATSUHIRO OTOMO!

TATSUNAMI: SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR MOMENT OF PRE-PUBESCENT OTAKU BLISS, BUT IT'S NOW TIME TO SHOW YOU HOW BIG A LOSER I REALLY AM! (He shoots the SOCCER BALL, and it explodes into ROCK HARD CHUNKS.)

AKIRA: You suck! Prepare to face my M4D T3L3K1N3T1C SK1LLZ! Wait… I don't have any! Wrong anime!

TATSUNAMI: COME TO DADDY!

AKIRA: WAAAAAUUUUUGH! CHILD MOLESTER!

KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: Get to work, Kazu-kun!

KAZUMA: Dammit. Why can't an ultra-sexy girl with glasses yell at me and bet me to a pulp? (He WORKS.)

Enter KUNIHIKO: Kazuma. I have a mission for you.

KAZUMA: Well, I have a mission for YOU: Screw yourself!

KUNIHIKO: It pays well, and the client's a hottie.

KAZUMA: I'm all for that!

DESTROYED LOST GROUND SLUMS

AYASE: Hi, I'm Ayase Terada and I'm your client. I have magic hair that liquefies stuff!

KAZUMA: DAYAMN! Great, now my loins are burning! I think I've seen you on a porn site before.

AYASE: …

KUNIHIKO: Why didn't she tell me that?

AYASE: (Change subject, quickly!) MY BROTHER'S BEEN KIDNAPPED BY HOLY! (The entire town was too.)

KAZUMA: I'll do it, cuz HOLY is t3h sux0r!

CLIFFS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED RIGHT NEXT TO CONCENTRATION CAMP AT NIGHT

KAZUMA: I swear I saw that woman on a site before, but I just can't put my finger in it.

AYASE: Oh, that's just wrong!

KAZUMA: Sorry, I meant put my finger ON it. (He drinks a POT OF COFFEE.)

AYASE: Aren't you worried about getting sleep?

KAZUMA goes into a COFFEE INDUCED FRENZY: SLEEP? WHONEEDSSLEEP? IDONTNEEDNOSLEEP!

WALL: EXPLODES!

PRISON

KUNIHIKO: None to worry, my peeps! I'm here to save your lives!

PRISONER: How the hell are you going to do that?

KUNIHIKO: J00 s33, 1 g0t dis p0ss3 up 1n th3r3 wh0 g0t m4d sk1llz!

PRISONER: 1'll buy th4t d0g!

ARMORED TRUCKS: EXPLODE!

EQUIPMENT: LIQUEFIES!

KAZUMA: Wegotskillz! Wegotskillz! Wegotskillz! Wegotskillz!

AYASE: I'm feeling you kid!

KAZUMA: I STILLcantrememberthatsiteshewason. Dammit! (He returns back to normal.)

PRISONERS: WE'RE ALL FREE!

TATSUNAMI: NOT SO FAST, BIATCHES!

KAZUMA: HOLY crap! It's Howard Dean!

TATSUNAMI: RRRRRRRAAAAAAAWWWWRRR! BIG MAGNUM, I CHOOSE YOU! (BIG MAGNUM magically appears.) YOU MAY HAVE THE PRISONERS, BUT I HAVE THE HOT CHICK!

AYASE: I'm being held hostage! Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhh! I don't want to be a sex slave!

TATSUNAMI: YA BETTER WATCH OUT, BITCHES! IT'S BIG, IT'S HARD, AND IT'S COMIN RIGHT FOR YA! IT'S GONNA RAM AND RAM, AND SPURT FORWARD! IT'S "BIG MAGNUM", OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT, "WILLY"! (I'm a bisexual!)

KAZUMA: Oh, you're SO not going to penetrate me! I already had that problem before.

AYASE: This stream of sexual dialogue is starting to get obnoxious.

TATSUNAMI: SHUT-UP! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY HOSTAGE!

KUNIHIKO: BANG!

TATSUNAMI: YEEEOWCH!

KAZUMA: KAPOW!

BIG MAGNUM: EXPLODES!

TATSUNAMI: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOW, HOW AM I GONNA GET LAID?

LATER

KAZUMA: Oh, yeah! I remember! Ayase didn't have a site! She was a Playboy bunny reject!

AYASE gives him a SATANIC GLARE: I may not have glasses, but I can sure kick your bony ass! (She punches him straight to the THERMOSPHERE.)

NEXT AY, AT KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE

KANAMI: Get to work, Kazu-kun!

KAZUMA: Dammit. Why can't an ultra-sexy girl with glasses yell at me and bet me to a pulp?

KANAMI: I may be a kid but… (She punches him straight to the EXOSPHERE.)

KAZUMA: NOT AGAAAAAAIN!

The End, Bee-yotches!

Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell

Episode 5: Mimority Report