Note: I do not own s-CRY-ed, or any other intellectual properties. They are all copyrights of their respectful owners. The rest, however, is MINE, BEE-YOTCHES!
Before I start this shebang off, I would like to thank everyone that read this fic. It's thanks to you all, that it's gotten more than five hundred hits and twenty-eight reviews. Of all my fics, this one was the most successful, and for that I thank you, the people. Now let's get the party started… AGAIN!
WARNING: Reading this load of crap will be detrimental to your IQ. Proceed at your own discretion.
It's PARODY TIME!
GYRAX Presents… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 5: Mimority Report
INTRO
MIMORI: Ha-Ha! I'm now the star of the show!
SCHERIS: WHAAAAAAT?
MIMORI: Yep! I am t3h k1ck4ss!
SCHERIS: Now, I REALLY hate you.
MIMORI: Feeling's mutual, condom top. (She drinks her TEA.)
SCHERIS: STOP CALLING ME THAT!
HOLY HQ
RYUHO: Our alter users may not have been damaged much physically, but psychological damage is irreversible.
SCHERIS: In Tatsunami's case, he's been severely damaged sexually. He'll never get laid again. Oh, and Mimori's going to the slums and stuff. Wait! Did you feel that? It's a total change of subject! Did you know that Dawson's Creek actress Meredith Monroe was in Steven Spielberg's "Minority Report"?
RYUHO: No, she wasn't. Now let's go.
SCHERIS: OK! (She HUGGLES him.) I love you, Ryuho!
RYUHO: I love you, too, now get the hell off me.
LATER
STRAIGHT: WellhellotheremissMINAKO! Iwouldliketotakemytimebygivingyoualoadofdoodoophilosophicalnonsensepertainingtoromancethatonlymasksuphowmuch I FRICKIN LOVE YOU!
MIMORI: Sorry, but I'm not in love with you, because, you knoooooow… YOU NEVER GOT MY (BLEEP) NAME RIGHT!
STRAIGHT: Don't be like that, MIMIRU.
Enter RYUHO: Mimori, we need to talk.
MIMORI HUGGLES HIM: I love you Ryuho!
RYUHO: Get the hell off me.
STRAIGHT: … OMGWTF!1!
KAZUMA'S DILAPIDATED ESTATE
KANAMI STUMBLES: Must go to work… must… Ow, my head! Is this a hangover? I mean, must… go… BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
Enter KAZUMA: Kanami, are you all right…
KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
(SILENCE fills the room.)
KAZUMA: Kanami …
KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
(MORE SILENCE fills the room.)
KAZUMA: Ka…
KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!
(EVEN MORE SILENCE fills the room.)
KAZUMA: … Aw, hell! Go ahead and vomit!
KANAMI: BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH! Kazu-kun, I'm sick.
KAZUMA: Gee, no kidding! You need a doctor.
EVENING AT HOLY HQ
(SCHERIS was talking to three USELESS FEMALE CHARACTERS.)
SCHERIS: All you have to do is change the subject suddenly enough to catch him off guard. If that doesn't work, you can always huggle him.
USELESS FEMALE CHARACTERS: YOU ARE T3H G3N1US!1!
SCHERIS: I know.
USELESS FEMALE CHARACTERS spot RYUHO and MIMORI TOGETHER (so they aren't useless after all.): OOOOOOOOOOOH! RYUHO DUMPED YOOOOOOOOOOU!
SCHERIS: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
MIMORI: I hope you don't mind me borrowing him for the night! Thank you, I knew you would see thing my way! (Consider this payback for back at Episode III.)
SCHERIS: I'LL M---------ING KILL YOU BITCH!
(MIMORI and RYUHO LEAVE.)
SCHERIS: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!
LATER
RYUHO: I'm now going to tell you not to be with the medical team because I'm a self-righteous bastard that likes to be Naru Narusegawa and beat around the bush, not admitting that I love you, but everything else I say literally screams it from the top of the Himalayas for everyone to hear.
MIMORI: Whateva! Whateva! I do what I want! (She gives him a RASPBERRY and shows how truly IMMATURE she really is.)
NEXT DAY
ZIGMARI: …and as a result, she's now with the medical team because she's a spoiled bitch! So, you have to escort her.
ASUKA: No worries, boss! I may have the BALLS to do it!
ZIGMARI: Umm… yeah.
DOCTOR'S OFFICE
KAZUMA: SHE HAS TESTICULAR CANCER? WHAT THE HELL? SHE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE TESTICULARS!
DOCTOR: Okay, so I made that up.
KAZUMA: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
KUNIHIKO: There's no need to fear, Kunihiko Kimishima is here!
KAZUMA: You still have a girl's name!
KUNIHIKO: SHUT-UP! I conveniently gained knowledge of where to find a cure! Follow me!
KAZUMA: HOORAY FOR WRITER'S CONVENIENCE!
DESERT
KAZUMA: I FOUND IT!
EXPLOSION: BLAMMO!
CONVOY: TOPPLES!
KAZUMA: Hey! You're that hot chick!
MIMORI: Shut-up and tell me what you want!
KAZUMA: I can't do both of those at once!
MIMORI: Just tell me what you want!
KAZUMA: My girl, Kanami, has a weird disease and she needs help.
MIMORI: Pedophile.
KAZUMA: I DON'T LOVE HER THAT WAY! (At least not yet.)
MIMORI: Before I start the procedure, was Meredith Monroe really in "Minority Report"?
KAZUMA: Actually, yeah.
MIMORI: HA! I KNEW IT! RYUHO WAS WROOOOOOOOOONG!
KAZUMA: HOLY never gets anything right.
MIMORI: HOORAY FOR HOLY BASHING!
ZOMBIFIED WORKERS: The fun stops here.
KAZUMA: Dammit! I hate Resident Evil! (Except the fourth one, but that's besides the point.)
FIST: KA-POW!
ZOMBIFIED WORKERS: GOT THEIR ASSES KICKED!
Enter ASUKA: Second Degree Criminal NP-32232332223233232 (Damn, that was tough!), I am Asuka Tachibana, and I will use my magic balls to capture you!
KAZUMA: Disturbing… Wait! YOU HAVE EIGHT OF THEM?
(ASUKA uses his MAGIC BALL to pummel KAZUMA.)
KAZUMA: UWAAAAGH! HE'S STONING ME TO DEATH!
ASUKA: BWA HA HA HA! I'M STONING HIM TO DEATH! If you should know, "Dawson's Creek" actress Meredith Monroe WASN'T in "Minority Report". It says so in the HOLY database, and that's holy and sacred!
KAZUMA: OH YEAH? (He punches him in the GROIN.)
ASUKA: Dammit!
KAZUMA: You may have more balls, but I have more testosterone, girly-man! And Meredith Monroe WAS in that movie; she played a minor role as a pre-crime public service announcer, DUMBASS!
ASUKA: No… WAY!
LATER
Enter ASUKA, who is holding his GROIN: Kazuma… kicked my ass… says Meredith Monroe… pre-crime public service announcer.
RYUHO: WHAAAAAAAT? He knows more movie trivia than I do? I shall mask my extreme jealousy by making a self-righteous speech that would make Anavel Gato cringe.
STRAIGHT: You know, you two would make a great Yaoi couple!
RYUHO: SHUT-UP! WE WOULD NOT! He's like, 900 years old!
LATER
KANAMI: I'm cured!
KAZUMA: I love you, Kanami!
KANAMI: Get the hell off me! I'm not old enough! (At least, not yet.)
The End, Bee-yotches!
Next Time… s-CRYING-ed: In a Nutshell
Episode 6: Zetsuei! I Choose You!